


The Liar Game

by ladyptarmigan



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: AU of season 2, Conflicted Lena Luthor, F/F, Femslash, Found Families, Sanvers - Freeform, Slow Burn, SuperCorp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-31 23:51:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 84,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8598760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyptarmigan/pseuds/ladyptarmigan
Summary: Kara Danvers places her trust completely in the people around her. Lena Luthor wishes she would be a little more careful. Hurtling towards a future where she must betray either her family or herself, the difficult is made impossible by Kara’s warm influence. But it also opens the door to a different future. Can two women with deceptive, complicated identities find understanding and build genuine trust before they are destroyed? They will if Kara has anything to say about it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this fic comes from the series ‘Liar Game’. The theme of ‘trust’ runs throughout the manga, and I was fascinated by its portrayal of the synergy between an untrustworthy but brilliant person working together with someone who is idealistic and loyal because together they form a coalition you can ally yourself with, knowing both that you will benefit and that you will not be double crossed. It also deals with the masks we wear, and how extreme circumstances reveal what truly motivates us at the deepest level.
> 
> In writing this I was most interested in looking at how trust could be built between two people like Kara and Lena, who by definition must wear complicated public masks and deceive people. In many respects Kara is both the most trustworthy and the most dishonest character on the whole show. 
> 
> Lena Luthor doesn’t have a clear characterization yet. We have both a morally grey woman willing to profit off of xenophobic fear and one who wants to be a force for good in the world and leave behind her brother’s legacy. For my purposes I have written her as a good hearted but pragmatic person with conflicted loyalties. Either way the show will undoubtedly joss my version, but hopefully she is still recognizable/enjoyable here.

 

* * *

 

_People should be doubted. Many people misunderstand this concept. Doubting people is just a part of getting to know them. “Trust.” That act is without a doubt a very noble one… but you know, what many people do, that they call “trust”, is actually giving up on trying to understand others._

  _"Liar Game" by Shinobu Kaitani_

 

* * *

 

Holding three different bags filled with food items including egg rolls, Lo Mein, sesame chicken, fried rice, white rice, two orders of potstickers, and a generous handful of fortune cookies, Kara Danvers was one of the strangest visitors to grace the receptionists desk on the 32nd floor of L Corp. Her exit from the elevator is less than graceful as the corner of a box snags on the opening door, jostling all her belongings in a chain reaction.

Undeterred, Kara makes her way over to Lena's assistant with a grin. “Hi Jess! Is Lena in a meeting or can I go in?”

Jess looks at Kara with bewildered skepticism, then shakes her head. “No. Last conference call ended at 6.”

“Ok. Thanks,” she says, smiling but mind already on her mark.

Pushing through the doors to Lena’s office with her butt, hands full of bags, she only sees the second part of the other woman’s shift in expression. Her eyebrows have gone up, a playful grin already in  place.

 “Kara,” she says, “What are you doing here? You can’t have a friend in trouble again already?”

“No, no. You gave me permission to barge into your office at will, and I am definitely going to use it as an excuse to eat more takeout food.”

“I see.”

“Have you eaten yet?” Kara asks.

“No, my meetings ran long.”

“Good,” Kara smiles brightly “because I brought a lot, since I wasn’t sure what you like.”

“What…” Lena pauses, still smiling but slow to catch up with the spontaneous friendliness, “What is all this?"

“The best bad Chinese food in National City!”

Lena tilts her head. “The best bad food?”

  “Yeah, you know. Super Americanized on the go Chinese. It isn’t like, high quality capital G good, but it fills a space few other cuisines can. Plus, it’s the home of my favorite ever food,” Kara pauses for dramatic effect. “Potstickers!”

 Lena laughs, in part due to how surreal the conversation is: it has occurred immediately after a meeting about the manufacturing supply chain for an electronic chip in one of her products.  Kara brings a sense of joy with her sorely lacking in the business world.

 “Alright. I am hungry,” she says while clearing a fan of folders and documents off the surface of her desk.

 Kara sets down her bags on the desk, looking around the room. “Why isn’t there another chair? Is it one of those CEO power play things?”

 Lena smirks. “There’s one over by the coat rack.”

 Kara tugs it away from the wall, lifting it and navigating carefully over to the desk before setting it on the carpet opposite Lena. She digs right into the bags, pulling out silverware and setting containers out. “Alright. We’ve got vegetable Lo Mein, egg rolls, honey chicken in case you weren’t a big fan of Chinese, and lots of potstickers for me.”

 Lena grabs the vegetable Lo Mein, scooping some chicken on top of it. “It looks good. Thank you, Kara.”

 “The most important part of moving to a new city is learning where the good food is. Plus, I owe you one for helping me out with Roulette.”

 “It was no trouble. How is your new reporter job going?”

 Kara purses her lips, swallowing a bite of rice. “Different than I thought. I definitely love it, but I know I’ve got a long way to go before I feel like I’m doing a good job _and_ doing good while I do my job.”

 “I know what you mean.” Lena’s voice is quiet and intense.

 “Is it weird?” Kara asks, “Being a CEO? You can’t be that much older than me. I don’t know that I could be the boss of all those people.”

 Lena extends her fingers, palm facing up, an offhand gesture that hopes to disguise her unease with the question. “We Luthors were practically raised to crush our enemies in the boardroom.”

 “Is it what you would have chosen?” Kara is looking straight at her. Relaxed, but something in her eyes is searching.

 “Is being a reporter what _you_ always wanted?” Lena asks instead.

 Kara almost starts talking before a shiver goes through her. A part of her mind had sharpened at Lena avoiding the question, but she realizes that she can’t answer honestly either. There is a whole other life Kara never got to live, and what she wants now is the result of a vacuum. A black hole that has sucked away the possibilities of a whole life. What was it that she always wanted? Is there any answer at all for a person like Kara? What happened changed her so thoroughly she may as well be a different individual, but she will not forget that young Kara Zor-El did have dreams.

 Kara smiles sadly. “I don’t know yet.”

 They look at each other for a silent moment across emptying food cartons, disproportionately eaten by Kara. She lays her hand flat on the table, then looks up into Lena’s eyes. Kara feels adrift navigating this potential friendship. She is unsure of her motives, unsure of herself, certain only that she won’t let Lena Luthor be right: that she isn’t trusted because of her name. And that she wants the other woman to have a friend.

 “Kara Danvers, you’re an interesting woman. It would be easy to mistake you for a bright, idealistic ray of sunshine but you have hidden depths.”

 “You are too.” Kara responds simply. “I hope you know, I’m not trying to do an article on you or anything, I promise. I haven’t really been a reporter long enough to know how this is supposed to work, but I swear I’ll tell you if I’m trying to get a scoop.”

 “I know _that_. Kara, people have been trying to sponge off my influence for most of my adult life. It’s _transparent_ , not that it hasn’t proven both painful and useful on different occasions.”

 Kara laughs awkwardly. “That makes me glad I’m just plain boring Kara Danvers!”

 Lena raises an eyebrow, not even trying to veil her skepticism.

 Kara narrows her eyes jokingly, the corners crinkling with her smile. “I guess I should let you get back to work. I’d say you should go home but I spent too long working for a workaholic CEO not to know better.”

 “You are right about that. No rest for the wicked.”

 Kara clears away the trash into the bags they came in, standing and picking up her purse from under the chair. “Hopefully I can drop by again before some serious situation occurs.”

 “Please, do. It would be nice to have a friend here.”

 Kara nods, hovering at the doors. “Goodnight.”

 

* * *

 

 As it turns out, Kara does not get the chance to drop by before something serious happens.

 Not that she is surprised, given how much trouble Lena Luthor seems to attract. Kara despairs of ever being able to attend a party that isn’t interrupted by an attack. She could take or leave dressing up, but fancy finger foods were always a treat. And she had no idea why potstickers had been included at Lena’s high class gala, but it had definitely made the night.

 The morning had started with a staff meeting centered around that very topic. A part of Kara regrets how often she is involved in chaos, intentional or not. If she keeps being a player in every dangerous newsworthy event in National City she is going to have another suspicious boss on her hands. Snapper was in fact looking for a comment from Lena, and unfortunately he knew that they were acquainted. Kara had said she would ask, and was herself half hoping Lena wouldn’t answer.

 Kara dials her number, waiting through several rings before hearing Lena’s surprised voice. “Kara! It’s good to hear from you.”

 “You too. I figured you’d be too busy to talk; I was just going to leave you a message.”

 “Oh I am; I’m booked solid today. But I can always spare a minute for you, especially since I dragged you into that mess. I’m sorry about that, by the way.”

 “Oh no, no worries!" Kara smiles, shaking her head, not that Lena could see such a thing, "It’s not my first rodeo. I was there when the CatCo party got crashed. You know, crazy men show up with explode-y weapons, you just proceed calmly to the nearest exit.”

 Lena laughs. “Well, that’s a useful attitude. I’m glad that you’re ok.”

 “I’m glad you are too, miss saving-the-day!” Kara leans back in her chair with a grin.

 “I was just glad it worked.”

 “Speaking of that, I did have a business reason for calling,” Kara pauses until Lena hums her assent, “CatCo is doing a story on the Gala. They’d love to talk to you, but they’d be happy to get a statement as well.”

 “Another interview with Kara Danvers? Who could say no to that?” she finishes with relish.

 “You really don’t have to. Or if you’d be more comfortable having someone else do it…” Kara trails off.

 “I’d be happy to give any CatCo reporter a statement, I can always use positive press. But the only thing that could entice me to squeeze an interview into my evening schedule is the pleasure of your company. It’ll have to be late. Eight o’clock?”

 “Eight at night? Jeepers, Lena. Want me to bring you some goodies?”

 “I wouldn’t say no to some. Surprise me.”

 “I’ll see you then!”

 “Of course, I’ll see you later.”

 

* * *

 

Kara enters Lena’s office a little before eight, this time carrying just one box. At her desk the other woman is frowning and trying to wrap up a call. She apparently hadn’t been exaggerating about how packed her schedule was. Turning towards Kara, she mouths ‘ _sorry’_ , and nods in greeting.

Giving a little wave in return, she set the bakery box on the desk before going to fetch an armchair from the corner of the room. She set the chair down, moves to sit, and then hesitates. Lena was winding down the call, and before she had said goodbye and set down the phone Kara makes a snap decision and crosses to the other side of the desk.

 Standing next to Lena, she holds out her arms and waggles her fingers with a friendly grin.

 A confused “Hello, Kara” is the only response she gets to her apparently mysterious gesture.

 Not relenting, Kara says “Up, up, up, Lena.”

 “Ah”, Lena hesitates before standing, but whatever else she was going to say is lost in surprise as Kara throws her arms around her.

 One arm above her waist and the other around her shoulders, she is pulled into a tight, friendly hug. Lena has barely recovered enough to return the embrace before Kara squeezes her once and releases her, hands lingering on Lena’s upper arms before she takes a step back. “Sorry, post mortal danger hugs are mandatory. Tell me you didn’t get attacked last night and then put in a twelve hour workday.”

 She smirks, “I can’t.”

 “You are currently two for two on your events being exploded, next time you invite me someplace I expect absolutely nothing bad to happen, you hear?”

 Her comment was lighthearted, but Lena’s eyes flick down. “I’m afraid for a Luthor there are no guarantees.”

 Kara waves a hand, “Oh no, I mean, like I said I’m used to trouble. I’m tougher than I look!”.

 “You are, are you?”

 “You know, FBI agent sister. Plus, I’m… a, black belt.” Kara shifts into a fighting stance, realizes how goofy it looks, and barely holds back a wince.

 A shark grin stretches across Lena’s face. Kara sighs inwardly at herself in frustration. _A black belt? Really?_ She sees the other woman starting to speak and knows she needs a subject change pronto. She laughs awkwardly and retreats to her side of the desk, spinning the bakery box around and opening the lid towards the other woman.

 “Looks like some donuts, and… coconut macaroons?”

 Kara nods. “Not just macaroons, honey and maple macaroons so tender and chewy it is on a whole other plain. And my favorite Boston cream filled donut option. The good stuff.”

 They each pick a pastry, while Kara fishes her phone out of her purse. “We better get started so you can go home at some point this evening. I’ll record this, as long as you don’t mind.”

 Lena speaks around bites of macaroon. “This _is_ very good. You are a dangerous friend, Kara Danvers.”

 Kara laughs, “It’s true.” She sets the phone on the desk, and nearly starts recording before she feels herself losing the thread of her question. Taking a breath, she pauses and smiles oddly. “Sorry. It’s strange, switching from personal to professional.”

 “The masks we wear”, is her fragmented, soft answer.

 She hits record. Clearing her throat, Kara looks at her notebook for her first question. “Your gala on behalf of the Children’s Hospital was regrettably cut short, did you have any success before being violently interrupted?”

 “We had raised a little bit before the attack by those criminals. But fortunately we had a lot of generous people donate to the cause after they left or heard what happened. At this point the total is over 75,000 dollars.” Lena’s tone is calm and businesslike, the shift in persona effortless.

 “That’s incredible! Ah. You were prepared enough to have Supergirl on hand and had readied a device capable of negating the gang’s advanced weaponry. Did you know you would be attacked?”

 “I didn’t know for sure, but given who I am and recent trends I considered it prudent to be prepared.”

 Kara wonders not for the first time if Lena’s knows who she is. Can it be a coincidence that she asked brand new reporter Kara Danvers to get in touch with Supergirl rather than any other more influential person? She wants to ask something else, fish for a hint, but decides to move on instead. “Do you think the group had any motive besides financial gain?”

 “Small minds rarely have a motive beyond enriching themselves” Lena says with disdain.

 “Many see these attacks with off-world tech weapons as justifying the fears of those who think an alien presence on earth is dangerous.” Kara is eager to hear the answer to this question. She trusts Lena doesn’t mean her harm, but can she excuse prejudice from her? She likes Lena, and doesn’t want that tainted by the sinking unease that follows knowing she is not accepted.

 “I’m skeptical of that reasoning. I actually consider it unlikely for the same reasons I am _wary_ of alien immigration. I am sure earth has attracted both innocent refugees and criminals whose behavior was unacceptable on their own worlds. But in neither of those categories are individuals likely to have been in the position to bring military grade weaponry with them,” Lena says.

 It is a pragmatic, intelligent answer that makes Kara feel both better and subtly uneasy. Because of course Lena is right, and seeing someone on ‘their side’ constructing a rational rebuttal to an issue they have raised out of fear can only help quiet the xenophobic element. But on the other hand, her bloodless analysis allows her room to play both sides and reveals no emotional stake in the issue. A journalist is supposed to be objective, but Kara Danvers will always be personally affected by this.

 “You believe the weapons did not come from alien migrants?”

 Lena leans back, smirking at Kara. “No. I could not speculate on where they came from or how they fell into those hands, but I suspect the answer is not so simple.”

 “You beat government and law enforcement officials in developing a counter measure and disarmed the criminals yourself. How did you know your approach would work?”

 “I didn’t. For boring scientific reasons, I had a strong suspicion about the mechanism of the weapons, and even then I required assistance to get my device operational. I was lucky.”

 “Brave and lucky.” Kara reached across the desk, stopping the recording. “Thanks, that should be more than enough for an article.”

 “It’s such a nice change, talking to a member of the press who doesn’t spend most of the time trying to goad me into admitting how close I am to snapping and murdering a bunch of people.”

 She knows the other woman isn’t looking for pity, but isn’t sure how to touch the issue. She also knows she cannot claim to be totally innocent. You can’t go too terribly wrong with sincerity and bad jokes, though. “I’m too bad a liar to try and outmaneuver someone as smart as you! Plus, I’m sure it won’t be long until someone else goes on a mad spree trying to end ‘the alien menace’ and they’ll have a new face for the crazy xenophobia movement.”

 Lena’s smiles tiredly. Kara reaches across the desk to squeeze the back of her hand.

 “You really don’t think the alien tech had an alien source?”

 “I know it didn’t, and so do you.” All at once Lena’s eyes are focused and intent on Kara.

 Kara freezes. She knows it takes her too long to recover and defaults to an unconvincing laugh. “Yeah, I doubt an alien with advanced weaponry would just give them to three random human criminals. And those guys weren’t high enough rollers to afford them. Not that I can prove anything to write about it.”

 Lena nods. “Sounds like we’ll both have a long day tomorrow.”

 “That’s for sure. I hope you are leaving the office after this to go home?”

 “I hope so. Just one or two things to clean up before I go.”

 Kara stands, fishing her bad out from underneath the chair. “Well then. I’ll see you soon. Thanks again for giving me an interview.”

 “Spending time with you is never a chore, Kara.”

 “Thanks. And goodnight.”

 

* * *

 

Her article turns out very well, an account of the attack that plugs the fundraiser and the hospital while including enough drama to satisfy Snapper that readers will be ‘interested’. She had gotten a congratulatory text that day from Lena, but nothing since.

 By Thursday she assumed the other woman was busy with projects, and had considered dropping in on her the next week, when she sees a phone call from her.

 “Hey, Lena! I was just thinking about you!”

 “Were you? What a coincidence. I had a business lunch scheduled for next week, but the team had to cancel and I thought of how much I’d rather have it with you.”

 Kara smiles, “What day? I’d love to have lunch.”

 “Thursday.”

 “That would work, is it anyplace super fancy or will I be fine in business casual?”

 “Business casual is fine. I haven’t had the chance to thank you for the good press, and congratulate you on another excellent article.”

 Kara laughs, a little bashful. “Thanks, Lena. It’s kind of weird, I know people must read what I write, but I don’t get much feedback. Except for Snapper telling me ‘the third paragraph is weak’ or to fix a run on sentence.”

 “Well, we’ll have plenty to talk about then. Thursday at 11:30, I’ll text you the address of the restaurant.”

 “Sure! I’ll see you then.”

 Lena hangs up, and Kara can’t help but wiggle happily in her chair. Their friendship has a lot of left unsaid and a mountain of baggage, but something about it is fun and challenging.

 Kara just hopes she isn’t wrong.

 

* * *

 

As it turns out, she doesn’t have to wait until the next weekend to see Lena after all. That Monday after stopping a burglary Supergirl is doing a last flyover of the city when she hears raised voices at L Corp: Lena’s raised voice. She loses altitude quickly, focusing in with her hearing while she hovers outside the building.

  _This should have been brought to me weeks ago! I can excuse making mistakes, I cannot excuse hiding them._

_This would have been corrected if it wasn’t for…_

_No. I’m sorry, but that’s it. Get out._

There is a crash followed by a string of expletives ( _F-you, you f-ing bitch)._

Bitter recently ex-employees haven’t been known to keep their anger to themselves. She waits to see if things become violent, but after some scuffling footsteps she hears the man exit.

 Kara hesitates, hovering, trying to decide whether to stop in and ask if Lena is alright or if the man should be followed, when the decision is made for her. Lena turns to lean against the window and sees a flash of red cape. She visibly startles, and Kara knows it’s too late to zip away.

 She lowers herself onto the balcony, bleeding momentum until her feet gently hit the ground.

 Lena raises an eyebrow.

 Kara has to fight the impulse to stutter out an excuse. “I heard the commotion and was worried your ex-employee might not just go home quietly. Can’t make any assumptions, given how you attract danger.”

 “I appreciate the thought,” Lena shrugs gracefully. “Don’t tell me you just fly around hearing what everyone is saying?”

 “Nothing like that,” she says, uncertain how to explain. “It’s mostly a nondescript buzz. Things like shouting or screaming or gunshots just jump out.”

 “On the one hand, that sounds very stressful. On the other, it’s a bit of an invasion of privacy.”

 “I had to develop a frame of reference, for what a normal human could hear. It took a long time, and I try to respect that in day to day life. To some extent I can ‘tune out’.” She feels weird even alluding to the fact that she has a human identity, even though the fact is obvious.  She talks about being Supergirl as a human, but never about being a human as Supergirl. “It is a difficult balance. Someone’s right to be safe is more important than a mugger’s right to privacy. If I hear a scream, I can’t do nothing.”

 “Even someone like an off-duty paramedic has no duty to act.” Lena is pressing forward, but has made the issue impersonal. She is not attacking, but is edging around a debate too close to home to be entirely comfortable.

 “In some states, there is in fact a legal duty-to-act,” Supergirl points out, arms crossed.

 Lena rolls her eyes, “We aren’t in Florida.”

 Supergirl laughs, then puts her hand to her mouth to stifle it. “I’m sorry. Just, your total disdain for the idea of being in Florida.”

 Lena smiles.

 “I think you are being disingenuous,” Kara says after a pause. “I don’t think Lena Luthor is the kind of woman to keep walking if she heard a scream.”

 “I’m the kind of woman to call 911 and then keep walking,” Lena says. “I am not particularly strong, nor am I bulletproof. Against the men at the gala I suspected what they would do, was able to plan a countermeasure, and didn’t need to confront them directly.”

 “Hm.” Kara says, “I don’t know you that well, yet. And you might be a pragmatist. You might believe that this is a cruel and indifferent world. But you won’t let it be so through you, isn’t that right?” She smiles, eyes blazing. “I think Lena Luthor is the kind of woman to run towards the fire.”

 Lena looks shocked, and Kara knows she has struck something.

 Kara sees she cannot respond, and continues after searching her eyes for one hard moment. “I cannot assume I have no relationship with the world. Since I couldn’t keep hiding what I was, the only safe way is to protect everyone without discrimination.”

 “I deeply respect what you do, but you can’t possibly feel obligated to every random stranger,” Lena says with a skeptical edge.

 “If I start determining who is worthy, who is good, —the moment I decide whether or not to save someone— then it’s only a matter of degree until…” Kara struggles to put it to words. “Couldn’t I do more good by eliminating corrupt politicians or by forcibly redistributing wealth? There isn’t an end. I’d become a monster.”

 Lena tilts her head, eyes unreadable. “You do everything you can to act responsibly and with restraint.” Her eyes rise to meet Supergirl’s squarely. “But I cannot forget how dangerous power like that is. And how destructive it could be in less principled hands.”

 A cruel, defensive whisper scoffs at a Luthor lecturing her on the destructiveness of power. But she knows those fears are valid, knows Lena has more reason to recognize it than most. She can’t deny the truth.

 “Good,” Kara is grim and resolute, acknowledging the point. “Power _is_ dangerous. It doesn’t matter whether it comes from money or authority or the sun. I can’t allow myself to forget that, and I hope you will remind me if the time ever comes when I need it.”

 Lena nods, a promise in the hard line of her jaw. “And what happens if the world, if the people of this world, aren’t worthy of your faith?”

 Kara isn’t sure this is something she knows how to explain. “Whether they are or they aren’t, it doesn’t change anything. This is the path I chose.”

 She searches for better words and fails. It is a truth she has lived with since 13 years old, when bullies at school loomed over her while she stared at the ground. Her anger is too strong to be safe, retaliation is impossible. She cannot afford to lose heart. So many people have fought for her. Her own parents, who saved her even as they died themselves. Eliza and Jeremiah Davners, who sacrificed themselves and their normalcy to give her a family. Alex, who has protected her and loved her, unceasing and unquestioning, who has never failed her. The DEO and J'onn and Winn and James and Cat. No matter what the world looks like, on behalf of all the people who have helped her she will keep fighting. She has never forgotten that everything can be taken from you, she will never forget how cruel life can be. But she decided a long time ago she can't and won't live in the shadow of that, not while so many people have helped her, all striving to build something better.

 Kara hopes some day this is something Lena Luthor will understand, too.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally written as a partial AU that takes place ‘outside’ the show, but 2x07 changed my mind. I’ve settled on making this fully AU, firstly in that Mon-El never comes to earth. Daxam had enough warning for people to escape, him and everyone with access to a ship would have just flown themselves to the closest allied technologically advanced world. I don’t hate the character, but him being on earth and landing when he does makes absolutely no sense. This means I don't have to deal with him being kidnapped and that whole plot.
> 
> My version of Cadmus and the Luthor’s relationship with them may also diverge from the show. The show didn't make clear whether Lilian became an extremist in response to what happened to Lex, or was always a driving force behind Cadmus. I think it makes a lot more sense for the Luthors to have had long term involvement with shaping and bankrolling Cadmus, which has to have been around for 15+ years. Not that Cadmus makes much sense either. (Is it government? Is it not government? Has it gone rogue?)
> 
> I didn't mean to ramble in the notes again, whoops lawl. Anyway, this fic is AU after 2x06, with Mon-El subtracted from the show.

* * *

  

_Trusting that another person always intends your good, having a core foundation of loving practice, cannot exist within a context of deception._

_All About Love: New Visions_ by bell hooks

 

* * *

 

Kara lies sprawled out along the couch. She holds a piece of pizza in midair, upper body hanging half off the cushion, trying to see into the kitchen without having to move. She wiggles herself a little further sideways, trying to catch a glimpse of her sister.

 “Alex! Hurry up, or I’m going to eat all the food.”

 Her muffled shout of “Don’t you dare!”, a true indicator of sisterhood, would be comprehensible even without super hearing.

 Alex races around the corner, snagging two pieces onto a plate, saying “You are the worst.”

 Kara laughs, “I know”.

 This week is her turn to pick, and Alex navigates through lists of movies without direction.

 “What are you in the mood for? Sappy wish fulfillment, explosions, sci-fi explosions, The Power of Myth?” her voice trails off humorously.

 Alex sets the control down and leans forward, eyes closing. The gesture looks like defeat on the proud, determined Danvers sister.

 A stone settles on Kara’s chest at her sister’s pain. She gets up, frowning, to sit next to Alex. She leans against her, shoulder to shoulder, knees tucked under herself. “Not feeling any better after what happened with Maggie, huh? You want to just talk?”

 “It’s not even… that. I mean, that still hurts. But, I understand why she did it. It’s that I can’t…”

 Kara listens patiently, not bothered by the fragmented delivery. Sometimes people need to sort through their thoughts. She is glad for the chance to give to Alex something she’s received countless times.

 “I know that I should meet new people, or go to a bar, or try dating. But I…” Alex pushes her hair behind her ear, sighing deeply, “What would I say? If I made a dating profile, what part of it wouldn’t be a lie? Hi I’m Alex, an ‘FBI’ agent with a normal life and lots of normal hobbies, don’t worry I don’t get attacked at least once a week?”

 “There is plenty of stuff you can talk about! I mean, you like movies! And… motorcycles, and guns…” Kara finishes weakly, “We’ll brainstorm.”

 Alex laughs despite herself. “Date me, I can take out a grown man a hundred different ways before breakfast.”

 “I think you’d be surprised at the reception that would get,” Kara says, nudging her shoulder.

 “It would be… I could be open about my sexuality but I’d have to lie about everything else. There is barely any room in my life for another person as it is. What could I share?”

 “There are plenty of people who just want to share one thing, if you know what I mean,” Kara jokes in a deep voice.

 Alex tips her head back, smiling just a little. “Not that a steamy encounter doesn’t sound fun, but with everything that’s going on, I can’t imagine putting the time and effort in just for _that._ I’m just… I’m tired. I come home and I’m tired. I want to share it _all_ with someone, I want a partner Kara,” she finishes as her eyes get watery.

 Kara puts a hand on her shoulder. “I know.” Her voice is soft and understanding. This is something they share, have shared for a long time even before Kara knew who it was Alex wanted to date. 

 “Ugh,” Alex sniffles. “Let’s just watch a movie.”

 As she reaches for the remote, Kara’s phone dings again from her pocket. Given the tenor of the conversation she had ignored the first text.

 “You may as well check it; it’ll take me a while to pick something.”

 Kara nods, pulling her phone out and frowning at the contents.

 “Who is it?” asks Alex. “I could use being distracted by someone else’s drama.”

 “Just Lena. We have an evening snack meeting scheduled next week, but she has to reschedule,” Kara says absentmindedly.

 “An evening snack meeting?” Alex scoffs, “Only you, Kara. You’ve been having lunches for a few weeks now. How is it going?”

 Kara looks up. “It’s been really nice! She is smart and nice and fun to talk to.”

 “I know you trust her, but Lena Luthor?” Alex’s smile is a little exasperated.

 “It would have been enough, that she is standing by herself trying to do good things. I would’ve been her friend just for that. But she…” Kara bites her lip. “I know I come off as cute and silly and fun, and I am! But Lena has always taken me seriously, Kara Danvers me. We’ve both been through things… it’s nice to have a friend who understands.”

 Alex’s voice is low, but not alarmed. “You haven’t told her…” the question trails off.

 “No! No. I mean, she might know. She’s never said anything,” Kara says, “Just… loss stuff. We’ve never… we don’t talk about specifics. We don’t need to. She gets it, you know.”

 “One hundred percent no judgement sister zone. Do you think she’s being sincere? You think there isn’t any kind of scheme going on? I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

 Kara groans softly and hunches forward. “I don’t know. I know she likes me for real, I know she is a good person, I know she doesn’t want to hurt me,” Kara pauses, crossing her arms. “I know she keeps a lot hidden. I mean, so do I! I can’t be suspicious of her for something I’m doing too! But… ugh. I know she doesn’t want to kill aliens or shoot them back into space or anything crazy. But whenever she talks about it it’s political and regulations and nothing about how she feels. Would she look at me differently if she knew I wasn’t human? I don’t… I don’t know.”

“Could you talk to her about it?” Alex asks.

“Not without being honest myself.”

Alex wraps an arm around Kara and squeezes. “Sounds like we’re both up shit creek.”

Kara laughs, smiling, “Good thing we’re used to it.”

 

* * *

 

When Kara gets to the restaurant, Lena is already seated at a secluded booth and is surrounded by at least three appetizers. She goes over, grinning, and takes a seat while pulling a basket of fried green beans in front of her.

 “You know me too well,” Kara laughs, pointing with a bean.

 “I just didn’t want to sit through you watching everyone else’s food with sad desperate eyes.”

 Kara laughs, but doesn’t come up with something else to say before the silence grows heavy. She has seen the news, and knows the other woman is the center of problems once again. L Corp has been caught up in a scandal, a line of genetic testing designed for identifying alien DNA and tissue for forensic and medical purposes has come under fire. Ostensibly for being inaccurate and giving false results, the motive of the complaints was rights groups angry at the company for making money off of xenophobic fear.

 Lena tried to explain, once, how she is trying to phase out these sort of programs, but still needs them to bankroll other less objectionable initiatives. It had involved budgets and fiscal years; Kara had not gotten a lot out of the talk. The more bureaucratic things become the less moral any of it seems. But it’s not as if stepping away and letting someone potentially worse be in charge will solve the problem.

 Ignoring a public scandal is awkward; she can’t not mention it, but decides to let Lena guide the conversation. “How are you doing?”

 “My company is the subject of a public witch hunt, and a line of services I’m counting on to turn a profit is being investigated over product effectiveness. I’ve had better weeks,” Lena’s tone is dry and controlled. Other than a tense, brittle set to her shoulders it would be difficult to tell if this was a heartbreak or an inconvenience.

 “I thought you would be too busy for lunch, to be honest.”

 “I am. But if we’re being honest, I needed to see a friendly face.”

 “Well, my friendly face will show up whenever you need,” Kara says with a supportive grin.

 The ice in Lena’s eyes thaws with gratitude, and she nods.

 “The complaint isn’t substantiated, it’ll blow over once it isn’t ‘dramatic news’,” Kara pauses, uncertain. “Let me know if there is anything I can do. Kara Danvers ‘intrepid reporter’ could write something, if it would help.”

 “I’d be surprised if you weren’t already,” Lena says, edged just a little with bitterness.

 Kara freezes, frowning. “I wouldn’t. Not without telling you. You know that, right?”

 “I don’t ask people for that kind of loyalty.” Unspoken is that she doesn’t believe there is any point.

 Kara stands and goes to sit next to her. They are close enough that their thighs brush, and Kara rests a hand on her forearm. “Snapper asked, and I said I didn’t know, and that I'd have to ask you. He was insulting about it but didn’t threaten my job. If he ever leaned on me so hard I was afraid to say no, I’d come to you and explain, and ask my friends for help and we’d figure out a good way.”

 “The world you live in sounds nice.” Lena’s voice is quiet and tired. She frowns and shakes her head, “I’m sorry, I’m just being morose. It’s been a long day.”

 Kara shifts her hand until it rests over Lena’s, which sits clenched on the table. She runs a thumb over her knuckles until her grip loosens, and entwines their fingers.

She eats in silence for a while, holding Lena’s hand and leaning into her and trying to be as solid and warm as she can.

 Kara waits until Lena seems less strained, then releases her hand. She doesn’t look at the other woman, but speaks quietly, in the strong sure voice of Supergirl. “I won’t try to convince you; I won’t need to. I’ll just prove it.”

 

* * *

 

The next day Kara is still worried, but knows she can’t bring up the topic again. It isn’t until later that night that she realizes that though Kara might not be able to, Supergirl might. She patrols the city and stops a few minor crimes from occurring before working her way back into the city toward L Corp. The lights are still on in Lena’s office despite the late hour, and she isn’t surprised.

 Lena is supporting her head with one of her arms, hard at work but body looking crumpled over the desk. The surface is covered with papers.

 Supergirl frowns, heart aching. She hovers over the balcony, dropping quickly and allowing her landing to make a loud thump. It only takes a moment for Lena to turn, surprise and exhaustion warring in her eyes as she gets up.

 She holds the door open as Kara walks through.

 Up close, she realizes she has never seen Lena so disheveled. Relatively speaking, of course. Her normally perfectly pressed pants and blouse are wrinkled from sitting, and her hair has started to escape a controlled updo. All at once she wishes it was Kara standing here rather than Supergirl. She wants to pull Lena onto the couch and take her bun down and run her hands through the other woman's hair until she is relaxed and sleepy.

 But Supergirl is an ideal, not a woman. It isn't her place. “It seems a bit late, even for you.”

 Lena smirks in a weak imitation of her normal composure. “Being a CEO is not nearly so glamorous as people imagine.”

 Kara decides to cut to the chase, “I heard about the investigation.”

 “You must be happy.”

 “Because the effort is led by alien rights groups? No,” she says, crossing her arms, “This falls in the ‘wrong actions for the right reasons’ category. And even at that…” Kara trails off, gathering her thoughts. “I know what the world is like. It’s inevitable that _someone_ will develop and commercialize this technology. If it must exist, I’d prefer it in your hands.”

 “I’m flattered.” Her smile this time is half friendly, half smirk. She takes a deep breath, leaning back against the desk. “Too many of L Corp’s research lines were… unpalatable. But shutting them down without recouping the money in some way would have been a disaster.”

 Supergirl tilts her head, then nods. “I do have a day job. I’m aware inflexible morality works better in the world of superheroes. And not always there, even.”

 “Don’t tell me a pragmatist is buried under that shining exterior!” she crows.

 “I choose to have hope; I choose to have faith in people. And I truly believe that history will prove me right, one day. But I also know that…” she says, searching for the words, “The world has another face. I have lost everything before, who I am now is a result of how I survived that. But I couldn’t be the way I am if not for all the people who love and support me. Being nearly invulnerable to physical harm helps, too. I know this isn’t a choice everyone can make.”

 Something hungry is in Lena’s eyes, but her voice is dry, “If only we could live in that future, where people are so deluded they forget the possibility of betrayal and violence.”

 In an instant Supergirl is right next to Lena, speaking in a whisper. “One day, people will live for whom the cruelty we’ve known is nothing but a footnote in a history book.” She truly believes that, knows it down to her bones. Humans will learn to be kind and live together without aggression, every day they come one step closer to that. Every child she meets carries a hint of that promise, even if it is eventually snuffed out or ground down.

 She disappears into the night. She had wanted to offer her support, or at least give Lena an outlet. There are some parts of being a CEO she knows Lena isn't comfortable discussing with Kara the reporter, she had hoped Supergirl might be different. 

 It isn’t the first time it’s happened, but it still feels strange for Kara Danvers to be the one needed in place of Supergirl. 

 

* * *

 

It is the first Thursday of the month, and her apartment is loud and filled with good food and good company. The tradition of game night has continued on, and now includes an invitation to all available friends, CatCo employees or not, for their once a month certified ‘normal’ activity. It was always a wonderful break from alien criminals and paramilitary organizations and mortal danger. She still misses Lucy, who moved back to metropolis, but was glad she could convince Alex to come more often than not.

 Kara is filled with warmth and happiness, this despite the fact that she has just lost. She laughs as Winn and James jump up, high-fiving. They had made a dramatic last minute push to victory in this month’s game of choice.

 “Yessss, that’s how we _do it._ ” Winn grins, waving his arms in a crude victory dance.

Alex, sitting in the chair next to Kara, rolls her eyes.

 “Yeah, ham it up. Enjoy your victory, because it won’t happen again.” Alex says, joking but with a hint of intensity. She always had been a little competitive.

 A wandering, idle thought of Lena crosses her mind, and Kara experiences at once a longing for her to be here, for her to be able to share this.

 It has never occurred to her to invite the other woman. Why hadn’t it? Is it because she doesn’t know about Supergirl? It’s true that it’s nice for everyone to be able to speak freely, without worrying about what is classified and what isn’t. The people here are her oldest and most trusted friends. It’s true that Lena is not among them yet.

 But there is also a very real sense that Lena is simply different from her other friends. Is it because she talks about different things with Lena than she does with Winn or James? Their ritual of scheduled lunches and friendly interviews is also not exactly a typical friendship. And perhaps it seems odd to introduce a rich CEO to her game night friends. Does she really feel Lena wouldn’t enjoy it, though? Surely rich people must still like board games. Kara knows her thoughts have run off the rails when she starts to wonder if she is stereotyping rich people.

 Kara can’t determine if she is being careful or prejudiced or private or simply fair to her other friends. As much as she doesn’t like it, it’s simply the truth that Lena is in separate category from everyone else in her life. That will be either a bridge they cross in time. Or a sign of rot in the foundations, creeping inward.


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

 

 _the gifts we bring_  
_even in good faith maybe_  
_warp in our hands to_  
_implements, to maneuvers_

"They are hostile nations" by Margaret Atwood

 

* * *

  
This is Lena’s second time in a row picking the restaurant, and Kara is skeptical. The decorating is ‘hip’ and ‘classy’, with a trying-too-hard edge of at home charm. She finds Lena at a secluded table off to the side of the restaurant, already peering at a menu.

 Kara waves, sliding into the chair across from the other woman. “Is this one of those restaurants where they try and make dishes without using half the normal ingredients?”

  “Oh, Kara, don’t start. Not unless you want me to _insist_ I’ve become vegan and refuse to eat anything with egg in it,” Lena says without even looking up from her menu.

  “Don’t even joke about that!” Kara grasps chest in faux horror, then laughs. “Right for the jugular. I wouldn’t want to go up against you in the boardroom, that’s for sure.”

 “Too bad my competitors find it so difficult to learn that lesson. Luckily I have stricken one name off that list.”

 “Oh, good news?” Kara asks, trying to decide between ‘pecan crusted salmon on a quinoa bed’ or a ‘spinach and watercress salad with harvest fruits’. Lena loved to drag her to healthy restaurants.

 “Metron Pharmaceuticals, one of our competitors, has fallen spectacularly. They got hit by a nasty bit of corporate espionage, and the patent is up on another one of their major drugs. I might buy them out.”

 Kara had known quite a bit about the life of a CEO from being an assistant, but it is entirely different hearing about the business end of things. She has mostly learned that she doesn’t ever want to become a manager or need to hear the word ‘fiscal’.

 Lena sets down her menu, “God, Kara, you need to stop letting me go on and on about my problems all the time. How about you? How is it going at CatCo?”

 “Oh, work is great! Me and the CatCo group just had our monthly game night. It reminded me. I was actually wondering something, about you.”

 “Do tell,” Lena smiles, brows raising.

 “Do you like board games?”

 Lena laughs, abrupt and honest. “Board games? I suppose so. The last time I played was in boarding school, I can’t rightly judge how much fun it would have been if I hadn’t been in that viper pit.”

 “You didn’t like the girls there?”

 “High society friendships are all glitter and ‘who can use who’ without much substance. There’s a reason all my ‘friends’ disappeared after Lex’s arraignment.” Lena leans back, not visibly uncomfortable but also clearly wanting to leave the topic. “How about little Kara Danvers? You must have gone to public school? How was it?”

 She feels a moment of aching sympathy for Lena, reading between the lines of her admission. Lex Luthor’s trial had stretched on for months, a media circus all the while. If her friends disappeared when Lex was first apprehended and charged, it has been not weeks or months but closer to years since Lena has had a true friend. To move L Corp headquarters to National City even as quickly as she had she must have started migrating almost as soon as she took Lex’s place. How badly must she have wanted to leave Metropolis, and how lonely she must have been.

 Kara adjusts her glasses, struggling to follow along with the subject change and come up with a partial truth at the same time. “Ah. Confusing and stressful. Losing my… parents. I found it hard to, adjust… socially.” Her words are halting, stumbling over the truth, “My only real friend was Alex.”

 “Really? A girl as pretty and charming as you?” Her tone is light and airy, almost joking, “I find that hard to believe. Especially once you developed… assets.”

 Kara laughs a little, despite herself. “That did make me a little more popular. At least, with one half of the population.”

“It certainly made me a lot more popular. God, that pissed those girls off. Shy teacher’s pet Lena Luthor all of a sudden the sensation of the 10th grade.”

 As funny as the anecdote is, Kara is struck by how much she wishes she could have known her, then. She can see just a shadow of the girl Lena must have been, quiet and studious and clever. She wonders when Lena lost her parents, if she remembers them.

 Kara very much wishes to ask. How much she remembers, whether it’s smells or sensations or memories?  If she tries to keep their memory alive or bury it in the past? The distance between them does not feel so far, at this moment, and Kara nearly asks her. If they hadn’t been in public, she would have. It’s also a bit heavy a topic for lunch. She smiles warmly at Lena, thinking to herself that it will wait.

 While she is deep in thought, Lena has stolen the bill. “Really Lena, again? Just because I’m a cub reporter doesn’t mean you should have to pay all the time.”

 “Come now, Kara. You bring food to the office just as often. Plus, if I request an expensive restaurant it’s only fair.”

 Before the waiter returns to pick up the check holder, Kara snatches it mischievously. She opens it, expecting just to make a mental note of how much she owes Lena and make fun of her for wanting overpriced food. Instead she is shocked by the total, most of which does not come from the menu items.

 “Oh my gosh, Lena, you steal the bill so you can secretly leave a sixty percent tip?” Kara feels her lips stretch into a wide, affectionate grin.

 Lena waves an arm dismissively but digs around in her purse to avoid meeting Kara’s eyes. “I told you already, money doesn’t mean much to me. It may as well do the people around me some good.”

 “You are the sweetest woman ever to crush your enemies in the boardroom,” Kara says, head resting on her hands.

 Lena just huffs, looking a little red, still pretending she is looking for something in her purse.

 Kara decides, in that moment, that she will tell her the truth.

 

* * *

 

When Kara has doubts or problems and needs to share, she has never needed to look further than her sister. She cannot imagine what her life would look like if it wasn’t for Alex.

Kara knows she must change her relationship with Lena. Her instincts had been right. She was overdue for another sister consultation anyhow, and was just waiting for Alex to finish at the DEO. She had gotten wrapped up in reports about a training incident, and was late for their dinner.

While wondering when her sister would finally arrive she notices how depleted the Chinese takeout containers had gotten and groans internally. You can’t invite people over for food and have eaten it all by the time they arrive. She puts in a second order just as she hears someone’s key in the door.

 “Alex, hey!” she leaps up from the couch, pulling her tired sister into a tight hug.

 “Kara,” she says a little breathlessly.

 They both go to sit in the living room “Don’t worry, I already ordered more.”

 “You better have. God I haven’t eaten since lunch except for a container of mini donuts.”

 Kara gracefully surrenders the remainder of the fried rice and chicken, smiling as Alex devours about everything that is left just as more arrives.

 By the time they have both settled in with a full plate, Alex is looking at Kara with the ‘let’s hear it’ eyes.

 Kara takes a deep breath. “Alright. I’m just going to say it.” She shuts her eyes, “I want to tell Lena who I am.”

 The is silence long enough that Kara opens her eyes again. Alex is frowning but obviously considering the question.

  Alex frowns. “I don’t think there is an easy answer. A secret identity is supposed to be a secret. The more people who know the more likely it becomes that it’ll get out. It doesn’t have to be on purpose. It just takes one mistake.”

“Urgh,” Kara responds, a good illumination of her thoughts on the matter. “I hate lying! And it’s even worse with Lena because if she finds out and I didn’t tell her myself it’ll seem like it’s because I don’t trust her not to go all ‘Luthor’ or hate me!”

 Alex raises an eyebrow. “And she won’t?”

 “I think that it might be difficult for her. But not because of… that.”

 “You believe the best of everyone, Kara. I just want you to be careful.”

  Kara shrugs, “I mean. There are really only two possibilities here. She already knows and thinks I don’t trust her enough to tell her. Or she will eventually find out and think I didn’t trust her enough to tell her. Besides, I’m like eighty percent sure she already knows.”

 Alex smiles wryly. “Eighty percent? Really? Is that an exact calculation?”

 “Well, I mean she must have her brother’s files. If he knew who Clark is it’s not like it’s a massive deductive leap. And I may have… you know, made a couple stumbles in my ‘normal human journalist’ act.”

 Alex groans and drops head back on couch. “Yes, she has Lex Luthor’s files and runs a company that dubiously abstains from taking a position on alien rights. Nothing could possibly go wrong.” She rubs her forehead. “Sorry. I’m just frustrated. If you really believe you can trust her, I’ll let the DEO know to get some NDA paperwork ready.”

 Kara looks searchingly at Alex for a moment. “You know; you really should be asking for two sets.”

 “And why is that?”

 “You really still haven’t told Maggie?” she asks.

 Alex tenses. “That’s not…”

 “You said you guys are doing a lot better. And she deserves the chance to get to know you, all of you. Aren’t you tired of lying to her?” Kara reaches out to pat Alex’s arm.

 “We have a good working relationship.”

 “Alex!” she says with exasperation, shoulder checking her. “She is _going_ to find out. She is smart and a _detective._ She already knows you work for the DEO, and knows that you associate with Supergirl.”

 “Look, Maggie is the one who decided we should just be friends who have a professional partnership.”

 She looks sideways at her sister. “You don’t want to tell her. Because… you are still angry?”

 Alex rolls her eyes and looks away.

 “Yeah that denial isn’t workin’ for me big sis. Spill.”

 “It’s dumb.”

 Kara grins wryly. “Don’t make me eat all the rest of the food.”

 Alex knows she can’t win against Kara’s prying forever, and decided to just give in. “She’s been on a few dates with some other girl.”

 “Oh Alex…” Kara leans up against her.

 “Yeah. More fool me, I thought she might actually…”

 Kara throws her arms around her sister. “You thought she might wait for you?”

 Alex tilts her head up, sniffling and blinking back tears. “Stupid. God. I should just get used to the idea I’m always going to be the runner up.”

 Kara grasps Alex tighter. “If that’s how she really feels she doesn’t deserve you. But, Alex. The last couple relationships she’s had all sound like they were pretty casual. Has she ever even mentioned being in serious relationships lately? She said she didn’t want to do anything with you if it wasn’t going to work out. Is she worried about the commitment? I just don’t think her not wanting you is the whole story. You need to talk to her.”

 Alex shakes her head into Kara’s shoulder.

 They sit in silence, and once Alex has calmed down Kara lets go of her. “I’ll tell you what. I am going to tell Lena, and you are going to tell Maggie. Whatever happens, we’ll deal with it. But we can’t go forward if things stay the way they are.”

 

* * *

 

 Kara puts it off for a few days, and then decides to take her own advice. She shows herself up to Lena’s office, dropping in unexpectedly one evening midweek when she knows Lena has had a slower day.

 The CEO can tell something is off immediately. She looks like she wants to get up from the desk and go over to Kara, but thinks better of it.

 Kara knows she is not exactly good at hiding things. She can feel herself worrying the ends of her sleeve and rearranging the neckline of her sweater. She wants to pace around or disappear. She wants to fly off and come back when this conversation has already happened and get a summary of it from someone else.

 Lena is staring at her with concern, but is too restrained to ask what is wrong.

 Kara steels herself, and takes a very deep breath. “Lena, I have something to tell you.”

 “Go ahead, Kara.” Her voice is calm and measured and gives nothing away.

 “I-uh.” Kara reaches up to her glasses, fidgeting with them awkwardly. “Well, it’s just that I’m… It’s just that I like you a lot and I really hated lying to you and oh god I’m making a mess of this.”

 Lena smiles patiently, though her eyes crinkle with humor.

 Kara feels like she is going to be sick. She doesn’t think she can say the words. Well, if the glasses were enough for Cat maybe they will say all she needs to here.

 She reaches up slowly, pulling her glasses off and folding them.  “I… I’m…”

 “I’m assuming you are trying to tell me you’re Supergirl?” Lena asks.

 Kara nods. “Thanks, umm sorry, I,” she trails off into an awkward pause.

 Lena does not speak.

 “I didn’t…” She tries to take another deep breath, tries to orient herself in this conversation. “I know I’m not exactly the best liar ever.”

 “The week we met you showed up palling around with Clark Kent and then told me you flew here on a bus, Kara.” Lena’s voice is dry; she speaks like this is a piece old history made funny by hindsight.

 It feels wrong. Kara has the sense that this conversation is careening away from her, like she has failed to say what is most important, even though she hasn’t and doesn’t know what it could be. She wishes Lena would be happy or angry or cry and hug her or anything but this odd clinical detachment.

  Kara winces and gives a strained chuckle. “That… sounds like me!”

 “I suspected in earnest when Supergirl showed up to shut down the fight club meetup I told you about. And confirmed it the night I invited you to the gala.”

 Just because the woman knew doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter now. Kara knows this. Lena isn’t reacting badly, but something about this makes her shiver. It feels like she is watching this conversation happen to someone else, like there is a barrier between the two of them she doesn’t know how to cross.

  “Are you… mad at me?” she asks.

 Lena is still and contained. “I’m not angry. I don’t blame you for wanting to keep tabs on me.”

 “No!” Kara’s response is too loud and sudden from relief at the first hint of emotion from Lena of the night. “That isn’t why…” She takes step toward the other woman and stops. “Maybe I wanted to… prove to myself that I wasn’t letting who your brother was prejudice me against you, at first. But that only lasted like an hour before I decided I really liked you, because you’re so smart, and determined, and strong. And that what you’ve accomplished is even more amazing since you had to… do it by yourself.” She feels herself wanting to reach an arm out to Lena, but knows she has to give her space. “And I just didn’t… because I know what it feels like, I didn’t want you to be alone. That’s… why.”

 Lena inhales sharply, and something almost cracks before her face settles into a mask again. 

 “I lied to you. I’d understand if you were mad.”

 “Your terrible lying provided more amusement then offense,” she says. The words are meant to be a joke, but the edge is too sharp.

 “Are you sure?” Kara asks.

 “It makes things more… complicated. For me. But not because of anything you did. Nothing about how I see you has changed.” Now at least Lena sounds sad.

 Can she ask what is more complicated now? Kara can feel all the questions that need answering in the space between them. Without anger or sorrow, without an argument, there is no way to breach the topic. Lena’s clinical acceptance isn’t wrong, it’s fine, but Kara feels like it is a shut door.

 “I’ll give you some time to… you can think about it for as long as you want. Let me know if there’s anything you want to ask, or…” She hopes that Lena just needs time to process the change in their relationship, hopes they can be more honest with each other now.

 Kara smiles, softly but genuine. “But you better understand you are pretty much stuck with me. If you try to avoid me for too long, I’ll send you delicious baked goods and show up looking very sad in your direction until you talk to me, you hear?”

 

* * *

 

 Things might have been different if they had had a little more time.

 But just one night later they both get the news.

 

Lena’s hands shake as she shouts desperately into a phone:

“ _What have you done? So the law means nothing now? How can your ‘views’ justify this!”_

_“Of course it’s family, it’s not that I…”_

_“That’s enough!”_

She hangs up and stands in silence for a long time.

 

In Kara’s apartment across the city, she has a very different version of the same conversation.

_“Alex, please tell me you’re joking.”_

_“So it was Cadmus?”_

_“I’ll be right in. As if we needed Lex Luthor to deal with with on top of everything else.”_


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this things heat up a bit and we'll be out of the caring but stilted phase of Kara/Lena friendship. I enjoyed writing it a lot more than I thought I would since it was always sort of a contrast with/vehicle towards their later, healthier relationship. This chapter is sort of a transition and I'm not sure how happy I am with it? But we are moving boldly on so we can get to the fun stuff lol.

* * *

 

 _Can you understand being alone so long_  
_you would go out in the middle of the night_  
_and put a bucket into the well_  
_so you could feel something down there_  
_tug at the other end of the rope?_

"The Abandoned Valley" by Jack Gilbert

 

* * *

 

 The next day the papers are flooded with news of Lex Luthor’s escape. A small team of well-armed, well-prepared mercenaries had broken into the prison, circumvented safety protocols, disabled the guards, and extracted him via helicopter.

 Kara had spent most of the night with the DEO. Alex and Hank had recognized one of the pieces of equipment they had used against the security systems as Cadmus tech. They had no explanation for why Cadmus would want Lex Luthor back, except for their shared affinity for killing aliens. It had however opened up a whole new terrifying avenue of investigation, wherein Luthor Corp had been supplying and collaborating with Cadmus for the entire time Lex was CEO. Given that Cadmus's headquarters were still at an unknown location and their digital footprint was nil (Winn speculated their servers were physically onsite, and everything was kept on the local network.), a connection with Luthor Corp was all they had to go on.

 She is sitting in a swiveling chair, desperate for a nap, when she finally looks up at the screens in the operations room which display the morning news.

 Front and center is a horde of reporters crowded outside L Corp.

 Kara’s eyes squeeze shut as she realizes what is happening, and her heart breaks for Lena all at once. _Oh no_. This is a difficult and dangerous complication for her, but she hadn’t even thought about what would happen to Lena.

 Adrenaline chases away her desire to sleep in an instant. She lets Alex know she is leaving before setting off for L Corp.

 She flies high to avoid being seen, and touches down on Lena’s balcony.

 Lena is on the phone, having what looks like an unpleasant and intense conversation. Kara hates to interrupt, but knows if she waits for an opening where the CEO isn’t busy she will be waiting a long time.

 She knocks on the glass, and catches Lena’s eye as she turns.

 The other woman’s eyes widen, and she concludes the call quickly before coming over to let Kara in.

 Now that she is in front of her, Kara isn’t sure what to say. “Want me to start tossing all those paparazzi in the river for you?”

 Lena smiles weakly. “Don’t tempt me.”

 “Can I give you a hug?” Kara asks, a little pleading.

 “I need to pretend that I’m handling this. I can’t lose it right now,” Lena says, intent but self-control wobbling.

“Can I stop by after you’re done with work and give you a hug?”

This gets a watery laugh, but the woman shakes her head. “I suspect I won’t ever be done with work today. Another time.”

 “What can I do, Lena? Please tell me something I can do.” Kara would beg if she has to, do anything to make this day just a little less terrible.

 Lena sighs but looks thoughtful. “I have to give the public an interview about this. I have no choice. Every moment of silence makes me look worse,” she says. “Since I have to talk to someone, I’d rather it be you.”

 “I mean; I’d be happy to. But I don’t have anything to do with broadcast journalism.”

 “I’ll talk to whoever I have to about it. I need…” She inhales sharply. “I need it to be you.”

 “Alright,” she says softly. “James Olsen is acting CEO. I’ll give you his number, work it out with him and I’ll do whatever you need.”

 If this is all she can do, then she’ll do it. But she wishes it were more. She wishes she could pick Lena Luthor up and deposit her on some tropical island where no one could find her until this has blown over. She wishes that would actually solve anything. She wishes their lives were less complicated.

 She sees herself out, because Lena will need every minute of this day to deal with what must be done.

 

* * *

 

 She doesn’t hear anything until lunch, when she gets called into James’ office. She realizes Lena must have worked fast.

 She goes up to see him, saying a quick hello to Eve.

“Hey James. What a day,” she sighs tiredly.

 “That’s for sure. Sounds like you’ve been busy.” He gives her a friendly grin. It’s weird but nice having him as the big boss.

 “Yeah, I got about 2 hours of sleep.” Kara would give just about anything to climb back in her warm bed.

 James pauses, then nods at her. “How are you doing?”

 “With Lex Luthor being free?”

 “Well yes, that too. But honestly I’m more unsettled by the mobs of pro-Lex wackjobs celebrating in the streets,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest.

 Kara winces. “Yeah, listening to a bunch of people say ‘he went too far but maybe he had the right idea’ is not exactly a fun experience.”

 James reaches over to squeeze her shoulder. “So, you know what I wanted to meet with you about?”

“Yeah, me and Lena talked earlier.”

 “That’s, uh… it’s a little unusual to have a random newspaper journalist give a national interview of huge importance.”

 “I know. But she asked, James.”

 “It’s also not a great idea to have Kara Danvers’ face beamed to every household in the city.”

 “Don’t forget, it’s also a conflict of interest because of our friendship!” Kara adds with a little grin, pointing a finger up and waggling it.

 James smiles affectionately at Kara, sighing. There are some people you can’t change, and don’t want to. “She said she would speak exclusively with CatCo on the condition that her interview is with you.”

 Kara nods, waiting for James’ decision.

 At last, he grins and shrugs. “Alright. But you need to listen to _everything_ they tell you and do what they say. One interview.”

 

* * *

 

 Kara sits in front of bright lights and cameras trying very hard not to be nervous. This is not her thing and she does not like it. This is the opposite of the kind of attention she likes.

 Teams of people have spent hours trying to prepare her and having her memorize questions (many of which she is going to have to conveniently ‘forget’), and telling her how to look and smile and move. She wants to crawl out of her skin.

 They wanted the interview done soon enough to go on the evening news. Kara had already seen Lena come in, but she had been rushed off to prepare so quickly she hadn’t even had time to say hello.

 When she sees her next it’s time to begin.

 Lena looks solemn but professional in a tailored grey blazer, softened by a green scoop neck shirt. The effect is good, not so ‘mournful’ that it’s trying too hard, but still carrying a sense of sorrow and seriousness that suits a CEO whose personal life has become the news.

 They have a moment to greet each other before the cameras start rolling, but Kara doesn’t take it. She just smiles sadly at Lena and tries to let her eyes and her demeanor say all she needs to say: I am on your team, I am here for you, I want you to be ok.

 Lena looks better already, she seems put together. However she feels it is compartmentalized well enough to leave her in control. She crosses her legs elegantly and nods for them to start.

 Kara almost swallows her tongue as the cameras start rolling. They have marked the wall for where to stare depending on what camera is filming her, but the information blurs instantly. She takes a deep, quiet breath, summoning all the Supergirl she can. This isn’t about her, or her job, and how she looks doesn’t matter. What she is doing is trying to make something hard a little easier for Lena.

 She begins, “Today we are welcoming an important guest. After the events of last night Lena Luthor has come here to share her feelings and answer the questions of the American people,” she turns to Lena. “Thank you very much for coming, Lena.”

 “You’re welcome, and thank-you for having me,” she answers managing a slight smile.

 Kara holds Lena’s eyes intently and lets that focus wipe away everything else that is going on. “Last night your brother received outside assistance in escaping from the super-max prison where he was serving thirty-two consecutive life sentences. How did you find out?”

 “Around 11:00pm I received a call from the prison, informing me of what had happened both as a person who might be in danger and as someone who could potentially be contacted.”

 Kara is glad for the easy lead up to one of the questions she must ask before the interview is over. She suspects Lena knows, and has planned for it. “And have you received any communication from Lex Luthor since his escape?”

 “No. In preparation for that I have voluntarily granted the government permission to monitor my phones and computers, just as I did during Lex’s previous manhunt.”

 Kara pauses, thinking. Lena is saying all the right things, but she is so composed and cold. She needs to convince people. People need to see the human Lena Luthor. “Would you _want_ to talk to him?”

 Lena stills, eyes shooting up to Kara’s. “I—…” She has just a moment of hesitation, “I would not, not anymore. I wish that I could speak to him as he was, as I remember him. But that man is gone. In my heart I mourned his death, and I’d prefer to leave him there.”

 Kara can see she needs to move off of the personal for a bit. She is beginning to get a feel for the balance she would like to strike. She has totally disposed of the question order they gave her, forgiveness being easier to get than permission. “Do you have any idea who could have helped Mr. Luthor escape, or how he could have mustered the resources to accomplish such a thing?”

 “No. I would not put it past him to have prepared contingencies even before his incarceration. He was brilliant before he was mad.”

 “Do you think the rise of anti-alien groups could have renewed interest in freeing him?”

 “It is possible. Though I do not know why they would choose a person who went so wrong as my brother to champion them.”

 “Do you know what triggered his obsession with eliminating aliens, and Superman, even at the cost of innocent lives?” Kara keeps her voice very soft. She tries to ask not as someone prying and poking at a wound but as someone who wants to hear and understand the answer.

 “I think…” she trails off for a moment, breathing out, “He could not stand something he could not control. And that he fancied himself the best and brightest of humanity. He found being usurped by an alien an unforgivable insult.”

 “Do you feel the presence of superheroes infringes on normal people’s ability to exceed?”

 “No,” she says simply and with certainty, “What makes humanity great is that we did not need abilities to put us in the sky. We do not need super strength or any other gift, because our greatness is carried forward by every determined individual who helps us exceed the limits of what is possible.”

 Kara smiles brightly. There it is. Now they will see her, and know her.

 She goes through several more questions about her history with Lex and his possible aims, but they both have relaxed knowing that the station and Lena have gotten what they needed.

 By the time Kara thanks her for coming and the cameras stop, she is so exhausted she wants to drop and can’t imagine how Lena feels.

Lena motions for Kara to follow her back to the dressing room, and she goes.

 They stand facing each other for a moment, eyes searching.

 “Thank-you, Kara,” is all Lena eventually says.

 It’s more than enough. Kara just smiles and nods.

 “Kara,” Lena says, swallowing harshly. “You have never asked me if you can trust me.”

 She shakes her head. “No, I haven’t.”

 “I would answer you honestly, if you did.”

 Kara nods. “I know.”

 Kara just _looks_ at Lena, looks into her eyes and sees the plea there. But she still can’t do it. Is she a coward? Does she want to know the answer? But in the end she simply decides that this is who she is, and she cannot do different. She cannot ask, because Kara Danvers simply will not make it a question.

 Kara does not need the question answered. She will trust until she cannot anymore, she will try and strive and fight until the end. It might not be the best way but it is what she has.

 Something is brittle and strained in Lena’s eyes. Kara can feel that they are so close to something, but she is at a loss for the way forward.

 She chooses silence as her answer again, watching Lena with a patient, sad smile.

 “Kara, I’m afraid,” is all she says, a whispered truth.

 Kara reaches out, puts a hand on her elbow, and stands with her until she needs to leave.

 

* * *

 

 Kara was too tired to remember most of it, but afterwards people from various departments had spent a while castigating her for going off script, and then had disappeared to some kind of meeting. They reappeared after finding the interview had apparently garnered a positive response. They had been concerned people would see it as a softball interview with someone who could be a person of interest in an investigation.

 Apparently something of the compassion and understanding Kara had felt had touched people, and that along with the pro-human boost of patriotism had left people both willing to believe Lena and well-disposed to CatCo in general. They felt CatCo had taken the high road and elevated the discourse, injecting humanity into the chaos.

 Kara smiles and thanks everyone and leaves for her own apartment and her own bed and goes to sleep.

  After that day Kara stops hearing from Lena.

 

* * *

 

  Her messages get lukewarm replies that end conversations rather than start them. Lena is always too busy to sit down and have a meal. She never seems to stop working. There are so many things that could have caused it Kara can’t imagine which it was. Is it the ‘Kara is an alien’ problem? The return of Lex Luthor? Was she feeling too fragile to talk about what was happening? Had things gotten a little too real after the interview? Did she just need space? Is she trying to protect Kara by keeping her away?

 Kara doesn’t push, and defaults to having baked goods shipped over to L Corp without leaving a note.

She knows the situation is dire when Jess, Lena’s long suffering assistant, drops her normal disdain for Kara and starts helping her in earnest.

 She feels like the situation has slipped out of her hands, like she has failed in some undefinable way. She feels like she is racing towards an end she didn’t want, but doesn’t know how to stop.

 But Supergirl has no choice but to believe in the best and go on. She will be strong enough to bear whatever comes.

 

* * *

 

Lena Luthor sits at her desk, arms extended and palms flat, back aching from long hours sitting.

 She feels like she has been working for an eternity. She knows that it is only so she doesn’t have to think about what is coming. She knows her brother, knows her mother, knows that this isn’t even close to the end of it.

 She has not stopped feeling afraid since the day she last saw Kara. She cannot even look at her face in fear of what is coming. Who will she betray? There isn’t any way out for her. In every direction there is devastation.

 She had wished only to leave the history of her family behind. For Supergirl to publicly befriend her had been such a comfort to her, for warm generous Kara Danvers to offer her companionship had been one of the greatest gift she has ever received. Her freely offered faith, the blank slate she allowed Lena; thinking of any of it makes her so anxious she can barely work from nausea.

 But no matter how many times she has made it clear she wishes herself and her company kept separate from her mother’s ‘business’, she knows that she will be drawn in once again, her will or no. If Supergirl were not associated with her she might have had a chance. But with Lex freed, and her Mother growing so brazen as this (she had heard the name Cadmus before, in whispered in phone conversation and glimpses of documents quickly hidden), she knows there is no easy way out.

 As soon as she had seen of Cadmus’ involvement with Lex’s escape, she had known. She had known exactly who was in charge. And she knows they will not give her the option of neutrality.

 There won’t be any answers tonight. She finally gets up to leave, picking up her coat and her purse. On her way out the door she notices a white bakery box on the table to the side of the door.

 She knows she shouldn’t open it, but the curious part of her cannot resist.

 The box contains four cupcakes inexplicably decorated with cartoonish zoo animals. One is a giraffe.

 Something in her crumples with a wail, and she stumbles backwards until she is leaning against a wall. She can feel her shoulders shake. Her breathing turns to rough heaving, and she can feel her eyes burn.

 Out of everything, and this breaks her? She checks her watch, and gives herself 10 minutes to cry.

 

* * *

 

 One week later, Kara gets a text message. It is almost 10:30 at night, and she is in the middle of putting her clothes in the dryer.

 It’s from Lena. It reads: _I have something I need to show you. Come to the building at the corner of 78 th Street and North Delmont St._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I promise this is the last sad chapter lol. It's also a bit shorter, and one I couldn't get where I wanted. I decided to just cop out on action sequence stuff, it would have taken forever to write, it wasn’t working, and only the emotional impact of what happened was really relevant. So I pulled a ‘Gilmore Girls’ and just framed what happened, with a couple of the important conversations thrown in.
> 
> It’s also moral ambiguity time! Perhaps I’ve spent too much time in the medical field, but oftentimes there is no ‘right thing to do’, there are just better and worse things. Even the kindest, most compassionate action in a given situation carries negative consequences. If I let a nurse skip procedure during an emergency I help the patient get faster care, but I also create confusion where errors are more likely to happen and prevent that nurse from learning what to do next time. I'm also inclined to trace the causes for major incidents back to initial missteps in communication and see the later mistakes and conflicts as stemming from those? 
> 
> ANYWAY I'm a nerd who thinks about things a bit oddly lawl, I'll be curious how other people read this scenario.

* * *

 

_Evil is a pressure that shapes us to itself._

_An Oresteia: Elektra_ trans. by Anne Carson

 

* * *

 

Supergirl arrives at 78th Street and North Delmont and walks towards a derelict looking commercial building.

 She pushes through the door and goes inside.

 Lena stands, arms crossed, next to an unused desk. Her back is straight, posture perfect, and there is nothing, absolutely nothing in her eyes.

 Kara has a single moment of panic before she collapses in electric pain.

 

* * *

 

  While Kara was doing her laundry, Alex was knocking on Maggie Sawyer’s door.

 Kara had insisted that Alex follow through with her end of the bargain and tell Maggie who Supergirl is. Kara has been on edge, and was worries Alex will need all the help and support she can get.

 Alex can’t say that that is a bad idea, which is why she is very uncomfortably standing in front of Maggie, trying to figure out how to start _this_ conversation.

 “Hi, Maggie. Sorry to bother you this late, but I need to talk to you.”

 Maggie nods, raising a questioning eyebrow. “Sure, anytime Danvers.”

 Alex shifts restlessly, “A lot has been going on, lately.” She sighs internally. That’s great, very specific.

 Maggie’s nods again, patient but grinning.

 This would be easier if she wasn’t so attractive. “Because of, how my life is. I have to… keep a lot of secrets,” Alex frowns. How do you even approach this? How does Kara tell people by accident, when Alex can’t even talk about it on purpose? “I’m sure you’ve noticed all the Cadmus activity.”

 “You work for a secret government agency. And hell yeah I noticed all the psycho xenophobic assholes with evil schemes. If you are telling me it’s dangerous and that I should stay out of it, it isn’t going to work.” Maggie doesn’t realize she has veered them off topic, her frustration leading to assumptions. Not that 'your friend wants to reveal a Superhero's identity' is where anyone would assume a conversation is leading.

 “It’s not that…” Alex chokes out.

 “I care about you a lot, even if it wouldn’t be a good idea to date. I thought we were doing better!” 

 Alex’s eyes flare up with anger. “Maggie, I told you I understood. If I do something, I commit it to it 100%. And I don’t… have the right to ask that of you. I know I should… go to bars or go on dates and explore myself or whatever. And I thought about it and… so much of my life is secrets and lies and misdirection and… it would never feel real. It would always feel like I was in a play, acting out a part, just the same as when I tried to date guys and it felt like something that was happening to someone else. You just got out of a relationship, you aren’t looking for something serious, all of that is totally reasonable. You don’t need to say anything else, I’m not offended.”

 “Alex,” she says, sounding a little hurt.

 “No. I chose, too. I have never made room in my life for things that are casual, or lighthearted, or just for fun… and now it’s too late, for any of that.”

 “Alex, that’s crazy! Are you even thirty?”

 “Every single important thing in my life is threatened by a small scale war I’m personally involved in. Anyone I’m close to I make a target. And I won’t back down. It isn’t who I am. So that’s…” Alex stiffens with resolve, breathing in. “That’s the choice I made. And I won’t ever regret it. I can still be sad, for the things I’ll miss out on. But I wouldn’t change it, not for anything.”

 Alex puts a hand on Maggie’s shoulder. “It’s fine. I’ll see you later, Sawyer.” She squeezes once and turns around and heads right back out the door.

 She can’t believe she messed up that conversation so badly, not that Maggie doesn’t share some of the blame. So much for telling Maggie about who Supergirl is. It’ll have to wait for another time. Maybe she’ll just have Kara swing by and tell Maggie herself, since Alex obviously can’t manage to get through to the big reveal.

 She is racing down the stairs, heart still beating too fast, when she feels her phone vibrate in her pocket.

 When she pulls it out there is a message from Lena Luthor.

_Lex w/ Cadmus forces holding SG at following coordinates, bring DEO and allies. 34.1471, -118.284_

 

* * *

 

When Alex Danvers said _I’ll see you later,_ Maggie could hear the goodbye in it, she could feel Alex letting go of a warm joyful possibility because it was for the best.

 There is an aching pit in her chest and the detective in her can’t stop looking back and seeing her stumbling, graceless crush, and knowing Alex is going to shut it down and make it small and lock it away.

 She closes her eyes and fights back the sickening churn of her stomach.

  _Alex, I’m sorry. I can’t be what you need._  Maggie Sawyer asks women out on dates and gets coffee with them and makes small talk. She doesn’t share her life with them.

 And she can tell it’s true. Once Alex Danvers cares for someone she would die for them. Once they are in her heart she never lets them go.

  _I can’t be the whole world for someone._

 

* * *

 

 When Kara comes to, she aches all over and can feel the deep sickening wrongness of kryptonite.

 She is shackled to the pipes leading from a large, complicated looking piece of equipment. It looks like a generator, but something about it is making her feel like her head is vibrating apart. Awareness comes and goes in spurts.

 She drifts fuzzily, her instinct to try and escape warring with the desire to shut down and not think about what has happened and go to sleep.

 She hears footsteps coming towards her.

 She doesn’t open her eyes until she feels a gentle hand smoothing bloodied hair behind her ear. She looks up into Lena Luthor’s vibrant green eyes.

 The other woman leans over her, crouching. She speaks very softly at ear level, “Your sister is coming. And, I’m sorry. If you believe nothing else, please believe that I’m sorry.”

 At the mention of Alex something in Kara unclenches. She knows it will be just fine, and surrenders into unconsciousness.

 

* * *

 

 Lex Luthor stands on a platform overseeing the fortified basement in a well-tailored suit, tapping his foot impatiently.

 “Shouldn’t Superman have swooped in already to save his precious cousin?” his gaze jumps all over the room, never settling on any one thing for more than a moment.

 He rolls his eyes and turns, a smirk on his face. “Your little scene with the alien girl looked a bit… tender. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised from my sister the traitor.”

 Lena’s voice is brittle and strained. “It’s not something you could understand, but whatever else she is she was kind to me.”

 He shrugs. “I shouldn’t be surprised you threw your lot in with them.”

 “I brought her here! Have you forgotten that you tried to have me killed?”

 He laughs, a brief hard laugh. “You wanted your name separated from mine, didn’t you?”

 Lena looks at this creature and wants to be sick. What has happened to her brother? But part of her just wants to try and understand, to try endlessly to reclaim what she has lost. “I didn’t ‘throw my lot in’ with anyone, Lex.”

 “You are either against us or with us, you can’t play both sides in this war.”

 “You choose this war over me, over your family!” she says, voice loud with anger.

 “The alien threat is the biggest danger ever to face humankind. Mother can see it; I don’t know why you seem to have such difficulty. Any family of mine understands that.” There is no doubt in his voice, no hesitation, no regret.

 Lena looks at him, wondering if he really could have forgotten it all. She stumbles back, throat choked. “I loved you, I would have done _anything_ for you.”

 “Obviously not.”

 She feels like her insides have been carved out. She grapples at the edges of a truth she doesn’t own herself, about what love means. How it protects, how it treasures, how it encourages, and knows there are things it would not ask. But isn’t love unconditional? Isn’t it devoted? How can she know it was not her that was flawed all along? After all, Lena Luthor is the common denominator in a long line of broken familial bonds. If she had loved him enough, she could have stopped it. The words drum in her head, whispering 'if you were Lex's real sister it might have been enough', 'if you were his real sister you would be standing right next to him'.

 Her hands close on nothing, everything slipping away. She knows she needs to leave.

 She turns from him. “Your prey will be here soon enough, and I have no desire to be associated with… this.”

 “Don’t worry, it'll be as if you were never here,” he says, an afterthought.

 

* * *

 

 Lena leaves through a basement connection to another building and makes her way back up to street level. She does not go home. Instead she walks around the block until she finds the tell-tale sign of top-secret government operatives: too many nondescript vehicles without identifying marks. Of any normal pool of five SUV’s, at least two will be plastered in ‘I love my dog’ stickers or the politicians of their choice. Perhaps she should send the DEO a message recommending placing some bumper stickers as camouflage.

 She picks a long van with painted over windows and assumes it for their ops center, knocking loudly on the door. She can’t believe it’s necessary, surely they noticed her here ages before.

 The door opens to reveal the brown haired man who had helped her with her field generator at the gala, and Alex Danvers.

 She only has a moment of recognition before the other woman barrels out of the vehicle, pinning her by the throat against a light post.

 Her face is a grim snarl. “You goddamn bitch. How could you do it? It’s Kara, how could you do it?”

 There isn’t an answer anyway, not that she has enough oxygen to say anything.

 “I don’t give a shit that you told us where they were, I don’t care if you can paint the goddamn Mona Lisa, how could you do that to someone like Kara?”

 She is hoisted a little higher before Alex drops her, gripping her by the hem of her shirt instead. She uses her chance to say what she needs to, her voice hoarse and weak. “Kara is being held in the basement, with an EM field emitter. It is strengthening the effects of kryptonite and projecting it throughout the entire building. Don’t let Superman enter. The emitter is wired with an explosive and a backup. The backup is triggered by proximity, and hidden to kill whoever tries to disarm the first bomb. I scrambled the sensor on the proximity detector, and wrapped the main bomb's detonator in some signal dampening foil. It might be enough on its own but I would still be very careful. There are two full eight man Cadmus teams, mostly patrolling the roof and basement entries. There are two different escapes from the basement, and two staircases, and the one closest to the main entrance is rigged with explosives. The troops are there to extract Lex, they'd prefer to achieve their aims by simply blowing the building.”

 Lena expects an immediate protest about her word being totally unreliable. She is surprised when Alex just stares at her, simultaneously like she is from the moon and like something she scraped off her boot.

 “Alright. We’ll find her.” She nods, and seems to be talking to herself. Alex steps back from Lena, walking back towards the van with her hand on her gun. She doesn’t turn back, but speaks over her should. “Get out.”  
  
Lena goes.

 

* * *

 

 Maggie Sawyer doesn’t sleep much that night.

 She had been woken by a nightmare.

 Alex was sitting on the kitchen countertop in her childhood home in Nebraska, cutting an apple. She was smiling and bright. Maggie was trying to cook something, and Alex had spent the whole time making fun of Maggie’s breakfast choices. She would stop in the middle of an insult to pass her an apple slice, and continue where she left off.

 Maggie was dressed for work all of a sudden, and getting ready to leave. As she walked by they kissed, a greeting. And even that simple contact lit up something gentle and wondering in Alex’s eyes, a smile that made her heart ache.  She was standing near the door, fishing through her jacket to find her keys. And then from the kitchen she hears Alex swear to herself, a quiet but emphatic ‘ouch, _shit_ ’ at having cut herself with the knife. Blood dripped down her hand, and as Maggie turned back to her, the first drop of blood fell from her fingertip. Then the scene changed.

 It’s a dark, endless warehouse. She could hear screeching and feel the sticky humidity of an overly hot room. Her gun is out, and she is can see Alex far in the distance, propped against a shelf, one arm cradling an assault rifle, the other dripping blood from a gash on her arm. She called Alex’s name and started forward. Before she got any closer the room echoed with loud animal shrieks and a cold laugh and the sound of Alex clicking a round of ammo into place. There was an eruption of violence and gunfire, and then she was awake, sweating and staring at her ceiling.

 She sighs, rubbing her forehead. There is enough worry left over from the dream that Maggie wants to call Alex and make sure she is ok. She wishes she could turn over in bed and _see_ that she is ok.

 There has always been something about Alex Danvers that was strangely compelling. Something about her sharp features and serious nature, and how utterly vulnerability or closeness transform her. Her attractiveness has become more than the sum of its parts.

In hindsight, that was the first sign that should have told her what trouble she was in.

 None of her reasons have become less true. There is no good end to her and Alex Danvers, and something in her still feels a certainty that she will break the other woman’s heart in a way she won't forgive herself for.

 But this has them both miserable.

 Her clock reads 4:50, but she can already feel she won’t get back to sleep. She sits up and turns the news on.

 It takes a couple moments for what the newscaster is saying to sink in. But it takes only one second for her to roll out of bed, pulling on her clothes from the day before and grabbing her phone before leaving her apartment in a run.

 As she leaves the anchor is still speaking, '... _Supergirl a hostage of Lex Luthor, agents on site, there are accounts of gunfire and smoke.'_

 Maggie growls, she is going to have words with Alex Danvers.

 

* * *

 

Entering her own home, she feels like a stranger. She puts on her pajamas and completes her routine by rote.

 Lying in bed she realizes her whole body is shaking. Her hands and feet are prickly and hot, and she realizes absently that she is in a panic, that her body is trying to run frantically away from something when there isn’t any escape.

 It’s her. She’s the monster. She is a Luthor after all. Her protestations that she should be judged on her own merits had been a lie.

 She knows all her reasons still; they make just as much sense as they did before. If Lex plans to hurt Kara it is better for her to be involved, to limit the danger to innocent civilians and to inform Supergirl’s allies of her location and the tactical situation. She had seen the resolve on Alex Danvers’ face, and knows Kara will survive this day. She had been able to see her brother again, for all the good that had done her.

 But the only truth her body cares about is that she has lost the person who asks how her day was.

 She sees Kara’s bloodied, crumpled frame a thousand times.

 Logic matters, plans matter, reasons matter, she knows these things. But oh how she wishes that she could be like Supergirl, to live in a world of ideals and be able to stand proudly behind choices that meant something.

 All she can say for herself is that both Kara Danvers and Lex Luthor still live. She has betrayed both and lost everything in the bargain and deserves it. But they live.

 It will have to be enough.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the things I really wanted to discuss re: fandom’s interpretation of Lena Luthor is the idea that she deserves to be loved because she is nothing like her family. And while that is definitely true and an enjoyable way to write the pairing, I didn’t want… hmmm. I feel like, for Lena, being loved because someone sees that she is a good person and sees that she is different from her family would be fulfilling and wonderful but would always carry a fear with it, a ‘what if I mess up?’, where if she makes a wrong move it all falls apart. All she has ever known is conditional love, and I wanted to have her start to understand the deeper kinds of relationships we forge with people that we have decided to stick with and argue it out and fight for.  
> The documentary mentioned below is real, the lines are direct quotes from it. You can find it on Youtube, it is pretty fantastic lawl.

* * *

 

_A generous heart is always open, always ready to receive our going and coming. In the midst of such love we need never fear abandonment. This is the most precious gift true love offers - the experience of knowing we always belong._

_All About Love: New Visions_ by bell hooks

 

* * *

 

 Alex knew it would never get easier, but she had at least hoped to get more used to it.

 She is sitting next to her sister recovering in a sunbed, angry at the world and thankful they have won at least one more day together. Alex was fine being injured herself (as she sits pain from wrapped ribs and a bullet graze to the leg throb distantly) but something about her invincible, cheery sister brought low by injury is a perversion of the natural order of the universe. Her sister should always be safe and smiling.

 Lex Luthor and the Cadmus forces had escaped, unfortunately, but they had saved Kara with much less harm done than she anticipated. The kryptonite exposure had left her badly drained and unable to heal, but her injuries were limited to moderate head trauma and some bruises and Taser burns.

 She refuses to give any credit to the-Luthor-who-shall-not-be-named. She fully intends to enjoy her anger for as long as Kara is unconscious, as she has the sneaking suspicion that her infuriatingly good hearted sister will be more generous to the woman than she deserves.

 She also refuses to deal with her phone, which has blown up with messages she suspects come from Maggie. It hadn’t occurred to her earlier, but the Lex Luthor and Supergirl combination must have catapulted this into the news, though how anyone found out would be a question for tomorrow.

 Alex gets one more hour of peace before J’onn enters the room, patting Kara on the leg as he passes and going to stand in front of her.

 “Your detective friend is here, Agent Danvers.

 “Maggie came here? To the DEO here?”

 “Yes, Agent Danvers. You might want to go talk to her.”

 Alex sighs and leans back in her chair. “Could you have someone bring her here?”

 He nods and leaves, and Alex feels deep gratitude for the man who has become a calm, rational bedrock in her increasingly dramatic life.

 Soon five feet of angry detective is standing in front of her, hands on her hips. “You alright?”

 “Yeah, just some bumps and scrapes.”

 Maggie nods, scowling. “How could you not call me? After all the help you’ve given me, where do you get off not calling me in on this!

 “The DEO was handling it. Lex Luthor is highly dangerous, there was no point endangering you unnecessarily.”

 “Endangering me unnecessarily?” Maggie’s outraged tone makes Alex wince. “Are you kidding me? That is my god damn decision to make.”

 Alex leaps up from the chair, head and leg throbbing. “You don’t have any idea what you’re saying. You have no idea the kind of enemies my sister has, and the lengths they are willing to go to!”

 Maggie is too angry and too worried for rationality at the moment, but the corner of her mind stalls on Alex’s slip. Her _sister_? The woman’s inner detective puts the clues together even though her focus is on a counter-argument. “That is _my_ call. You are my friend, not my mother. You don’t get to decide for me what is too dangerous. Not when something this serious happens.”

 “I don’t ask my friends whether they’ll die for me! Lex Luthor isn’t even the worst, Cadmus will do everything in their power to destroy her, and me, and everything we have _ever_ loved. That’s what the stakes are. The only two choices that exist are stay out of it, or risk everything. There is no middle ground.”

 Alex’s chest is heaving, and Maggie can tell this has been weighing on her for a long time. She looks at her, and over at the unconscious superhero on the table, now recognizably Kara Danvers. She can’t believe it had taken her so long to realize. The resemblance is strong. The glasses do a lot to change the shape of her face, and the demeanor is so different it simply doesn’t occur to you. But she should have seen it.

 While Maggie was lost in thought Alex has had time to calm down. “Maggie, you have a normal family, and a normal job, and a normal life. And you should…” her words are choked with sorrow, “You should go back to it. I’ll help you however I can, but please believe me when I tell you that you don’t want to get involved in this.”

 Maggie doesn’t respond.

 She picks up another chair, drags it next to Alex’s, and sits down to wait.

 

* * *

 

It takes Kara most of the next day to wake up.

 She returns to consciousness a couple times, muttering nonsense, as Alex takes her vitals. Maggie had stayed with Alex during her vigil, but she finally went back to work the first time Kara woke lucid. Though it was only for a few moments, seeing her sister’s eyes and smile allows something in Alex to uncoil, and she feels okay again.

 This time Kara is up for real, restless and trying to climb off the bed.

 “Woah, woah, woah, slow down there Supergirl.” Alex smiles, pushing Kara’s shoulders back down.

 “Alex. What happened, did we get him?”

 “Lex? He escaped, unfortunately.”

 Alex can see the exact moment Kara remembers, the way her eyes widen and her face drops. “And what about…” her voice trails off.

 Alex had wanted nothing more than to throw Lena Luthor to the wolves. But the big sister in her dominates the instant she sees Kara’s crestfallen face. She isn’t sure how to play this.

 “Kara…” she starts, then stops. “Let me just… tell you what happened. I don’t know when she…” Alex swallows. “What time she set you up. But I got a message from her a bit before midnight. It just said that you had been taken, and where. And to let the DEO know.”

 She pauses, waiting to see if Kara has any questions, but her sister doesn’t respond. She continues, “We went to that location, set up a perimeter, and started monitoring. Lex Luthor sent a message to Superman saying he was going to kill you unless he showed up. We told him to come but standby, and not enter the building until we had cleared it or needed help. We were getting lots of radiation readings from the facility, and were having trouble mapping its layout. We were waiting on access to the original blueprints in the early morning when… when Lena turned up.”

 Kara nods for her to go on, clenching her fists.

 “She came out through the basement and found us, apparently. I uh, I shouted at her for a bit. Then she told us about the field generator Cadmus had installed in there, and where you were, and gave us a run down about the building, and told us there were bombs planted on the generator you were…” Alex inhales sharply. “She explained how she tampered with the explosives, thanks to that Lex was out of range from upstairs. She also told us to keep Superman out of the building. Then I kicked her out.”

 Alex scowls. This was too close a call. “We sent in a team to break you out through the basement, hard and fast. It would have been much worse if Lex had been able to detonate the bombs. We pulled you out but couldn’t box him in in time.”

 Kara lays in silence for a long time, Alex holding her hand with her chair pulled right up next to the bed.

 “What do I do with this, Alex?” her voice is quiet.

 Alex squeezes Kara’s hand. “I don’t know, Kara.”

 “How am I supposed to feel?”

 “I’m not the person to ask that,” Alex answers with a small smile.

 Kara leans her head back, sighing. “I remember, a little. She came and found me and told me you were coming, and I knew it would be ok.”

 “Oh Kara.” Alex’s heart aches for her kindhearted sister.

 “I’m angry and grateful and betrayed and sad all at once.”

 “Are you going to talk to her about it?” Alex asks, and god she wishes she could tell Kara to drop the woman and never look back. But that isn’t her sister.

 Kara tilts her head. “There’s been nothing from her, since?”

 “Radio silence.”

 “I have to talk to her.”

 Even though Alex had known the answer, she can’t help but feel a little shocked. “You can’t be willing to forgive her?”

 “It’s not…” she shakes her head. “I don’t know; I can’t know unless I understand. And I just don’t… understand enough yet.” Kara lays still for a moment. “She still loves him, her brother. And she couldn’t pick. She tried to warn me, I think?”

 Alex almost rolls her eyes. “You know, a more effective way to warn people is to actually speak with them about what is going to happen.”

 “I know. It just feels like all of this stuff… it’s not what… that’s not what matters most to me in the end.”

 “And what is it that matters?”

 Kara shrugs. “I don’t know. Even when I first met her, it’s like you can just _see_ the person she wants to be. You can feel her trying so hard, but everything in her life is pushing the other way. And…” her voice goes low and sure. “This world is bad enough. It has taken enough. Everything is complex and terrible right now, but I think about her and I just…” Kara shuts her eyes, “I think about her and my gut just shouts: ‘You can’t have her, she’s mine!’. This one is mine, Alex. The darkness and cruelty of this world has taken enough, I’m taking this one back.”

 Alex’s eyes widen, and she smothers a grin. How very Kara. She regrets every villain she harms. “Uh, Kara. ‘She’s mine’? You might want to repeat that back to yourself.”

 Kara reddens and grimaces predictably. “Not like that! Well, I mean… I-uh.”

 “Kara. Tell me you aren’t serious. Lena Luthor. _Lena Luthor_.”

 “I didn’t… I mean…” Kara groans. “I don’t _know._ I never really thought about it. There has always been this distance, because there was so much stuff we couldn’t talk about. It was never even a question.”

 “And if it was a question?”

 “Oh my god Alex, stop. I’m… I’m still recovering. Patient cruelty.”

 Alex laughs. “Sorry, sister privilege trumps medical ethics.”

 Kara laughs too, happy that she can still feel like this even if so much else has gone wrong.

 “I can’t help but notice you avoiding answering,” she says, smirking.

 “I can’t help but notice you just don’t want me to get a girlfriend before you.”

 Alex grabs the pillow out from Kara’s head and thwaps her with it. “God, you are the worst.”

 “Love you too, big sis!”

 

* * *

 

Kara takes another day to recover, and goes back to work on Friday. She is surprised to find out that in order to accommodate a ‘miscellaneous condition’ she accrues sick time at twice the rate of normal employees of her seniority. Snapper was also very surprised to discover this information, which was a highlight.

 She thinks of Cat warmly, and misses her. Without ever telling her or even being present, Cat still looks out for her. She hopes the other woman will come back soon. Also, apparently everyone really is able to figure out her secret identity. She just hopes Snapper doesn’t catch on. That would be a bit much.

 Work has piled up after two days away, and she doesn’t leave until after 7. She is halfway home before she stops, and changes course. She had wanted to relax and binge on food and go to bed early. But all day Kara had been unable to shake an anxious, uncomfortable tremor. And she has known all along what is was from. She needs to deal with the situation with Lena. She needs to know if this is a breach they can cross over.

 Waiting will only make this worse. She needs to get it over with.

 She decides to go as Kara Danvers, the normal way. She wants Lena to have warning, but not enough so that she can avoid meeting her. Security knows to let her in, and she goes up the elevator to the 32nd floor in silence. When she emerges, she is surprised to find Lena’s assistant still at her desk.

“Jess? Isn’t it past time for you to go home?”

 The strained woman looks up in surprised relief. “Kara? I never thought I’d say this, but thank-god you’re here. Ms. Luthor exceeded the definition of being a ‘workaholic’ weeks ago, and now I can barely get her to eat either.”

 Kara just nods. What is there to say? Even though the larger part of her heart aches for the other woman, a corner of her still feels an echo of cold satisfaction. “Call up and let her know that I’m coming in. She’ll need a little warning. And, your boss is done for the day. You can go if you want.”

 Jess grimaces and nods, inclining her head and picking up the phone. “Ms. Luthor? Yes. Kara Danvers is here to see you.”

 She takes a deep breath to relax as she stands waiting in the reception area. Jess looks at her oddly, but smiles a little regardless. It might be her version of encouragement. After a minute, she pushes through the doors.

 She doesn’t make it far into the room before stopping, frozen. It’s strange how different it feels to enter this room; how much has changed.

 Lena Luthor looks crisp and professional in her modernistic office, posture perfect and everything controlled. Nothing of what she might feel shows on her face.

 Kara barely knows what to say. She decides the simple truth is best. “We should…” she swallows, “We should talk.”

 “I don’t know what there is to say,” Lena says in a quiet, desolate tone Kara has never heard.

 She takes a few more steps forward. “There are a ton of things to say! I’m sad, I’m grateful, I’m hurt, I care about you, I understand, I _don’t_ understand." She pauses, "I _want_ to understand.”

 Kara huffs a little, crossing her arms. “This feels weird,” she says, looking around. “This is not an office conversation. This is an on a couch under a blanket conversation.”

 Lena tilts her head, almost smiling.

 “It’s past 7 on a Friday, I think that’s enough work for you. I’m inviting myself to your place,” Kara says, almost smiling herself.

 She raises an eyebrow. “Is that so?”

 “Yeah.” Now she is smiling in earnest, the corners of her eyes crinkling. “Time to go, chop chop.”

 Lena hesitates, then stands. She moves stiffly. “Let me text my driver.”

 She grabs a coat from a hanger tucked in the corner of the office and picks up her purse.

 They go through the deserted office and ride down the elevator in silence.  They also wait in the parking garage in silence. It is the most awkward, silent silence Kara has ever sat through. By the time they get in the car and leave the building, Kara cracks. “So. Swanky townhouse, high security suburban home, luxury penthouse apartment…?”

 Lena smirks.

 “Yeah definitely a penthouse apartment.”

 They wind up at a fancy high rise apartment building near the river. Lena stops at the front desk to speak with security, presumably about her presence.  The elevator requires a keycard, and the security systems throughout the building seem highly sophisticated. They do indeed go to top floor.

 Kara had thought Lena was starting to relax, but her uncharacteristic fumbling with the door of her apartment on the way is evidence otherwise.

 As they go through the entrance, Lena stretches out an arm and motions around. “Welcome to my home.”

 It is tastefully decorated but spare, and largely lacking personal touches. Gorgeous, modern furniture is spread throughout an open living room and kitchen area, with several side rooms leading out from the center.

 It’s gorgeous. Though it’s too dark to see, the view is obviously lovely.

 Kara claps her hands together with forced cheer. “Alright! Time to get set up.” She goes towards the largest piece of furniture, a couch facing the TV. The large flat screen would have dominated the wall if not for some muted art. She looks around for a blanket, but the only one she can see is thin and draped over the back of a chair, obviously serving only a decorative purpose.

 “Lena! Don’t you have any cozy blankets?” she shouts to the other woman, who has retreated into her bedroom.

 “There might be a spare comforter in the hall closet, otherwise what you see is what you get.”

 Kara looks around and sees the door Lena must be referring to. She pads over and pulls out a gray comforter far too large for this purpose. It must be a queen, at least. Well, needs must after all.

 She drapes it over the couch and climbs under.

 After another couple minutes Lena emerges, hair down and changed into a more casual tan outfit you might wear around the house. She walks over to Kara uncertainly, standing off to the side of the coffee table.

 Her skin is bone white, hands clenched into shaking fists. Her breathing is rapid and shallow. Kara frowns, and a moment of focus reveals that Lena is barely holding back full body trembling. Even her shoulders are drawn down, hunched and shy. Kara has never seen the proud, iron jawed CEO look so small.

 Something in her thaws. Lena is petrified.

 She pulls up one edge of the blanket, saying “Sit.”

 Lena takes a few tentative steps and lowers herself a foot down from Kara.

 She smiles and shakes her head. “No, next to me.”

 Lena scooches towards Kara a bit, looking at her from the corner of her eyes.

 They are not touching, but it feels closer to the atmosphere Kara wants. She tucks her feet up under herself and turns towards the other woman. “Lena, I know it isn’t ok yet. But it will be.”

 “How can you say that?” she says, eyes pressing shut.

 “I can say that because it’s obvious you want to fling yourself into the sun and think I should never talk to you again,” Kara smiles a little, “And that tells me… all I really need to know. There is still a lot to say. Still a lot we both need to say.”

 Without her makeup on, the dark circles under Lena’s eyes are clearly visible.

 Kara continues, “But to be honest, I’m exhausted. You don’t look like you’ve gotten more than four hours of sleep in a night in weeks. How about we do the most important thing tonight and do our big talk tomorrow morning?”

 “And what is the most important thing?”

 “Snuggling and watching a movie,” Kara says matter-of-factly. She had planned to do that afterwards, to help settle them both down after an emotional conversation.

 Lena’s eyebrows shoot up, and her look questions Kara’s sanity.

 It’s obvious Lena has no ability to cope with any of this, no blueprint for how to navigate this part of a relationship. No idea how to have an argument and talk it out without it being the end of everything. It might have been part of the problem from the very beginning. Kara wishes Lena had had a sibling like hers, instead, and knows she will have to lead. She smiles gently. “What kind of movies do you like?”

 Lena slowly recovers. “I don’t watch much, mainly documentaries.”

 “Oh! There’s one that I’ve been meaning to see for ages!” She turns on the TV, opening up Netflix and paging through until she reaches ‘A PBS Wild Sloth Documentary: A Sloth Named Velcro’.

 “Ah,” Lena says and stops, blinking.

 Kara edges closer, until their sides are pressed together. She reaches over to squeeze Lena’s forearm, and hits play.

 

_Narrator: With its Mona Lisa smile, it’s such an enigmatic creature —the sloth— a strange little creature from the rainforest canopy._

(A panning shot of a sloth climbing very slowly up a tree branch.)

 

A choked laugh escapes Lena when the narrator reaches the word ‘enigmatic’, and Kara smiles brightly.

 

_Narrator: When you first see a sloth in the road, you have no idea what that thing is._

(A shot of a sloth crawling very slowly across the road as a woman with gloves picks it up and trots away with it.)

 

_Narrator: These animals are so interesting! Their digestive track is like a cow, their body temperature, like a reptile, and the way they move, more like a primate._

 

Kara leans her head closer to Lena’s, whispering “Your TV is awesome. It’s like the sloth is right there!”

 Lena laughs again, incredulous and feeling as if this is some bizarre hallucination brought on by lack of sleep.

 Lena only lasts until a little after the tragic loss of Velcro’s mother and adoption by a friendly young journalist. By the time Velcro has been released into the wild she is deeply if awkwardly asleep. Her head is half on half off the arm of the couch while the rest of her body curls inward.

 Kara finishes the documentary and eases out from under the comforter. Her first thought had been to put Lena in her own bed, but going into her bedroom seems to cross a line of some kind. They had always met at her office, or restaurants, or at Kara’s own apartment. This place is something Lena had always kept to herself, and she wasn’t sure if it was simply a habit, a result of Kara arranging most of their meetings, or a true desire for privacy.

 While she turns all the lights off throughout the apartment, she decides that if she had asked for snuggling she may as well follow through to the end. Her route finishes in front of the couch, and she turns off the TV while looking down at Lena thoughtfully.

 She grabs a pillow from the other end of the couch and shifts her sideways, lifting her so her head rests on that instead. It would have jarred her enough to wake without super strength. As it is, Lena shifts and stretches her legs out a fraction with a sub-vocal groan.

 Now the problem is how to climb back in. She starts near the other woman’s feet, gets under the covers, and eases behind her, her own back pressed against the back of the couch. It is easier than she expected to squeeze in, apparently expensive high end furniture was bigger as well as better quality. She replaces the blanket over both of them, snuggling down.

 Kara feels distantly pleased to be the big spoon. She reaches an arm around Lena’s stomach, pulls her close, and closes her eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for more snuggling and the long overdue post snuggle chat. Also, for everyone out there, plz listen to Lena don't overcook your eggs. Medium low heat people! Be patient! I hope everybody enjoys the chapter, and the sense of all the progress Kara and Lena make comes across.
> 
> Also! Sanvers comes into full swing. My scene wound up being very close in tone to what the show did, not that that is terribly surprising. That is part of the reason that, though I love LOVE LOVE canon gay ladies and their plotlines I don't tend to 'ship' it in the fandom sense. Fanfiction is a transformative work, fandom for me is still about reimagining the source material in a lot of ways. I am happy to watch and enjoy canon queers' plotlines unfold. I wanted MaggiexAlex together in this fic, and didn't know what the show was going to do when I plotted it. The context is fairly different despite the similarities, hopefully it will still be enjoyable for folks.

* * *

 

_There is no 'the truth' or 'a truth' —truth is not one thing, or even a system. It is an increasing complexity. The pattern of the carpet is a surface. When we look closely, or when we become weavers, we learn of the tiny multiple threads unseen in the overall pattern, the knots on the underside of the carpet._

_On Lies, Secrets, and Silence: Selected Prose_ by Adrienne Rich

 

* * *

 

Kara wakes with her nose buried in soft, dark hair. The large windows flood the whole apartment with natural light. She feels warm and cozy and part of her just wants to go back to sleep. Her left arm is still wrapped around Lena, palm against her ribs, the soft fabric of her shirt a pleasant contrast to hard lines of bone. Her right arm has ended up underneath the other woman, serving as a makeshift pillow. Kara’s hand dangles nearly off the couch, with Lena’s head propped on her upper arm. They both migrated while they slept, the pillow they started on pushed to one side and sticking up.

 She inhales deeply, stretching out her bent legs from their position resting against Lena’s. Kara always wakes a little hungry, and today is not an exception. But rather than get up, she waits.

 Kara feels a deep, burning ember of satisfaction. She had been driven by instinct last night, but in the morning she knows she has made the right decision. Lena needs to wake up like this, she needs to feel this, and then they will be able to talk. If this feeling is underneath their words, then they will be able to speak the truth to each other. In this warm place of comfort, fear seems far away.

 It takes longer than she expects for Lena to stir. The woman’s alarm must go off well before 6 every day, but it’s so bright it has to be past 8. She truly had been exhausted. Kara lays peacefully, enjoying the gentle rise and fall of Lena’s chest under her palm, until she feels her waking up. There is a simple beauty in the process, heart rate picking up as her body eases out of sleep, becoming little by little more aware of outside stimuli. An airplane descending over the city finishes the progression, and Lena shifts to turn on her back only to be stopped by Kara’s form beside her. She stiffens and her breathing pauses. It takes her a moment to place where and with whom she is, and Kara can feel the moment she comes fully to herself.

 Lena breathes in and the tension leaves her body all at once. She moves over enough to have room to turn onto her back and settles, inclining her head towards Kara and opening her eyes. She says, “Good morning,” raspy and half unintelligible, stretching her whole body languidly. If Kara leaned her head down a mere few centimeters it would rest against Lena's temple.

 “Hey,” Kara greets, smiling.

 Green eyes close again. “I need coffee.”

 She giggles. She had assumed for some reason that Lena would be a morning person.

 Lena groans. “Don’t be cheerful.”

 Grouchy tousled Lena is an unexpected delight. Kara laughs at her again and curls an arm up to bury a hand in her hair, stroking gently. “How does your coffee machine work?”

Lena’s eyes narrow. “No.”

 “You think I’ll break your fancy coffee maker?”

 She doesn’t dignify that with a response.

 “Hmmm, a pretty good assumption for first thing in the morning,” Kara drawls playfully.

 That gets a smile as Lena sits up, rubbing at her eyes with one hand. She stands, replacing the blanket over Kara, and stumbles away to the bathroom.

 Fun over, Kara decides food is the next most important item on her agenda. She is still rifling around in Lena’s refrigerator when the other woman comes back, pressing several buttons in succession after pouring some beans into a highly sophisticated coffee maker.

 That finished, she looks skeptically at Kara. “Can you cook, either? I seem to remember a woman accompanied very frequently by take-out food.”

 Kara looks sheepishly to the side. “Well, I can cook pasta? And it’s not like you can mess up an egg!”

 Lena is already pulling the egg carton out of the refrigerator. “Incorrect. You’re one of those people who overcooks eggs miserably, aren’t you?”

 “I’m always too hungry when I cook!”

 “You would be. How many eggs will you want?”

 Kara freezes, a guilty look on her face.

 Lena rolls her eyes, cracking all eight remaining eggs from the carton into a bowl. “I have seen you eat, remember.”

 Kara is lectured on the importance of ‘slow and low’ as she watches the food with rapt, desperate attention. The quality difference can’t possibly be worth this pain.

 She is proved wrong several minutes later, as apparently slow cooking is indeed the secret to light fluffy eggs. Kara devours a heaping plate as Lena picks at a much more reasonable pile between sips of coffee.

 Kara runs to the bathroom herself while Lena finishes, only to reseat herself on the couch.

 Lena looks over and sees that the time for their serious discussion has come. She gets up slowly, refilling her cup of coffee, and goes to sit next to Kara on the couch.

 Kara frowns thoughtfully, “This whole conversation is long overdue, I guess. But snuggling and watching a sloth documentary was the important thing because even though there is a lot that needs to be said, how that feels is the truth underneath everything else. That’s how I feel. What you say might change how I think but… not that.”

 “How can you say that? You have no assurance that I didn’t plan to betray you from the very first day of our acquaintance.”

 “Honestly, you are way too efficient to spend like a hundred hours becoming friends with me just to lure me into a trap. Anyone who’s seen the news knows all they have to do is pick up school bus full of kids, put them in a creepy warehouse, and voila Supergirl.”

 Lena rolls her eyes but grins a little.

 “First things first, I guess. Alex told me, that you messaged her my location and told the DEO about Lex’s plan. But I still don’t feel like I know… what happened. On your end. Will you,” Kara searches for words, “Will you tell me what happened?”

 “Two weeks after Lex escaped, I got…” she pauses, swallowing, “I got a call from him. He knew I was acquainted with Supergirl, and wanted my help in his newest… venture.”

 Kara already has things she wants to ask, but decides to wait.

 “He… he spoke as if of course I was his beloved sister so of course I would help him. I couldn’t… I know I should have told him to go to hell. But I… it has been so long since I heard his voice. I didn’t turn him down at first. I just wanted…” She clears her throat. “Anyway. Perhaps I am merely justifying it to myself. But I agreed to help, assuming that if he was going to strike at you and Superman with or without me, I’d rather assist him in order to reduce collateral damage to innocent civilians. As per the school bus example you provided. And hoping that I could leak his plans to people who would intervene, when the time came.”

 She takes a deep, shuddering breath. “A thousand things could have gone wrong. I don’t know what I would have done if he had changed his mind and decided you weren’t useful to him. All I did was play both sides. I am… unworthy of the trust you placed in me.”

 Kara frowns thoughtfully. “You knew, from the very beginning, who I was. Why did you… decide to befriend me?”

 “You mean, was it for this purpose?” Lena asks.

 Kara just nods, grimacing. She doesn’t want to ask. But she feels like she needs to hear the answer.

 “It was for a variety of reasons. Whether you were a friend or an enemy getting to know you would be useful. You were a reporter to help rebuild my reputation who was too honest to dig for controversy or sell me out. And a Superhero who would inevitably become involved in my life and my dealings, which I preferred to happen on my terms. But it wasn’t all calculation. I did…” she pauses, worrying at her lip, “Like you. Even though I might disagree with your methods, I admire your aims.  And for someone whose whole life is shrouded in deception, you were so honest. Foolishly honest. And you liked me. You believed me, I could sense even then you understood me in a way I don’t experience often. Befriending you was no hardship, and even though I did it because it was useful it wasn’t long until…” her voice trembles slightly, “Until you were one of the brightest things in my life.”

 Kara reaches over to squeeze her shoulder. “I never thought your motives were all rainbows and puppies. I told you before, that I choose to trust people. It isn’t something you gained on false pretenses. It is how I interact with the world in order to be the person I need to be.” She tilts her head, “And I did… always like you. Why didn’t you ever tell me about this before?”

 “I don’t talk about my feelings, not in these terms. But you are owed an explanation.”

 “Owed isn’t… the right word,” Kara says haltingly.

 On the couch Lena whirls towards in frustration. “Stop pretending you aren’t angry with me! I betrayed your trust and lured you into a trap set by my brother, you could have died.”

 She has asked Lena for honesty, but Kara is finding it easier to hear it than give. She has never liked her own anger, her own grief. It is easier to be smiling happy Kara Danvers. “How I feel is complicated. I get into near death situations or lured into traps like every month, so that just kind of…” Kara trails off.

 Lena almost snarls in frustration.

 Kara shuts her eyes, breathing in. “Your brother was scary. Just because of… how much he hated me. That he could hate me that much and not even know me. And there was a moment. When I realized that you had…” she can’t finish the sentence. “There was a second of… it’s hard to describe.  A crushing dread. That I had lost you. Not just loss… that I had cared about you so much and it hadn't meant anything to you.”

 The look on Lena’s face says that she would rather die than hear Kara continue, but has chosen to live on as penance.

 “And that was…” Kara continues, “That was bad. As soon as I had time to think I knew it was more complicated than that. I knew your brother had escaped and that something had been going on with you, I knew that you weren’t ok. And then you told me Alex and the DEO were coming and I knew you had helped. You lured me into a trap and then told people who could rescue me exactly where I was. It doesn’t really even the scales. But it does mean that nothing about this is simple.”

 “Kara, I lured you into the jaws a deranged killed because I didn’t want to disappoint him. Because he asked me and talked to me like I was someone he loved and I couldn’t reject that, even though I knew it was a lie.”

 “He’s your family. I can understand that. Better than you can imagine.”

 “What?” Lena asks, shocked.

 “I’m sure you saw the news reports, about the mind control weapon that was deployed against National City. The alien prisoners who had banded together after escaping from Fort Rozz.”

 “I heard.”

 “Their leader, General Astra. She was… she was my aunt.”

 “Your biological aunt?” She hears the awe and surprise in Lena’s voice.

 “She was my mother’s sister. They were identical twins.” Even thinking of her has made Kara choked up. “And I… loved her so much.” She has to shut her eyes and rub at the tears forming in them. It has been a while since she talked about Astra. “On Krypton, she realized the destruction that was coming. Her and her husband Non formed a group, Myriad was part of their plan to save our home. They became terrorists, and were caught after causing several deaths. My own mother sentenced them. And, Lena. They were right, I believe they were right.” Kara’s words are punctuated by firm belief. “The government was too slow and unable to take drastic action. Weighed against the destruction of a whole world, of tens of millions of people? I would have joined them.”

 Kara’s words carry a dark, determined undertone Lena has never heard. Her heart burns with sorrow at what Kara has lost, but isn’t without a hint of fear, at what she could have been in the wrong circumstances.

 “But after all those years in the prison, she was… warped. When she got to earth she became determined that the same thing would happen again if she didn’t stop it. Which, I mean, might well be true in about a thousand years.  But there was no… sense of perspective, no rationality. She approached me, and asked me to join them.”

 Lena breathes in sharply.

 “If she had been anything less than aggressive and half-mad, I don’t know what I would have done. If she had persuaded me, if she had hugged me and said she missed me. If she had told me that I didn’t have to the _last_ anymore! There are so many people I love on this planet; I don’t think I could have gone with her. But it would have torn me apart. It _did_ tear me apart. She was the only one left who remembers me, who could tell stories about what I was like as a child. Who loved me, then.”

 Lena’s voice is rough with tears, “Kara.”

 “I just wanted her back! If I ever thought I could have convinced her by going with her! We’ll never know, but…” her voice trails off.

 Lena leans back and closes her eyes, tone very soft, “How is it that an alien from another planet is the only person I’ve ever met who can understand?”

 “I think it’s just that this much messed up stuff happening to one person is too statistically unlikely,” Kara says wryly.

 Lena covers her mouth after a rough laugh.

 Kara reaches over to twine her fingers with Lena’s. “What happened hurt me, but not because of what you did. What hurts me is that you didn’t tell me. I wish you had been honest about what was going on. Why didn’t you _tell_ me?”

 “I know. But I…” Lena stops. “I couldn’t. I thought that as soon as I did, it would be over anyway. Because as soon as you knew, I would be nothing but a Luthor again. I just wanted… you always saw me, not just my name or my job. I wanted nothing to change. I just...”

 Kara turns to her, cupping Lena’s face with her other hand and brushing her cheekbone with a thumb. “Do you see now? Is it over, Lena?” Kara smiles encouragingly. “I never forgot you were a Luthor. You are not the same as your brother, and I’d never judge you for his actions. But that doesn’t mean you are not affected by who your brother is. Your last name will never be Smith. I never wanted you to be someone else. I never thought this was going to be easy. I thought that it would be _worth it_.”

 She looks into Lena’s green eyes squarely, kindly, without flinching. She sees those eyes widen with awe and shutter with sorrow. Under her palm she can feel the shift of Lena’s jaw as she tries to find words.

 All of a sudden it hits Kara profoundly the nature of the gift she has been given. To have people who love her unconditionally, who protect her and shelter her and comfort her. She had dismissed the risks of betrayal and trusted freely, and she sees now that it was only partially due to her own nature. She sees that her kind of trust is something you can afford when you’re safe. When you know that there are people behind you that will love you no matter what and help you deal with the consequences.

 Kara lowers her hand. “There are parts of you I never got to see. And I haven’t forgotten… that this isn’t over. Your brother is still out there, and I can’t decide for you what to choose. The only thing you have to do to keep faith with me is be honest with me. To tell me if you are struggling, or if you need me to stay away.”

 Lena closes her eyes tightly.

 “Cadmus is making this situation extremely dangerous, for me. I can’t imagine how much more so it would be for you, if you became associated with me. I’ll be sad, but I’ll understand. If you… if you need to separate yourself from that.” Kara warns softly.

 The mention of Cadmus sends a rock plummeting in Lena’s stomach. Within Kara’s warm sphere, she had almost forgotten that she has one last horrifying secret. She knows she cannot betray Kara’s trust with any more lies. She knows she can’t let Kara find this out from someone else. But she isn’t sure if she is capable of speaking this aloud. _Kara, it isn’t just my brother. Cadmus is…_ _Lex Luthor isn’t the only one staining our family name with blood. So is my… so is my…_

The words go around and around in her head but she cannot say them. She will do what she can. She will repay this faith with what meagre strength she possesses. Her voice is a quiet whisper. “Kara, there is more.”

 Kara turns to her, shocked despite herself. But she says nothing, waiting.

 Lena breaths harshly, gritting her teeth. But she cannot do it.

 Kara reaches out, cupping Lena’s cheeks again and pulling her head to rest in the crook of her neck. She winds her arms around her back, holding her tightly.

 “I can’t Kara, I can’t,” her voice is shaking.

 “It’s okay,” she murmurs in response, “It’ll be alright.”

 A ragged, desperate noise escapes her.

 “Lena! Do I need to know right now?” Kara asks.

 “I’m afraid if I don’t tell you here I won’t ever be able to.”

 “Is it about you personally?” Kara asks calmly.

 Lena shakes her head against the warm span of neck.

 “Then it can wait, Lena. It can wait until you’re ready. Just this is enough.”

 They grasp each other tightly until the silence becomes awkward, easing apart with hands still clinging to each other.

 Lena looks at Kara, and feels as if she is in a dream. But even her dreams have never dared this, never dared to hope for understanding and forgiveness and shared pain, rather than recrimination. Underneath the Luthor’s surface kindness there was just the ultimatum of obedience in return for a façade of love. She feels as if she has stepped into a foreign country, in which the language and culture are all unfamiliar.

 Kara grins at Lena, her smile sad but desperately fond. “I think that’s enough for today. It’s time for pizza and ice cream.”

 Lena wipes at her eyes, scoffing. “Kara, it’s 10:30 a.m.”

 “Waffles and ice cream?”

 Lena laughs, conceding. “Alright.”

 

* * *

 

Maggie Sawyer is a fantastic detective. One of the reasons for that is how much she loves to put together the full picture, to observe all the tiny clues and bits of data, and put them in order. Alex Danvers didn’t realize it, but she had just given Maggie all the pieces she needed.

 Kara Danvers is Supergirl. The happy, smiling journalist Kara Danvers is a refugee from Krypton who came to earth after losing everything. She had known Alex’s sister was adopted, but she had never thought, never dreamed that could be the reason. Alex's sister is an alien.

 She sees at once that Alex Danvers joined the DEO to protect her, perhaps at first to protect her from _them_. Alex does not have other friends, she does not have other hobbies, she does not have much of anything except a mission to protect her little sister. Alex has spent her whole life hiding her and helping her blend in and making sure no one took her away.

 Maggie’s chest aches painfully. God, she remembered thinking that Alex was a bit too serious and uptight for her. Pegged her as an overcompensating FED, a classic closet case who had work rather than relationships. She had seen her response to the aliens in the bar and thought she was uncomfortable with them! She had misjudged her as a prejudiced DEO agent. And even though as their friendship grew she had realized she was wrong, those perceptions had still influenced her.

 It is only with the correct context for Alex’s behavior that she realizes what everything means. 

 She hadn’t appreciated what Alex’s tentative overtures had meant, hadn’t fully realized how much more important to Alex than they were than to her. This is a woman living on the edge of a knife, too busy and too worried to explore herself for her whole adulthood. It isn’t just the danger or the lying, Alex Danvers simply doesn’t know how to treat a relationship lightly, not anymore. But Maggie looks at herself and wonders when she stopped being able to let her relationships really matter.

 She knows when she’s beat, too. She is going to have to face this head on.

 That is why she is standing in front of Alex’s door.

 

* * *

 

When Alex Danvers opens her door at 11:30am on a Saturday, she is expecting her sister. She is still in sweatpants, hasn’t brushed her hair, and is thinking more about getting her clothes out of the dryer before they get wrinkled then she is about socializing. The sight of Maggie Sawyer in front of her immediately produces a potent combination of excitement, embarrassment, and dread.

 Maggie smirks, “Good morning, Danvers.”

 She motions the other woman into the apartment, “Sorry about the mess. It’s been a rough week.”

 “Believe me, I remember. I’m impressed you’re wearing pants at all.”

 Alex shakes her head, grinning. “Thanks, good to know the bar is set _real_ high.”

 Maggie laughs and makes herself at home, going to sit in one of the barstools tucked under the small island dividing the kitchen and living room.

 “Hope you don’t mind if I wash some dishes while we chat?” Alex says from the other side of the counter.

 “Not at all. You’ve been watching over your injured sister for days and I dropped in without warning you first. If I was a nicer person I’d be helping you!” Maggie says with a grin.

 This comment clearly triggers Alex’s memory of her slip a few days ago. “Ah. You have questions?”

 “Not really. I’m mostly just mad I didn’t realize sooner. It’s pretty obvious, and your sister is a terrible liar. It is just so impossible to imagine Kara punching anyone? Honestly, still a little hard to wrap my head around.”

 Alex can’t help but laugh.

 “Is that what you came to tell me about that night?” Maggie asks.

 Hands buried in the sink, her shoulders stiffen. “Yeah. Kara had convinced me to tell you. About her being Supergirl.”

 “Too bad I got us so far off topic.” Maggie hesitates, biting her lip, “I might have been projecting my own issues, there.”

 “What?” Alex is glad she has her back turned and something to do with her hands if this conversation is going to tread into _these_ waters.

 Maggie sighs audibly. “It’s time for me to own up to my own shit.”

 Unsure what she is referring to, Alex decided to keep silent until Maggie elaborates.

 It takes her a few more moments to collect her thoughts before she continues. “I had to— not break up, we weren’t dating, I had to break it off with the girl I was seeing. I started feeling like a fucking cheater.”

 Alex stands frozen. She is not washing the dishes anymore.

 “I’ve gotten to the point where… it would be unfair of me. To start something with someone else. Because of…” Maggie is well experienced at emotional conversations, but this is giving even her a little difficulty. She knows there is no going back after this. “Because of how I feel. About you.”

 “But nothing has changed. About your… reasons.” Alex will not give in to hope, not yet.

 “That’s true. I am still worried about all those things. But we are long past the ‘you just came out’ stage. Eventually, my motives became more about my own… hang-ups, then they were about you. Ever since moving here I have drifted through relationships that didn’t mean that much to me. And I know that if we do this, it will be something serious and to be honest even thinking about that scares me to death. And if you’ve moved on, I can accept that. Our friendship is more important to me than dating. But I…” Maggie makes a frustrated noise. “Most of the time when I’m infatuated with someone and it wouldn’t be smart to date them, I get some distance and it goes away. This has not… gone away. The closer I get to you… the more I want to…” her breathing is coming in shallow, difficult gasps. Her heart is pounding much harder than it should be. “The more I want to be with you.”

 Alex tears her hands out of the dishwater and whirls around, meeting Maggie Sawyer’s warm brown eyes with fierce intent.

 Maggie slides off the stool and takes a step closer to her. “If it’s something you still want… I would like to try. We would have to go slow, and communicate a lot, and be very careful. I don’t intend to hurt you, not when I should _know_ better. But, what do you think?”

 The air feels like it has disappeared from Alex’s lungs. She blinks uselessly, heart pounding. “Would you like to go get coffee sometime?” Is what she eventually blurts out.

 Maggie laughs fiercely, relieved and amused. “Are you asking me out on a date, Danvers?”

 Alex freezes, mouth hanging open.

 Maggie takes a couple steps closer until she hovers right inside Alex’s personal space.

 Alex nods.

 “Good,” she says, voice rough.

 Maggie reaches up to grab the front of Alex’s shirt and pulls her down into an intent kiss. She takes Alex’s bottom lip between hers, closing her eyes and sinking into the sensation. Alex’s eyes widen, heart stuttering while her brain catches up. She flings still sopping wet arms around Maggie’s waist, drawing her even closer as she reciprocates, pulling away to tilt her head before kissing her again with gentle affection.

 Something in Alex shudders apart, everything warm intense heat. Their kiss is barely more than chaste, and she is on fire. God, Maggie isn’t even using _tongue._ She distantly wonders: this is how it was supposed to feel, this is what people have been raving about all these years.

 Maggie pulls back, smiling. Her shirt hangs oddly from where it sticks to her skin, still damp from Alex’s arms. She releases Alex’s shirt from clenched fists and spreads her palm flat against Alex’s breastbone, thumb stroking gently along her clavicle.

Then she takes a step back. “I’ll see you soon then, Alex.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally time to start weaving Lena in with the rest of the people in Kara's life, which I'm super psyched for. I really love the Alex and Lena combo. I tend to think Alex's big sister instincts would be SO WEAK to Lena Luthor which like give it to me, that could be a fic just by itself. Plus, Lena and Winn??? I just really want Lena as part of the supersquad, tbh.
> 
> The people she loves are such an important part of Kara, you can't have her without those. So now we get the Kara and Lena friendship ('friend'ship lolol) in a new phase of honesty and wholeness. This is the ground you want to plant a relationship in. Plus, Game Night!!! This was both super fun and super difficult to write, omg dialogue where multiple people are speaking to multiple other people kill me nowww.

* * *

 

_“So Merlyn sent you to me," said the badger, "to finish your education. Well, I can only teach you two things – to dig, and love your home. These are the true end of philosophy.”_

_The Once and Future King_ by T.H. White

 

* * *

 

 Kara, emotionally exhausted but peaceful and centered and happy, enters her apartment intending to do nothing productive at all for the rest of the day. She hangs up her coat, throws her purse on the counter, and narrowly misses running headlong into her sister.

 Alex is standing in her kitchen, one hand on the door of the refrigerator, looking like she has forgotten not only what she was trying to do but what refrigerators are for in the first place.

 “Alex?” Kara puts a hand on her shoulder.

 Alex turns towards her, still looking shell-shocked.

 “Are you… okay?”

 Alex nods.

 “Are you on drugs?”

 This seems to startle Alex out of her stupor. She grins. “Maggie has feelings for me. We’re going on a date.”

 She claps her hands together, bright grin stretching her face. “Alex! That’s wonderful.” Kara fights off her protective rush of sisterly concern, knowing there will time for doubts and questions later. Right now is for celebrating something good coming to Alex after a long, hard road.

 Her sister still seems shocked by the news.

 She reaches out and pulls Alex into her arms, squeezing tightly. “I’m so happy for you.” Alex reaches up to reciprocate the hug.

 Kara laughs joyfully, bending at the knees and dropping her arms to Alex’s thighs. She stands up straight, hoisting her into the air.

 “Oh my god, Kara,” she laughs as Kara spins her around a few times before setting her back down.

 “Alex has got a girlfriend,” she singsongs playfully.

 “Not yet I don’t. But I might, soon,” Alex tries to look serious but can’t help smiling again.

 “Let’s go sit on the couch and order some food. I need to hear _everything._ ”

 By the time the pizza has arrived they are settled in their normal positions in the living room.

 “Alright, so when did this happen?”

 Alex clutches a pillow to herself, using the other arm to set down her piece of pizza. “The night before you got… hurt, I had gone to talk to Maggie. To explain about your secret. But we got into an argument instead, and I left without telling her. Then she saw what happened on the news and came to the DEO. I slipped and referred to you as my sister, and she put the whole picture together. She came by today to talk to me about the fight, and who you are, and the whole… situation.”

 “And?” Kara asked, knocking her feet together on the sofa table.

 “Maggie told me that she had hoped keeping her distance would make her feelings go away. And that she still had concerns about a relationship with me. But denying how we felt was just causing even more problems, so… we’re going to try it.”

 Kara smiles. She is so deeply, deeply happy for her sister. Whether this works out or not, she would do anything to let her selfless older sister, who never asks anything for herself, keep this happiness.

 Alex tips her head back, smiling at the ceiling, “She kissed me.”

 “Alex!” Kara laughs, clapping her hands, “And this happened, what, an hour ago? And you came straight over here?”

 Alex just keeps grinning.

 Kara gets up and sits next to her sister on the chair, smooching her on the cheek. “I love you, Alex. You’re my best friend too. I’m so, so happy for you.”

 Alex just sighs, leaning her head against Kara’s shoulder. “Love you too, little sis.” After a quiet moment, she turns slightly, “Where were you, anyway? I figured you would be sleeping in.”

 “I did, just not here.” Kara pauses, “I was over at Lena’s.”

 Her sister bolts upright. “You talked with her? How did it go?”

 Kara takes a deep, slow breath in and lets it out, “It was good. It was a good talk.”

 “You forgave her?”

 Kara hums. “I can understand what she did, and why. She was trying to protect me without betraying her brother. I could have accepted that, if she had just been honest about what was going on. But she…” pausing, she taps her knee thoughtfully, “She really thought I would end our friendship if I knew she was still… affected by them. It’s her family, I never thought she didn’t care about them anymore! I guess the problem is that, neither of us really trusted the other with our whole selves. Not that, I mean you don’t do that with people you just met. But I think, we are going to try. For real, this time.”

 Alex smiles, a sad rueful sort of grin. “About what I expected. You are too kind, Kara.”

 “No, she did the wrong thing. But I- I know I can come to you and all my friends for help when there is a problem. I understand that Winn can do his computer thing and you can do the science thing and we all work together and that’s how we solve problems: all together. I just don’t think that is her experience, that that has ever been her experience. And I, I had thought about it, but never followed through, about introducing her to everyone. If I kept her separate, I can’t expect her to understand how we could have helped!”

 “That’s because your ‘team’ involves people working for secret government agencies.”

 “My team involves my sister, too.” Kara looks down, thoughtful. “Would you go talk to her?”

 Alex’s eyes flick to Kara, startled. “What? You _want_ me to give her the shovel talk?”

 “Well, sort of? I mean, I think she was pretty upset I wasn’t angrier with her. She might feel better if someone gives her a shakedown. Plus, I think she could use one of Alex Danvers’ famous ‘sister talks’. Just, don’t be too mean, okay?”

 “Ugh. Only for you, Kara.” She says, throwing an arm across her sister’s shoulders.

 

* * *

 

Alex Danvers can’t believe she is doing this when she goes into the apartment building. She can’t believe she is doing it all the way up to the security desk, can’t believe Lena Luthor apparently gives her permission to come up, and she remains in denial in the elevator.

 She stands outside the door, takes a deep breath, thinks _I can’t believe I’m doing this_ one last time, for posterity, and knocks on the door.

 The woman who comes to the door looks strange to her. Alex has met Lena Luthor numerous times, of course, but they have never really had a one on one conversation. To see her, in her own home, wearing ‘lazy Sunday’ clothes (albeit the rich, sophisticated version), is jarring to the extreme.

 Lena motions her in without a greeting, lips pursed. She goes to sit on the couch, and Alex takes the armchair across from her.

 Alex isn’t sure how to start this conversation, luckily Lena does it for her.

 “So, I’m assuming you are here to tell me I should ‘stay away from your sister, if you know what’s good for you’.”

 Alex smirks, despite herself, “No. We both know no one tells Kara anything like that. And even if you could, she just makes puppy dog eyes at you until you relent.”

 A ghost of a smile passes across Lena’s face, and she nods to acknowledge the point.

 Alex keeps gearing herself up to be angry, to tell Lena Luthor she needs to be the woman Kara believes she is _or else,_ to clear the air between them. But the woman across from her looks so tired, so small and strained. Lena’s hands are clasped in front of her, resting on pale grey slacks. Her loose white blouse hides it, but Alex can see the tense, defeated slant of her shoulder.

 “Damn it.” Alex lowers her head into her hands, glaring at the floor, “God damn it. You have no idea how badly I want to ream you out right now.”

 Her tone is clipped, factual. “I’m quite certain I deserve it.”

 “I know.” She takes a slow breath out. “I have two things to say to you. The first is that you betrayed the kindest, most trusting person I know. She forgives you, and she wants to move on, so I have to respect that. But don’t think that means I don’t have my eye on you. The second, is that… as much as I want to be angry at you. I’m a lot angrier at someone else.”

 “I don’t need three guesses,” she says with a wry, sad smile.

 “Yes. But not for the reasons you think,” she pauses. “I have a little sister too, Lena. I have a sister who came into my life and needed a family and needed someone to look out for her. And that… responsibility, that bond, is the most sacred thing I have ever experienced. Do you understand? There is _nothing_ I wouldn’t do to protect Kara.”

 Lena turns her head to the side to try and hide the shine of the tears in her eyes.

 Alex swears internally with particular violence. Now that she has seen this, she will never be able to unseen it, the orphaned Lena who had idolized her older sibling and longed for a family and been betrayed by the love she had clung to so desperately. She sees Kara in her place, and can’t bear to even think of what it would have done to her if the Danvers had been unworthy of her trust and love.

 “I might not know the specifics, but it’s obvious the position your brother put you in. What he did…” Alex can barely even speak it, would die rather than do what Lex has done, “What he did is a vile offense to the compass by which I have steered my entire adult life. And, if you were wondering, I would never ask her to choose. Never. I’m here now because I would never ask that. I love her. I want her to have everything. That’s why, just this once, you’re off the hook.”

 Alex stands up, and sits next to Lena on the couch. “There is just one thing you need to understand. When you get involved with Kara, your life becomes messy, complicated, and dangerous. And your life was _already_ messy, complicated, and dangerous. So, the next time something like this happens, the next time you have a problem, you come to us. You tell us what’s going on and let us help.”

 Lena speaks, for the first time in several minutes, in an uncertain whisper, “I don’t know how to do that.”

 Alex scoffs gently, “You’re a CEO. If an employee fails to disclose a troubleshooting problem and the issue has snowballed, I’m sure you don’t hole in and try to deal with it yourself. You call a big meeting, figure out how and why the problem occurred, and decide what steps will be taken to correct it.”

  “So the next time I have a problem I am to convene a meeting of Kara’s adopted superfamily?” she asks, incredulous.

 “Yeah,” she says, smiling. “Kara cares about you, Lena. And what she wants, is for you to be a part of that family.”

 Because she has been relaxing, the way that Lena freezes on hearing this is even more obvious. Her breathing stops, shoulders snapping back.

 Alex stands, moving toward the door. “It’s up to you to decide if that is something you want, and what you want that to mean. But I hope, for her sake, you do.”

 

* * *

 

Kara will admit to being a little anxious, the next time she goes to see Lena. She has picked a slow day, midweek, free of disaster for both L Corp and Supergirl. Holding a bakery box under her arm, she hovers outside the doors to Lena’s office a for a long moment.

 She goes inside. Lena is bent over a thick binder, the top page a complex diagram made by some engineer, undoubtedly with multiple degrees. Then she looks up, mouth opening in surprise, “Kara?”

 “Hi,” Kara gives a little wave. “I found a Greek place,” she pauses, walking further into the office, “Their baklava is so amazing, you absolutely have to try it.”

 Lena’s mouth stretches into a shy grin. She hesitates, then stands, closing the binder and going to sit on the couch.

 Kara walks over to sit next to her, setting the box on the sleek glass table and pulling out the flaky pastries and several napkins. As she sets up she asks, offhand, “How was L Corp today? Anything new?”

 Lena reaches over to put a wedge of pastry onto a napkin. “Butted heads with the engineers about the final version of a product, butted heads with the board about long term growth, hired a very bright young fellow to lead a new project.” She pauses, taking her bottom lip between her teeth, “How about you, Kara?”

 “I keep having to put in even more time finding normal stories, since Snapper is getting a little suspicious about all my quotes from Supergirl.”

 Lena laughs, a hand flying up to her mouth, “What do you do? Jump back and forth between writing ‘Supergirl stops four house blaze’ and ‘Municipal planning for new bike route’?”

 Kara grins, fiddling with her glasses, “Sometimes.”

 The conversation lulls, and in the quiet space she meets Lena’s vibrant green eyes. Kara feels her grin broadening into a wide, genuine smile. Something about this, stuttering and awkward and trying, floods her system with hope and happiness. Something between them has fundamentally shifted. She knows it will take time for them to find a new normal, but Kara can feel that it will be good, and whole.

 Lena wipes her fingers with a napkin, then lays her hand on top of Kara’s. She breaks eye contact, eyes fluttering shut, voice almost a whisper, “Thank you. Kara, thank you.”

 Kara feels her chest squeeze, blinking back the burn of tears. Lena so rarely initiates affection, something about this gentle gratitude settles on her like a weight. She turns her hand over, twining their fingers together. “You are welcome, Lena,” she says, not knowing what she is being thanked for, and not caring. Whatever it was, Lena was welcome to it.

 

* * *

 

There are already five people gathered in her apartment when she hears the knock at the door. Winn and Alex are standing in front of the closet containing all the games, arguing about the best choice for the night. James is in the kitchen, pulling warmed up dip out of the oven, while Maggie watches it all as she sits on the counter.

 Kara gets up from the couch, shouting “I’ll get it!” to Alex, who has already turned towards the door.

 She opens it to reveal the last guest of the night, Lena, looking determined and just a little shy. “Hi, Kara. Thanks for having me.”

 “I’m glad you could come!” Kara holds out her arms, gesturing for the bag Lena has brought. She will admit to a little nervousness. Of all her friends, only James had been a difficult sell about inviting Lena (Winn, the only other protective male, had a sad understanding of Lena’s position) but that didn’t mean she wasn’t worried about this going well.

 Lena passes it to her, “I wasn’t sure what you would like, I figured you can’t go wrong with alcohol.”

 “You didn’t need to bring anything,” Kara says, smiling, “Not that we won’t enjoy it!”

 They make their way inside, Alex coming to meet them in the living room. She nods, curt but friendly, at Lena before catching sight of the bag in Kara’s hands. She leans over, pulling out one of the bottles. “Hey, this is nice wine.” She looks over at Lena, impressed.

 Alex turns towards Maggie, who is now standing in the kitchen, “Grab the wine opener. It’s in the lower drawer, closest to the oven.”

 She turns back, pulling the second bottle out of the bag, while smirking playfully at Kara, “If she is going to keep bringing expensive booze you’ll have to invite her back.”

 Maggie has, by this time, made her way over with the wine opener. She holds out her hand, “We haven’t met in person. I’m Maggie Sawyer, Alex’s girlfriend.”

 Lena shakes gracefully, “Lena Luthor. I hear you are also a first time game night attendee.”

 She laughs, “Yeah. According to Winn, adding just me would have thrown off the teams. Even numbers, you know.”

 Alex rolls her eyes, “Come on, let’s sit down so we can get started.”

 Alex and Maggie take both sides of the loveseat, kitty-corner from that is an armchair occupied by James. As Winn takes over the end of the couch closest to him, that leaves the other end for Kara and Lena.

 With the air of a presenter, Winn motions to the box on the table. “Today’s game of choice is Cranium. It’s a great option for our newcomers tonight; you’ve got a combination of classic game fair like charades and ‘name that obscure 80’s pop song’, as well as entertaining and unique challenges like ‘sculpt with playdough’ and drawing with your eyes closed.”

 He looks around the room. “I’m assuming our teams are going to be girlfriends vs girls vs boys.”

 Maggie laughs, leaning forward to scoop some dip onto a corn chip. Alex nods affirmatively.

 “The rules are as follows,” he continues, “You roll the dice, move, then draw a card corresponding to the color of the square on which you land. Then you play whatever game is on the card. If you win the challenge, you roll again. If you lose, it’s the next group’s turn. If you land on a purple square, you can pick whatever category of challenge you want. Whoever gets to the center square first and wins a challenge wins the game.”

 Kara raises her arms in the air, cheering.

 They start, a little tentative as Maggie and Lena acquaint themselves with the rules and possible game modes. James and Winn go off on a running start, burning through a multiple choice question (answer: President Carter) and successfully spelling the word ‘correspondence’ backwards. But they are stopped after an unsuccessful attempt at guessing Winn’s admittedly terrible drawing.

 Maggie and Alex immediately stumble at a challenging involving humming a song (Wild Thing), which Maggie couldn’t guess despite Alex’s awful but still recognizable attempt.

 Lena and Kara fare a little better, sailing through a true or false question based solely on Lena’s ability to suss out trick questions but unable to impersonate a famous person whom neither of them had even heard of.

 For a while team girlfriends take the lead, Alex’s ability at trivia combining with Maggie’s sharp intuition, though neither of the other groups remain far behind.

 Lena is surprised to find herself relaxing and enjoying herself, despite the frequently embarrassing nature of the game. The competition is joking rather than serious, and with every round she feels less like she is trying to prove something or letting down her team. The utter silliness of most of the cards helps.

 This culminates with Lena’s truly doomed attempt to sculpt. She can feel what is coming as soon as she sees the card. She had expected something like a turtle or car or elephant. She was not expecting to attempt to sculpt a ‘mousetrap’.

 As she forms a flat base Kara is already guessing absurd completely wrong things like ‘pizza’ and ‘ice cream sandwich’ and ‘flatbread pizza’ again. Even as Lena attempts to form some of the mechanism of the mousetrap, Kara’s guesses continue in the same vein with items such as ‘cake’ and ‘sandwich’.

Eventually, unable to resist despite the rules against hints, she growls “Not food, Kara!”

 This sets Kara off apparently, as the other woman dissolves into giggles. “What is that Lena!”

 Lena throws up her hands in frustration as time runs out. Kara has graduated into full on laughter, burying her face in Lena’s side as her shoulders shake. Alex, watching her sister lose it, has also started laughing behind her hand.

 Soon enough Lena find herself laughing as well, “A mousetrap, Kara. Not pizza, or any other food item.”

 “A mousetrap?” Kara gasps from against her side. “Oh my gosh,” she chokes out as she continues to laugh.

 Lena swats her in annoyance, unable to suppress her grin as this only makes Kara worse.

 She is surprised at how much she learns about all the other people present, just from casual conversations following the questions. They find out that Maggie is apparently an enthusiast of classic rock (she correctly answers that ‘Robert Zimmerman is known to most fans as: Bob Dylan’).

 Lena also outs herself as a bit of a nerd, after knowing a bit of obscure Wizard of Oz trivia (that Shirley Temple was almost cast as Dorothy). Winn had jumped out of his seat, pointing at her with a grin, “Alright, you built a black body field generator and have watched the director’s commentary version of The Wizard of Oz, that means I am no longer the biggest nerd in the room.”

 James laughs, “Oh no, tech boy. I don’t think anyone can beat you in that category.” He turns, grinning at Lena with only a little hesitation. “That just means you might have a… close runner up.”

 She also learns that Kara is a wonderful artist. Her sketch of a peacock is lovely, despite having been done with her eyes closed. Something in her heart clenches to see Kara’s slender fingers produce such a simple thing of beauty, Lena almost wants to keep it.

 To her own deep surprise, she relaxes enough to slip up.

 After answering the question ‘What connects each piston in an engine to the crankshaft?’ she remarks casually that “Lex taught me that when I was in middle school,” before freezing in frightened mortification.

 She had been having such a nice time, and to mention Lex! She cannot imagine how she allowed such a thing happen.

 Kara jolts her out of self-recrimination when she reaches over to grab her hand loosely. “It’s alright to talk about him, we understand.” She waits until Lena will meet her eyes, then smiles. She points at Winn, “Winn has got a murder Dad, and I’ve got a murder Aunt. Aunt and Uncle, I guess.”

 James laughs, “This is quite a group we’ve collected.”

 Alex looks around, then asks James, “Now that I think about it, are you the only one who had a remotely normal upbringing?”

 He shrugs, smiling, “Yeah, I think so? My Mom is an awesome lady, only one dead parent, I did pretty well. I mean, respectively.”

 Kara asks, “What about you Maggie?”

 Maggie laughs with a roguish, dimpled grin, “I’m going to rock your world right now, I’ve got two parents. Still alive. Still married.”

 Winn raises his hands in surrender. “Wow okay, she wins.”

 Kara pouts jokingly, “I feel like you should win if you have the most dead parents.”

 Alex shakes her head. “You’re just saying that because you would win!”

 This leads Lena to raise her eyebrows imperiously with a teasing “Hm.”

 Kara holds her hands over her mouth like a megaphone, talking in an exaggerated announcer voice. “A competitor enters the arena.”

 Lena holds up three fingers and wiggles them.

 “A tie, really? Come on, my whole planet got destroyed!” Kara shouts in mock frustration.

 Alex shrugs, “Our Dad might technically be alive, too. I guess that’s… minus a half point?” brows drawing in confusion.

 “What?” Lena asks, whirling to face Kara.

 Kara squeezes the inside of her elbow, murmuring “Long story, I’ll fill you in later.”

 From the other side of the room, Maggie continues asking, “So what does she win?”

 “Yeah, is there a prize for this extremely morbid contest?” Lena asks.

 James laughs, saying “We’ll think of something,” as he moves his and Winn’s piece three squares forward.

 Alex and Maggie actually end up winning, a dramatic rush from second place that takes them all the way to the center square and to victory. Alex jumps up, crowing with triumphant laughter, before being pulled back down by Maggie into a kiss.

 Lena is surprised to find she doesn’t mind in the least. Kara is pressed to her side, smiling and happy. She feels comfortable, even though she is just getting to know most of the people there.

 Who would have thought Lena Luthor would find herself eagerly awaiting the next game night?


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you all know this is a fic about love and trust but mostly food, here our heroines eat several more foods. I can't help it the vast majority of my socializing is centered around getting meals with people. Eating and hanging out is the best combo right? Is this just me lol???
> 
> WEHHH sorry everyone, I should stop underestimating how busy the holidays get. I thought I was set, but my reread made me realize I was unsatisfied with several aspects of the next few chapters. Chapters 10, 11, and 12 are interrconnected and I didn't want to start posting them until I was really satisfied I wouldn't need to go back and make changes. But I spent the week reworking things and I'm happy now, and feel a lot better about the finished product.
> 
> If you happen to celebrate the holiday, I wish you a Merry Christmas! For everyone with difficult or challenging families, my thoughts are with you. You are strong and good and you will help build a better world, one kinder and more compassionate than you were raised in. I wish all the best for all of you.

* * *

 

_“The universe is deterministic all right, just like Newton said, I mean it's trying to be, but the only thing going wrong is people fancying people who aren't supposed to be in that part of the plan.”_

_Arcadia_ by Tom Stoppard

 

* * *

 

Lena has been to CatCo numerous times, but never visited Kara’s actual office. She realizes this in the lobby of the building after deciding to surprise her with some takeout; she had gotten a text from Kara that for once _she_ is the one unable to leave because she is so bogged down at the office.

 Security points her in the right direction (Kara must be popular, everyone she has ever spoken to at CatCo has smiled and known who she was asking for), and she makes her way up to Kara’s floor weighed down by a large bag of Indian food.

 She finds Kara’s office easily despite its secluded location, it being the only one with the light still on. She knocks once before pushing the door open, smiling at the sight of her hard at work typing away on a laptop.

 Kara looks up with surprise. “Lena?”

 “Since it’s you burning the midnight oil this time I figured I should be the one to bring food to _your_ office.”

 “Oh my gosh you are a godsend,” she says, holding out a hand and wiggling her fingers, “Gimme.”

 Lena sets the bag on the desk, pulling out containers of chicken tikka masala, malai kofta, lamb rogan josh, with a generous stack of garlic naan. Kara doesn’t hesitate before pulling out the takeout silverware and tearing into the container of chicken, a look of bliss on her face.

 Lena sits, watching Kara inhale food with a look of fond awe. “Even knowing your metabolism is supercharged, it’s still impressive how much you manage to eat.”

 Kara nods around bites of food, mumbling something like “My favorite superpower.”

 She laughs. “Is the food on earth similar to what you had on Krypton?” Lena has been curious about Kara’s history for a while, it seems right to start with innocuous questions.

 “Hm.” Kara tilts her head, thinking, “The opposite, really. Krypton had become much more utilitarian. Food was designed to fulfill nutritional requirements, or at least was planned around that. Plus, there weren’t as many mammals so there was a lot less variety. There were still lots of cultural dishes and festival foods and things I loved, but it was all purposeful. Food on earth is an end in and of itself. It is allowed to exist solely for the pleasure of eating it, even though it may go against health guidelines and all good sense.” Though she has never thought of it that way, perhaps this is one of the reasons she can enjoy earth food so unreservedly. There is no nagging tug of memory, little competition with what came before.

 Lena grins, “I should have known that that’s an area humans would excel in.”

 “Humans are also amazing at petting things that are not for petting. I watched about a hundred hours of the crocodile hunter in absolute amazement after I came here.”

 “Oh?” Lena asks, raising an eyebrow. “Is that where your love of animals comes from?”

 “Krypton didn’t have many animals. Most of the native species were long extinct by the time I was born. Before I came here I had never seen things like birds or reptiles or whales.”

 No wonder she seems so cheerful and awestruck. She has kept a piece of the wonder of exploring a new world always with her. It is so like Kara to choose that to dwell on rather than what must be a deeply private grief. Lena feels herself flooded with warm affection. “Now I want to see you at a zoo.”

 Kara bolts upright in her chair in excitement, “Please go with me to the zoo. Alex won’t anymore. She says she has seen all the animals enough for her whole lifetime, which is obviously not true.”

 “Pick a date and we’ll go,” Lena says with a laugh. The word date echoes in her head like a ringing bell.

 

* * *

 

 “Kara.” Alex shakes her sister’s shoulder, where she lies half asleep on the couch. “Hey, Kara.”

“Alex?” she asks blearily. She had meant to take an evening nap, not conk out for the night.

“If you want you can go back to sleep.”

Kara shakes her head. “If I keep napping I won’t be able to sleep tonight. Thanks for getting me up.” She stumbles blearily to the kitchen, pulling out a granola bar to help her system finish waking up.

Alex settles on the couch, looking intently at her phone.

Once cognition is fully returned, it occurs to her to ask “Wait, it isn’t sister night. Did you come to talk to me?”

All at once, Alex uncharacteristically reddens and scowls.

Kara goes over to sit across from Alex in a comfy chair. “That’s a yes. Hit me.”

“It’s embarrassing.”

“So is the fact that Supergirl spent an hour yesterday letting an old woman tell me about how terrible her podiatrist appointment was.”

“You did _what_?”

“I felt bad leaving and the conversation just would not end!” Kara says, gesturing with her hands.

Alex snorts, “You always know how to make me feel better.”

Kara just smiles and waits.

“Alright.” She runs a hand through her hair, hesitating but letting herself get some momentum, “It’s about Maggie. Things are going well, really well! But she wants to be careful and take things slow and…”

“And…?” Kara trails off questioningly.

“She won’t sleep with me!”

Kara fights to suppress a laugh.

“She keeps insisting she doesn’t want to push me or rush things…”

“And you just want to get laid?”

Alex hits the arm of the couch with an open hand, “Yes!”

“Well, that is definitely a fight you are going to win.” Kara says, laughing sardonically.

“What are you talking about?”

“Maggie has had two girlfriends other than you just since you met. Before her, you hadn’t gone on a date in years. You can go without about 5 times longer than her.” Kara nods once, smirking “She’s going to cave.”

“That is not really…” Alex can’t resist smiling.

“Come on, Alex. You got it goin’ on,” she says, grooving with her arms jokingly, “Make her want the goods, then leave her cold.”

Alex rolls her eyes, chuckling. “Oh my gosh, _Kara_.”

“It’ll work! Just try it. Get all smoldering with her then say, ‘Whelp that was nice see you tomorrow.’”

“You really think that will work?” she says, sounding interested by the idea despite herself.

“Oh yeah. Hey, next week we’re all going out to the bar together right?”

She nods.

“Dress to kill. But, like, subtly. Then go for it.”

Alex smiles, tipping her head back. “I guess it’s worth a shot.”

“If it works I get credit for getting you laid,” Kara says smugly.

She is then nailed by two pillows off the couch, thrown in quick succession.

 

* * *

 

Kara is impossibly busy. Her purse is slung over her shoulder, and her nose is buried in her phone even as she walks into the restaurant. She is firing messages back and forth with contacts for a story, and is glad Lena is always accommodating when they need to grab a fast ‘working woman’s lunch’ rather than a full hour break.

 She weaves through the restaurant, lunch crowd mostly emptied, and finds Lena in the back corner at a small table for two.

 Something in Kara grinds to a halt at the sight of her. Lena’s nose is buried in the menu, eyebrows narrowed in an odd sort of haughty skepticism. She looks up and sees Kara standing there, and her whole expression shifts in an instant to gentle fond recognition.

Kara’s breath shudders out. This is how it is supposed to feel. This is how it was always supposed to feel. All at once the mundanity of it overlaps with the vibrant depth of her feelings, knowing that this is one moment of a thousand between them. They will tell each other about their day and eat and laugh and complain and go back to work. There is space to simply know each other and be known in return, without pressure or expectation. They can simply be.

She feels an absurd smile light up her face as she stands motionless in the middle of the restaurant like a crazy woman.

Lena grins back, tilting her head, eyebrows a question mark.

Her senses trickle back, the bustle of the restaurant and the conversation of other diners filtering in, and motion returns to her. In a few steps she is across from Lena at the table, and she sits smoothly.

“Hello, Kara. What was all that about?”

“I don’t know?” she says, haltingly, “I walked in and I was super busy and frazzled and I saw you and something just went ‘ding’.”

Lena laughs, just once, uncertain but touched. “Only you, Kara,” she says, her voice quiet. “What are you hungry for?” She is so far out of her depth she feels almost afraid. Her heart is in her throat as she realizes, Kara is the only one in years to brighten when Lena enters a room. The only person glad to see her, no matter what.

“Gosh, anything. I’m starving.”

She ‘hmmms’, looking down at her menu again. “I figured. I already ordered something for you, shrimp and maltagliati pasta with a mascarpone cream sauce. It sounded very ‘you’, though I’m not sold on the menu items in general.”

“That sounds incredible,” she practically groans. “Thanks, Lena.”

She waves her hand absently, smirking. “It doesn’t take a genius to predict that Kara Danvers will want the highest calorie menu item delivered stat once she arrives.”

This is always how Lena chooses to show she cares, in gestures and gifts that seem small but reveal a thoughtfulness and level of attention most people don’t bother with. She reaches across the table to squeeze Lena’s hand, lingering for just a moment before pulling back.

“It isn’t a big deal, Kara. No need to thank me,” she says, almost flushing.

“Thanks, Lena,” she repeats, cheeky this time.

Lena laughs, this time naturally, smiling. “Fine. You’re welcome.”

A server interrupts by putting an impressive pile of food in front of Kara, which she digs into with gusto as Lena places her own order. “So how is L Corp today?”

“The board is still giving me trouble.”

“You should talk to Cat. She knows all about being a woman in a position of power versus teams of resentful men,” she says after swallowing a bite.

“I thought she was still on leave?”

“Oh, she is. But I have her personal number. She’d be happy to talk to you, I bet.”

“We’ll see.” Lena isn’t surprised to hear Cat Grant is just one more person Kara has drawn into her web. She’d like to solve her problems herself, but hearing from another woman who has dealt with the same issues has some appeal. “How about you?”

“I’m in the middle of trying to put together a story on funding gaps for public schools. I’m juggling like five different people to interview and I want to talk about too many different things and I need to pick one subject but it’s too hard.”

Lena almost laughs at Kara’s frustration. “Whatever you write will be moving and informative, I have no doubt.”

“I sure hope so. I’ve got to run to meet with a teacher in like twelve minutes.”

“No need to cut it so close on my account.” Heavens knows, Lena has needed to run off enough times. She enjoys the chance to repay the kindness and patience Kara has always shown her, in whatever measure she can.

 “I’m not too worried. I can take the _bus_ ,” Kara says, cracking up at her own joke.

 Lena shakes her head, grinning. As they eat she waves the waiter over to bring the check, which Kara promptly snatches.

 “It’s my turn,” she says, sliding her credit card into the check holder.

 “ _Kara._ ”

 “I’ve got super speed, you know.”

 Lena can’t help but laugh. “You are in quite a mood.”

 Kara stands, dropping her phone into her bag. “It’s a good day.” She leans down, resting a hand on Lena’s shoulder to brace herself as she kisses her on the cheek.

 It’s chaste, but Lena has to stop herself from gasping audibly.

 Before she recovers, Kara has turned to leave. Without remembering to take her credit card. Lena grabs it, standing and turning to snag Kara’s arm all in one movement. Kara hears her shuffle, and has started turning back herself.

 They wind up a few inches too far into the others personal space, and the breath catches in Lena’s throat. She holds up the credit card, and as Kara takes it their fingers brush.

 Their faces are close enough that eye contact is awkward. Lena at once wants to pull Kara into her arms, to kiss her on the lips.

 She has always dismissed her feelings as being the result of loneliness, of a woman with so few personal intimacies that she overreacts to normal friendship. When Kara would hug her, all strong arms and the gentle curve of breast and hip, she had been frustrated and ashamed by the burn of desire. Like she had crossed a line, had taken advantage of something Kara had not offered her.

 Touch has always been intense for her. Sex was one thing, a weapon and a means to an end. But affection? It happened so infrequently growing up that as an adult, affection burns. She had thought she was just deprived.

 But this, something in this simple honest connection makes it obvious that her feelings are deeper than that, and have been for a while. This is not the reeling of a fractured woman. She wants Kara. She wants a life with her. She’s had women as well as men, but none of it has ever felt like this. And she knows it isn’t going to go away. The only question is what is to be done.

 

* * *

 

Winn is wearing a cardigan, telling a story to the assembled group sitting in a bar booth. “Alright, alright, so then Kara, get this, Kara tells Miss Grant ‘there was a family of Albanian immigrants in the lobby who got lost and I had to help them find their hotel’.”

 “What?” Lena says through choked laughter.

 Off to the side Alex groans, “Oh my god Kara, really?” as Maggie chuckles, leaning into her girlfriend.

 “And Cat just gives her this _look,_ like she is judging not just you, but you and all your descendants for three generations. And says, ‘maybe you would like to go bring the grandmother back so I can give her your job’,” he says, gesturing, “And then she walks straight back into her office.”

 His phone chooses that moment to ring loudly from his pocket, audible despite the moderately high volume of other chatter and music in the bar. He swipes the screen, then stands, edging out of the booth, “That’s James, I’ll be right back.”

 Maggie and Alex sit across from Kara and Lena at a corner table, the paired booths joining at a right angle.  A little privacy is provided by some wooden dividers, and the bar is otherwise slow.

 Alex has followed Kara’s advice to ‘dress to kill’, in a button down black shirt under a sleek grey vest with exquisitely fitting trousers. It is ostensibly a business casual work outfit, but the overall effect is devastating. The blouse is unbuttoned far enough that the vest is what holds the shirt front in place, with a narrow tantalizing vee of skin trailing down to the swell of her bust line.

 Maggie is only two beers in and has already started to lose the battle with restraint.

 Lena leans close to Kara to speak softly near her ear. “In another hour Maggie is going to wind up draped over your sister.”

 Kara giggles. “I know. Part of my evil scheme.”

 Lena only has time to raise an eyebrow before James and Winn reenter the bar.

 They are each carrying one side of a cake.

 “Check this out!” says Winn, sliding the cake onto the table.

 It is tall and elegantly designed with swirls of chocolate icing, store-bought but clearly from a local bakery.  Written in a far less elegant manner in what is obviously tube icing are the words ‘Most Tragic Backstory Award’.

 Kara claps her hands in front of her, laughing.

 “Black forest cake, from the best bakery in National City. I thought it would do, for Lena’s prize,” James says, smiling at Lena.

 She laughs as well behind her hand, incredulous. “You _didn’t._ ”

 “We absolutely did,” Winn says, pulling plastic silverware and plates from a bag. “As long as you are going to share.”

 “Of course,” she responds, “You are all well qualified for pieces of the… tragic backstory cake.”

 Maggie leans in close to Alex, whispering “Your friends are a little nuts,” with a grin.

 The closeness of the other woman, and the breath on her neck, makes Alex redden. She turns her head to Maggie, intimately close, and smiles. “You were warned.”

 She smiles her dazzling, dimpled smile, nodding. “I was.”

 The cake is already being divvied up, though they insist on Lena having the first piece.

 The group makes quick work of the entire dessert, while still managing to accomplish enough drinking to make it an outing.

 Lena sits and enjoys the laughter (laughter she is included in!) and wonders at it all. She has had friends before, but it has never been like this. There has never been this easy joy and companionship, never without the thick layer of a performative social mask.

 And Kara’s friends are all so easy to like. She finds herself just sitting and listening as they tell stories and relish being able to relax with one another. When they demand a funny work story of hers, she teases by relaying a lab mishap so dependent on scientific terminology and knowledge of lab safety that Winn has descended into hysterics, Alex laughs behind a hand, and everyone else watches them in amused incredulity.

 Too many of the gathered adults regularly wake up in the wee hours of the morning for work, so even though it’s a Friday night they don’t have much staying power as the evening wears on.

 But when Alex stands up, saying “I think I need to get home. I had a long week,” it is not because she is tired.

 It is because Maggie’s hand, which started the night hovering affectionately on her knee, has been moving steadily north until it sat mid-thigh. For some time now she has been so aroused it is difficult to follow conversation, and has decided enough is enough. Whether Maggie comes with her or not, she is going to go home and have an orgasm. Perhaps several.

 She turns to Kara, “I’ll take a cab, so you can still drive everyone else.”

 Winn raises the beer in his hand in Kara’s direction, “All hail the designated driver!”

 Maggie stands, too. She grins a sharp, shark smile. “I’ll head out, too. I might end up called in this weekend.”

 They navigate to the side door of bar that leads to the alley. The chill of the air hits them all at once, despite how the building blocks the frigid nighttime winds. Alex walks a few feet down from the door to lean against a wall as she digs through her bag for her phone.

 She stops abruptly when Maggie’s hand shoots out, closing over her own.

 Alex looks up straight into her eyes, intent and searching. Maggie leans in further, murmurs “I don’t think so,” and presses their lips together.

  Maggie’s other hand reaches up to clutch at the back of her head as she falls back against the brick wall. Everything is warm wet contact as Maggie works Alex’s lower lip between hers. Despite two layers the cold of the brick bites, the roughness of the surface snagging the fabric of her jacket as she shifts under Maggie.

 Their kissing grows languid and open mouthed, hips pressing together, arms wrapped tightly around each other.

 Alex feels like she could come out of her skin. At once her eyes shoot open, and she stands to her full height, hands dropping from Maggie. She smirks. “Well, I really do need to rest up tonight.” She is very proud that there is only a slight rasp to her voice.

 Maggie is panting, looking up at her with shocked dizziness. Her hands clutch uselessly at Alex’s shoulders.

 Alex steps sideways, fishing her phone out of her bag. She scrolls through a list of contacts, dialing a cab company and pressing through the menu options, eventually informing the answering service where she is to be picked up and dropped off.

 She smirks as she watches conscious thought slowly return to Maggie. “You should get some rest too. You know, in case you get called in.”

 Maggie’s jaw drops, “You did this on purpose!” she says with a raspy chuckle.

 “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Alex says as she walks the rest of the way out of the alley to wait for a cab by the road. It won’t take long, on Friday nights in bar heavy neighborhoods there are more cabs than cars.

 Maggie follows behind her.

 “You- you did this!”

 Alex raises an eyebrow. “I did what?”

 “You wore a vest!”

 She can’t hold back a laugh. “I own several.”

 Maggie reaches up to pull her into another searing kiss just as the cab pulls up.

 When Alex goes to climb in, Maggie slides in next to her.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are moving into the last arc in earnest now, I'm so psyched! Though the whole story is thematically about lying and truth telling, the chapter after this is the one that really gave the fic its name. It also goes to the crux of why I think Lena would make the best partner for Kara, out of a cast of outstanding and supportive characters. This chapter is the catalyst for all of that, I hope it achieves what I want it to as far as Lena reaching the breaking point re: her family.
> 
> Thanks so much to everyone reading and enjoying this fic, it has made this a really fun experience for me. I'm still exhausted from training at my new job, I didn't think I would progress so quickly but I'm having too great a time! My job is in a heavily republican part of Pennsylvania. So I'm surrounded by middle aged Trump supporters??? Which makes socializing with them extra uber stressful. I'm lonely, I miss people closer to my age and gay people and liberals SO much, if you like my fic you should come follow me on tumblr ([ladyptarmigan](http://ladyptarmigan.tumblr.com/)) and talk to me. Plzzzzz come hang out with me on the internet lol.

* * *

 

_“I’m a monster,” said the shadow of the Marquess suddenly. “Everyone says so.”_

_The Minotaur glanced up at her. “So are we all, dear,” said the Minotaur kindly. “The thing to decide is what kind of monster to be. The kind who builds towns or the kind who breaks them.”_

_The Girl Who Fell Beneath Fairyland and Led the Revels There_ by Catherynne M. Valente

 

* * *

 

 When they leave the bar it is past 11pm. She ushers them all out to the parking garage and into her car, each of them at wildly different levels of intoxication. Winn is stumbling and intermittently coherent. James, who has drunk much more moderately, is just relaxed and happy and charming.  Lena had more cake then beer, and though she is visibly relaxed and a touch unsteady on her high heels, she was also obviously not comfortable enough to 'let loose'.

Lena insists that she take the boys to their apartments before her, so she drops Winn first, as he lives in the city, then continues on to where James lives, a densely populated suburb just barely outside city limits.

 She has turned around to head back into the city when she asks, “I’m guessing you had me get rid of the guys because you want to talk? Unless you just didn’t want them finding out where you live,” she finishes with a smile.

 “No,” Lena laughs, “But, yes to the first one. Let’s just head to your apartment. If you don’t mind?”

 “Of course not.”

 They make good time on the mostly deserted roads, pulling in to the parking garage near Kara’s apartment building in a much shorter time than would happen during midday traffic (though not as fast as Kara travels most days, of course).

 Kara feels warm and a bit tired as they enter her apartment.

 Lena walks into the living room, face pinched. She seems uncertain how to begin. “Your friends are very kind.”

 “They are,” Kara says with a grin.

 “The cake reminded me, though.”  
  
“About what?”

 “About why I won the ah… contest. What happened to your foster father?” Lena’s arms are crossed, eyes intent.

 Kara freezes. She admits, this is not what she was expecting. “Let me put on some coffee. I wasn’t exaggerating about it being a long story.”

 They move to the kitchen as Kara pulls coffee beans from a cabinet. “I guess I had better start at the ah, the very beginning. Alex took a while to adjust, to having a brand new alien sibling after growing up and only child. But after we bonded, I convinced her to let me take her flying. Of course, someone saw us. The…” Kara swallows, “The government saw us. They DEO sent agents to…” she pauses again. This is still hard to talk about, even after all these years. “To tell the Danvers that they knew what I was. And that they were going to take me into custody.”

 Lena’s heart stutters to a stop in her chest. “Kara.”

 “Jeremiah wouldn’t, he wouldn’t have that. He told them that I was a child, that I should have a family, not be a science experiment.”  
  
“How old were you?” Lena’s voice is an angry whisper.

 “Thirteen,” she looks away. “He offered to go work for them, tell them everything he knew, if they would leave me be. He was…” she clasps her hands in front of her. “Such a good man.”

 Lena swallows dryly. She had anticipated this would be a bad story, had thought she might be able to offer resources if there were a way she could help. She had not expected this. It is too horrifying to even consider, to think of Kara abused in such a way, at such an age. Kind gentle Kara, a prisoner of the state. She wants to be sick.

 “It was only about a year later that they told us he had been killed on a mission. We found out after I became Supergirl that he had died protecting our Hank Henshaw, J’onn, from being murdered by the DEO. And it was J’onn who saw, in the memories of a soldier, that Jeremiah had survived his wounds.”

 “What?”

 “He was taken by… he was taken by Cadmus. They confirmed as much to Alex, they told her that we wouldn’t want what was left of him. But we still hope that… we might find him.”

 Lena clenches her eyes shut, nails digging into her palms. Cadmus again. Her Mother again. Is this what she was doing when she disappeared endlessly on ‘business’? Torturing innocent aliens and depriving children of their parents? How could she have been ignorant of this? She feels her eyes burning.

 “Kara. I…” she takes a deep, shuddering breath. “Cadmus is, I… I didn’t know, please believe me that I didn’t know, not until she broke out Lex. I should have, I should have known, but I didn’t… I didn’t want to think about it.”  
  
Kara reaches to clasp Lena’s shoulder, speaking softly. “It’s okay.”

 “My Mother is the one in charge of Cadmus. My Mother,” she leans forward, feels a tear roll down her nose as her shoulders shake. Her jaw clenches as she fights to tamp down her reaction, and she is disgusted with herself. Disgusted for every moment she let Mother and Lex speak cruelly about aliens, for every moment she argued for moderation. For the fact that it is Kara who has lost so much, and now this moment will become about her own grief.

 Pulling her the rest of the way into her arms, Kara murmurs, “Oh, Lena.”

 “I should have known! I knew she worked with some black ops anti-alien group, I had heard the name, I knew Lex collaborated with her when he was in charge of L Corp. I just… I didn’t want to…” she sniffs, shaking her head. “God, Kara. You shouldn’t even want to _look_ at me. I always disagreed with Lex and Mother, but it was always in terms of _moderation_ , that it was more effective to use legal channels, that we didn’t need to resort to... I’m just a different kind of monster. Kara, I’m…”

 “Lena, I know you don’t think like that anymore.”

 “I never agreed with them, never. But isn’t that worse? God. I mean, I could see a possible rational version of their positions. I can understand wanting registration. Our governmental and local infrastructure demand a certain amount of documentation. We wouldn’t be treating aliens any differently than we would other non-citizens. I believe in regulations, in working with the system. I like known quantities, and orderliness. I used to think aliens who deliberately wanted to hide from the system did so with bad motives,” she is breathing too fast. “But I never told them… I didn’t want the fuss. I wanted…”

 “You wanted them to accept you,” Kara says, mournful understanding in her voice.

 “They took your adoptive father away because I didn’t want to argue with them!”

 Kara’s hand tightens on her shoulder, “You are not responsible for their choices.”

 “I didn’t want to know.”

 “Lena!” The other woman has stopped supporting her own weight, has sagged entirely against Kara. Kara lowers them both to the ground slowly and goes down to her knees on the kitchen floor, Lena pulled between her legs and against her chest.

 She buries her face in Kara’s shoulder, crying again. “Even knowing, even knowing what wretched monsters they are. I still, when I look at them part of me still wants to… I still want my brother back!”

 Kara runs her hand down Lena’s spine, rubs across the plane of her back, holds her close.

 “It is so easy when they aren’t around, but as soon as I’m standing in front of them I _remember._ What if I look at them and I can’t let them go?”

 “Lena, it’s alright,” she murmurs softly.

 She straightens her back, breaking Kara’s grip a little. “It isn’t alright! I don’t want you to be fine with this! I don’t need you to be happy and selfless all the time, this affects you and it isn’t fair to you for you to pretend it’s fine. I don’t want the lie, please,”

 Kara shakes her head, “Lena, I’m not mad. I’m just sad. I know this isn’t what you want. But you didn’t… you didn’t choose them. And if you can’t let them go…” Kara shudders, smiling sadly, “If you went with them, I would just be sad. I would cry a lot, and I would stop you, and I would visit you in prison.”

 Lena chokes out a laugh through tears.

 She squeezes Lena tightly, fist clenching the fabric of her shirt. “I can’t… I guess I am mad. Just not at you. I’m angry at your family for not being better and not letting you make your own choices, I’m angry at this country for encouraging that kind of extremism, I’m angry that this is happening at all! I don’t want to lose you Lena. I’m so, _so_ angry. But, the only reason I can go out and save people and do what I do is because I have the people I love supporting me. I couldn’t lose my family, not again. So I can’t be mad at you, if you can’t lose them again, either.”

 Lena sinks down even further into Kara’s embrace, pressing her face into her chest. Their bodies fold together, Kara tugging until Lena is half in her lap.

 She sinks her nose into dark hair, feeling so much rage and sorrow herself she can feel tears in her own eyes.

 She is telling the truth. For Kara had not known until this very moment, despite how the certainty of it weighs on her: she would follow Alex into the dark. If her sister went, she would go. There is no road she would not follow. Through the night, to hell itself. She would hate it, and herself, but she could never give up even the faintest hope that her sister could come back.

 It has never been a question. Alex would never ask that of her. Even from the depths of madness Alex would not allow her to follow. She knew that in the same way she could look up at the night sky and know where Rao lay in the abyss of stars.

 She nudges her nose against Lena’s temple, “I’m going to move us to the couch, okay?”

 When she feels an affirmative nod, she sweeps her arm beneath Lena’s knees and lifts her smoothly, other arm wrapped around her lower back. In a few swift steps she is in front of the couch, and she sits, twisting to set Lena down in the spot next to her. But Lena does not release her hold on Kara’s shirtfront, so she draws them together once again.

 When Lena starts speaking, it is so soft she needs superhearing to make the words clear. “There are two versions, of how I grew up, do you understand? The child I was, and the adult I am looking back. And I can still… I still remember. The way I felt when they took me into their huge shining home. When they showed me the room that would belong to me. When they told me how excited they were for me to join their family. How they would make sure the cook served our favorite foods on our birthday. And even though parts of that were a lie, even though they adopted me because I was the orphan with the highest test scores, even though they just wanted someone to pit Lex against, I still remember what it was like to have been brought _home_ , to have been wanted.”

 Kara listens raptly. This is the most she has ever heard about the Luthors, the most Lena has ever told her about the way she grew up.

 She shifts in Kara’s arms, voice strengthening, “I barely remember my birth parents. I think when I was born they loved me, but drugs or alcohol or both happened and all I can recall of them now is large, angry people in a small, dirty home. And then, the Luthor’s. It was the most flattering thing in the world, to think that people like that wanted me. And of course I started to realize, when they sent me away when they could and ignored me when couldn’t, that I was a means to an end. But, who wants to accept something like that? I put it away. I thought… if I just tried harder. That it was something I had done. Lex was my only comfort in all of it. And sometimes, with Father, I almost thought…”

 “You never mention him,” Kara asks, quietly.

 “He was never…” she inhales, raspy, choked on tears, “He was a bad man, but not out of malice or anger or prejudice, it was… it was out of nothing. There just wasn’t any love in him, not for Lex, not for his wife, not for… not for me. But sometimes he almost…” her tone lifts, “He was the one who taught me about business. How to make a deal, how to fool people into seeing what they want to see, how to control a room. And I was… I was good. Sometimes he would look at me, almost surprised, and he would say, ‘you are going to make a hell of a businesswoman’.” She worms one of her arms free to wipe at her eyes, “And the way that made me feel, god I can’t even tell you. It was everything I wanted. I didn’t want to take Lex’s place, understand. I felt wretched for even thinking it, I hated the man for what he did to my brother. But at the same time… Lex’s heart belonged to Mother and always had. But I was Father’s.”

 Kara sees the truth at once, that Lena should have been Lionel’s heir. That if Lionel had been less cold, less misogynistic, had placed less importance on his dynasty, then he would have seen it. That Lena was always destined to run L Corp, canny and clever and determined, a backbone of steel in a tailored suit.  
  
She is ashamed to feel a little grateful for Lionel Luthor’s weakness. If he had assured Lena’s place, then she would not be having this conversation with her right now. If he had taken Lena as his daughter in full she would have devoted herself to whatever end he chose.

 Lena sighs, continuing, “Lex was a brilliant man and he made Luthor Corp into an even bigger success, but it was all to turn it into a weapon of extremism. The company was just a tool, to him. But to me, it would have been… it’s not that I wanted it, I would never have competed with Lex for it, never. It was that I knew, no matter what, that Lex was still his son, his real son, so who I was would never matter. It would never be enough. _I_ … would never be… enough.”

 Kara holds tighter, cheek pressed against dark hair, soul crying out that she cannot say the words she wants to, not right now. The words, ‘ _you are enough for me, dearest and most beloved, you are more than enough_ ’, right now they would be coercion, they would be manipulation of Lena’s choice rather than the pure heartfelt sentiment Kara can feel beating in her chest. Her feelings will not be a weapon, or an argument, or a side in a debate. She will not ask Lena to choose, that will not come from her, she won’t let it come from her.

 Kara does not pray, not anymore. But she bows her head to ask the red sun of her home to guide them to a future where she can say these words to Lena, where she can say them every day. She begs Rao for a life where Lena can come home to those words.

 Lena cries quietly into her shoulder, and Kara runs through all the things she wishes she could say. But there will be no stipulations from her, no pressure to decide something that must be Lena’s choice alone. Instead, she reaches up to where Lena’s once tight and orderly bun has come askew. She pulls hairpins out one by one and places them on the end table, eventually working the hair tie itself free.

 She buries a hand in Lena’s loose hair, smoothing it back gently. She can feel the remnants of hair spray between her fingers, and gradually the form of the hairdo gives way to messy waves as she strokes her fingers through it. The silky smoothness of dark hair against her skin is such a pleasant tactile sensation. She scrapes lightly with her fingernails, alternating with the tips of her fingers, until she feels Lena’s frame relax as her crying slows and she surrenders to sleep.

 Kara herself feels oddly at peace. In this quiet warmth she realizes that weeks and months of careful, determined friendship, dozens of meetings, hundreds of moments of affection and companionship, will speak for her. Will say the words she cannot. Love doesn’t need words to speak.

 She pulls a blanket over both of them and follows her into sleep.

 

* * *

 

  When they both wake Lena is burned out and emotionally exhausted.

 Kara presses a cup coffee into her hands and calls her driver for her. Lena leaves without saying much past pleasantries and a quiet thank-you.

 She eats breakfast, then ice cream, and pads into the bathroom. What has happened is still settling in, but something about seeing her own strained, tear stained face in the mirror strikes her to the core.

She wants Alex. She needs to talk to her sister.

 She is halfway across the city before she realizes Alex is still probably with Maggie. _With_ Maggie. She had seen those looks in the bar, a blind man couldn’t have missed what was going to go down.

 Half tempted to just turn around, she decides to call ahead instead. In midair she pulls her cell out of her pajama bottoms. It rings for a while before Alex answers, still extremely groggy, “ _Kara?”_

 “I am so so so sorry Alex. I know I am interrupting, but I need to talk to you.” Her voice breaks in the middle of the second sentence.

 “Are you okay?” Alex sheds sleepiness rapidly as her ‘sister in distress’ senses start alarming.

 “I’m- I’m ok. I just need to…”

 “It’s fine, Kara. Just come. Let me throw on some clothes.”

 “Alright, I’ll be right over.”

 Alex pulls the door of her apartment open standing in what are obviously hastily thrown on pajamas. Kara can’t help it, the instant she sees her sister she throws her arms around her.

 Her heart pounds under the weight of a gratitude she can barely put into words. Her beloved sister, a place of safety from which she can never be betrayed. Her whole life has been shaped by Alex, by what Alex provides for her.

 This just makes Alex even more worried. “What happened, Kara?”

 Kara releases her, entering the apartment.

 Maggie is standing in the kitchen in one of Alex’s button down shirts and a pair of gym shorts. “I can beat it if you guys need to have a sister chat.”

 “No, no, it’s ok. I’m so sorry for interrupting.”

 Maggie shakes her head. “Part of the package,” she says, smiling.

 Kara turns to Alex, “I told Lena, about what happened to Jeremiah. And she told me…” she takes a deep breath, “That her Mom is, in charge of Cadmus.”

 Alex’s face freezes in horrified disbelief, “Are you fucking serious? So, what? Everyone in her family is just evil?”

 Maggie mutters an empathetic “ _Jesus Christ,”_ from the kitchen. She sets down her coffee and walks into the living room. “I’ll go grab some breakfast. Give you two some privacy.”

 Alex shuts her eyes, nodding.

 Maggie snags Alex’s shirt front as she passes, pulling her down into a soft kiss before she puts on her shoes and heads out the door.

 Kara and Alex stand in silence for a moment. “When did she find out? About her Mom?”

 “She said, after Cadmus broke Lex out. She put the pieces together.”

 “You believe her?”

 “Yeah. I mean, she told me the clues were there, that she should have known. But that she just didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to accept it.”

 Alex rubs her forehead. “Alright, I never thought I’d be saying this, but… you had the right idea from the beginning.”

 “What?” she asks, not following.

 “The whole ‘You can’t have her, she’s ours’.”

 Kara laughs sadly, tearing up again. “I don’t want to lose her. Alex, I love her.”

 Alex yanks her into a firm hug. “Oh sweetheart, you aren’t going to lose her. I’ve seen how she looks at you. She thinks you personally deliver the sun into the sky every morning.”

 “But I didn’t… I didn’t want her to feel obligated to me because of _my_ feelings, and I’m still scared about the people close to me getting hurt, and it felt like the wrong time, and I didn’t _tell her_ Alex.”

 “You did the right thing. She can’t cut herself off from her family because she wants a girlfriend. She has to do it for herself,” she tilts her head, smiling, “Kara, I am your overprotective big sister. A year ago, six months ago even, I wouldn’t have wanted Lena Luthor to be your _tennis_ partner, never mind… whatever the heck she is now. I can’t imagine how hard she has worked. But she chose that. She chose to become a person who could walk your path. She _loves_ you.”

 “What if it isn’t enough?”

 “It is, Kara. A woman as smart as her, you think she can’t tell the difference? Between how you care about her, and how her ‘family’ does? This is something she has to do by herself. But she’ll come back.”

 “Alex, she has to. I can’t fight her.”

 “Even though it went against everything her family ever taught her, she learned to trust people. Learned to trust _you._ Now it’s your turn to trust her.”

Kara nods into the fabric of her sister's shirt, knowing her choice own was made a long time ago.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of the reason I love Lena and Kara as a pairing is because some of the greatest threats to our world (and Supergirl!) are not external or violent. They are internal, they are corrupt power structures, and apathy, ignorance, greed, all our human failings. Kara and Lena together are the ultimate team for having enough combined ideological, social, economic, and political power to actually change the world. They cover each others weaknesses perfectly. Together they are just an unstoppable force.
> 
> Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who stopped by on tumblr to follow me and say hello! It means a lot, I feel much less like a weird socially adrift 'dirty gay liberal', you all are wonderful. (Pssst come nerd out w/ me everyone ([x](http://ladyptarmigan.tumblr.com/)))

* * *

  

_“Never put your faith in a Prince. When you require a miracle, trust in a Witch.”_

_In the Night Garden_ by Catherynne M. Valente

 

* * *

  

Standing in front of the elegant double doors, Lena is struck bitterly with nostalgia as she enters the Luthor mansion. The chandelier in the entryway, the long halls full of art and sculpture, doors opening to rooms with no purpose but extravagance. It is at once a place full of memories and an exhibit for wealth rather than a home.

 She resists the urge to wander, making her way to the second floor. Part of her is unsurprised Mother has chosen to use Father’s study for this meeting.

 How like her, to turn the closest thing he had to a sacred place to her own ends. Nothing can be left alone, everything must become a weapon.

 She steels herself and goes in. It is a beautiful, well-crafted room. Dark paneling and rich fabrics, bookshelves filled with old looking volumes, all emphasizing the majestic desk in the center.

 Her Mother, working amongst stacks of papers, stands as soon as she sees. “Lena. I was surprised to hear from you!” she says with a plastic smile.

 “I know. But we are overdue a chat.”

 “And how is that, dear?” her tone is inquisitive but cutting.

 “About your… job,” Lena trails off.

“Found out about that, have you. And what of it? You have always been happier left out of the… family business.”

 Lena crosses her arms over her chest. How like her to characterize alien hating extremism as the ‘family business’ rather than the actual business that has supported her lifestyle and that of her family. “It seems that will become more and more difficult. Given… recent events.”

 Lillian walks out from behind the desk, pivoting on the arm still planted on a stack of documents. “And what events would those be, exactly?”

 “I think you know which ones.” Lena’s look is piercing.

 She waves a hand dismissively, “Hm. I got the impression you’ve never had much interest in my sort of… ‘events’.”

 “Our interests lie in very different areas. But it becomes my problem when your actions begin to affect _my_ business,” she tries to keep her voice dry.

 “Your business being that girl you’ve been hanging around with? Don’t you know what she is?” At this question the first loss of control, hints of real anger, slip out.

 “I do know.” Her answer is sure and simple, mind hyperaware. She is waiting for the ultimatum.

 Lillian’s look turns pleading, as close to affectionate as the woman is capable of. “Lena darling you’ve always been so smart. I know you can see the danger they pose. You prefer subtler methods, it’s true, but this is the final stage. We are so close to victory! I know no child of mine would fail to stand with us at this… critical juncture.”

 Lena looks at her Mother, trying to peel back the layers of memory, of emotion and adulation and anger. This is the woman who raised her. But in the absence of that, she sees nothing but a hungry ambition that leaves no room for anything else. Hatred of aliens is merely the shape her obsession took, if it were not that it would be something else.

 There is no desire to change, no regret; every human part of Lillian Luthor has been stripped from the bone. Whatever bits of soul had leant her the bursts of occasional kindness Lena had so prized are long gone.

 Lena wishes she thought logic could sway her, that Mother could be convinced. “The disruption your extremism causes is far worse than the problems it purports to solve.”

 “So I mean nothing to you, now? Your brother, all the things we have worked for, all of that is meaningless to you? Because it ‘stirs up trouble’?”

 Lena is waiting for the influence of ‘love’ or the word ‘acceptance’ to enter the conversation. For some hint that their relationship extends beyond the sphere of how they can be useful to one another. The memory is too fresh of Kara clinging to her, full of regret and love and promise.

 Lena breathes out, jaw clenching. Shutting her eyes, she resolves to try one last time. To speak the truth, painful as it may be. “Mother. I do… I do love you, and Lex. Even if I don’t agree with you,” she gestures with a hand. “Why is it all or nothing? Is there really no position, except ‘with us or against us’?”

 For a moments Lilian hesitates. Wondering if this is truth or weakness or trap. The cold snarl on her face, after, answers the question of which she assumed it was.

 Lillian stalks closer, stopping only a few paces from Lena. Her voice is low, posture all intimidation. “This is a _war_ , Lena. If the word family meant anything to you at _all_ you would be standing right here next to me, next to your brother.”

 Something in Lena’s soul shudders as it accepts a truth she has struggled with for so long: It was never her. It isn’t some fault inherent in her, not a defect in her ability to connect with others or a lack of insight into their needs. Nothing would be different if she had been born to the Luthors, rather than adopted.

 Mother and Lex are addicted to hatred and domination and do not wish to change, and there is nothing she could have done. The fractured relationship Lena has always felt responsible for, there was no way she could have changed it.

 And she knows this because the word ‘family’ _does_ mean something to her. She has seen what a family looks like: relying not on blood or obligation or utility, asking for nothing but love. It was nothing like this.

 There is still a whisper of regret in the back of her mind, saying ‘ _I’m sorry,_ _Lex, I wish I could have helped you’._   But the brother she loved is gone. And the toxic woman in front of her is not capable of love, is not able to reciprocate anything Lena might offer her. Lillian Luthor does not want help. Her only aim is to hurt people, to hurt Kara.

 Brave, lovely, giving Kara, Kara who has reached out her hand out to be bitten time and again, who has gently embraced her without flinching, Kara who holds her heart. The woman who has earned her loyalty a hundred times over.

 To feel at peace with her purpose, to be at last without inner conflict, is like laying down in bed after the longest day imaginable. She will mourn Lex and her Mother, she will mourn her family again, she fears a part of her will never recover from it. But she will survive and she will go on, a vicious instrument to protect what she cannot bear to lose: her precious girl, the shining woman who has found it in herself to love this wretched world. Kara who cannot lie to protect herself, who lies only to protect others: from her anger and her grief and her sorrow, and from the enemies she has made.

 Cold determination settles in her, fierce and proud. In that instant the knowledge settles on her: _I will end you, Lillian Luthor_.

 She looks at her Mother’s irate face, mind racing nimbly through brutal calculation.

_She already knows you doubt the ‘cause’. What will she believe?_

 Mother won’t trust she is acting for the ‘greater good’, or that she agrees with their aims. And even though it is a useful weapon, keen emotional blackmail, she wouldn’t believe Lena would do it for family either.

 The best lie to tell is one the person already expects to hear, or wants to hear.

 In this the baser motives will serve better. Lillian Luthor expects greed, selfishness, and a willingness to perpetuate evil. Lena looks at her Mother, at her narrowed eyes and stiff back. People are always more willing to believe that their own motives are what drives others.

 She lets the lie fill her, pulls it forward and tamps down everything else. Her back straightens, shoulders squaring and filling out the clean lines of her suit. Her voice comes out cold and sure. “I’m not the stand on the front lines sort, Mother. I never have been. But I haven’t forgotten who my family is.”

 Lillian Luthor’s eyes lock on hers, racing, skeptical, but tempted.

 She must sell it. “I won’t let another failed attempt destroy the reputation of my company,” she pauses, letting the hook sink, “I have no desire to spend more time on… damage control. If I help, it must be a sure thing. Your strike must win the war once and for all.”

 This is the lie Lillian _wants_ to hear. The thought of victory, for Lena to validate the tantalizing idea of it, is ripe fruit held in an outstretched hand.

  Lillian smirks, and takes her daughters offering. “What I need, is for you to help us. When the time comes.”

 “I will,” she nods her head, a solemn affirmative.

 “I’ll contact you,” she says, sitting back down behind the desk and waving a hand in dismissal.

 Lena turns and leaves the study. She navigates the Luthor mansion with the confident gait of a predator, heels clacking against marble. Part of her feels bleeding and raw from what has been cut away, but the larger part of her spirit soars.

 The muscles of her arm coil with the energy of restrained action, she feels in it the drawing of a sword. Broken and tattered she might be, but still she will go to battle proudly, she will destroy whomever is foolish enough to choose Kara as their enemy.

 She is not a woman who deserves a place at the side of a hero. Kara Danvers is a shining beacon, a symbol of compassion and protection and hope.

 Just the same, she will serve how she can. Lena Luthor is a quiet, precise knife in the dead of night. And she will strike fast and well, and end this threat at last.

 

* * *

  

“Uh, Lena?”

 “Alex, hello.”

 “What can I do for you?’

 “Arrange a meeting of Kara’s closest allies. Winn, James, your boss at the DEO, everyone, everyone you trust completely. Select a secure location. And forward the date and time to me.”

 “Well. I-, alright. Can do, Lena.”

 “Thank-you.”

 “No… problem?”

  _Click._

* * *

  

Lena stands at the head of a conference table in a room deep in the DEO. She wears a crisp black business suit, crimson red blouse underneath peeking out with an ominous air. She looks down the table. Seated down the sides are all people she has met or heard about. Kara is at the far end, Alex next to her, J’onn J’onzz, Winn, James, Maggie, and Susan Vasquez.

 She taps a finger against her arm. “I’m sure you are all wondering why I’ve asked you to come here. In case Kara or Alex has not already made you aware, the leader of Cadmus is in fact my Mother, Lillian Luthor.”

 Lena looks down the table, sees no surprise on any of the faces assembled. Winn glances at her sympathetically. She cannot look at Kara.

 She continues, “I went to see her yesterday. In doing so I confirmed her position and implied I was willing to help her. I hope to find out whatever I can about her plans,” she pauses, changing the subject, “Luthor Corp has been supplying, bankrolling, and very likely collaborating with Cadmus since Lex became CEO. When I took over I was primarily interested in separating the company from those interests, not investigating them.”

 J’onn rubs his jaw thoughtfully. “You think there might be useful information within L Corp records?”

 “Yes. Protected by misdirection, financial trickery, and obscurity. But certainly information that could be useful. I have already begun pulling purchasing, accounting, and scientific records from those years. I will need help digging through the haystack.”

 Winn nods, “I’m your guy.”

 Lena paces a little at the front of the room, “Just from what little I’ve already covered of Lex’s tenure in charge of operations, it is clear Cadmus has been preparing for a decade. They are already ten steps ahead. Without more intel on what Cadmus is doing they will destroy you.”

 “What else can we do?” Kara asks, the first time she has spoken tonight.

 “Kara, they only need to succeed once. You can’t afford to just react to them.”

 J’onn frowns, “Our capabilities are limited. There are double agents in the DEO. Cadmus is well hidden and staffed by obsessive loyalists. Moving on them is almost impossible.”

 “You are looking at the wrong line of attack. Follow the money, follow the tech, collect evidence and unveil them. You can’t allow the fight to happen on their terms.”

 Alex inclines her head, “Am I reading this right? This is you, planning how to take down Cadmus?”

 Kara interrupts before she has the chance to answer, “You don’t have to do this. You aren’t responsible for these people, and you don’t have anything to prove to me.”

 “You have no alternative except deception if you want to fight my Mother. Legal or governmental channels aren’t effective against her kind of extremism, which relies on something beyond logic and sense. For this, you need me.”

 “Lena, wait,” Kara says, pleading.

 J’onn cuts in, “She’s right. If she is willing to put herself at risk like this, we can’t turn away her help.”

 Alex’s arms are crossed, still clearly unhappy, but she nods, “Alright. What do you need from us?”

  “When I am finished collating all the purchases of tech and resources potentially connected to Cadmus, I need the best, most trustworthy minds you have to see what you can determine about their projects from what they requested. Our best chance of deducing their location and capabilities is by following the money back to their major donors and tracing supply chains and purchases.”

 “Their own facilities and records are highly secure but there might be gaps in the chain.” Alex looks up, filling in the gaps.

 Lena inclines her head. “I have gone to considerable effort to be painted as a right leaning moderate, but they will very easily believe that is a smokescreen to mitigate damage from my brother’s reputation and hide my true alien hating views. Hopefully my Mother will believe that as well, or believe it enough to be useful. But for that I cannot move until it would make sense for me to do so.”

 “And when is that?” J’onn asks.

 “When they prove they have the ability to succeed,” she says coldly.

 Kara groans, with a little humor. “Does this mean I’ve got to get beat up?”

 “Kara,” she says, a plea and an apology both.

 “They wouldn’t send anything against me they didn’t think could succeed. I’ll make sure one of them looks good.”

 Lena turns to James. “Cadmus used to be under contract with the government. We must ensure all ties with them have been denounced, and that they are treated as a rogue agency. That must be the result of media and social pressure. And when we have discovered the location of Cadmus’ main facilities, it isn’t legal consequences that will break them. CatCo will be responsible for documenting whatever atrocities they have buried in those labs.”

 James eyebrows raise, “You want us to do an expose on Cadmus?”

 “Yes. You must push their dark guts into the limelight. Their brand of hate is most effective as an underground movement, but shoved into the spotlight they will lose support in droves. Especially when accompanied with incontrovertible proof of rights abuses. Show the world their blood soaked laboratories and holding cells, show them their paranoia and depravity. Show them that this is about cruelty and ego rather than ideals.”

 Lena stops at the head of the table, arms clasped behind her back. “I don’t just plan to end Cadmus. I plan to hobble their entire movement for a _generation_.”

 J’onn sits back in his chair, Alex’s eyebrows shoot up, Kara stares at her with an ocean of sentiment in her eyes.

 “What concerns me most is that when I felt out the subject, Mother was confident of an endgame. She is working towards some specific goal; she thinks ultimate victory is possible. That, more than anything else, is what scares me. I cannot picture what her idea of victory would mean, or how such a thing could be achieved. But we must find out.”

The people at the table glance uncomfortably at each other.

 “Mother does not trust me, but she will likely underestimate the extent to which I’m willing to betray her. She seemed to think I could be useful to her, going into the final stage of her plan. If I can gleam enough information to guess which of their technologies they mean to employ, and a timetable for when they plan to strike, we will be able to stop them and end all of this in one fell swoop.”

 Lena takes a deep, fortifying breath. “None of you wants to be the one to say it, so I will. There is one more thing for all of you to consider,” she pauses, “You need to decide for yourselves whether I can be trusted. If I am false and intend to betray you to Cadmus, then you lose everything. And I wouldn’t blame you for not wanting to take that chance. I will surrender all L Corp intel to you regardless of what you decide.”

 The people at the table look at each other, wordless conversation passing between them. Eventually, they all turn to Kara.

 “If you need time to discuss this, I can go.”

 Kara shakes her head, standing. She leans forward against the table, arms spread, palms flat, body language shifting to the confidence of Supergirl. She looks an J’onn and Alex first, then all the way down the table, before angling her head to meet Lena’s eyes squarely.

 There is no doubt in her. Those green eyes meetings hers, sharp and focused, the very meaning of tenacity in a tailored business suit, the layers of determination poured over uncertainty, everything about this woman is familiar to her. Soft or hard, from the deepest darkness to her gentle mornings, she fears nothing that belongs to Lena Luthor.

 “I’m with you. All in.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's quote is an Utena quote, has anyone else seen Utena? If you have come talk to me about it (come talk to me in general! ([x](http://ladyptarmigan.tumblr.com/))). It's sort of old school now, even when I saw it years ago it was an older show, but I LOVE Utena hahah weird surreal postmodern gender role examining fairy tale meta-analysis sign me up!!!

* * *

 

_Everyone needs to hear someone say, “Nobody else will do. It has to be you,” sometime in their lives, even if it only happens once. Just once is enough. As long as you can feel sure those words were sincere, you can live through anything, no matter how painful._

Creator Commentary for _Revolutionary Girl Utena_ by Kunihiko Ikuhara

 

* * *

 

She starts the next day by traveling to her L Corp office. She will not wait for Monday to begin what is to be a colossal undertaking.

 Tapping her finger on her desk, she realizes the most difficult aspect of this problem is the colossal scope. Just by herself she is too limited and too busy to cover enough of ground in the records of an international multi-billion dollar company.

One person immediately comes to mind. One other person, who knows the company well enough and might be trustworthy.

She opens her phone and goes to the contact for her assistant, then writes a brief text.

 ' _Jess, I was wondering if you would be willing to help me with a special project. It is entirely voluntary, I will pay you for your time but you are in no way obligated to assist me. We can discuss it further on Monday.'  
_

 Then she opens her laptop, pulls in her chair, and starts combing through the organizational scheme of L Corp’s databases. She needs a systematic approach, something that will help her keep track of what she has already gone through and organize both what she is looking for and what she has already found that requires further investigation.

 Eventually she decides to divide her work into two different categories, financials and scientific projects. Working outwards from those areas until they intersect will hopefully cover all the relevant territory and keep overlap to a minimum.

 Lena is so absorbed that she doesn’t notice another person on the floor until the door to her own office opens. Startled, her heart skips a beat until she places what has happened.

 Jess is standing inside the door to her office, looking just a little nervous.

 She looks up, “Jess?”

 The younger woman walks forward until she is standing across from Lena at her desk. “What do you need?”

 “I didn’t…” her voice trails off, shock warring with warmth, “You didn’t need to come right here _immediately_.”

 Jess doesn’t answer, just lifts her chin while she meets her boss’s eyes squarely.

 Even though she has learned so much from Kara, about the way the world works for people like her, she is still surprised to discover this unexpected loyalty. She has always regarded Jess well, as a skilled and intelligent subordinate. But she had not imagined herself worthy of a gesture like this.

 She hesitates, for a moment, between the world she has always believed in and the one she has just started to glimpse. One where people are able to trust and rely on each other. One where people act for more than just self-interest. Something in Lena cracks. Jess controls her schedule, knows every detail of her day. If Jess is a traitor, everything is lost anyway. She will give Kara’s way a chance.

 “I need help with a project, secret and off the record. I’m gathering information about any contact or collaboration between L Corp and Cadmus during the years when Lex was CEO.”

 Her assistant’s eyes brighten with understanding immediately. “Luckily, sorting through huge amounts of paperwork I don’t totally understand is one of my specialties.”

 Lena pauses, biting her lip. “Jess. Thank-you, for this.”

 “You don’t need to thank me. I…” she pauses, hesitating at the boundary between personal and professional, “I’ve had a bunch of bosses and I’ve never worked anywhere as nice as this. You don’t… I’ve never had a supervisor who is just fair and calm and doesn’t make me tiptoe around their ego. When people get mad at me for not being able to give them what they want or solve their problem, I’m never afraid you are going to blame me without letting me explain what happened. And if I didn’t do anything wrong I always knew you would defend me. I know that must sound silly to someone like you, but…”

 “It’s not silly,” she interjects softly.

 “I want to help you. You, and Kara.”

 Lena tilts her head, intent, “What about Kara?”

 Jess freezes, then breathes out slowly. “I would never say anything to anyone. Just… I mean, I find Kara in your office a lot even though she doesn’t come in or leave through the elevator.”

 She has to laugh at that. “She's terrible at keeping secrets, isn’t she?”

 Jess just grins and nods.

 Lena motions beside her, “Come and sit down. I’ll show you what needs to be done.”

 Together they put in six solid hours of work on a Sunday afternoon. Lena decides Jess will be well-compensated indeed, though not through L Corp channels. She absorbs information about how to do audits and the details of filing scientific briefs with speed and accuracy.

 Something like hope burns in Lena’s chest.

 They have made considerable progress when Lena gets a text from Kara, simply ‘ _im guessing youre hard at work already? (its a sunday lena!)’_

_‘No rest for the wicked, I’ve got a lot I need to sort through.’_

_‘well when youre done come by my apartment okay?’_

Lena bites her lip, a little anxious about what Kara will want to talk about after the meeting yesterday.

 She responds simply, _‘Of course. I’ll be there.’_

 

* * *

 

 “You wanted to see me?”

 Kara opens the door for Lena, who leans languidly against the doorframe, arms crossed across her chest.

 “Did you really think we wouldn’t be having a conversation about the whole… meeting thing yesterday?” she asks, waving her inside.

 Lena smiles, a small upturn of the lips. “No. I knew we would,” she says softly. Kara does not let her hide, not anymore.

 Kara shuts the door behind Lena as they stand in her foyer. “I’m not sure where to even start, here.”

 She is torn between hope and apprehension. Kara had not expected this, that leaving behind her family would transform into a full offensive against them. She is not sure what this means.

 Lena shrugs, unfolding her arms, “After we talked, I decided to go see Mother. Confront how I felt, see if there was really nothing worth preserving in my relationship with her. There wasn’t. If she were not a monster, I would simply cut ties with her. Since she is an obsessed and determined killer, I will do what I can to help stop her. Either way, I am an orphan again.”

 Kara heart clenches in her chest. Her delivery was calm and controlled, but Kara can only imagine how Lena feels underneath. She had hoped for this, hoped that Lena would be able to leave the Luthors behind her. But not like this. She wants to suggest they sit down, go to the living room, but she can sense Lena needs a veneer of formality.

 She wants to tug Lena into her arms. She settles for giving her condolences. “I’m so sorry, Lena.”

 She shakes her head. “You asked me why I was doing this,” she continues, moving to another topic before her grief becomes the subject.

 "I just didn’t want you to get involved in something this dangerous unless it’s really what you want.”

 “It is,” Lena says, clipped and definitive.

 “Or because you feel like you owe me, or have anything to make up for…” Kara trails off, not willing to allude more directly than that to Lex’s attack.

 “I do have something to make up for. Not... that. Throughout our entire friendship I have relied on you. You have worked so hard to help me be a part of your life, been so patient and kind. You shared your own friends with me. You are always the one taking the first step between us. I feel as if… I haven’t been pulling my weight.”

 Kara tilts her head, “So you decided to orchestrate a takedown of my worst enemies?”

 Lena smirks. “Play to your strengths.”

 She laughs a little, hand adjusting her glasses.

 “You always make things easier for me, you make things seem normal and… like our problems are something that we can just push our way through. I haven’t thanked you enough for that,” Lena says, eyes shining. She breathes in through her nose, fortifying herself. Her tone shifts to something strong and sure. “After what happened with Lex, your sister visited me.”

 Kara nods. “I know. I made her swear not to be mean, though,” she says, looking at Lena with concern.

 “She was kinder than I deserved. She told me that the people you surround yourself with —the people you care about— make up the family you have chosen. And that what you wanted was for me to be a part of that family. That it was up to me to decide if that was what I wanted, and in what capacity I wanted it.”

 “And is it?” Kara asks, voice soft and croaky with awe. Her heart pounds, understanding dawning: please, let this be what she thinks it is.

 “Kara every moment of honest warmth and affection in my life is a result of you. When we first became friends you would hug me, or grab my arm, or sit by me. Casually, uncalculated. As if I was not a pariah, not an intimidating CEO who might be dangerous to you. As if I was just a just a normal woman. And I would—sometimes all I could think of was ‘when was the last time someone touched me’? And it would be… difficult for me to remember. Maybe a handshake with an investor, earlier in the week. Or Jess brushing my hand while passing me a latte. And then… you. Filling my days with joy and companionship. It’s like you are always touching me. Even when you aren’t… I, whenever I look at you, I feel like…”

 Kara takes a step forward, has to exercise restraint to keep from flinging herself into Lena’s arms.

 But Lena has stopped, is looking off to the side with faraway eyes.

 “That wasn’t all you had to say,” Kara prods.

 Lena’s hands shake, just a little. Kara can hear her heartbeat spike with anxiety.

 “Keep going,” she prompts, filled with hope.

 Lena breathes in, squaring her shoulders as she straightens.

 “I am Lena Luthor. I can’t change who or what I am. I grew up fighting for scraps of affection and position; I see the darkness in the human heart at the same time as the good. I’m a CEO who measures the right thing to do by averaging out the positive and the negative, who loves rules and order in the same breath as truth and justice. I still can’t truly believe in the world you see,” she clasps her hands behind her pack, posture upright and perfectly correct.

 She turns, as if to pace, but stops herself. Her eyes bore into Kara’s as she continues, “But you deserve to make the choice for yourself. What you have given me already is more than enough, and I won’t resent you if this is all you want. Your friendship is more than I could ask for. But what I want…” she trails off, jaw clenching, “I want to face this world with you. I want to be your partner. I want to share the pain and the joy of this life with you. I want to wake up and go to sleep seeing you and knowing you and living a life by your side. I want it all with you, Kara.”

 Kara inhales sharply. She had not thought Lena was ready to talk about this yet, the true depth of what lays between them. She wonders when she will stop being surprised at the strength, the bravery, of this woman. She has not just made the painful decision to let go of her family, she has decided to actively help stop them. She has decided to help Kara, to spend her life helping Kara.

 It is even more surreal that the most romantic speech Kara has ever had directed at her has been delivered as a passionate but formal business proposal for a life-merger.

 She cannot find words. Instead she winds her arms around Lena’s shoulders, tugging her in. Before Kara can even think of responding verbally, she needs Lena to know the answer is yes. She presses closer until their hips brush, intimate and affectionate, and leans their foreheads together.

 Lena’s eyes flutter shut. She draws her bottom lip in, wetting it with her tongue as anticipation dances down her spine.

 Kara leans in, smiles, and lifts her chin to plant a kiss on the tip of Lena’s nose. She turns her head to trail soft lips across the planes of her face and up to peck along the elegant arch of her brow. There is nothing in it but the desire to show Lena how precious she is, how loved. She meanders towards a defined cheekbone and dips down to trace the hard line of her jaw with soft, fluttering kisses.

 An airy laugh, half a giggle, escapes Lena as she smiles. Her hands reach up, one to bury itself in Kara’s hair, the other to curl around her waist. Her breath comes in short gasps, blind to everything but Kara’s gentle affection, every sensation heightened in the absence of sight. Tension knots in her stomach at the feel of soft lips on her face, aching as Kara inches closer to what Lena longs for.

  _Kiss me, Kara, please._

Kara chooses this moment to brush the lightest kiss to the corner of Lena’s mouth. They are so close that Kara can feel the expansion of her chest during the sharp inhalation. Lena’s jaw has dropped a fraction, lips parting.

 At once Kara tilts her head, catching Lena’s bottom lip between hers. The kiss is soft, without much pressure, but lingering. As she starts to pull back Lena surges forward, hand going to Kara’s jaw to pull her back in. She closes her own lips around Kara’s, sucking intently, nosing down and slanting her head in for a burning kiss.

 Their more intense, aggressive direction is derailed as Lena backs herself into Kara’s apartment door, knob digging into her back. She releases Kara’s lips with a wet, sticking noise, equal parts startled and irritated.

 She mutters “What?”, raspy and unfocused. Then shifts sideways so the doorknob pokes out between her arm and her side.

 Kara can’t help but laugh, smiling brightly.

 Lena leans in again, only to discover the logistical impossibility of making out with a person sporting a full on toothy grin.

 Her frustration only makes Kara even more amused until she is laughing uselessly, full of joy and relief and delight.

 “Kara,” Lena asks, amused but pleading.

 Kara takes half a step back, extracting an arm from behind Lena to cup her jaw loosely. “I…” she starts, fumbling, “I never thought I would find someone who could see who I really am, and how difficult I will make their life, and _want_ me.”

 Lena’s eyes widen, desire making way for rapt attention.

 “On this world the expectation is that your partner is your number one priority. And I… there is no way I will ever be able to give someone that. I never thought I would find a person who could be okay with that. Who could deal with the danger I’d put them in, how the enemies I’ve made would target them. I never thought it would be fair to even ask,” she says, a hint of remote and quiet desolation, of a truth she had accepted but never dwelled on long.

 She takes a breathing, continuing, “But Lena, and you say your name like it should warn me off, but it’s only because it’s Lena Luthor standing in front of me that I feel the way I do. You are calculated enough to have considered the risks and fearless enough to face them. You didn’t come here tonight without thinking about every angle of the concerns I have and probably a couple I don’t have! When you said you wanted it all, with me, I _know_ you have no illusions about what that means. You are talking to Kara Danvers and Supergirl and Kara Zor El, all together. From the very beginning you were suspicious and brilliant and empathetic enough to see I was hiding, to discover all the sides of me, from cheerful to grieving to driven to silly. And if my enemies want to target my loved ones, I’d suggest they steer clear of you. You might just be more dangerous than me.”

 Kara tilts her head, “I… see you, and know that you see me _._ I can’t even tell you what that means to me.” She strokes her thumb firmly across Lena’s cheek, smiling with a hint of the cocky confidence of Supergirl, “There is _no one_ I’d want more.”

 Lena’s mouth opens, but no words materialize as her eyes swim with moisture. Her hand tightens on Kara’s shirt as she blinks, trying to control her reaction.

  _Kara._ Her heart aches, mind chanting that beloved name. For someone like her, to be so wanted, so dear, to a person like Kara. She feels like she will break apart, unable to hold so much emotion.

 But even through that, her mind is drawing together threads of understanding. She had only indirectly realized how the Luthor household, where she spent every day reading and mollifying the mercurial moods of powerful and manipulative adults, had shaped her into someone who can read people so well. How the trauma that dogged her also drove her to dig and dig until she saw through all the surface layers of Kara. How it left her unsatisfied with the veneer of the perky, pretty journalist or the dashing, confident hero.

 She had not realized how much that was something Kara needed.

 When she came here, when she confessed to Kara, she had not truly thought her feelings would be returned. Kara has never hidden her affection, never hidden her love or her joy. It had not occurred to her that Kara was so worried about the price whoever she loved would pay that she would never even ask the question. Would not even hint at her feelings. But now that she has seen it, understanding blossoms. She sees Kara’s guilt about what she cannot give and what her presence might take, her fear of the consequences whoever loves her might bear.

 Lena almost laughs, resolve prickling under her skin. She is a CEO, scientist, and billionaire. The word she associates most strongly with ‘risk’ is ‘assessment’.

 She leans in, pressing a tender kiss to Kara’s lips.

 “Together, then,” she says as she pulls back.

 Kara smiles, the corners of her eyes crinkling. “Does this mean we get to go on a date?”

 Her laugh is a short bark, “After this is all over, I hope. I’ve started the double game. Any contact I have with you will be scrutinized. From here on out I must behave exactly as I would if I was truly loyal to Cadmus. I must see you only enough to produce the illusion I am maintaining a friendship to manipulate you.”

 “Lena, no,” she frowns.

 “Kara, this is the boardroom. This is where I fight. You have to trust that I know what must be done.”

 “Not ‘no’ like that! No like that sounds lonely and its worse cause all I want to do is take you on a nice date.”

 Lena smiles at Kara. “After.”

 “No,” she says, firm. “Tomorrow isn’t a promise. Find a way. I don’t care if I have to climb in your window in the dead of night.”

 Lena nods, sighing, knowing Kara well enough to accept she won’t back down. She tips her head back against the door, already planning her next move.

 She will exert every ounce of influence and exhaust every resource to protect what she cannot bear to lose.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! It's your very tireddddd author. I'm trying to shift my sleep schedule forward by like 10 hours this weekend to prepare for going on night shift, which is quite a trip. I'm super excited about it, though. I should have more time for reading/writing in the future!
> 
> The next few chapters have given me So Much trouble, hopefully once I'm out of that section of plot I'll be back to updating more quickly. But like the next chapter is done but wholly and completely unedited still, wargh. I'm really enjoying the 'prepare for/fight Cadmus' plotline but it has been so tough.
> 
> Also, I'm ignoring the entire 'J'onn gets a blood transfusion that turns him into a white matian/M'gann is discovered' plotline bcs its dumb. Blood transfusions don't do that!!!!! Plus I love M'gann and she should have been able to talk about it in her own time, like honestly I think more of J'onn than to deal with the situation that way WHATEV.

* * *

 

                                                                             _Over_  
_and over, cradling your ugly memories as they burst_  
_their banks, tears and tears, I call_  
_you lovely. Your face_  
_will come to trust that judgement, to bask_  
_in its own clarity like the sun._

 _"_ Rumplestiltskin" by Olga Broumas

 

* * *

 

 Jess moves to Lena’s desk, holding a printout. She points to a couple lines, flipping the page over and continuing to emphasize several figures on the back.

 “I noticed a section head had marked the ‘transfer’ of a thermal cycler and other DNA amplification equipment which never arrived at any L Corp facility. This seemed relevant to that.”

 “An entire lab and its contents as ‘losses’ to be replaced by a new upgraded workspace that was equipped in essentially the same manner? Good catch.”

 Lena frowns as she stares at the paper.

 She has found a lot of bioengineering, very heavy interest in weapons development and prototypes (as you would expect), but also an ominous amount of focus on microbial studies, application unknown.

 She resolves to make up a packet to forward to Alex for a consultation. She is more familiar with machinery and engineering than medicine. Perhaps Alex will see a pattern she cannot.

 If only they were making more progress in tracing the physical location of Cadmus’s headquarters. Records are blatantly fabricated when it comes to delivery and billing information related to Cadmus. Multiple intermediaries are making it a slog to trace even their general location.

 She is confident they will make headway, though.

 Jess looks at her, excited and determined. The opportunity to use the full breadth of her intelligence at her job has invigorated her. She works long hours without complaint, and despite her appreciation for the considerable cash bonuses Lena has been providing her, seems motivated solely by the challenge of it and her desire to help her boss.

 Lena hopes she wins. If, when, Cadmus falls she is going to send this girl wherever she wants to go in life.

 

* * *

 

 She picks up on the first ring upon seeing Alex Danvers’ name on her cell. She has been waiting for her response.

 “Lena.”

 “Hello, Alex. You got a chance to look at the files I sent you?”

 “I did. I’m concerned.”

 “I was as well. What do you suspect?” Lena asks, pacing a little.

 “That they are looking to target aliens specifically with genetically engineered microorganisms. I can’t imagine such a thing being possible, given the biological diversity between, hell even just within, alien species.”

 “But you wouldn’t count Cadmus out of the game.”

 “I wouldn’t.”

 “I’ll keep digging. See if I can find more information about what route they found most promising," she taps one finger on the side of the phone, deep in thought.

 “Do that. I’ll keep analyzing what you sent. And see if we can come up with some counter measures for Kara.”

 “Keep me in the loop.”

 “Will do. Don’t forget to relax, can’t have my sister’s girlfriend keeling over.”

 “I’m a long way from being able to relax," Lena says with a smirk.

 “Hah! A woman after my own heart. But, well, not to ruin the surprise, I don’t think Kara is going to put up with that for much longer.”

 “Oh for heavens… well, it’s no use trying to change time, the weather, or Kara’s mind.”

 “I’ve found it’s best to just distract her. I use pictures of 5 star restaurant desserts.”

 Lena can’t help but laugh. “I’ll be sure to try that.”

 “Always happy to help. Thanks, Lena.”

 “Of course. Have a good night.”

 “You too.”

 

* * *

 

 Lena finds out what Kara has planned later that same week.

 Jess ushers her out of the office promptly at 6pm, and when she gets into the car her driver tells her she is being dropped off at the Science Museum rather than her apartment per Kara Danvers. She smiles, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. Subtle, Kara is not.

 When she gets out and goes inside the large, stately building she finds Kara waiting for her inside the entrance.

 Before she can even get out a ‘hello’ she finds herself in Kara’s arms, squeezed in playful greeting.

 Kara pulls back, smiling, “Hey, Lena.”

 “Hi, Kara,” she grins back, “It’s good to see you. Though I’m not entirely sure what I’m doing here.”

 “We are going on a date. I haven’t seen you in almost two weeks, and I’m putting my foot down.”

 Lena laughs as she shakes her head. “I told you it would be dangerous for me to be connected further with you. We can’t exactly wander around together at a public attraction.”

 “I don’t think Cadmus is monitoring the National City Science Museum’s security feed. Unless they want to see a lot of hours of screaming children running around. And their network is too old fashioned to be uploaded or connected anywhere, Winn checked.”

 “On that note, you do know that most of the exhibits are in fact geared towards children?” she asks teasingly.

 Kara smiles. “Yeah. It’s going to be great.”

 Lena laughs, incredulous, “Alright! Now I’m curious. Lead on, Kara.”

 They pay and grab a map, which Kara scrutinizes for several minutes.

 Lena had expected it to be very awkward to go on a date to a kid’s museum, anticipating a lot of overexcited children running around with their stressed out parents following behind. But the place is mostly deserted.

 Kara directs them towards the ‘Dinosaur Mysteries Exhibit’ first, home of the collection of skeletons and fossils. She darts around enthusiastically, wanting to read all the signs and peppering Lena with dino facts: “ _Guess what? ‘Researchers believe that due to the nature of Stegosaurus legs, they had a maximum speed of around 5mph’.”_  

 She spends a good few minutes like this, Lena laughing with amused patience, before returning to her date. Kara grabs her hand, twining their fingers together, smiling. “How has it been? Alex told me you have been making a lot of progress, mostly by working for the entire part of the day you aren’t asleep.”

 “I’m alright. It’s stressful work, but it’s important. Jess is helping me. And, Kara, we shouldn’t talk about this here. What if people overhear us?”

 “We are in a museum in November. There are…” Kara lowers her glasses for a second, “Eight people here. Thirteen if you count employees.”

 Lena tetches deep in her throat. “No wonder schools are going downhill.”

 “It’s not exactly tourist season right now. And all the parents are busy preparing for the holidays.”

 As they talk they wind through the dinosaur exhibit back to the beginning, returning to the main hallway.

 “Meanwhile we are busy preparing for attempted genocide.”

 Kara looks down at her map. “That is why we are about to go on a very exciting tour as we, ah… ‘fly through a virtual cell’ and see brain, heart, and muscle cells.”

 “You have _x-ray vision_ , Kara.”

 “I know! This is going to be hilarious! Don’t pretend you are too ‘cool’ and ‘adult’ to get a kick out of this, Lena.” She smirks, motioning toward her own eyes and whispering, “I see you, girl with a perfect gpa.”

 Kara practically bounces around the corner and sits in a fake auditorium seat in a curved corner room, visibly a little too small for an adult. She motions Lena next to her before pressing a green button to start the presentation.

  _Welcome to our virtual cell! It’s time to climb into one of our cell submarines and take a virtual tour of our cellular landscape. Looking straight ahead, you should see a large blue object studded with small yellow openings. That is the nucleus of the cell!_

It isn’t long before Kara is giggling as their virtual craft traverses the computer generated interior of a cell.

 A person with multiple degrees being presented with extremely basic scientific information as if it is revolutionary and fascinating is strange, comedic, and offers an interesting perspective all at once. As she is informed about ‘the mitochondria, the powerhouses of the cell’ she is reminded of her early schooling, vague memories stirring. The perspective of an adult makes the experience truly surreal, as her more advanced education comes into conflict over some of the inaccuracies introduced due to oversimplification.

  _Proteins are made from instruction inside the nucleus! Proteins are the building blocks of…_

 Lena twitches at the blatant misconstruction of fact.

 Next to her, Kara giggles. “I _saw_ that. You want to say it, don’t you?”

 “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she singsongs, smiling.

 “The DNA first needs to be _transcribed_ into RNA…” Kara trails off.

 Lena sighs, finishing. “Followed by _translation_ into amino acids.”

 The video has continued on to neurons and how muscle cells work, colorful animations showing how signals travel and produce motion.

 By the end they are both laughing helplessly at nothing, hands intertwined.

 Kara decides their next destination is to be the air and space area. As they walk past the planetarium they come across the posters and showtimes for the presentation, which Lena doesn’t pay any attention to until Kara catches sight of it.

 Kara almost doubles over laughing. “Can you believe it?”

 “What?”

 “The planetarium show. It’s… it’s ‘ _We Are Aliens’_.”

 Lena rolls her eyes, “Kara.”

 “I’m gonna tell everyone I’m an alien.”

 “Kara!” She shakes her head, then darts over to kiss her on the cheek. “By their standards, I am also an alien.”

 “What if a human was born in space and never visited earth until they were an adult? Would they be considered an alien?”

 “That’s… a surprisingly good question. Genetic similarity is a flawed basis, given how similar many aliens, such as yourself, are to humans.”

 “It’s kind of weird.”

 “The universe was tired of being creative?” Lena says, shrugging her shoulders.

 “Krypton had some theories, like that there used to be a more advanced spacefaring race that broke apart with people scattered on different planets and the populations diverged,” Kara says, motioning with her hands.

 “Was there evidence for it?”

 She shrugs. “I was too young to fully understand. It was mostly analyzing how improbable the coincidence was. Statistics versus the world stuff.”

 “If only life would proceed according to our equations…” Lena trails off, smiling.

 Kara turns towards her to peck her on the lips as they walk. “Life never does what it’s supposed to, does it.”

 Lena squeezes the hand in hers. “No. It doesn’t. We make the best of it.”

 They go to the geology area next, and Lena can feel herself fading fast. As her driven determination softens in Kara’s presence how tired she is has room to sink in.

 Kara can see the hesitation in how Lena moves and the unfocused haze in her eyes. She finds a bench in an offshoot room (that also contains a display with a humongous diamond and several other precious metals) and sits them both down on it.

 “You feel any better now? It isn’t good to work all the time, you know.” Kara asks, rubbing Lena’s hand with her thumb.

 “Now that I’m not frantically anxious? I just feel tired. I’m so tired, and so afraid I will fail.”

 Kara nods, understanding, despite the complete confidence she has in Lena. “I’ll tell you a secret. We all are, every time,” she wraps an arm around Lena’s shoulders. “But with us, no matter what happens, no one bears the consequences alone. We research and plan and fight together, and if we don’t succeed it wasn’t anyone’s fault, see? You aren’t allowed to blame yourself without blaming me and Alex and everyone else too.”

 She squeezes Lena’s shoulder. “But we won’t. You won’t fail. I don’t have any doubt about that.”

 Lena gives her a weak grin. She tries to absorb Kara’s confidence. She does feel stronger, more centered somehow. Seeing all the information in the museum, something that must have been new and challenging to her once, has made her realize how far she has traveled. How much she has learned. She wonders if that process will continue, if in ten years the person she is now will seem limited and lost to the woman she has become.

 Looking over at Kara, and she thinks she just might. Already her life before in Metropolis seems viscerally different, her whole worldview fundamentally shifted on its axis.

 Kara leans in to kiss her, then says “Time for you to go home and go to bed. No more work tonight.”

 They pad through the quiet museum, and wait for Lena’s driver in the entrance. When they see him pull up, Kara kisses her once more before waving her off.

 A part of Lena wants to drag her in again. It will wait, she thinks. If she wants that woman she will be after ten years of Kara by her side, she must win it.

 

* * *

 

 The next day at work she gets a message from her Mother.

 It is a request for a truckload of components: pre-formed superconductor coils, super high capacity portable power sources and fifty pounds of different alloy varieties. The delivery instructions are simple, nonspecific, and reveal nothing except for a dead drop location.

 Mother may as well have issued a formal invitation to the opening of an electromagnetic weapons manufacturing venture.

 Lena frowns, and makes the arrangements.

 

* * *

 

She decides to put the next part of her plan into action that same day.

 It always amazes her how heroes underutilize all of their most dangerous weapons.

 She stands, and goes to shake hands with her newest guest. “Good to meet you, Miss M’orzz.”

 “Miss Luthor. I’m really not sure what business you could have with me, but I’m happy to speak with you.”

 Lena clasps her hand behind her back. “I understand you have the ability to shapeshift, read minds, flexible morals, and a desire for money.”

 M’gann frowns, “That doesn’t mean I’ll whore out myself to just anyone,” face twisting with disdain.

 Clearly, this woman knows her reputation. She will have to step carefully.

 She nods, acknowledging the point, then meets her eyes squarely. “We share some mutual friends at the DEO. You can feel free to confirm anything I tell you with them.”

 “I’m listening.”

 “I’m sure you’ve heard of the threat posed by Cadmus,” Lena watches as recognition and a hint of fear flicker across her face, “Our friends, they are good people. They want this world to be a better place. I don’t want to see them destroyed by people who lack those… scruples.”

 “I don’t kill.” M’gann says, approaching interested but hesitant.

 “I’m not asking you to. That would actually be counterproductive. I intend for you to do something for me without a single other soul knowing what has occurred.”

 M’gann smirks and nods. “I see.” This is territory she understands.

 “I have a folder in here with a list of names. People who have major ties with Cadmus. I need to know what they know, where they got the money, where it went, any involvement in any Cadmus projects they’ve had.” She pushes a folder across her desk. “Inside is my rate per successful target. I’ll ask that you check in everyday with the DEO, preferably while wearing some kind of tracking device. For your sake as well as theirs I’d prefer to be able to find you as quickly as possible if you are discovered. I’ll also be paying whatever expenses you accrue during the preparatory phase, if you find it necessary to investigate any countermeasures they have in place.”

 M’gann opens the folder, and freezes. “That’s…”

 “Let’s just say, you looked in the wrong places, if you wanted to make money outside the law.”

 Her Mother has no idea the enemy she has made. She will though, soon enough.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was an absolute bear to write and edit (description heavy passages are SO tough). It is also almost a thousand words longer than my typical chapters. But we could all use something fun after... yesterday. URGH. Let me know what works and what doesn't, this section involved a lot of trial and error writing wise. It was great practice for me, but it was also super challenging. But I promised some 'window sneaking' and heck if I'm not going to deliver on that lol.
> 
> I'm also still getting used to my new schedule, it's super weird to stay up all night all the time. Come chat with me, let me know how I did and what you liked/didn't like ([x](http://ladyptarmigan.tumblr.com/))!!!!

* * *

  
_In this light we lay claim_  
_to each other. You will be_  
_here beside me on the grass_  
_until the sun goes down in Avalon._

 _Beyond This Dark House_ by Guy Gavriel Kay  
  


* * *

 

 “You got my message, then?” Lena speaks into the phone, pacing behind her desk.

 “About your Mother requesting enough raw materials to start up a munitions factory? Yeah, I did.” Alex replies, feet on her desk a few miles away in the DEO headquarters building.

 “Your thoughts?”

 “It’s too obvious. We already knew they had the capability to produce advanced electromagnetic weaponry.”

 “Yes,” Lena concurs, “And it was clearly a test, to see if I was willing to provide dangerous material to them without attaching tracking devices or sabotaging the tech.”

 “Everything about this is a trap.”

 “Yes. The question is, _where_ is the trap?” Lena asks, gesturing with one hand regardless of the fact that Alex can’t see it.

 “She might be doing this specifically to convince us the weaponry isn’t their main avenue of attack. Leaving us wide open to it.”

 “Her goal might be as simple as wasting our time on multiple avenues of investigation.”

 “Can we afford to ignore the possibility she intends to mass produce these weapons for her… crusade?” Alex asks.

 Lena bites at her thumbnail, scowling. “I’m not sure.”

 “No other considerations, just gut instinct. Tell me what you think.”

 She looks down at her desk, thinks of her Mother. “Misdirection,” she says, pausing. “Killing aliens one by one is too inefficient, regardless of scale. It’s a virus.”

 There is a pause on the other end of the phone. “We’ll stay the course, then.”

 “Alex, I don’t— if I’m wrong…”

 “There isn’t an agent at the DEO more qualified to make this decision than you, and without your intel we wouldn’t have made it this far anyway.”

 Lena sits down at her desk, feels the weight of so many lives, of Kara’s life, pressing down on her shoulders.

 “Lena, ultimately it’s my call, and Director Henshaw’s call. I agree with you. I’ll back your play.”

 

* * *

 

 Lena does not intend for it to come to that.

 She spends the rest of the evening chasing down even the most obscure leads pertaining to Cadmus’s physical location. Jess had passed her a note that one of Luthor Corp’s former employees might have something they could use, and she picks up the phone with a daring hint of excitement.

 “Hello? Mr. Jameson? This is Lena. My assistant Jess gave me your number?”

 “Well, if it isn’t the Miss Lena Luthor, herself!”

 “That’s correct. My assistant told me you said ‘if you care so much about those old hauls you tell her to call me her own damn self’.”

 “That’s-ah That’s correct mayum.”

 “The people those goods were intended for have used them for horrible purposes. I need to find them.”

 There is a pause on the other end of the phone. “This is about Lex and all that ‘ET go home’ hoopla?”

 “Yes,” Lena replies, sharp and uncertain. Though she hates to stereotype people, she fears his sympathies lie with Cadmus. She cannot afford to have her efforts given away, not even by a former truck driver.

 “Well, hell.” The man sighs into the phone. “If it’s to help against those damn fools I’ll tell you what I remember. Surely any man with sense has realized the folk around him are just as damn strange as any alien could be.”

 Lena almost trembles in relief. You really can’t judge a book by its cover.

 “Now, this was many many years ago mind, so my memory ain’t exactly perfect any more. But mostly took Interstate 15 up to the junction in Barstow onto I-40 clear out to the Mojave. Ah cannot remember the exact exit number, but it was the one before the rest area. You take some side roads until you are heading north up into the waste, drive about 15 miles. I was told to just drop the load in the middle of the feckin hills. Never saw another person.”

 Lena is impressed by the excellence of his memory considering this would have taken place more than a decade ago. “Could you mark what you recall on a map?”

 “I assuredly could.”

 “I’ll send some files to you. I can’t tell you how much your help means, Mr. Jameson.”

 “Nah, that’s… I’m happy to help.”

 “Thanks again. I’ll have my assistant forward the packet to you.”

 She hangs up, resting her chin against her steepled fingers. This is promising.

 She drums her fingers against the desk for a moment, then calls Winn.

 “Winn.”

 “Hey! What’s up boss lady?”

 She has to smile. “I’ve gotten some good intel on a potential Cadmus location. A trucker recalls the route he used for deliveries to the middle of nowhere. They undoubtedly picked the loads up and transported them to a final destination, but we should be able to narrow down the location to at least 10 to 15-mile region.”

 “Send me what you’ve got.”

 “I’m sending it now.”

 “Ohhhh nice. We should be able to use satellite images to look for service roads, get it narrowed down even further.”

 “Everything we do leaves traces,” she murmurs thoughtfully.

 Winn laughs, “And that’s why we’re the brain trust.”

 “Let me know what you find.”

  _She has them_.

 She just knows it; she can feel it. Nothing is ever totally secure, no knowledge can be totally erased. This is the break she has been waiting for.

 But Lena doesn’t just want to win. It isn’t enough to just crush her opponents anymore. She needs to save lives. She needs to save one life in particular. This is will be enough to take down Cadmus. But is it enough for him?

 She drums her fingers on the table, then picks up her phone again.

 The phone rings a few times, and goes to voicemail.

 “ _This is Maggie Sawyer of the NCPD Science Division. If you are trying to reach me due to a life threatening emergency, hang up and dial 911. If you have information or need to contact me due to a routine police matter, leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”_

“Maggie, it’s Lena. A couple months ago you brought in the criminals who attacked my gala, who died under suspicious circumstances afterwards. I’m assuming the NCPD did an autopsy, I have some questions about what they found. Give me a call back as soon as you can.”

 She’ll need as much information about Cadmus safeguards as she can get.

 Everything is coming together, she just needs to slide one final piece into place.

 

* * *

 

 Her sense of triumph lasts for the rest of the day, all the way until she enters her home and turns the on the TV.

 On screen Supergirl is engaged in a high flying fight with an angry, technologically enhanced man using Kryptonian powers the news has labeled ‘Cyborg Superman’.

 He catches Kara by the throat and tosses her into a building.

 Lena feels frozen, panic flooding her in an instant. She knows Kara is fine. Knows she has help and wouldn’t be harmed by hand to hand combat, regardless of the opponent. But to see Kara _struck_. Knowing that she loves her. Knowing that someone is trying to harm the person who means everything to her. Something about it is different from all the other times she has watched the heroics of Supergirl.

 Her heart hammers in her chest. _That’s Kara_. Her mind chants, watching Supergirl counter a punch and dodge out of the way of lasers, grappling the man to the ground. Watching as her legs are knocked out from under her.

 She turns the TV off. She can’t watch this.

 She pulls out her phone and sends Alex a brief message, ‘ _Please let me know if Kara is alright after the fighting is over.’_

And then another, fueled by desperate hope, ‘ _Kara if you are up to it please come see me later.’_

* * *

 

 She makes it approximately halfway through getting ready for bed before giving up. She hangs her suit jacket, washes her face, lets down her hair, but as she stands in front of her bedroom mirror with pajamas in one hand she realizes it’s a waste. She won’t sleep tonight.

 Lena leaves her bedroom with a sigh, setting her laptop up at the desk in her home office instead. She turns just one lamp on, the only other light in the apartment being the glow from her laptop. The scene is rather morose, she knows, but she can’t help it.

 Alex had texted her earlier, that Kara was a bit worse for wear but physically fine. But she is still too unsettled.

 Working is easier than closing her eyes, and seeing that news story replayed in her head over and over. At least if she gets enough L Corp business done she can clear some of her morning schedule.

 It is after midnight when she hears a quiet knock on her balcony door.

 She feels a moment of panic at the unknown before hope rushes in. When she turns and sees a glint of golden hair it feels as if her knees will give out.

 She races over, sliding the door open and pulling Kara inside.

 Kara has obviously had time to change out of her super suit but not enough to go home, clean up, and put on her own clothes. She is in a pair of sweatpants (that look like they belong to Alex) and a long sleeve shirt just a little small and too thin for the weather.

 Her hands cling to Kara’s shoulders, then drift down her arms to her hands.

 Kara smiles, tired but bright, “I figured you’d be worried.”

 Lena does not speak. She just takes her into her arms.

 She spends a moment just squeezing tightly, arms around Kara, forehead leaning against her temple. “Oh, Kara. I hadn’t imagined how hard it would be to watch,” she says, a lament in her voice.

 She splays her hands against the firm muscles of Kara’s back. Traces the triangles of defined musculature across her shoulders, strokes up her spine and down again. Eventually her hands roam, directionless, content to simply feel Kara. To let her body discover for itself that she is okay. She runs her palms down Kara’s sides, across her back, down again to rest on her hips.

 Her worries for Kara drain at last, trickling out until she feels hollow and brittle. She wishes they could do this without so much fear and stress. That they could be a normal couple for a day. “I wish I could take you out on a date. A real date.”

 Kara grins. “What would we do?”

 “Go see a show, maybe. Or eat dinner at a club that plays classy jazz music,” she pauses, joking but with mischievous intent, “Then I’d take you home.”

 “Oh?” Kara asks, laughing softly.

 Lena leans in, pressing a kiss to that smile. She weaves her hands through golden hair, curls twining between her clenching fingers. Something in her is desperate and wild, she has to repress the urge to roll her hips as she leans closer to press open mouthed kisses to Kara’s lips.

 Pulled in further, she feels Kara’s arms wind around her hips. The breath rushes out of her in one clenching exhale at the sensation of strong arms around her, pressed up against this woman. She wants to reach down and lift off her shirt, kiss her again and again and again.

 She presses a softer kiss to Kara’s top lip before leaning back, meeting her eyes as she goes. This can’t continue without a discussion of what they both want.

 She thinks Kara is on the same page as her until she actually speaks.

 “I promise I will try and stay safe,” Kara says, quiet and sad.

 A burst of the drained fear and worry from earlier returns with a shudder, and makes her chest feel like someone is sitting on it. “Kara, I can’t lose you,” she tells her truthfully, filter ruined by desire.

 “Oh, Lena,” she replies, a soft sigh.

 “I won’t ask you to promise you’ll come back. I would never ask for that kind of promise. But please, if you can, chose yourself. I would mourn you for the rest of my life, please.” She can feel herself pleading, she has never wanted to put Kara in this position but the sentiment escapes regardless.

 “Lena, you are such an incredible woman. So many people out there would love you and want to make you happy.”

 “No,” she says, shaking her head.

 Kara frowns, understanding. She knows this is it for Lena. The last chance she will give a world that has delivered so much more pain than happiness.

 Lena has decided to believe one last time, in this. In her.

 “Alright,” she says, squeezing Lena’s hips in an off center hug. “But you aren’t allowed to be a spinster, if the worst happens. Adopt a bunch of kids and spoil them terribly and tell them stories about me, ok?”

 They cannot have love without fear of loss, not two people such as them.

 Lena can feel her eyes start to water, and solves the problem by shutting them tightly. “Stories would never be enough,” she says, gasping the words out.

 Kara reaches up and wraps her fingers around Lena’s wrist, still buried in blond hair, and pulls that hand down. She kisses each knuckle gently, working her way from index to pinky.

 Lena’s eyes fly open. She opens her hand, and Kara kisses her palm instead.  The sensation almost tickles, and she shivers. Kara grins against her palm, then turns the hand back over, pressing her lips to the back of Lena’s fingers.

 She arches forward, stealing her hand back to reach underneath Kara’s shirt. She runs her palm up the skin of her back, delighting in the answering clench of muscle under her fingertips.

 Lena’s hand drifts back down to the hem of the long sleeve shirt, fingers itching to pull it up, enjoy Kara’s firmly muscled top half unencumbered by clothing. She hikes the shirt up a few inches, tempted to lean down and press her mouth to the curves of firm musculature. As her fingers brush Kara’s stomach, she pauses.

 They are still standing around in the living room. “Let’s… to my bedroom.” She takes Kara’s hand and pulls them down the hall, navigating through the dark. Her hand fumbles against her bedroom door before finding the handle, not wanting to pull away to look. After a moment the latch catches and she pushes them both through the door.

 Her room is a little brighter than the hallway, lit up by the light of the city from two windows. The space is dominated by a king sized bed, though it sits against the far wall it extends well into the middle of the space. The comforter is a deep, dark gray with green and gold accents on the bed and throughout the room.

 When she turns back to Kara, she sees the awkwardness in her stance. She searches blue eyes, looking past flickers of desire, and sees her uncertainty. No matter how much she wants, she will not push Kara. She asks, “Do we need to have a talk about where this is going?”

 “Ummm. No?” Kara says haltingly, then slips into a ramble, “Ah, yes? No, yeah, that’s a… that’s a no.”

  “Kara,” she says, attempting firmness, a hint of a laugh still slipping through.

 Kara shifts her weight from one foot to the other. “I thought talking a bunch in the middle makes things less ‘sexy’.”

 Lena can’t help it, she laughs. “In my experience sex is seldom particularly sexy. To the point where a person skilled at making sex sexy has a marketable, job related talent.”

 This gets a little laugh in return out of Kara.

 “Kara, it’s okay. I can tell you aren’t quite comfortable. Talk to me.”

 “I guess I…” she looks away, then back to Lena, “I always enjoyed kissing and… affection, I just never stopped feeling a little awkward during the actual… sex part. A part of me always worries I’m doing something weird or forgetting some important human custom. And I can’t always figure out what to do with my hands, and I have to try and not use too much strength by accident. So I mostly just… laid there? I mean, I liked it, it was nice, but I was never…” she trails off.

 “Never really comfortable?” Lena asks, pausing until Kara nods. “I don’t care in the slightest where you put your hands or if you act like a weirdo alien. Kara, I have had plenty of sex. I'm comfortable with sex. There was a time in my life where I just didn’t know any other way to feel less… alone, and unwanted. Though I’m guessing my experience was rather the opposite of yours, as affection and kissing were not exactly… central, to those encounters.”

 Kara reaches out to squeeze Lena’s arm gently.

 “I trust you, more than I’ve ever trusted anyone I’ve dated or been with. I know you would never hurt me or make me uncomfortable on purpose, and if you do accidentally I will tell you. So, I’m going to ask you to trust in that.”

 She waits for Kara to nod.

 “We don’t need to have a goal in mind, we can just do things we both enjoy and stop when you want to stop. It’s me, Kara. You don’t have to prove anything to me. It doesn’t need to be perfect. All that I want is you, whatever that is, whatever that turns out to be.”

 She is surprised by how true that is, by how it feels like she has waited her entire life just to be held by someone who loves her. She wishes Kara could see even a glimpse of what this is for her, see how little technical proficiency or pleasure has to do with it. She just wants _Kara._

 The idea comes to her at once, and she realizes it is worth trying. She hopes that being forced to assert herself will make Kara realize that whatever she does will be well received.

 She reaches up to the neckline of Kara’s shirt, pats gently, then drops her arms to her sides. “I’ll let you set the pace of this, okay?”

 Then she steps back.

 Her eyes flicker down to Lena’s hands, then up again to her eyes before darting off to the side. Kara can feel her heart pounding in her chest. The sensation is almost shocking; her enhanced cells don’t labor this hard during violent shootouts or midair brawls.

 She reaches out her hands, then stalls as she considers where to put them. Lena has always been the one to make things flow smoothly. _It’s fine, Lena_ told _me it’s fine,_ she repeats to herself internally, _she said she is okay with whatever I want. So what do I want?_

 Her breath catches in her throat as she looks up and down Lena’s lithe form, hands hovering in midair between them. She feels her gaze settle on the breast…region.

  _Really? Boobs, that’s your deep contribution to this moment?_ Kara berates herself, slipping into absurdity.

 She looks up and realizes her thoughts were apparent, seeing the smile on Lena’s face: all at once amused, wry, and deeply delighted.

 At the sight of it, something in her clicks into place. And she feels okay. Still embarrassed and a little weird, but okay. Something that has always seemed complex and difficult is changed into the simple desire to touch someone and be close to them. She can see, in Lena’s eyes, that this is all she wants.

 She steps forward, hands dropping to Lena’s hips. Her blouse is still tucked in neatly, the elegant white buttons trailing down to her waistline before disappearing into well-tailored slacks. She draws up on the shirt until it comes free, just a hint of lace underwear revealed over the tops of her pants before the shirt settles again. Kara’s hands trace up the line of buttons to the collar, kissing Lena just once before returning to her task.

 She grasps Lena’s top button between her thumb and forefinger, easing the plastic through the hole smoothly. She moves on to the second button, hand trembling just a little as she brushes over the skin of Lena’s chest. The third button reveals a high quality but functional black bra, which she debates lingering on. Slipping a hand inside the shirt, she cups one of Lena’s breasts, palming the fabric of the bra as Lena shivers, gasping. She does it again, feeling a little answering pang of desire.

 This is _fun_. She hadn’t realized it could be like this.

 Kara moves down, button by button, until the dress shirt is hanging open. Lena has kept her arms hanging at her sides, though her fists are clenched now with the effort of staying still. Then she presses the arms of the shirt past Lena’s shoulders and down until it drops to the floor.

 She hesitates, not ready for bra or pants to disappear, but wanting to progress nonetheless. Kara leans back, taking in the striking sight of Lena standing, shirtless, pants low on her hips. Reaching down, she crosses her arms in front of herself and pulls her own shirt up and off in one clean motion.

 Lena’s eyes are wide and wild and a little desperate. Kara takes pity on her, reaching for one of her dangling arms and planting the hand on the waistline of her own sweatpants.

 This is all the invitation Lena needs, her other arm coming up to wind around Kara’s now bare torso.

 Their lips meet in a burning kiss. Lena nips at her lower lip, licking playfully.

 As they kiss Lena reaches up to run her fingers underneath the strap of Kara’s bra, nails scraping.

 Kara takes a step sideways, thigh hitting the mattress to their right. She breaks apart from the kiss, looking down. She wants to push Lena down onto the bed, but doesn’t necessarily want to be responsible for being on top.

 Lena tilts her head, questioning her silently, before climbing on the bed and moving to the other side, head resting on a pillow. She opens her arms, gesturing Kara in.

 Kara crawls over, hesitant.

 Something of her difficulty must come across to Lena, who smiles reassuringly before guiding Kara to lie down on her side. They are facing each other, the position intimate but not explicitly sexual. For each of them one arm is less mobile, pinned beneath their bodies.

 She reaches out with her free hand, resting her palm along Lena’s ribs. She strokes up and over her bra, then around to her back. Kara just feels her, palms flat, slow and deliberate.

 Kara looks up, says “This is nice,” softly and with a little wonder.

 She traces each nub of Lena’s spine down to the curve of buttocks, feels the soft fat of her thighs through the thin material of her slacks. The texture of warm skin and fine hair makes her smile and ache all at once.

 Lena laughs huskily and smiles back, “See, not so different from normal affection, just with less clothing.”

 She can still extend the arm pinned underneath her, even if it is a little less maneuverable. Kara reaches out and slips her hand between Lena’s side and the bed, sliding upwards to slip her fingers underneath Lena’s bra.

 No one can deny that boobs are nice. It’s a universal constant. Even though the angle is awkward, the sensation of soft, pliable weight against her palm is glorious. She squeezes gently, feeling a pang of answering arousal as Lena arches and gasps. Shifting her hand, she runs a thumb over her nipple.

 Biting her lip, Lena cuts short a high pitched, throaty whine.

 Kara stares in wonder. Is this why people like this so much? Getting to watch someone come undone, bringing them joy and pleasure; this is better than anything she imagined. More than the sum of its parts. She reaches around behind Lena with her other arm, searching for the clasp of her bra. She finds the delicate metal clasps, but can’t manage to separate the tiny parts.

 She turns her hand, anchoring the fabric in place as she yanks with her other arm. A tiny snapping noise clicks as metal breaks under the pressure, the two sides coming apart. Kara tugs forward on it, pulling the bra down Lena’s arms and off.

 She surges forward to kiss Lena intently, hand on her breast and around her waist. Her heart pounds in her ears. She wants this.

 Kara pulls back, staring at Lena’s swollen lips and mussed dark hair.

 Her breathing is fast and choppy. She aches, but past this is uncertain territory. Kara reaches an arm back, to fumble with the clasp of her own bra. As the sides part, Lena reaches around to pull it off the rest of the way. A part of Kara wants to roll Lena onto her back, take off her pants, but she would barely know what to do from there. She trembles, uncertain, and meets Lena’s eyes.

 “Please, I need… will you…?” she trails off, uselessly.

 Something is understood, though. Lena is not surprised that Kara hesitates at the boundary where intimate affection becomes explicitly sexual. Or at the least she reaches the end of her own restraint. She reaches down to unbutton her own slacks, pulls them down her legs, and tosses them aside with a grin.

 Grabbing a pillow from her side of the bed, she slings it behind Kara. One hand darts forward to twine through the fine blonde hair at the nape of her neck as she pulls her into a languid kiss. Kara settles back on the pillow, reclining, as Lena leans into her. She reaches down with the other hand to tug at the waist of Kara’s sweatpants.

 Kara lifts her hips obligingly, shimmying out of the baggy clothing and kicking it to the side before settling down against the pillow again. Lena practically collapses down, a choked desperate noise escaping her at the sensation of warm bare skin against her own.

 As their kissing deepens Lena slings a leg over Kara’s thigh, settling in with her full weight. Her bare breasts press against Kara’s, and she writhes with a groan. She stretches out, wanting to feel warm skin against hers all down the full length of her legs.

 Kara stomach tightens at the feel of Lena’s damp underwear clinging to the skin of her thigh. Her arm drops to Lena’s waist as she pulls her closer, hips rocking.

 The breath catches in Lena’s throat as she grinds in earnest while pressing her own thigh against Kara’s clit.

 They separate with a slick wet noise, Kara’s eyes wide. Lena grins, then dips down to press a kiss to edge of her jaw. She trails down, tracing the jutting tendon with tiny licks and open mouthed kisses. Her lips linger against Kara’s pulse point.

 She reaches down, finger slipping between her hip and the thin fabric her of undergarment. Meeting Kara’s eyes, she waits for an assenting nod before sliding the fabric down her legs.

 Kara’s own underwear follows after until they are finally bare. Lena pulls her in to another kiss, hands gentle at Kara’s waist, to distract her through any stab of awkwardness.

  She breathes in deeply, heart pounding. Together with Kara, _together_ with _Kara_ , skin against skin, lips against the beat of her strong loving heart. Nothing could be better than this. Every point of contact between them is warm and sweet.

 She lifts her leg again, pressing against Kara’s clit with her thigh and watching as the breath leaves her is a whoosh. Her hands drift down, and under her palms she can feel Kara’s stomach muscles tensing and relaxing.

 She shifts a little to settle to one side of Kara, then gives her a quick peck on the lips. “Is it alright if I…” she trails off.

 Kara nods, a soft whine escaping.

 Lena reaches down, cupping Kara between her legs and rubbing with the heel of her palm. She dips her fingers down, coating them in wetness and circling Kara’s clit with firm strokes.

 Kara’s leg trembles, letting out a gasped ‘ah’ before Lena pulls her into another kiss.

 Lena can tell it won’t take much to push her over the edge. She cups Kara’s sex again, then slides two fingers in with deft confidence. She picks up a steady rhythm, punctuating it with unhurried, languid kisses, until she feels Kara’s orgasm start.

 At Kara’s choked moan Lena removes her fingers, rubbing her clit until her muscles have stopped contracting, riding through the orgasm and bringing her down gently.

 She plants tender kisses on Kara’s face until the other woman’s eyes flicker back open, still foggy and stunned. Focus comes back to her slowly, bit by bit, until her eyes lock on Lena with fierce intensity.

 She stares for a moment, chest heaving. In a flash one leg darts out to hook around Lena's, leverage to flip her down onto the bed as Kara surges into an upright position.

 Lena gapes at the sight of Kara kneeling over her. Her back arches, blond hair falling around her face, powerful and intent. Reaching a hand underneath Lena's hips, she pulls her in.

 She shifts restlessly, thighs parting further to make more room for Kara kneeling between her legs. Her heart is hammering in her chest, the sight her lover painted golden by the lights of the city beyond anything she could have fantasized. Dominant Kara is also an idea that will require a lot of… revisiting.

 Above her Kara leans forward, looming a little, planting her palm against the dips and ridges of Lena’s hip bone. With her other hand she reaches down, parting Lena’s lower lips and sliding two fingers home in one crisp movement. She is wet enough there is barely any friction, and Kara is knuckle deep with only the barest hint of pressure.

 Even that is enough to make Lena arch and moan with a shaky cry. Her hands fist in the bedspread.

 Kara pulls out, adding another finger and pushing in again. She is a little hesitant at first, but there is very little that _wouldn’t_ work, as aroused as Lena is. Confidence comes quickly until she is thrusting steadily, watching as her girlfriend writhes and arches beneath her.

 Lena’s eyes squeeze shut, gasping and trembling, coming apart in Kara’s hands.

 She relaxes against the bed with a sigh, green eyes bright and smiling. She reaches out her arms to Kara, who climbs up the bed to collapse half on top of her.

 Lena’s arms wind around Kara as she pulls her into a gentle, affectionate kiss. Kara goes to reach for her, hesitating and wiping her fingers in the bedspread with an apologetic look before hooking her arms around Lena in turn.

 They squeeze each other, smiling a little. Lena snags the comforter with her foot, reaching down to pull it over them both.

 Kara settles down next to her, patting Lena’s hip and kissing her again. They will sleep soon, but not just yet. And they won’t need to do much talking at all.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks! This is the 'before all the action' chapter, it is just about time for our heroes and Cadmus to go head to head. The card game everyone plays makes a lot more sense if you've played it before so... good luck sorry lol. I really did first play this game because of neopets, hahahah.
> 
> My posting schedule is definitely going to shift a little bit now that I sleep during the day. Yesterday I missed the window where I can post without time zones doing wonky stuff entirely. And next weekend is my weekend to work. Which means I have a seven day straight stretch of working coming up. I have no idea how that will impact my ability to write. I suppose it will all depend on how busy the hospital is. Hopefully I'll still be posting next weekend, but if I don't it will be because I'm collapsed in an exhausted heap lol.
> 
> Come talk to me! ([x](http://ladyptarmigan.tumblr.com/))

* * *

 

_“I don't care about whose DNA has recombined with whose. When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching— they are your family.”_

_Proven Guilty_ by Jim Butcher

 

* * *

 

Lena is in the middle of a goalsetting meeting, surrounded by the heads of several departments, when she feels her phone vibrate.

 She looks down, sees ‘ _Mother’_ , on her caller ID, then stands.

 “I’m sorry, I have to take this. Continue without me, I’ll only be a minute,” she tells the team before leaving the room, shutting the door softly behind her.

 Picking up the phone hesitantly, she answers.

 “Hello, Mother.”

 “Lena.”

 “What do you need?” she asks bluntly.

 “My my, what has happened to your manners darling?”

 “I apologize. You called me out of a meeting.”

 “Well, we are busy women. Anyhow, I’ve heard you are developing an isotope with highly unique binding properties.”

 Lena freezes, mind racing. “Yes. Isotope 454.”

 “I need some. Have it delivered to a warehouse in National City by tomorrow morning. I’ll send you the coordinates.”

 “Very well.”

 “Don’t you want to know what it’s for?” her Mother asks, tone teasing.

 Different layers of deception assert themselves in her head until her brain supplies the answer of the woman she pretends at. “No, I don’t.”

 Her Mother laughs. “Protecting your plausible deniability to the last, daughter? Such a mercenary woman you’ve become.”

 Lena grimaces, “I need to get back to my meeting. You’ll get what you asked for, I’ll have it delivered tonight.”

 “Good day, Lena,” she says, ending the call.

 She stares at the phone in her hands, wondering at the sort of woman she is that even while doing the right thing, her actions are vile.

 Taking a breath, she thinks of Kara. Tries to bring to mind how she feels in her presence, loved and whole and good.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Maggie,” Kara says, elbowing the woman next to her with a grin, “Isn’t this kind of funny? We’re, like, the cheer squad.”

 “Yeah, we are.” Maggie nods, laughing. “I was supposed to be on a date, though.”

 “Sorry, Maggie. But, this is kind of fun too, right?!” Kara turns towards Lena, Winn, and Alex, who are bent over a complex piece of equipment on a work bench. “WOO! GO TEAM!” she shouts, hands cupped over her face.

 Winn raises his arms in the air, whooping.

 Alex turns towards her, rolling her eyes and smiling.

 Lena just smiles, shaking her head. “That’s very kind of you, Kara, but I think your sister would rather concentrate so we can finish this at a reasonable time.”

 Hesitating for a moment, Alex trots over to the two of them. “I’m so sorry about this, Maggie. We’re getting there.”

 Maggie reaches out to squeeze Alex’s hand. “No, no, this is more important. I had some files I needed to drop off with Lena anyway. I don’t want Lillian Luthor getting her hands on something this dangerous either. Besides, watching you at work is pretty hot.”

 She runs a hand through her hair, laughing. “We’ve finished tuning the tracker to the specific radioactive signature of the isotope’s decay, so we’ll have a lock on its location at all times. Now we’re just trying to modify it, make it unusable without changing how it looks on the surface.”

 Maggie reaches up, gripping Alex’s lapels to drag her down into a kiss. “Sounds good. Back to work, hun. I’ll just enjoy the view in the meantime.”

 At the workbench, Lena wipes her forehead with one hand. “I shouldn’t have promised to deliver the isotope tonight.”

 “Nah, we’ve got this,” Winn says, clapping Lena on the shoulder.

 She nods. “Alright. They are probably trying to use this as a dispersal agent for their biological warfare program. How are we going to make this isotope look and react the same, but fail to diffuse?”

 Winn runs his hands roughly through his hair, which is already sticking up. “Argh. We need the decay time to stay the same, if we shorten it we risk being unable to pick it up on the scanner and that is too detectable if they study the material.”

 “L Corp pioneered this element variant; no one else should have detailed data.”

 “You think, the binding…?”

 Lena gestures with her hands, enthused, “Shuffle the chemical bonding on the surface, slough off any agent?”

 “Exponentially, over time! Make it appear stable, and as the isotope is exposed to air have it rebond to outside elements? At increasing rates?”

 “With a long enough half-life…”

 Winn turns to Kara, Alex, and Maggie, “Alex! We’ve got an idea.”

 “YEAH! ROCK IT LENA AND WINN!”

 Winn laughs behind his hand, and Lena’s shoulders shake as she raises her eyebrows at the cheerful blond. Only Kara.

 

* * *

 

They have four more days of strained, tense peace.

 Lena finds herself wishing Cadmus would just make its move so she can stop worrying. When they finally do it isn’t the relief she hoped for.

 Winn sends her a message: _Isotope on the move, headed towards National City ETA 1800._

 She spends another hour trying to finish up what work she can for the day, then packs up her things. Stopping by with Jess, she tells her “I’ll be out of the office for the rest of the day. Cadmus is making its move. Push back or cancel everything, just tell them I had an emergency come up.”

 Then she heads to the DEO.

 After making her way to the operations room, she smirks to find it already well occupied.

 “I see I’m not the only one who couldn’t work with all this going on.”

 Winn, Alex, Kara, Maggie, and James all turn to look at her at the same time.

 Kara brightens immediately, hopping up and darting to Lena’s side. “Hi, Lena!” she says, slinging an arm around Lena’s waist.

 Lena returns the side-hug, squeezing once before letting go. “Where are we at? Has there been any new information?”

 Winn shakes his head form his computer chair. “Just Cadmus taking the isotope slash deadly weapon combo by road, driving exactly the speed limit. They are still three hours out.”

 Alex crosses her arms. “The DEO strike team is ready, locked in on Cadmus’ location. Everything is set to go.”

 “I’m ready, as well. I’ve got my camera, and a video team is ready in a chopper 20 minutes from Cadmus’ location. Plus, I let the staff journalists know everybody is on call tonight.”

 Kara sighs, exaggerated for comedic effect. “There is nothing to do, but wait wait wait.”

 “Does anyone have a deck of cards?” Winn asks.

 James laughs, “I’m going to go get some. We need _something_ to get our minds off this.”

 “Oh! I’ll come!” Kara says, prancing to James’ side. “I’ll get some food. We need donuts. And pizza.”

 After they have left, Lena goes to sit between Alex and Winn at a row of computer stations.

 “She isn’t honestly going to eat a bunch of pizza, is she?” Lena asks.

 Alex laughs and nods, “I’m afraid that she definitely, definitely is.”

 “God I can’t imagine eating right now.”

 Winn turns to Lena and clasps her shoulder, grinning. “You don’t have to worry so much. The good guys always win, eh?”

 “Oh, well that changes everything. I feel _fine_ now,” she says, smirking.

 “I am more than ready for some pizza, personally,” Maggie says, leaning against a support beam.

 Lena laughs. “Of course you are, Maggie ‘tough as nails street cop’ Sawyer.”

 “Hey!” Maggie says, crossing her hands over her heart, “I am very… sensitive.”

 Alex snorts, grinning. “It’s true. I can confirm that Maggie is the most sensitive of souls.”

 “Of course, agree with your girlfriend,” Lena says.

 “Don’t worry, Kara will be back soon. That’ll even things up.”

 Even the mention of Kara puts a genuine, soft grin on Lena’s face.

 Alex slaps her knee, laughing. “God, you have it _so_ bad.”

 She huffs, crossing her arms across her chest. “I can’t help it. It’s Kara.”

 “Yeah, _it’s Kara._ Give it a few years. During a week in 2014 she texted me hundreds of pictures of baby hippos. I was missing important work calls and emails because my notifications were all hippo pictures. I almost had to block her.”

 Winn is whooping and laughing, crouched over his computer.

 “I’ll thank you not to remind her of that, in case she gets the idea to try it on me,” she says, smiling. To think about years, with Kara. God, but endless baby hippo pictures? Some part of her is not surprised in the least.

 “Feel any better?” Alex asks, tilting her head.

 Lena freezes. She had known that was what they were doing, of course. She just hadn’t expected it to actually work.

 “You know, I do.”

 “I’ve got tons more embarrassing stories about Kara, just say the word.”

 From across the room, just coming down the stairs, they all hear a shout. “ALEX!” Kara darts out and into the main area. “Don’t even think about it!” She is holding a pizza box on her extended hand, with a donut box balanced on top of it. Turning, she puts them down on a table after clearing away some binders and electronics.

 Maggie ducks down to pick up a slice immediately, Winn close behind.

 As the members of the team with tougher stomachs chow down, James comes in with a bag from a nearby convenience store.

 “Alright. We’ve got cards, we’ve got food, we’ve got friends. Is there anything else we’ll need while we wait for the apocalypse?” James asks jokingly.

 “What more could you want?” Kara asks, toasting with a donut.

 “Yeah, but what are we going to _play_?” Winn asks.

 James tilts his head. “Eight people. What games will work?”

 “Bullshit.” Maggie says, simply.

 James turns to her, surprised. “What?”

 “The game. Bullshit.”

 Alex narrows her eyes. “Do you mean Cheat?”

 “No one calls it that except people who learned about the game from _neopets_ , Alex.”

 Kara giggles from her chair.

 “I did not…” Alex trails off.

 “Don’t bother, nerd.” Maggie says, drawing out the last word.

 Kara fake coughs into her hand, muttering “ _She had a chomby_ ,” under her breath.

 “And how would you know about the minigames in neopets, exactly, Maggie?” Alex says pointedly, turning to Maggie, having collected herself enough for logic.

 Maggie laughs, raising her hands palms up, “You caught me.”

 “Though this is a very fascinating foray into the fads of our childhoods, I really want to see Kara try and lie during a card game,” James says, grinning.

 “Oh no,” Lena murmurs, smiling.

 “Hey, I can definitely lie. Like, super well.”

 “Yeah, of- of course, Kara,” Winn says, scratching the side of his head.

 James, in the meantime, has begun splitting the deck into eight parts, one portion for each player.

 He hands out cards to each person, then reserves an ace, placing it in the center of the table face down.

 “Alright, we’ll take turns by circling left from the dealer. You can play a suit one either above or below the last card played, in this case a King or a Two. You can play multiple cards of the same value at once, as well. If you think someone is lying, call bullshit. When you turn up the card they put on top of the pile, if they were lying they take the whole pile. If they weren’t, you take it.”

 Winn grins, stroking his chin. “That means I’m first. I’ll play… a two,” he says, placing a card on top of the pile.

 Alex drops two cards down, “Two threes.”

 Lena narrows her eyes, and Winn shifts, but no one calls her out. It’s possible. There isn’t enough information yet to tell what she could have.

 Maggie next to her, plays a card and says “Two.”

 “Ace,” from Lena.

 And a “King,” from Kara, leads them back to the dealer.

 “Queen,” James says.

 “Two kings,” Winn calls out.

 “Bullshit,” Lena says, swiftly.

 Winn groans as James lifts the top two cards, revealing one King and one Seven. He bends down to take the whole pile of cards.

 “Sorry, Winn. If you had that you would have played it the first time,” she says, shrugging.

 Alex laughs, “This is gonna be good. And, Queen.”

 “King,” Maggie says, playing one card.

 “Two,” says Lena sharply.

 “Uh- ace?” her voice upticks as Kara puts one card in the center hesitantly.

 Alex rolls her eyes.

 “Bullshit, Kara,” Maggie says, laughing.

 “Oh man.” Kara leans down to take the thankfully small pile.

 Lena chuckles next to Kara, shaking her head.

 “Jack,” announces James.

 “Two tens,” Winn plays. They believe him this time, given the size of his pile.

 “Nine,” Alex says.

 “Two eights.”

 “Seven,” from Lena, is followed by her arm creeping around Kara’s shoulders.

 Kara’s hand hovers over her cards, hesitating. As she grabs two cards and starts to open her mouth, Lena’s arm darts around to cover the whole lower half of her face.

 “Kara plays two sixes,” she says coolly, as if she has done nothing unusual.

 “I’m not sure this is a team game, Lena,” Maggie says, laughing.

 “Kara needs all the help she can get!” James chuckles.

 “No substituting yourself for your girlfriend, Lena,” Alex says while smirking at her sister.

 Lena shrugs, raising an eyebrow.

 No one is ready to bet on whether she was bluffing, though, and Kara smiles glowingly at her as she pulls the arm down to entwine their fingers.

 Moving on, James plays, “One five.”

 “Two fours,” says Winn.

 “Three,” says Alex.

 And “One four,” is played by Maggie.

 The gang look at each other uncertainly, but it is impossible to tell if Winn was the one lying or if Maggie is. Or neither. It is improbable but not impossible. They decide not to risk it.

 “Two fives,” Lena sets down.

 “Six,” says Kara, coolly, which she ruins by bursting into giggles.

 “Kara!” Lena smiles with chagrin, sighing.

 “I think Kara, might, just might, be lying,” James says, turning up the card to reveal a nine.

 Kara leans forward to take the now again quite large pile, groaning.

 Lena squeezes the hand in hers, “At least you won’t have to lie anymore, darling. You have more than half the cards.”

 She collapses into Lena’s side, resting her chin on her shoulder.

 “Seven,” James sets down as the game continues.

 Followed by a “Six,” from Winn.

 Everyone’s cards are fairly low now, three or four cards in all their hands. Except for Kara, who sports a full fan.

 Alex lays down a single card, “Seven.”

 Kara squeezes Lena’s hand tightly, giving her a pointed look.

 Lena peers at her strangely, before she understands. “Ah. Cheat.”

 Alex glares as she picks up the pile. “Jeez.”

 “Eight,” plays Maggie.

 “Nine,” says Lena.

 “Three tens,” Kara plays, laughing along with the whole group at the number of cards she has.

 “Two Jacks,” James plays.

 Kara squeezes Lena’s hand again.

 “Bullshit,” Lena announces smoothly.

 “Again? Ah man,” he says as he scoops up the pile after revealing that he had actually played an ace.

 “Queen,” Winn continues.

 “King.”

 “One queen,” Maggie plays.

 Lena barely needs the prompt from Kara to call out “Bullshit,” again.

 Alex looks at Lena suspiciously as Maggie takes the couple of cards into her hand.

 “Ace,” Lena announces, laying down her last card.

 Winn cheers for her, whooping, “Nice!”

 But Alex can still smell something was afoot. “That was pretty on point, Lena.”

 Lena just shrugs casually as Kara grins into her shoulder.

 “Suspiciously on point. You might be a math whiz, but some of those calls, there is no way…” she freezes, “Wait, are you… Kara, were you using x-ray vision to help Lena cheat at cards?”

 “Oh my god,” Maggie laughs, covering her mouth with a hand as she doubles over.

 “No, of- of course not!” Kara stutters unconvincingly.

 “You little traitor!” Alex bolts up and charges across the room, tackling Kara down, putting her in a headlock.

 “Noooooo!” Kara laughs from underneath Alex.

 Lena is unreservedly laughing at the sight of the sisters grappling on the ground.

 Alex looks up at her. “I know whose scheme this is! What have you done to my innocent baby sister?” she grouses Lena playfully.

 She shrugs elegantly. “The game is called cheat, after all.”

 “Well, let’s not do _that_ sort of cheating next round,” James says as he shuffles the deck.

 Despite their best efforts, as the rounds go on the levity drains away. With every moment that goes by Cadmus comes closer to their home.

 At a bit more than an hour out, a different figure comes into the ops room.

 J’onn enters, hands clasped behind himself formally. “I see everyone is hard at work preparing.”

 They look up from their cards, chagrined. Kara just waves at him, jumping up.

 “We’re all ready to go.”

 “I hope so,” J’onn says.

 “Our ETA to reach Cadmus HQ is 42 minutes by air, we’d like to wait until they are less than an hour out to make our own move.”

 He nods, as a team of other field agents enters the room from the back.

 “For those just arriving, as we speak Cadmus is moving into National City and setting up an extremely virulent anti-alien biological warfare agent. Supergirl and I will move out soon in order to counter their actions in the city itself and combat whatever troops they’ve brought. Hopefully their weapon is already neutralized thanks to the efforts of Miss Luthor and our team, but we intend to treat it as a fully viable threat for cautions sake, as well as to divert attention from our own assault. Detective Sawyer will be on hand in the city in order to take whatever Cadmus forces appear there into custody.”

 He pauses, to make sure everyone is following. “Simultaneously the DEO will be launching an assault on Cadmus at the site of their own headquarters. Agent Danvers will take point on that. Agent Schlott, Lena, and the rest of our strike teams will converge on Cadmus at the same time as their own attack, shutting down their defense systems, and taking possession of whatever information and evidence we can. Is everyone clear on their roles?”

 The room full of people nod in unison.

 “Alright. I’d like for us to head out in fifteen. If you have anything to say, say it now.”

 

* * *

 

 Kara leads Lena into a side room, kissing her soundly before pulling back.

 Lena leans against her chest, saying simply, “Fight well. Stay safe.”

 “You too,” Kara reaches around Lena, squeezing tightly before releasing her. “You told me to choose myself, if I can. If it comes to that. I know you already understand this, but I want to make sure and say it. That goes double for you. Choose yourself. Don’t ever die for me. I know you understand why I wouldn’t want that.”

 She just nods, throat tight. And kisses her again, and again, until it’s time.

 

* * *

 

  “Are you ready, Danvers?” her voice is rough and grousing, but the look in her eyes is impossibly tender.

 “I don’t know,” Alex says, looking down.

 “Your Dad? I know you can handle the mission.”  
  
“Yeah. I’m scared. To see what is left of him. About what it’ll be like if I… if I fail. After all this time.”

 Maggie just reaches around her to hug her tightly. “Succeed or not, I’m sure he knows how much you love him. He would never be anything but proud of you.”

 Alex nods into Maggie shoulder, eyes shining. “I hope— I hope you get to meet him,” her voice breaks at the end.

 “Oh, sweetheart,” Maggie sighs sadly, kissing Alex gently on the lips, “I hope I do too.”

 They rest against each other for a long moment, before pulling apart.

 Alex gathers herself, steely confidence straightening her posture as her gaze meets Maggie’s. “Thanks. I needed to have a moment. But I’m ready.”

 “I know you are.”

 “And I— ” Alex hesitates, but only for a moment. “I love you. I love you, Maggie.”

 She pulls Alex immediately into a fiery kiss, dwelling for a long moment.

 “I love you, too,” she says, leaning their foreheads together, “Now let’s go out there and kick some ass.”

 

* * *

 

 When the group reconvenes, Kara is costumed as Supergirl and Alex has an assault rifle slung across her back.

 Even Winn is ready with his laptop, hacking, and infiltration tools all in a briefcase. James sports a camera bag.

 The other DEO soldiers are all in full tac gear with weapons fastened.

 J’onn, standing at the front of the room, asks, “Is everyone ready?”

 Alex nods, hand on the butt of her rifle.

“Let’s do this.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Sorry about the longer wait for this chapter. I really wanted to fit all the Cadmus fighting into one chapter, but it would have been far too long. I also didn't want to post the first half of something and then make everyone wait for the second half. So the second half is already written and should go up tomorrow afternoon. There isn't a cliffhanger or anything, but if you'd prefer to read it all in one go just wait for tomorrow.
> 
> This does however mean that I've lost writing ground rather than gained it, I still didn't get as much writing as I wanted done during my week of crazy. The chapter immediately post-Cadmus should be a little shorter, hopefully I will finish it by next weekend.
> 
> The team of hackers who jump aboard the 'we want to punch Cadmus in the face' train are partially transplanted from a novel that I liked quite well, The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers. Credit to that book for the names.

* * *

_We have not touched the stars,_  
_nor are we forgiven, which brings us back_  
_to the hero’s shoulders and the gentleness that comes,_  
_not from the absence of violence, but_  
_despite the abundance of it._

"Snow and Dirty Rain" by Richard Silken

* * *

 She clutches at the four-point seatbelt fastening her against the bench until her fingers turn white.

 From across the copter, Alex smirks. “Still hate flying?”

 “God, yes,” Lena says, jaw clenched.

 A few of the strike force members laugh good naturedly.

 Sitting next to Lena, typing away at a blazing pace, Winn stops and grins. “Watching you desperately want out of this aircraft is, paradoxically, making me a lot less nervous. So, there’s that at least.”

 “Glad I can provide a service,” Lena says dryly.

 

* * *

 

 J’onn J’onzz and Supergirl land with a whoosh of air in an alley in downtown National City.

 Putting his hand to his ear, J’onn asks “Where are we at?” into a headset.

 “Strike team ETA 5 minutes, on your end Cadmus continues to move east, maybe towards the port district?” Winn answers, voice a little choppy from the noise of the helicopter.

 He nods, “Keep me updated.”

 

* * *

 

 The helicopter touches down at a small forward camp a few miles from CADMUS.

 It is just a handful of ground transport vehicles and a small concrete block structure filled with supplies, all covered with desert camouflage and heat masking tarp.

 Lena stumbles out of the helicopter, hands on her knees, breathing heavily, even as Alex and her troops start pulling the tarp down. They unveil the camp quickly, pulling up stakes and folding fabric.

 As soldiers move towards one of the transport trucks, uncinching straps and pulling back canvas, a man with messy dark hair sticks his head out the back.

 “Oy, you’re gonna let all the cool air out!” says a friendly, accented Australian voice.

 Every single soldier to a man freezes in their tracks, hands going to their weapons.

 “Nah nah man, I’m uhhhh… here to help and all that,” he pauses, then hops down with his hands held over his head.

 Alex strides over to him, face a frosty mask.

 “Big dough CEO hired us, mate.”

 “I certainly did not! I mean, I did. Weeks ago, but not for this,” Lena says, recovered enough to take in the ensuing drama.

 “Yes, quite, I’m the only one whose services were actually _requested,_ I should think,” says an elegant older woman, who has also emerged from the back of the truck.

 Alex holds a hand to her head, sighing deeply. “Alright, everybody out. Who are you and what are you doing here, let’s hear it.”

 It takes all of her self-control not to show surprise as seven more people emerge. The last one is M’gann, who gives a little wave as she smirks down at Alex.

 “Ah, guess I’ll go first. My name is Ashby, me and my squad are the field team for the Ludo Kel Sec hacking collective,” he nods to the woman standing at his right.

 “I’m Kaz, I do networks penetration and countersecurity,” says a stern, platinum blonde woman with an undercut.

 The plain, unassuming man next to her answers simply, “Corbin. Networks.”

 A young, innocent looking brunette grins disarmingly, “My name is Rosemary. I mostly do paperwork. And convince people to tell me their personal information.”

 A tall, reptilian alien with slit eyes gives a friendly, clawed wave, “Sissix. I do decryption and engineering. I apologize, I’m sure they are doing this on my behalf.”

 “Fucking right we are,” the tall scraggly man, Ashby, exclaims, “Like we are going to let a bunch of fucking pricks like Cadmus walk around, we protect our friends, just see if we don’t, huh?”

 “Not that I don’t appreciate the sentiment, but you fulfilled your end of our contract beyond my specifications,” Lena says, having made her way over.

 “We did, but all you asked for was a security probe, specs, and a dump of the info off the computers of a bunch of governments stooges. It was pretty easy to figure out Cadmus was the common thread. And just what we found from them made me almost lose my damn breakfast. Hell if I’m not going to take them out. No charge.”

 “Alright. We’ll… come back to this,” Alex says, rubbing her forehead. “Who’s next? M’gann?”

 M’gann shrugs her shoulders, “A guy whose head I poked around in had been to Cadmus before. Figured having someone on hand who knew the layout would be useful. Plus, I can’t deny wanting to bust their skulls.”

 “Right. Next.”

 The elegant Indian woman, fast creeping past middle age, steps forward. “I’m Dr. Valli Srinivasan, surgeon and field trauma specialist. This is my assistant Dr. Lauren Winters. We specialize in providing emergency intervention in the field and facilitating the extraction of military targets. Miss Luthor hired me specifically, and provided transport here.”

 Alex’s eyes widen as the breath stops in her chest. Field extraction?

 Field extraction for… for her…

 Her thoughts grind to a halt. She whirls, grabbing Lena by the upper arm. “There isn’t time for this. I need to go talk to Lena for a moment. When I get back I expect our new hacker friends to be firmly under the command of Winn,” she nods at him, “Our own tech expert. You’ll listen to him, or the next people you’ll be listening will be law enforcement officers for the US government.”

 She drags Lena out behind the concrete shed, voice a harsh whisper, “What is the deal here?”

 “I didn’t expect every contractor I hired while investigating Cadmus to just _turn up_ ,” she whispers back.

 “At least we know M’gann. Are these other people trustworthy?”

 “The hackers? I hired them specifically for their pro-alien leanings, I hoped that when they tripped Cadmus security it would be assumed they were acting as free agents. I was apparently a little too on point. And Dr. Srinivasan takes her oath to do no harm with deadly seriousness, she would never condone an organization that causes such harm.”

 “And why is she here, exactly?”

 Lena’s eyes blaze with determination. “You know why.”

 Alex swallows, hand clenching at her side. She can’t answer, can’t acknowledge the most personal battle she will face this day.

 “I assumed that you… I—” Lena hesitates, uncertain for the first time in this conversation, “You are responsible for all the lives under your command. You can’t afford to commit too many resources to a single high risk action, especially one with low odds of success. But _I can_.”

 She takes a deep breath, forging on despite the inscrutable look in Alex’s eyes. “Maggie provided all the data the NCPD had on the implants that Cadmus used to kill the mercenaries who attacked my gala. I passed it on to Dr. Srinivasan. If your Father can be extracted without coming to further harm, Dr. Srinivasan will do it. She is the best in the world at what she does.”

 “You didn’t…” Alex starts, then stops. “You didn’t have to do this.”

 “Alex, what you’ve done for me. What _Kara_ has done for me. I can never repay you for that. This is what I can do. Please, let me do it.”

 “Repay us?” Alex asks, voice soft. “Lena, you already _have_. I— we’ll talk about this later.”

 She turns and starts back to the gathering of soldiers and assorted helpers.

 “Alright, all people and equipment need to load up, we leave in 5. The main bulk of our forces will follow me, a smaller team led by Agent Vasquez will go with Winn and our hacker squad straight for Cadmus’ main control area. Actually, M’gann, if you could phase straight down and through, and start disrupting their operations immediately that would be a great help. Lena, James and the Doctors will hang back, and follow only into territory which has been fully cleared. Let’s roll.”

 M’gann nods, as Winn packs up his things. Dr. Winters stands with a large bag of medical equipment slung over her shoulder. Ashby and his group move quickly and efficient as they clean up their equipment, including a small generator, packing it into bags as they get ready to move.

 A loud beeping sounds from Winn’s phone. He looks down at it, swipes, then holds it up to his ear.

 

* * *

 

 “Winn. What have you got?” J’onn stands, arms crossed.

 “Cadmus has stopped moving. National City Port Terminal, one of the cargo receiving areas. I’m sending the coordinates now.”

 J’onn nods at Kara, and they both take off into the sky.

 The pair of them skyrocket out over the ocean, losing altitude as they close in on the signal coming from Cadmus’ weapon. Eventually they see it, a rocket launcher being unveiled from the top of a military vehicle, surrounded by a squad of soldiers.

 They both drop, J’onn drilling a man straight into the ground while Kara crushes a rifle under her feet, ripped from the hands of the soldier who held it.

 “Well. Looks like we have company. It’s finally time to take back the name _you_ stole from me, alien.”

 The original Hank Henshaw emerges from behind a shipping container, floating with his arms crossed over his chest. His cyborg eye glows as it charges with power.

 Kara and J’onn exchange a look, both dodging the laser from different directions before pincering him between the two of them. He tosses Kara off with a grunt, then turns and dodges backwards.

 From the ground, Kara peels herself up. But before she can take off, she hears a voice from next to the Cadmus weapon.

 “I think you have bigger problems right now, little girl.”

 The voice is cold and teasing. It is spoken by a man wearing an exosuit, with a key dangling in his hand. A bald man.

 

* * *

 

“We’re busting the door. Everyone, get in position,” Alex calls out, motioning with an arm.

 “Wait! Let me try, first,” M’gann exclaims, putting a palm on the door.

 Alex nods “You have one minute, then retreat out”

 M’gann’s form shimmers as she slips straight in and through.

 They wait, breath held, at the sound of gunfire and loud thuds. After considerably less than a minute, M’gann’s voice comes over the comm system. “I might need the nerd squad to get this open. There’s a… panel. I got the passcode from one of the guards, but there is a DNA scan and match and uhh… some other failsafe.”

 Winn rubs his jaw as him and Ashby confer silently.

 “Can you phase an object through with you? We’re going to give you something to plug in, come back to this side.”

 M’gann reappears silently, snatches the device out of their hands and goes back through, attaching it to the panel. She holds the soldier up awkwardly, pressing his hand to the interface.

 Ashby types frantically on a computer, as Winn points and mutters to him.

 “Alright, try the passcode,” Winn says, looking up.

 In another moment, the door swings open.

 “We’re in,” Alex calls out as she strides through, gun at the ready. “M’gann, dive straight for their control center. A squad will follow your tracker as quickly as they can.”

 M’gann nods, resolute.

 “Good luck. And… thanks,” Alex says, nodding back to her, the respectful acknowledgement of one soldier to another.

 With a shimmer, she disappears down the corridor.

 “Everybody else, we are going straight through,” she motions with her rifle, squad of DEO troops falling in behind her.

 

* * *

 

Hank Henshaw and J’onn J’onzz hover, facing each other over a sea of shipping containers and industrial equipment.

 Harsh artificial light glints off the cyborg enhancements studded down Henshaw’s face and arms. His posture is tense and aggressive as he dips in for quick, brutal punches.

 J’onn is a difficult opponent, slipping in and out of corporeal reality, punches whizzing uselessly through where his torso used to be. He is tactical and cool, waiting for openings, using Henshaw’s own momentum to toss him against shipping crates and into buildings. He tries to keep an eye on Kara below, engaged in her own struggle against Lex.

 Paradoxically, as he loses ground Cyborg Superman becomes calmer, falls back and starts to plan. He realizes he must win by misdirection or deception.

 He aims a laser so that if it misses J’onn it will hit Kara.

 J’onn dodges, sees what Henshaw has done, and starts to shout a warning. His eyes flicker down to Kara, and in an instant he realizes he will be too slow. He rematerializes, taking the blow against his shoulder with a grunt of pain.

 Henshaw smirks cruelly, pressing his advantage by diving in, throwing blow after blow at J’onn as he retreats.

As J’onn falls through obstacles and ducks behind cargo, both plot frantically for how to break the stalemate. How can you destroy a being who can slide through reality like butter? How can a man made of steel be broken? 

 

* * *

 

Alex holds her rifle flush against her shoulder, looking down sights for the slightest flash of clothing coming around the corner.

 A man peeks, and she lets loose a burst of rifle fire to force him back.

 Cadmus is holed up behind this chokepoint. If they are forced to fight through it will lead to _far_ too many casualties. She needs to break the defense.

 She waves a hand behind her, motioning left and right, then makes a fist that in traditional SWAT hand signs means ‘grenade’. Within the narrow confines of the hallway, a grenade wouldn’t exactly be advisable. The agent to her side raises an eyebrow, nodding down at a handful of hardware he has pulled off his belt.

 Alex swipes a flashbang and an EMP. She motions for them to stand back, then pulls the pin on the flashbang.

 She holds it in her hand, counting in her head as she grits her teeth. _One. Two. Three._

_Now._ Her eyes shut tightly.

She hurls the device with a forceful sidearm, and hears it click and fire right as it passes through the doorway.

 Her timing was perfect. They had no warning or time to respond. Her own squad are all ducked, hands over their eyes. She presses some buttons on the EMP, then tosses that as well.

 She follows almost immediately behind the soft whirr, charging forward, rifle at the ready. Several Cadmus men struggle to respond, firing off-center at the agents barreling through the doorway.

 Alex hears the bullets whizz past her, and unleashes several fast bursts center mass into anything moving. For the men who are still moaning and flailing with their weapons, she delivers a fast strike with the stock of her rifle. Quickly scrutinizing each target, making sure every single one is downed, she turns back to her team.

 “Anyone hit?”

 “Flesh wound to the leg. I’ll be fine, it isn’t bleeding too badly,” says a soft spoken man leaning against the wall.

 “Jenks? Let me see it,” Alex mutters, kneeling down. She prods at the wound, moving aside torn fabric. She waves at another agent, who tears into his backback and pulls out some gauze, a package, and some pills.

 Alex tears the package open, smoothing the chalky viscous substance directly onto the wound before wrapping it in gauze and tying it off.

 The man pops the pills with a grunt.

 “Try and stay off it as much as possible until we’re topside,” Alex says, frowning.

 “That isn’t going to happen,” he says, standing straighter.

 She just sighs and nods. “Anyone else?”

 Another guy at the front shrugs, “I took one to my vest, it’ll bruise but no other injury.”

 “Alright—” she begins, before stopping and raising a hand to her ear.

 “Winn. What do you need?”

 She paces a little, listening to the voice on the other end of the comm.

 “You’re almost in? Alright, we’ll keep pushing.”

 

* * *

 

Winn, Asher, and the quiet, professional woman introduced as ‘Kaz’ follow a few feet behind Susan Vasquez and two other soldiers, racing down a corridor towards a reinforced door.

 An unconscious guard lies outside, sprawled across the corridor.

 Vasquez flicks her rifle around her in a circle, breath catching. “We’re clear. I’ll watch your backs while you get to work.”

 Asher goes and kneels in front of the panel next to the door, waggling his fingers experimentally. “Let’s do this.”

 The door slides open after a few moments with a pneumatic hiss to reveal M’gann leaning casually against the wall, surrounded by unconscious Cadmus soldiers.

 “Hey M’gann!” Winn says, chipper, as he goes to a computer console.

 She nods at him. “I tried to knock them out before they started… doing anything.”

 Several of the screens are still up, flashing various warnings and logon screens.

 “Looks like you did a hell of a job!” Asher exclaims, running a hand through his mussed wavy hair.

 She grins, “If you guys are okay I’m going to go down to a secondary security room below.”

 Winn nods and waves his hands, “Go, go, we’ll be fine.”

 M’gann doesn’t wait any longer before heading out the door and racing down the corridor.

 Kaz has already started working. She types away on a computer, not looking up as she speaks, “Corbin has got our own network up and running, we’re plugged in. Sissix is running counter measures on their defenses now.”

 “I’ll start pulling files from their database into our own networks.  We should have time to back things up before they have the chance to wipe their systems.”

 “Kaz, what have you got on that? Any read on their EW countermeasures?”

 “They’re good. I’m better.”

 Winn waggles his fingers, “Let’s open some doors.”

 

* * *

 

Lex Luthor smirks at Kara, circling, crouched and ready. He is wearing a sleek black bodysuit underneath the spines of his exosuit, joints and long bones shadowed by a network of chrome. A thicker, bulkier portion runs down his back, all of it glowing malevolent green.

 Kryptonite.

 Kara can feel it in her bones. She is more than 10 feet away but it still prickles at the edge of her senses. Lex is well prepared. If she intends to win this fight she will be forced on the defensive for almost all of it. And the longer it goes on the weaker she will become.

 Lex takes a step forward and Kara moves back, tentative, a little afraid despite herself.

 He laughs. “You’re about to find out why I represent the future. A future that doesn’t include _you._ ”

 He crouches and leaps, going airborne in one smooth motion.

 Kara follows him into the sky, wondering what kind of tech he is packing to have made this possible. Wondering what he could have achieved if he had used his mind for the betterment of the world instead.

 He darts at her, a fast whirling strike.

 She ducks, dropping like a stone to get out of range.

 He follows her down, twisting his torso into a kick aimed at her midsection. She catches it, fingers digging in, clenching her teeth against the burn of Kryptonite.

 “You’re wrong, you know,” she says, catching another blow with her other arm, muscles straining. Hips pivoting, she hurls him as hard as she can.

 Even that strike cost her.

 Lex careens into shipping containers, body leaving a rough indentation as he recovers and leaps into the air again.

 She realizes she cannot outfight him like this. All he has to do is last long enough for the Kryptonite to wear her down. As he dives straight for her, forcing her to block or run, she can see that he knows it. He is already three steps ahead.

 She can’t win like this.

 He knows it. He is grinning as he dives after her again. “I’m _wrong?_ I’M wrong?”

 She launches herself away. If he can’t be outfought or outthought, what is left?

 The wind whips in her ears as she looks at him. The fear drains out of her, leaving behind a sharp, aching sorrow.

 What’s left is Kara Danvers.

 Kara closes her eyes, throat tight. “It’s true that one-day Krypton and my people will be nothing but a memory. But you aren’t the future either, Lex. It’s…” she pauses, swallowing, “It’s Lena. It always was.”

 He staggers, freezing in the middle of a dive. Too pale to blanch, something drains from him nonetheless. Anger replaces it quickly, but Kara sees that something landed.

 “You don’t get to talk about my sister, traitor though she may be,” he says, voice cold and measured, as he leaps forward to land on a shipping crate off to Kara’s side.

 Kara smiles, not moving. “I love her, you know.”

 He launches himself at her, unleashing a fury of blows. Kara dodges backwards, banking to put herself behind another row of shipping containers.

 Metal groans behind her as Lex tears straight through rather than go around.

 “And I—” she starts, gathering herself, hearing still tuned sharply for the sound of Lex’s approach, “You know what I wish for, more than anything? For her, but for me too.”

 Lex rips metal siding free, flinging it at Supergirl where she sits.

 Kara slaps it aside, gaining altitude to dodge his second and third throws.

 What she tells him is the truth. Even now, looking at him, she wonders what could have been, if things had been different. All she feels is a heavy sorrow for the battle she fights now, for the loss Lena will always carry. For the hole she will never be able to fill.

 She ducks her head, fist clenched against her chest, “I wish that I had gotten the chance to know you as my brother, too.”

 

* * *

 

“Progress, everyone?” Winn asks the other hackers at different ends of the room.

 “They made a sporting attempt to cover their tracks and start deleting records, but, let’s just say, something else is taking up their system's resources right about now. DDOS never gets old,” Ashby answers, voice light.

 “Making good headway with their security systems,” Kaz says, clipped and formal. “I found some facility schematics, I sent them ahead to the DEO strike team.”

 “I was thinking…” Winn trails off, “With the schematics, we know where their barracks and living areas are. Could we just lock everybody inside?”

 “That _would_ make things easier for your people fighting on the ground,” Ashby murmurs.

 “I’ll have Sissix work on decrypting the door controls, we’ll get it done,” Kaz answers.

 “Thanks,” Winn says, rubbing his neck, “I could get used to this!”

 

* * *

 

Lena, standing impatiently inside the entrance door, is tapping a finger against her elbow when she hears a voice from the comm device in her ear. It’s Alex.

 “Lena, James, everybody else still outside. First level is free of hostiles; you are cleared to enter.”

 To the side, Dr. Srinivasan and her assistant sling bags of equipment over their shoulders.

Lena meets James eyes, smiling coolly. “Now it’s our turn.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 is up! Hopefully it's fun, I tried to keep a good mix of action and emotional stuff but we all know I'm all about character stuff lol. There are just a handful more chapters after this plus an epilogue, it's been so much fun to make progress on this!!!
> 
> Come talk to me about the fic (or tonights ep oh shit) over on tumblr ([x](http://ladyptarmigan.tumblr.com/)).

* * *

  
  
_“What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question.”_

 _The Year of the Flood_ by Margaret Atwood _  
_

* * *

 Alex’s strike team descends down a tight, metal staircase, checking around every turn. She takes point, her own descent covered by the man behind her, his rifle aimed over her shoulder and angled down.

 They break out into a hallway that looks decidedly more sterile in nature than the concrete military setup above.

 These are the labs. Alex can feel her heart pounding in her chest, and from more than just adrenaline.

 She goes to the first doorway and kneels in front of it.

 “Two of you, stay and guard the stairs. Keep watch. Everyone else, let’s bust this.”

 As she is speaking Winn’s voice comes across, “ _No need for that, Alex. I’ll have the door open in a jiffy.”_

 The team gets ready to breach the door anyhow, but no one is surprised when the door lets out a loud click. Alex leans on the entry bar, gun trained into the room as she pushes the door open with her back.

 Even she can’t hold back a sharp gasp at the sight. The room is mostly empty. A table along the side wall is covered in medical equipment and surgical devices. The most striking feature is an examination table bolted to the floor in the center of the room. A lamp hangs over it, which they haven’t even bothered to clean: the whole interior is coated in dried blood.

 Even the examination table hasn’t been thoroughly cleaned in some time, gore and blood flecks dotting the sides and down the base.

 The floor slopes down to a drain.

  _Jesus Christ,_ Alex swears inwardly. If she didn’t already want Cadmus dead this would do the trick.

 They sweep the room quickly, eager to be gone, but not before Alex calls up to James.

 “Hey, James. You are going to... well, not ‘want’, but need to come down here and get some photos of this. First lab in the hall on the right, our men are at the bottom of the stairs. They’ll take you in.”

 

* * *

 

 Winn and Kaz are running down the halls, speaking to Ashby over comms.

 “You sure you can manage in the control room by yourself?” Kaz asks, sounding concerned as she speaks into a headset.

 “ _Yeah, no prob. We need security on the labs all the way down, I’ll meet you when I’m finished up here,”_ Ashby answers.

 There was a bit of work to me done still on the main security terminal, but further penetration into the labs will require some additional electronic force applied to another security station within the lab itself.

 They run past a couple of unconscious soldiers, nod to the DEO agents standing guard, and duck into an oval room central to a variety of offshoot labs. There are a bunch of computer terminals and some more unconscious guards (apparently M’gann has already visited).

 They don’t require any communication to dive in immediately, taking position at terminals opposite from each other.

 Winn’s face narrows in frustration.

 “Are you getting through?”

 The woman scowls, still typing. “I’m getting there. I’ve only seen this a couple times, the layers of security are looped back over each other. And there is some kind of… everything I’m doing is getting filtered through… wrong.”

 “Is it like, chomping up your code? Is it after entry or input?”

 “The problem doesn’t occur until after I start the program. But it might be at entry. I—” she hesitates.

 “Let’s—” Winn murmurs, “I can’t get into the database, either. Swap?” he calls over his shoulder.

 She glances back, raising an elegant eyebrow. But at his cue, she pulls herself away from the console, passing him as they both move, to attach herself to his computer instead.

 “Ah yeah, I’ve seen this before,” Winn murmurs to himself.

 Kaz looks over her shoulder at him, eye narrowing, “Wait, are you…” voice impressed. She leans, straining for a closer look.

 “I made a log of the changes I made, and what I ran. I’ll leave it up for you when we swap back,” he says, still typing.

 She tilts her head, grinning, before turning back to her own work. After a few more minutes, she announces, “Done.”

 He chuckles. “Alright,” he says, holding out his hand for a high five as they pass by each other again.

 She pauses, a little confused, raising her hand to high five him awkwardly.

 “That could use some improvement,” he says, still smiling.

 She scrolls through Winn’s solution, eyes tracking back and forth across the screen. “This is… this is _good_.”

 “Thanks! Not bad for a government shill, eh?”

 Her head turns, platinum hair flopping with the motion. “I might have a few other things for you to look at. I mean, some other time. If you… wouldn’t mind.”

 He freezes. Wait, is she…? No no, that was about hacking. Definitely. For sure. Right?

 

* * *

 

James crouches low to the floor, camera angled upwards for a long shot of the cold, bloody exam room.

 He has never felt so disgusted. In between deep, calming breaths he takes photos that will win him another Pulitzer with absolutely no satisfaction.

 He goes to take pictures from another angle when a knock on the door startles him out of focus. The place is creepy enough to put him on edge continuously, even if it weren’t for the occasional bursts of gunfire still echoing down the corridors.

 A soldier enters, obviously apologetic before he even speaks, “I’m so sorry to interrupt Mr. Olsen. But we’ve broken through to the prison block and cleared the hostiles from the area. There’s… plenty more down there.”

 James flinches, then reminds himself of what he fights for. Of his purpose.

 Then he stands, camera in hand, to follow the soldier down.

 

* * *

 

J’onn’s combat with the resurrected Hank Henshaw reaches a fever pitch. Blows fly fast and hard as both men accumulate damage.

 Henshaw’s cyborg arm crackles and smokes, connections torn, fluid leaking down onto the bionic hand. J’onn breathes heavily, shoulder charred, trying to avoid landing on one of his legs.

 This stalemate can’t last forever. They each wait for the opportunity to inflict critical damage at last. The next solid blow that connects will end it, they can both feel it in their marrow.

 Henshaw may be as fast and as strong as Superman, but he will never be as smart or as good a planner as J’onn J’onzz. He has been fighting to survive for hundreds of years, against all the odds and against stronger foes than this. And he has learned that the appearance of weakness is sometimes the best offense of all. The perfect lure for overeager, snarling opponents like the extremist Hank Henshaw.

 J’onn continues to avoid using his injured leg, exaggerating the damage. He slowly leads them closer and closer to the shore of the harbor, ducking between and past shipping containers.

 Eventually, he lets one of Henshaw’s kicks land against his injured side, biting back a bark of pain. The other man’s face lights up in triumph as he feints a collapse to one knee.

Then he phases out, ducking back and into a shipping container directly next to the open ocean.

 He pretends to hide, waiting for the sounds of Cyborg Superman invading his sanctuary as he ‘recovers’.

 It doesn’t take long for Henshaw to tear his way inside, grinning with a sick light in his eyes.

 J’onn waits for him to charge further in, then throws himself, flying with his full strength, at the wall with his arms stretched wide. He pushes the entire cargo container through the fence, and over the edge. The metal hits the water with a crash.

 J’onn just keeps driving it lower, seizing the arm of the man whose name he stole.

 The water rises, electricity already arcing up and down Cyborg Superman’s form. He gets off a punch aimed at J’onn’s head, which he takes with a grunt.

 The cyborg screams, rage and pain mixed together, shouting out an oath, “I will _end_ your kind, mark my _words,_ you imposter, you scourge, you…”

 He is cut off by another shout of pain as his arm goes under the water.

 J’onn releases him as his form starts to smoke and crackle.

 He feels no sorrow for this cruel, hateful man. A part of him wishes he could.

Mostly he is just glad to be the only Hank Henshaw again.

 

* * *

 

“Alex, we’re close,” Winn calls out over comms.

 She leans against a large double wide security door. This is the only way into the interior labs, where all the most sensitive, contagious, and dangerous testing was carried out.

 Pressing her ear against the metal, she hears nothing except some faint scuffling. But her instincts are trilling loudly, terror arcing all down her arms and legs. She worries her judgement is compromised by fear for, fear of, her Dad. She doubts herself for one, two, three long seconds.

 Then her hands clench into a fist, jaw tightening with self-assurance. This is her job, and she is one of the best.

 “Everybody, get back from the entrance!” she calls out, “Get behind cover, something bolted down. Guns trained on the door. Now!”

 The men respond instantly, moving behind lab stations and work benches.

 Alex goes herself, crouching behind a support column.

 “You ready?” Winn asks into her ear.

 “Yeah. Open ‘er up,” she responds, nodding.

 The door slides up, soundless.

 For a bare second there is no sound or movement.

 Then there is a faint, metal snick.

 Followed immediately by a loud, crackling explosion. They feel hot air rush over them, debris flying through the air. Her ears ring as she struggles to orient herself.

 Two Cadmus soldiers take the opportunity to strike while they are disoriented, firing into the room. The DEO agents duck further into cover, several returning fire from safer positions.

 Alex herself has to squeeze her whole body behind the pillar to stay out of the line of fire. She pulls a pistol from her belt, tracking the Cadmus soldiers from the periphery of her vision and aiming around the corner, exposing just her hand.

 She fires off a quick burst, reloads, and tries again.

 One of the men has gone down, and the other is injured. Some fire from the back of the room takes that one down as well, and the agents take a moment to collect themselves and listen for reinforcements.

 Alex stands, still a little shaken, “Any injured?”

 She discovers one man has some shrapnel in his arm, and another took a bullet to the shoulder. They were lucky once again.

 Well, not lucky. As the agents all stand and gather up, each of them takes a moment to nod respectfully in Alex’s direction.

 They gather up in front of the door again, this time ready to enter. The group moves slowly, weapons sighting behind every workbench and cabinet of chemicals. Complex instruments whir and blink, running through unknown processes. In the first and second lab areas, a computer sits in the back. She makes a note of them, for Winn to hack into later. The data they hold might prove useful.

 The third area is obviously for researching biological weapons. It looks to be a fully kitted out BSL-4 lab, complete with positive pressure suits and fume hoods, as well as dedicated supply and exhaust air, vacuum lines and decontamination systems.

 The lab itself looks empty, but sending people in to look would be too risky anyhow given what could be inside.

 The double layers of doors leading to the most hazardous areas will do just as well keeping anyone in as out.

 “Winn. Keep this area locked down tight. We’ll need full biosafety and quarantine specialists to clear this area. Make a note of it, and make sure nothing and no one gets in or out.”

 After getting the affirmative, she moves her squad into the next area.

 The lab space is dominated by a whiteboard in the center of the room. It is covered in equations and schematics, drawings punctuated by arrows and red slashes. Even a cursory glance reveals the plans to be for weapons of all sorts, all at different stages of development.

 After a few steps, they hear a voice from the corner of the room.

 “I surrender,” says a raspy, deep voice. “To whatever organization you might represent.”

 They whirl to find a man sitting at a desk, hands raised in the air.

 The hair at his temples has gone gray, along with his scruffy, closely trimmed beard. His face is more gaunt, but his frame is still the tall stocky one she remembers.

 The breath shudders out of Alex in an instant. She just looks at him, heart stopped in her chest. Until she actual saw him a part of her hadn’t really believed it. That it could be true. That it could possibly be real.

 The man’s eyes take in the collection of agents, but they keep flicking back to Alex.

 Alex starts towards him, hands shaking. Her hip rams into the corner of a desk as she tries to go around it, but the pain barely registers except vague frustration. She feels as unsteady as a baby deer.

 “You’re DEO, I assume?” he continues as he stands up, a measured statement belied by the tremor in his voice. He hasn’t, can’t, take his eyes off Alex as she approaches.

 “Dad,” she chokes out. “Dad, it’s me, it’s Alex.” A wordless, desperate noise escapes her.

 She takes a step closer. The rifle she holds at her side, hanging loosely, falls from her nerveless fingers and clatters to the ground.

 Her father just stares at her, looking afraid and uncomprehending. His breath is coming fast. His mouth opens, but no sound comes out.

 “It’s… I—” Alex can’t find words either, can’t gather her thoughts, hadn’t truly been able to imagine this happening.

 Despite knowing what a bad idea it is, she can’t help herself. She throws her arms around him. She has to hop up a little to get her arms around his shoulders, feels her eyes burn as she buries her face in his shoulder.

 “What?” He mutters, “It can’t…”

 “Dad, it’s _me._ ” Her breath catches on a sob. “I missed you. I’ve missed you so much. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, if I knew I would have come for you, nothing would have stopped me, I’m so sorry.”

 His arms come up around her slowly. “Alex? No, it can’t…” he erupts into full bodied trembling as sweat beads at his temples, “It’s not…possible...”

 In her peripheral vision she can see the younger Doctor, Dr. Winters, coming around behind them, syringe in hand. Her jaw tightens, but she nods.

 The woman jams the syringe into the meaty part of his shoulder, injecting the sedative quickly.

 He only struggles for a moment; Alex holds tightly to him as he slowly loses consciousness. She guides him gently to the ground, feeling the strain in her back and legs. She can still feel her heart pounding.

 Dr. Winters nods at her. “Thanks. One of your agents called for us. We’ll take it from here.”

 Dr. Srinivasan finishes her conversation with another agent and comes over as well, kneeling next to her father. Dr. Winters responds instantly, dropping the large rucksack on her back to the ground and tearing into it. She pulls out tubing, bags of saline, vacuum tubes, and several small, portable medical testing devices.

 “We need a line,” Dr. Srinivasan murmurs as she holds her fingers to his pulse point.

 “Yes ma’am,” Dr. Winters answers, still digging through the bags.

 Alex kneels over the medical supplies, grabbing alcohol wipes, a tourniquet, and one of the over-the-needle catheters. “I’m trained. I’ll do it, you get set up.”

 The other Doctor looks at her with patient exasperation, then shrugs and continues to set up a work area.

 “You want him on one of the desks?” Alex asks, waving a soldier over.

 “Yes, that would be easiest for now,” she replies without looking up.

 Two other agents help her lift her Father up on the table. She wraps the tourniquet around his forearm, disinfecting the best vein she sees in his hand. She tears open the packaging on the catheter, pulling the skin taut, lining up the needle, and sliding it in with a deep breath.

 She hasn’t lost her skills just yet, she thinks to herself, as she advances the catheter and applies pressure. Finishing, she screws the tubing in and tapes down the line.

 Dr. Winters is carrying two different portable testing devices over. She looks down and tilts her head, “Not bad.”

 “I was a Doctor, too. Before I… did this,” she says, motioning down at her gear.

 “Well then. You’ll know to let us do what we do best,” Dr. Srinivasan says from behind her, firm but not unkind. “We’re fine here, rejoin your men. You have things to accomplish still.”

 Alex hesitates. She can’t bring herself to leave, even in the face of her duty.

 The Doctor smiles, patting her shoulder once. “This is nothing we haven’t dealt with before. We will determine if whatever they’ve implanted needs to be removed now, or if he can be moved to hospital. Assess any proximity based failsafes, ensure all neurochemical production remains in the safe and normal range, check for any more traditional backup systems like poisons or explosives.”

 She turns back to Jeremiah, looking over her shoulder. “This is my business. And I’m the best at what I do. Trust that if it can be done, I will do it.”

 Alex scowls, then looks thoughtful. “How much did Lena pay to get you here, exactly?” she asks.

 Dr. Srinivasan laughs, a sharp chuckle. “You young people with your impolitic questions," she says, smirking. "Needless to say, our services are normally contracted by government bodies. I’d recommend a thank you.”

 Then she turns to her assistant. “Winters. Take some blood samples, get me a chem panel and his H&H, and those lead lined blankets too, to start with.”

 Alex reaches out, setting her hand along her Fathers jaw. She bends to kiss his forehead softly. Then stands and motions to her men.

 

* * *

  
 " _I wish that I had gotten the chance to know you as my brother, too.”_

It’s the truth. She knows it’s true even before she speaks it, despite all the things Lex Luthor has done.

 She wishes she could have met the man Lena tells stories about. She never got the chance to have a brother. Kal-El had always kept his distance, out of awkwardness rather than lack of feeling, perhaps, but they have never been as close as she hoped. And her sister is the best, but she has always wondered what it would be like. To have a brother. Something tells her Lex would have been a good one.

 Lex’s face is a rictus of anger. Even the idea of being the family of an alien is clearly an insult.

 Kara just keeps looking at him, wishing she could catch even a glimpse of the man he used to be.

 He charges at her again, tearing a metal security bar from the door of a container and swinging it at her. He keeps his distance, his blows wilder but not yet slipping into carelessness.

 It’s not enough, not yet. But just as she’s hers, Lena must be her brother’s weakness too. And it won’t be any hardship to talk about her some more. Kara jumps up, grabbing on to the side of a crane and hanging off it.

 She smiles serenely. “Your sister is one of the most… incredible people I’ve ever met, you know.”

 Lex hesitates before following, looking for a trap, some environmental trick Kara will use as a weapon against him.

 “I love her. With all my heart,” she grins, a little ecstatic despite herself, “And I know… anything can happen and there are no guarantees and nothing lasts and all that. But I just know… one day I’m going to marry her.”

 At this Lex finally totally loses temper, lashing out carelessly in rage. He rams straight through the arm of the crane, dislodging Kara from her perch.

 She just kicks off from it, floating absentmindedly. “And I just wish… if I could give her anything in the world it would be you, there. Dancing with her and arguing about science with my mom and teasing, telling her you are going to discover a way to splice lesbian eggs together so you can be an uncle.”

 He tears the hook of the crane off, throwing it with a wide, arcing toss.

 It wraps around Supergirl’s shoulders, and he tugs her forward nearly into his fist. Kara leans back in time to dodge, tearing out of the steel loops and throwing them back at him.

 “I was never very good at knitting, you know. But I could always make hats,” she says, speeding backwards and out of the range of the Kryptonite. “Every year for Christmas I would’ve knit you a hat, and told you it was in case your head was cold. I don’t know, you seem like you’d have had sense of humor about it? I mean, before all the… from the way Lena described you. I mean.”

 His fingers clench, veins showing on his forehead. “Just _shut up_ , you annoying alien swine.”

 Kara doesn’t seem to hear him, just keeps moving backwards to stay out of range, continuing her odd one-sided conversation. “God, she has told me so many stories. You sneaking her out of her 14th birthday celebration to eat hash browns at a cheap 24/7 Diner. Mailing her supplies to dye the hair of her snotty roommate slime green. Sitting with her for hours after your mom skipped her graduation. It was so obvious how much you loved her.”

 Kara flits out of the ways of several fast strikes, narrowly dodges a kick.

 “I just can’t understand doing something… that she couldn’t do side by side with you. Why would you ever even go down a path she couldn’t follow? What is the _point_ of a pure, alien free world if she can’t share it with you?”

 He shouts with rage, clenches his fist and swings wildly at her. His strikes are growing careless, leave him open and off balance.

 She waits for her best chance, sees it in a particularly wild strike aimed at her head. She steps into it, letting it slide past her ear and reaching an arm around him as his momentum keeps carrying him forward.

 In a parody of a hug, her hands dig into the raised strip of steel running parallel with his spine. Her fingers plunge through the metal in an instant, shards of kryptonite digging into her hand, as she yanks with all her strength.

 She tears the power source free, feeling spikes of pain as kryptonite burns its way into her system.

 They fall from the sky, and she tries to slow them both even as her strength bleeds away.

 

* * *

 

The prison, despite the lack of overt gore, is somehow worse.

 In every centimeter and cell is this terrifying, disturbed certainty that they had the right to make the law themselves. And enforce it. Cadmus had not doubted for a single minute whether they had the right to carry out their own… ‘justice’.

 The chrome, modern look of the prison area doesn’t help. They have spared no expense to build the best facilities imaginable.

 Still, hints of the cruel use this place has been put to leak out. For anyone who looks with a careful eye.

 James crouches, camera in hand, taking a long shot of a row a cells.

 In the foremost cell, shackles hang from the ceiling that include the charming addition of a metal bar that could only go _through_ the prisoner’s wrists. Perhaps so some fast healing alien species couldn’t tear their way out of the restraints.

 James wishes he did not possess an artist’s creative mind, at this moment. Still, he does his duty.

 Off to the side, medics hover over what few alien prisoners were alive and able to be moved. Winn had gotten the cells open almost a half hour ago, but still people are being pulled out from cells further back in the area.

 He feels self-conscious, all of a sudden. To be taking pictures, like a tabloid reporter, while he is surrounded by suffering and people in need of care and comfort.

 Sighing, he rocks back on his heels. He squeezes the bridge of his nose and takes deep breaths, trying to get through the negative thoughts.

 A soldier who was passing by must see the look on his face, and jogs over. “Seeing all this is rough, yeah?”

 “I just wish I could do more,” James says, rubbing his forehead.

 “ _Hell_ no, man. You are doing the most important job of all. I can go in here, Rambo down all these assholes, but what us soldiers do is just clean-up. We come in too late. We stop the symptoms; I mean we stop what harm we can. It’s good work.”

 The agent claps him on the arm, “But what you do— what you do is stop this shit from ever happening again.”

 James’ hand tightens on the camera slung around his waist. His father’s camera.

 Yeah. He can get on board with that sentiment.

 

* * *

 

Vasquez is leading the final push; some of the last members of Cadmus are holed up in a panic room. Alex has taken half of her men to what might be an emergency escape tunnel, to head off anyone trying to slip away.

 She counts down, as the hacker team works at overriding the last electronic protections on this final, most secured area.

 Lena hangs back, all the way down the hall, fingernails digging into her palms. She knows who they haven’t found yet. Who will be waiting behind this door, if they are anywhere.

 She waits, barely breathing, through the sounds of harsh fighting, gunfire, and shouting.

 It is a brief, hard contest. But eventually she sees DEO agents moving around inside the room, securing the area.

 And she hears a voice.

 “You think this is the last of us? We are _everywhere_. We are _not_ the only ones who see the _infestation_ that has taken hold of this country.”

 Her mother is recognizable from any distance, under any circumstance.

 “Ma’am, it’s over. Please, just…” Vasquez is obviously trying to defuse the situation, but without much luck.

 Lena had started moving as soon as she heard her, strolling in to see Vasquez with her gun trained on her Mother.

 It takes only a moment for her to identify the room’s new occupant. She whirls, glaring, practically shaking with rage. “So you’ve betrayed me. How _shocking_ ,” she drawls mockingly. “I know whose fault this is. That _girl._ This is all because of her! You let her _corrupt_ you.”

 The accusation is absurd. Even for her Mother. The woman has obviously slipped into senseless rage. But still, Lena stops to think.

 “No. It’s not because of her,” she answers, voice soft. “It’s… for her, in some ways. But not because of her. You are just wrong,” she shrugs. “If integrity, honesty, compassion, liberty, love, are all things to be sacrificed to stop the alien threat, then what about humanity are you protecting?”

 Lena walks forward, feeling a little angry despite herself. “You call yourself my mother like that is enough by itself. Like I owe you loyalty, owe you love.”

 “You are implicated,” she says, snarling with rage, “L Corp is _implicated_. You can’t act like you had nothing to do with all this, I’ll bring you down with me, mark my words, you traitorous little bitch.”

 She rears up, tries to push against the hands of the agents who have forced her to her knees. “I know what my _worst_ mistake was. I never should have brought you home in the _first place_.”

 

* * *

 

_…bring you down with me, mark my words, you traitorous little bitch…_

_…I never should have brought you home…._

 Lillian Luthor’s words echo down the hallway, where Alex leads a team to rejoin with Vasquez.

 The words make her freeze, all emotion draining from her face as she takes off sprinting.

 She barrels into the room full force, tackling Lillian out of the grip of the DEO agents and shoving her against the wall of consoles.

 “You don’t talk to her like that. You _never_ get to speak to her like that ever again,” Alex says coldly, hand at Lillian’s throat.

 “I plucked her out of the _garbage_. She’d be _no one_ without me. Who the hell do you think you are to speak to me like that?” Her newly vulnerable position doesn’t seem to faze the woman in the slightest. Her face never loses its cruel, furious expression.

 Alex pauses, jaw moving uselessly for a moment. She leans in closer, finding her words, “She’s _my_ _family_.”

 Then she coldcocks her with a snapping elbow strike, shivering with pleasure as the woman falls unconscious at her feet.

 Alex stands up straight again, flexing her hand and shaking out her arm as she turns. Wearing a truly glorious self-satisfied smile.

 “I have wanted to do that for a very long time,” she says, grinning at the room of soldiers.

 Off to the side, Lena’s eyes are wide with awe.

 “Did you mean it?” she asks, choked.

 Alex turns to her, smile going gentle. “My sister loves you. And that would have been enough. But you… you’ve spent months trying to earn the trust of the people she loves. Earn something we should have given you freely. Did everything you could to help protect her, and me, and everyone we care about. Ignoring how dangerous it is, how much easier it would have been for you to stay out of it.”

 Alex holds out her arm.

 Lena reaches out, uncertain. Is she supposed to shake Alex’s hand?

 Alex smiles, reaching forward to clasp Lena’s forearm and squeezing. “Looking out for Kara is a full time job. I hope you’re ready.”

 “She has… she has a good team,” her voice gives away how choked up she is.

 Alex’s hand goes to her shoulder. “You did good. I know we can’t replace what you lost, but… you have a family. For what it’s worth.”

 “It’s— it’s worth a lot,” Lena answers, closing her eyes against tears.

 Alex pulls her in, winding her arms around Lena’s shoulders. She rocks gently, nose tickled by the hair that has escaped from the Lena’s polished updo.

 Of all the people she has gained and lost, this is something she can deal with. She could do worse for another sister than Lena Luthor.

 

* * *

 

At the sound of the two figures whizzing towards the ground, J’onn rockets out of the water and up. He searches for them frantically, only to see them approaching the ground far too quickly for his liking.

 He catches hold of them both at the last possible second, and all three of them hit the ground hard. J’onn lifts Kara up, moving her to lay her out on flatter ground free from large pieces of debris.

 Behind them Lex shakes, trembles, then stands. He staggers to the rocket launcher, pulling himself onto the truck with just his uninjured arm, blood dripping down the side of his face.

 J’onn ignores him, kneeling by Kara’s side, shaking her shoulder gently.

 “See? This is a triumph…” Lex pants, fishing under his shirt for the key, “A triumph for humanity. In the end, it won’t require any extraterrestrial or technological strength, just my own. The strength of _one man_ , doing what is _necessary…”_

J’onn resists the urge to roll his eyes at the monologue as he looks Kara over, searching for injury.

 Behind him, a missile shoots off, travels up, up, up, and explodes impossibly high in the sky.

 He is still concerned. Her unconsciousness looks to be due to the Kryptonite exposure. All injuries look superficial (a variety of scrapes and bruises, her hand is covered in cuts from Lex’s suit, her leg might have taken a little damage from the fall), but internal damage can hide.

 He shakes her shoulder again. “Supergirl. Can you hear me? Are you alright?”

 All around them, a fine white powder drifts down.

Lex laughs maniacally in the background.

 J’onn can hear police sirens, even further off in the distance.

 He stills as Kara’s blue eyes flicker open. She grins at the sight of him, then loses focus. She stirs, one hand flexing, trying to reach up.

She smiles. “Wow, J’onn, look. It’s so pretty! Like… like the, like the snow,” she says, voice fading as her eyes drift closed again.

 J’onn sighs in relief. She’ll be fine. He hesitates a moment, before smoothing a tangled blonde section of hair behind her ear.

 In the background cops swarm the scene, setting up a perimeter and moving to arrest the scattered Cadmus soldiers. Maggie cuffs Lex Luthor with more than a little glee, shoving him in the back of a police van, before trotting over to where J’onn sits with Supergirl.

 “She going to be okay?” Maggie asks, looking concerned.

 J’onn nods. “Yes, she just needs some time under the sun lamps. If you have things under control here, I’ll return to the DEO with her.”

 “Good,” she sighs, “I’ll text Alex.”

 Hefting Supergirl across his shoulders in a fireman’s carry, he takes off sluggishly into the sky.

 

* * *

 

“Alright. I have to ask. Shouldn’t we arrest these people? Call the police?” James asks, standing with Alex as they supervise the detention and medical treatment of surviving Cadmus members.

 “They’re lucky I don’t shoot them all to save on paperwork,” Alex grins darkly, then shrugs. “The justice system will just dither for months over who broke what law and if they can be prosecuted.”

 “Alex,” James says, chagrined.

 “Ugh,” she says, exasperated, “We’ll just detain them until charges can be drawn. Hopefully they’ll have been tried in the court of public opinion before then. That should produce enough pressure to force consequences for these people. Satisfied?”

 “Yes,” he says, smiling.

 “Speaking of that,” Winn says, spinning around and digging in his pocket. He pulls out a flash drive. “Tada! A copy of Cadmus’ files, including security footage, science records, personnel files, and everything in between.”

 “Perfect. I’ll head off then, to get everyone working on the big story.”

 Right after he climbs into the helicopter, James calls his assistant at home.

 “Eve. I’m so sorry to call you at uh… 3am. But I need you to call everybody in, broadcast journalists, story prep, every print based journalist on staff, every writer and analyst. Everyone. We are going to spend the rest of the night combing these files and writing this up, preparing for the simultaneous release of a headline news story and an in depth feature expose. Tell them. Tell them we’ve got files, we’ve got photos, and its time to get writing.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! This is my longest ever gap between updates, I'm so sorry! I hate being unreliable. I got called in to work on one of the weekends I should have had free, and at this point have worked three weekends in a row (kill me now).
> 
> We are getting close to the end, thanks to everyone who has been reading and taking the journey with me. The quote of this chapter is mostly homage to the classic Devil Wears Prada fic Truth and Measure, I couldn't resist. Any writing I do about the nature of love was influenced at least in some small part by that work and others by the author, so I though it a worthy tribute.
> 
> Come visit me on tumblr! ([x](http://ladyptarmigan.tumblr.com/))

* * *

 

“For above all things Love means sweetness, and truth, and measure; yea, loyalty to the loved one and to your word.”

 _The Lais of Marie de France_ by Marie de France

 

* * *

 

 It doesn’t take genius observational skills to see that Alex Danvers is frantically torn. Lena can feel an echo of tension just watching her.  

 Eventually, she can’t stand it any longer. “Alex, go.”

 Alex is pacing. Her hands are clasped behind her back as she moves, the rigidly correct posture propped up by a splintering shell of professionalism.

 “She’s right, Alex,” says Agent Vasquez.

 Alex just shakes her head. “There’s too much that needs done. There are still prisoners who need escort and transport to detention, we’re waiting for the the hazmat team to come and secure the labs, evidence needs catalogued, I have to…”

 Lena steps forward, puts her hand on Alex’s arm. “J’onn is at the DEO with Kara. How about if I go there, and send him here.”

 Alex stops, taking her bottom lip between her teeth.

 “Wait until Director Henshaw is here to relieve you, then follow your father to National City Regional Hospital. We’ll all exchange updates every hour. If anything changes here or with Kara, we’ll let you know. But please, go,” Lena says, stepping back.

“Alright. I-- Alright.”  


* * *

 

Kara lies in a sunbed, still unconscious, injuries healing at a rate which feels agonizingly slow despite Lena’s conscious mind knowing better.

 She sits next to the blonde hero, legs folded underneath her in a swivel chair as she tries to get work done. Even as she taps out an email on the tablet sitting in her lap, she feels like she is going mad. It is the struggle of a woman inclined to action versus the implacable enemy of the human race: time and healing, just two examples of things we cannot control. She strains to do something _useful_. Heavens knows what that would be, in this situation.

 Her mind wanders. She supposes she could call her legal staff, get the process started for declaring Jeremiah Danvers no longer legally dead.

 For that matter, Lena wonders if anyone has told Alex’s mother about her apparently-still-alive husband. Undoubtedly not, they have all been preoccupied to the extreme.

 Before she can second guess herself, she calls Jess.

 “Miss Luthor, how are you?” Jess’ worried voice comes across immediately.

 “Good, good. Everything went as well as could be expected. We’ll have to prepare for the fallout, when my Mother’s involvement is officially announced. But everyone is in one piece.”

 “Thank goodness.”

 “I need you to make travel arrangements for Eliza Danvers. A flight from Midvale to National City. Get her a hotel room as well, I’m not sure where she stays when she visits.” _Because who doesn’t like options and alternatives. Christ, Lena,_ her inner voice castigates. It all seems surreal.

 “Of course, Miss Luthor.”

 Taking care of practical problems and waiting is all she can do for Kara and Alex, but something about it seems entirely insufficient. She feels like she is tossing money at problems she is out of her depth to cope with.

 But there isn’t anything else.

 She stands. Then sits down, then stands again.

 Lena can only imagine how Alex feels.

 She isn’t due to check in for another twenty minutes, but Alex probably needs the distraction as much as she does. Besides that, it will give her the chance to ask her if she's had time to inform her mother of what has happened.

 She hesitates for another three minutes, then presses the call button without giving herself more chances to overthink.

 Alex picks up almost instantly, voice rough from tears. “Is Kara okay?”

 “Yes, she’s sleeping away as we speak. Healing great, they estimate she’ll be up sometime later today. How are things with you?”

 “Fucking… terrifying” she says, choked. “Dad is still in surgery. They wheeled him right in as soon as he got here. I don’t know what it says about me that this is about a hundred times scarier than getting shot at.”

 “Has Maggie finished up at the NCPD?”

 “She’s still booking Cadmus guys and getting ready to transfer Lex. At least another hour.”

 “If you need me there, just let me know.”

 “Yeah, I will.”

 “I also called to ask…” Lena pauses, breath catching. Her every impulse is to back out, leave the topic alone. She lets her voice go as gentle as she can. “Alex. Has the hospital notified your mother?”

 “Shit. _Shit,”_ Alex is breathing hard, overwhelmed, “I hadn’t even… I can’t… He’s legally dead, it’s not like he has emergency contacts. What do… what would I even...”

 “Don’t worry about that. I’ll get her here, fill her in when you can. Or you can let Dr. Srinivasan notify her. I’ll take care of the rest.”

 “Okay. I’ll just… okay. Thanks.”  


* * *

 

Lena had not thought this through.

 She sits, staring at her phone. Terrified. How is she supposed to call her girlfriend’s foster mother who she has never met or spoken to and convince her to immediately board a plane?

 Well. If being a CEO prepares you for anything it should be bossing around total strangers.

 She takes the contact information off Kara’s phone and stares at the number for several more minutes. Hitting ‘dial’ takes longer than she would like to admit.

 The phone rings once, twice, before it’s picked up. The person on the other end doesn’t speak right away, leaving that job to Lena. She isn’t surprised, it is so early in the morning the call is more likely to be from a telemarketer than a person. She braces herself.

 “Eliza Danvers?”

 “Yes, that’s me. Who is this?” The voice on the other end is groggy from the early hour, but audibly a middle aged woman.

 “Ah. I’m very sorry to call you like this. My name is Lena, I’m a friend of your daughters. Kara and Alex are both okay, but you need to come to National City immediately.”

 “What?” The request is so out of place Eliza’s question is more confused than surprised.

 “All the arrangements are made; I’ve forwarded the details to you. A ticket is in your name for the 8am flight from Midvale to National City.”

 “What is going on?” This time the seriousness of the situation has begun to dawn.

 “I— I can’t be the person to speak to you about this. Alex will call as soon as she has a chance.”

 “Has something happened to Kara?”

 “No, no, she was exposed to Kryptonite, she’s still unconscious, but she’ll be fine. It’s— I’m sorry that I can’t tell you anything more, just please. You need to get here as soon as possible.” Lena tries her best for a meticulously professional but sincere plea.

 A pause hangs in the air.

 Eliza takes a breath from the other end, hesitates, then gives in. “Alright… I— alright. What am I supposed to tell my work? How long will this…”

 “There is no way to tell. By the end of the week we should know more, take at least that long.”

 “Okay, I’ll— I’ll start packing. But first. Please. I need to know. I need to be prepared, for… is this bad news?”

 Lena wishes she could refer this question to Alex as well. But she sympathizes with Eliza too strongly in this moment, knows what it is like to worry from afar, to imagine steadily worsening nightmare scenarios. “I— I am a woman who plans for the worst. For myself I can only say that it is too early to tell. But, if you were to ask Kara, who lives on hope, Kara would tell you… that she has good news for you.”  


* * *

 

 One of Lena’s hands cards gently through Kara’s hair while the other scrolls through pages of budgets and expense reports. After only one day away she is already swamped and impossibly behind. She is surprised to find she cares quite a bit less than she used to. Her perspective these days is very different.

 This is proved even further when an alert dings on her tablet; it seems CatCo has released its first teasers about the story it will be airing later. For now they describe only ‘The Fall of CADMUS’. Already it has attracted interest and speculation. Part of her had hoped to be back in her office before the story broke, so she wouldn’t have to wade through paparazzi and press.

 She goes back to her budgets, stroking blond hair and watching from the corner of one eye. As she wonders idly if she should have put sunscreen on her hand she notices Kara stirring.

 The blond shifts a little, turning her head into Lena’s palm as she lets out a quiet little groan.

 Lena leans over her. “Kara?”

 Blue eyes flicker open.

 “Welcome back, dear heart,” she whispers softly, smiling.

 “Lena,” she gasps, awareness still trickling back.

 “How do you feel?”

 “Fuzzy. Achy.”

 “Are you still tired?” Lena asks, scratching behind Kara’s ear.

 “A little. You? Are you okay?”

 “I’m okay. Better now, with you awake.”

 “And Cadmus? Your mother? Alex?” she asks, turning on her side to face Lena.

 “Largely dissolved, detained by the DEO, and uninjured.” As Lena answers, Kara struggles to sit up. Her arms shake as she raises herself into a sitting position.

 Kara looks at Lena suspiciously. “I was expecting a protest that I shouldn’t try and get up, need my rest, blah blah.”

 Lena reaches under her chair and pulls out a bag of donuts, handing it to Kara. “Under normal circumstances, yes. But I suspect you are going to want to be smuggled out as soon possible.”

 “Whyths that?” is the garbled question that emerges from around the entire donut Kara stuck in her mouth.

 Lena reaches up to put a hand on Kara’s shoulder. “They found Jeremiah. He was taken straight to the hospital, Alex is there with him. Maggie went over after she was done with work, but I’m sure you’ll want to be there as well.”

 Kara’s eyes widen. She pushes herself forward and off the table immediately, only for her legs to crumple as they hit the floor.

 Lena catches her as she stumbles forward, falling backward herself into the chair with Kara half on her lap.

 “Why don’t you try eating some more and taking a breather before you try that again,” Lena wheezes.

 “Sorry,” Kara whines from beside Lena’s ear.

 “It’s alright,” Lena says, smiling and kissing Kara’s cheek. “Just eat fast, because my legs are going to fall asleep any minute with you on top of them.”

 Kara swings her legs further over until she is sitting sideways on Lena’s lap. Arms wind around her own midsection and Kara leans into the hug, nuzzling down and wrapping an arm around Lena in return.

 With her other hand she reaches up to snag another donut.

 Munching happily, she gives herself another minute (and another four donuts) before attempting to stand again. This time she goes slow, clinging to the arm of Lena’s chair to help hold herself up as her legs adjust to taking her own weight.

 “Any better?” Lena asks.

 “A bit. Still dizzy and weak.”

 She reaches out, then hesitates. “Let me go get you some more food. And some water. There was still leftover pizza in the break room. I’ll just…” her voice trails off as she stands, ducking around Kara.

 Kara reaches out to snag Lena’s hand.

 She stops and turns back to Kara, raising an eyebrow in question.

 Kara just grins softly, lifting Lena’s hand to her mouth and kissing it. “Thanks.”

 “You don’t have to thank me,” Lena says, embarrassed.

 “No, it’s…” she shakes her head, “I just had never imagined what it would be like. To do this together with someone.”

 “Do what?”

 “My life. Together with someone.” She tugs on Lena’s hand to pull her in, then pecks her on the lips. “The best partner I could ask for.”

 “Kara,” her voice is a rough whisper.

Kara kisses her once more before laying her head in the crook of Lena’s neck.  


* * *

   
Alex looks down at her phone and stares at the four missed messages she has from her mother. She’s being a coward, she knows it. But how on earth do you explain something like this?

 ‘ _Hey Mom, your husband is still alive. Yes, the one we buried ten years ago. Yeah he was just held captive by an evil anti-alien paramilitary organization.’_

 Swearing at herself, she presses down the call button. If she waits any longer her mother will arrive in National City before she has even spoken with her about it.

 She picks up on the first ring. “Are you finally going to explain to me why I’m sitting on a plane at the instructions of Lena Luthor?”

 “What… did she tell you?”

 “She emailed me my travel details and told me that I needed to leave for National City as soon as I’d packed.”

 Alex stares at the hospital wall, biting her lip.

 “Alex what on earth is going on?”

 “I— it’s…” her voice trails off uselessly. God damn it.

 “DId you elope? Is one of you _pregnant_?”

 “No! No, god,” she can’t help but laugh. At least that is something neither of them had to worry about.

 “Alex honey, whatever it is you can tell me.”

 Alex lets her mother’s voice wash over her. Despite everything, the desire for a hug from her makes her stomach twist.

 “Mom,” she says, a little choked, “There is no easy way to say this, so I’m going to just come out with it. Dad is alive.”

 “Wh--” the start of a question is cut off by a swallowed sob.

 “I can’t explain the details over the phone. But I saw him, I spoke to him. It’s… it was really him. I’m at the hospital with him now.”

 “Alex how-- that isn’t _possible_.”

 “I know Mom, I know,” she says, voice gentle, “We don’t know what kind of… shape he’ll be in. He’s still in surgery. But everything is going… as well as it can. According to the Doctors.”

 “ _Alex,_ ” Eliza says, pleading but not for anything that can be put into words. For understanding, for clarity, for the world to be still just for a moment.

 “Check the news. James… Jimmy Olsen. He’ll be breaking a story soon, that will explain some. I’ll tell you all the rest when you get here, I swear.”

 “I— The plane is landing in a minute. I need to go, but I’ll… when I’m…”

 “It’s ok. Call me when… you need. We’re at Nation City Regional Medical Center, I’ll meet you in the main lobby and take you up to the room.”

 

* * *

 

It is late afternoon when the news explodes.

 Lena had returned to work for the rest of the day and was cooped in a meeting when she first sees that CatCo has dropped their article. It gains traction almost immediately.

 First it filters through local sites, then explodes onto facebook and the rest of social media. By lunch it’s viral, sparking a national outpouring of shame, anger, and debate.

 The most prominent link is to Catco’s original in depth article.

  _Inhuman: CADMUS’s Secret War on the Aliens who make Earth Home_ sports the authorial byline of Snapper Carr himself, giving credit to the photography of James Olsen and the research of the entire CatCo staff.

 The article details the entire history of Cadmus, from its formation to its fall. It includes private communications detailing their explicit plans, goals, and as much hate speech as you could stomach to read. It goes through the major players (her Mother most prominently, of course), examines Cadmus’s history as an ex-government project, and details how very many ex-military figures staffed the organization.

 Thanks undoubtedly to James, Luthor Corp’s ties to Cadmus are linked explicitly with Lex’s tenure as CEO. She will still have damage control to do, but hopefully less than she had expected.

 The latter sections she can barely read, as they detail the atrocities they committed and their boundless cruelty to those they took into custody. It includes emails from people who were so vile the damage they did had ceased to give them a single moment's pause. It makes it clear that the people involved had long since stopped caring whether it was humans or aliens they hurt; that they considered nothing unjustified under the criteria of ‘protecting earth’.

 In the end, their thesis was that any atrocity can be rationalized away under the influence of an extreme ideology. It stands as a warning to all of america of the danger when we refuse to listen to the words and stories of others. It asks readers what they want the future of the human race to look like, leaving the answer blindingly clear to anyone with a conscience.

 It is brutal and effective. It takes sides without needing to say a single partisan word, a strong and objective piece of journalism that nonetheless stands for something. It is gory enough to draw the public to read in droves, the same way a line of cars all slow to see the wreckage of a car accident. While still maintaining a sense of journalistic integrity and professionalism.

 For her part, Lena is glad the article is out and will have the effect she intended. If only it didn’t carry so much baggage for her, she thinks to herself as her email and phone explode with messages, requests for comment, and inquiries from her PR team.

 She swipes past all of them, finding the contact that belongs to Kara. There are half a dozen messages.

 She grins to find two updates on Jeremiah and a barrage of hearts and smiley faces.

 

* * *

 

The hospital room door opens after several soft, assured knocks.

 Eliza struggles to look up from the sight her husband, still alive, unconscious in a hospital bed. Part of her can scarcely believe it, even now.

 Alex turns towards the door, while Kara blinks sleepily from her chair.

 A tall, wiry man in scrubs steps into the room. “My name is Doctor Jeffrey Chen. I was the attending in charge of Mr. Danvers surgery.”

 They hold their breath in unison.

 “We successfully removed a series of three implants, one in his thigh, the next on top of the T3 thoracic vertebrae, and the final engrafted into the back of the skull. In order to remove the brain implant, we were forced to remove a small portion of skull, which had been fused with the device. We replaced that with mesh, which will hopefully encourage tissue regrowth in that area. We’ll be closely monitoring that wound as it closes. Dr. Srinivasan, the psychiatrist she referred, and one of our own inpatient doctors are also in conference now. One of the issues we are most concerned about going forward is that without these devices, Mr. Danvers will be going into withdrawal from drugs his system has become acclimated to over a long period. For that reason, we have decided leaving him in a medically induced coma for a few days is the best option, so that we can begin drastically reducing the dosages of the drugs he receives while minimizing harm to the patient.”

 “Is he going to be okay?” Eliza is the one to ask.

 “He came through surgery very well, though we don’t know how the drugs leaving his system will stress his body. But we are cautiously optimistic.”

 The unanswered question hangs heavily in the air. His body has survived, but what what about the man himself? When he wakes up, how much will be left of the husband and father they loved? When Jeremiah Danvers wakes up, who will be looking out at them?

 

* * *

 

It has been an exhausting week.

 Lena is sitting at her desk, half tempted to kick off her shoes. She has just finished her last meeting of the day, and though she has several projects left to finish she is relieved to have her office to herself for at least an hour or two. She pulls up her schedule to double check, and sighs in relief to see nothing except a call with some overseas investors at 7pm.

 That will be more than enough time to finish a set of approvals for a new project R&D has been very optimistic about. She rolls her shoulders and settles down to work, but before she gets through organizing the task her phone vibrates in her pocket.

 She stops, hesitates, then pulls it out.

 Kara has messaged her: _Good news!!!!!!!!!!_

 She smiles, and replies: _What is it?_

 When Kara doesn’t reply after a moment she goes back to working, having already half predicted that her girlfriend will just show up.

 She is therefore unsurprised when her door bursts open, revealing the blond journalist, practically buzzing with energy. Kara races over, leaning against her desk, and gives a little ‘whoop!’.

 “Hello, Kara,” Lena says, grinning. She would very much like to spend the rest of her life making this girl as happy as possible.

 “Jeremiah woke up!”

 “Kara that’s wonderful! How did he seem?”

 “The only things he said were like, ‘mumble groan mumble mumble’, but still,” she says, making the sound effects.

 Lena has to grin. “I’m glad.”

 “Alex told me she came by and freaked out in your direction a little bit.”

 “She was understandably stressed by the Doctor’s suggestion of psychiatric care for your Father, she just needed the perspective of a fellow science-minded cynic,” she says with a sardonic twitch of her lips.

 “Well, thank you anyhow.”

 “Stop thanking me.”

 “You speak too soon. Alex is only going to get worse, just a warning.”

 “A small price to pay, I think,” she says offhandedly, as she types something into the computer with one hand. It seems her employees can’t make it a single day without some sort of crisis needing her attention.

 “Shouldn’t you be almost done? It’s a Friday Lena.”

 “The sun may go down but incompetence never sleeps,” she mutters, biting her lip as she reads another email from the corner of her eye, “Sorry, just give me a moment. It seems like they’ve already found a solution to the issue and just need my permission to implement it.”

 Kara grins at the look of concentration on Lena’s face. She is wearing a long sleeved top with a scooped neck, the whole thing a uniformly dark, rich blue. Bracelets dangle at her wrists, with the overlong chain of a necklace hanging down to dangle a gold sculpted feather between the swell of her breasts. The necklace matches the clip holding her hair into a loose updo.

 She just stands there, watching her. A profound sense of wonder settles in deep, looking at this smart ambitious woman who has become so deeply precious to her. How a multitude of  little details and traits create something which is greater than the sum of its parts, vibrant and beautiful as the sea itself. How looking inward at the love that beats in her own heart feels the same as leaning back to see the whole ocean of stars.

 A dark little curl has fallen out of Lena’s bun, it hangs down tickling the side of her cheek. Her long slender fingers type at the keyboard, eye narrowed a little with focus. Kara feels something low and hungry settle in her stomach.

 How Lena’s shirt clings to her shoulders makes Kara think of Lena’s shoulders, the rest of. She is struck by the desire to kiss her neck, right where it meets the shirt.

 Her mind grinds to a halt, which almost makes her laugh. She had not thought that she was the type to impulsively imagine her significant other naked, but apparently she was wrong. Kara realizes she is standing around smiling like a dope, but can’t bring herself to care.

 Lena looks up to find Kara staring at her.

 “What?” she asks, smiling.

 One of Kara’s hands flies up to her mouth, muffling a laugh.

 “It’s weird,” she admits.

 “When aren’t you?” Lena asks wryly, having gone back to typing.

 Kara keeps laughing, bent a little at the waist. Something about it all strikes her as very funny. “It’s just… I thought it was a movie thing. Like, not a real thing that happened to people.”

 “I hope that wasn’t intended to clarify anything,” Lena answers dryly, not looking up.

 “You know, that whole ‘wanting to toss someone on the nearest surface and tear their clothes off whenever you see them’ thing.”

 Her hands hover over the keyboard, having abruptly stopped moving. “Ah.”

 “I really thought that was, like, a dramatization!” Kara says in genuine consternation, throwing up her arms, “Like when I first saw a horror movie and Alex had to explain that sometimes people _believed_ in ghosts and thought they saw ghosts but it wasn’t an actual physical phenomenon.”

 “I honestly can’t tell if I’m being propositioned or not,” Lena remarks, one eyebrow going up to frame accentuate a wry grin.

 “No. I mean just a little?” Kara trails off, smiling.

 “Good,” she says firmly, but with a very soft look in her eyes. “Not that I’m not flattered, but I have a lot of work left to do today. And if the everyday surfaces in my office start becoming suggestive I’m going to have difficulty.”

 Kara laughs again, leaning over the desk to plant a chaste, affectionate kiss on Lena’s lips.

 “From what I understand, your feelings are a normal reaction to months of an extremely tense, stressful situation,” Lena rattles off scientifically.

 “Hmmmm,” Kara says, tapping her chin. “That may be true, but I’m feeling more self-satisfied, maybe a little… smug?”

 Lena rolls her eyes.

 Kara drops her voice comically low, to a gravelly batman voice “You shouldn’t forgive me. I’m Lena Luthor. Don’t trust me.”

 Her lips curl into half a smirk, “Get out, you.” Then softens it, nodding, “I’ll see you later.”

 “Yeah you will,” Kara tosses out suggestively.

 Lena laughs again. When did this become her life? When did joy and comfort and love become a part of her day? She had never even dared to imagine something like this. It seems that in some unquantifiable way Kara shapes all of reality around her, the fabric of the world itself not wishing to disappoint her. She is starting to think superstrength is far from Supergirl’s most dangerous power.

 

* * *

 

When she finally finishes work for the day it is much later than she expected.

 Her feet and back ache as she rides the elevator up to her apartment. She slings her purse onto a hook and can barely bring herself to hang her coat properly. Only the habit of orderliness carries her body through the motions of her nightly routine.

 She has just finished washing her face when she sees it: Kara asleep in her bed, curled up under a pile of covers.

 She can’t help but smile, padding softly across the floor to pick up her pajamas. Changing as quietly as she can, she tries to ease into bed without jostling the other woman.

 But the divot caused by her knee must disturb her just enough. Kara shifts a little, eyes fluttering open. She groans tiredly, but reaches her arms out to Lena as she turns onto her back.

 Lena leans down, collapsing into the hug with a tired hum.

 Coming home has never meant anything to her, until now. Until this woman. She is bursting with the desire to tell Kara this, to explain what her presence has brought to a cold lonely life.

 But the words won’t come. There is no way to convey how much it means. No way to express the depths of the loneliness she came from, to have awoken into this warm daylight.

 Just one phrase comes to her, whispered over and over.

 She burrows into Kara’s shoulder, curling an arm around her midsection. “I love you. Kara, I love you so much.”

 Kara’s smile is soft and sure.

 “I love you too,” she whispers, leaning in.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late again! In May I was a sucker and agreed to pick up WAY too much overtime (I need to learn about saying 'no'!!! JUST SAY NO). Luckily we've got just one chapter left and then the epilogue, so no chance of me not finishing. This chapter gave me a lot of trouble, and wound up being quite long (for me anyhow), but I'm finally mostly satisfied. We finally get the Danvers family starting to draw up together, and for Lena to start to become part of that fabric. Can't help it, found families is totally my jam.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who drops by and chats with me on tumblr, I have tons of fun with it (even though I've been gone for a bit now EEP lol)!! I'll be back soon, hopefully. Except I started playing videogames again, so that is a little bit deadly to my free time (I got Horizon Zero Dawn and Mass Effect and Dishonored 2 all this past weekend). What happened, why have all these great games come out and tempted me back???? Anyhow, come visit me! ([x](http://ladyptarmigan.tumblr.com/))

* * *

  
   
_There is a law that man should love his neighbor as himself. In a few hundred years it should be as natural to mankind as breathing or the upright gait; but if he does not learn it he must perish._

Alfred Adler  
  


* * *

 

 It’s telling that she isn’t surprised anymore when someone barges into her office. Without the person being announced or even, heaven forbid, having an appointment. She barely looks up from her paperwork, the guest only registering when enough little clues inform inform her that the person is not, in fact, Kara.

 When she glances over she finds Alex Danvers making her way into the room, Jess close behind.

 “Excuse me, Miss Luthor has a 2:00pm appointment, just wait a moment…” Jess attempts to interject.

 “I’m surprised you don’t have a system in place for incoming Danvers, Jess.”

 She has to laugh at that. “Maybe I should create one.”

 Alex rolls her eyes at the two of them, one corner of her mouth ticking up.

 “Perhaps, they should have their own time slot?” she continues.

 Jess laughs again behind her hand, “1:00-1:30pm every day is hereby designated the Danvers drop in window.”

 “The idea has merit,” she nods in Jess’s direction, a polite dismissal, “Thank-you Jess.”

 Alex sticks her hands in her pockets, rocking back on her heels after she has come to stand in front of Lena’s desk.

 “So Alex. What can I do for you this time? Need to vent to an outside party again? Or put my army of lawyers to use?”

 “You are trying to reform your family’s image. I’d avoid mentioning your lawyer army,” Alex says with a smirk.

 Lena laughs, more from surprise that Alex would joke about the ‘Luthor’ topic than the line itself. She doesn’t know when her last name became truly accepted, rather than just a topic to avoid. But she likes it.

 “I say that, but I may need you to do the rich person thing where you make a phone call and suddenly the very important rules and strict policy guidelines can somehow can be bent.”

 Lena laughs into the back of her hand, “I want to say that sounds like something out of a gangster film, but it has an unfortunate grain of truth. What do you need?”

 Alex taps her fingers against her arm, frowning. “I’m not sure. I- They aren’t letting my dad have visitors yet. And I know-”

 Lena freezes, chest heavy. Poor Alex. She knows the DEO agent has no desire for pity, but she aches for the pain her and Kara go through from their large, hopeful hearts.

 “They tell me that he is still coming off drugs, that he’s having trouble understanding what is real, and how much time has passed, that it wouldn’t...” her jaw clenches, “That right now he couldn’t…”

 “I can’t understand how you must feel. But your father is being cared for by the best doctors, psychiatrists, and physical therapists in the country. If you want access I will get you every minute detail of their treatment plans. I’m sure they will be developing a timeline specifically for reacclimating him with his family.”

 Alex stares at the floor, and her voice comes out shaky, “He thought I was dead.”

  _Oh god, Alex._ If she didn’t already want to murder her mother, she certainly would now. “You want to help him,” she says. The real reason for Alex’s frustration comes to her all at once: the proud competent agent is a woman of action. This must be torture for her. “But right now the best thing you can do is help the people helping him.”

 “I need to do something. Please, just talk to them. I don’t care what it is, I just...”

 She sighs. “I’ll call. I’m sure they can understand that a patient's family has needs just as much as the patient does. But, Alex,” she pauses, uncertain, “Please remember that this will be a marathon, not a sprint. Your Father’s recovery will involve a titanic amount of your help. You’ve been through a lot yourself, don’t forget to make time and space for your own health.”

 “Ugh,” she tips her head back, frowning. “I’ll do my best.”

 

* * *

 

Alex walks into the extraordinarily swanky hotel, taking the elevator up to the suite Lena had reserved for her Mom. Eliza Danvers has been too overwhelmed to notice her accommodations one way or the other at first. When she had finally looked around and realized the size and scope of the rooms that had been booked for her, the response had been.... really something else. But the location was convenient to the hospital and with both her and Kara having frequent guests, they had decided it was easier for their Mom to keep it. Despite how awkward she found living in such ostentatious rooms.

 Seeing her down to earth mother on a velvet camelback sofa was something else. From the country to the country club for sure.

 She leaned against the door, knocking once before waving one of the spare cards. At the flicker of green light she pushes her way in.

 “Hey Mom?” she calls around the corner.

 “Hey sweetie, how are you?”

 Her Mom emerges from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dishcloth.

 “I’m alright, how about you?” Alex says, kicking off her shoes.

 “I’ve been stress baking. I figured the kitchen in this place may as well get some use.”

 “Hah!,” Alex chortles, “The last time that oven got turned on was probably the year 2007. Unless some crazy family of rich people traveled with their personal chef or something. Is that a thing?”

 “I wouldn’t know, you’ll have to ask this Lena Luthor who somehow arranged my flight, transportation, and this absurd hotel suite and won’t tell us how much any of it costs, hm?”

 “I tried! She doesn’t play fair! She whipped out this sad brittle rejected face and I couldn’t keep pushing, even though I’m like eighty-five percent sure she was playing me,” Alex says with a chuckle. “I even called the hotel, they just said the rooms were booked at a special rate that was between them and the customer.”

 “It is just very… unnecessary. This place is bigger than my first apartment was.”

 “I _know_. If she does anything else, let me know and one of us will talk to her.”

 “Anything like having the hospital register Jeremiah as a self pay patient whose billing address is a mysterious PO Box?” Eliza asks, raising an eyebrow.

 “Fucking-- Lena,” she groans in frustration. “Things have been so unsettled, we didn’t want to… I’ll let Kara know to have a sit down with her.”

 “Why Kara? Who exactly _is_ this Lena?”

 Alex’s eyes narrow in confusion. As if anyone in the whole country would need to ask who Lena Luthor is.

 Eliza’s face settles into a pointed stare that can only be described as the ‘mom look’.

 What does she…? “Oh! Oh,” Alex says, understanding at last. A moment later, she realizes she can’t answer. It isn’t her place to tell her Mom about Kara’s relationship. But then again… “Kara should really be the one to tell you about this. But given how crazy things have been… plus, well, it wouldn’t occur to her, but there are a couple things you should be warned about.”

 “Warned about?” Eliza’s voice is a little strained.

 “Not like that! Sorry, I’m messing this up,” Alex shakes her head, tries to start over. “Lena is… well, Kara is the love of her life.”

 Eliza’s eyes widen. “Kara is dating? I’m the last to get clued in, as usual?”

 “No! They didn’t, they weren’t actually together until pretty recently. And then it was a big secret because Lena was trying to take down Cadmus.”

 “So is Kara copying her big sister again, or is she, uh… bisexual?”

 Alex laughs. “God, you know, I never even asked. She must be, I think she still likes men generally. But Lena is… I don’t know. Something in them just picked each other. It’s the real deal.”

 “I’ve got two serious significant others to get to know at the same time? You girls.”

 “You’ve already spent plenty of time with Maggie!”

 “Sitting with someone in a hospital room is one way to break the ice,” Eliza grins, “Though, now that I think about it. If Lena is dating Kara it’s strange that I haven’t so much as run into her the whole time I’ve been here.”

 “Yeah, that would probably be due to her avoiding you at all costs,” says with a dark chuckle. “That falls under the topic of, ah, warnings.”

 Eliza’s eyes go sharp, wary but attentive.

 “Everything that happened, with Cadmus, with Dad, all of it was… was because of Lillian Luthor. But Lena blames herself, and I’m sure she expects that you’ll blame her too. Or else that… that you’d be more comfortable if someone with her name… stayed away.”

 “I would _never_ …” Eliza can feel a rant bubbling.

 Alex sees it, and cuts her off before it can get going. “I know that. I think even she knows that, in her head. But… you being Kara’s mom is...” she crosses her arms over her chest, trying to think of how to explain. “I’ve never thanked you, for being so good to Kara.  For welcoming her, and treating her like one of your own.”

 Eliza is surprised by the non-sequitur, but doesn’t need any preparation to answer, “That isn’t something I deserve _thanks_ for” indignantly.

 “It is,” she says with finality. “I slammed Lena’s ‘Mother’ into a wall full force after hearing her say and I quote, ‘I plucked her out of the garbage’.”

 Eliza stiffens, jaw dropping.

 “That’s her history with adoptive parents. So meeting you is going to be… loaded, for Lena,” Alex continues cautiously, “She could land anywhere on the spectrum between abject terror and desperate need for approval. Getting past that, getting to know _her_ , is going to take a lot of patience. But, she’s worth it.”

 Eliza sighs with fatigue, but her energy to feel heartbreak over mistreated kids is an inexhaustible wellspring.  Which Alex well knows. The fact that her sharp, protective daughter is concerned enough about this woman’s welfare to _fret_ is almost enough to convince her in and of itself.

 Part of her has to laugh, though. “It’ll be fine, Alex. As it turns out, the best money I ever spent was on my exhaustive collection of childhood trauma and trauma and recovery books.”

 She spent years reading and re-reading those books. Looking for the slightest hint of something that might help Kara, hoping that at least the skeleton of human psychological study might apply to her alien ward, trying different things every day, every week. Now she is doubly thankful for her second daughter. Who could guess that the lessons she taught would become so vital?

 Alex lets out a choked laugh. “I remember that! You started accumulating them after Kara arrived!”

 “Yes, I did. And I read every single one. So don’t worry about it.”

 “Alright, alright,” she cedes, shrugging her shoulders.

 “Do you want to watch a movie? We could invite Kara over, too.”

 “Yeah, sure. But that reminds me, the reason I came in the first place was to tell you that Dad’s Doctor said we could write him letters. If we wanted.  That that would be a little easier to cope with, for him. He said we could put whatever we wanted in it, that Dad could even write us back.”

 Eliza’s breath freezes in her chest. She had been upset, to be unable to see him. But a part of her had also been relieved. To not have to face it, yet, if the husband she remembers is gone.

 But the suggestion is a good one. A letter feels manageable. It doesn’t carry the weight a dramatic reunion does.

 “That sounds nice. I’ll grab some paper,” Eliza says. “And call your sister!”

 

* * *

 

Jeremiah sits in a cozy armchair in a warm, well decorated office across from a therapist. The space is trying very hard to be open and welcoming in a way that feels contrived. He shifts uncomfortably, despite the improved accommodations.

 “Hello Dr. Danvers. I’d like to get started today by asking how you are doing as far as your sense of time goes. If you don’t mind, what you can recall about what today’s date is?”

 He rubs his forehead. “It’s December of 2016. I-- uh, I think it’s a Tuesday. I don’t remember the date itself.”

 “No, that’s very good. Today is the 6th. Would you like to verify that in any way? Check a newspaper or turn on the local news?”

 “No, no. There isn’t much that can’t be faked, anyhow.”

 “Well, we welcome any checks you can come up with. We once had a patient ask to call their nurses six year old son to verify information, which was quite humorous.”

 “That’s cute, but I am not free to leave. I fail to see how you are any different from them,” Jeremiah says, a flicker of anger in his gut.

 “That is actually a really important question,” he responds calmly. “I’d like to distinguish your treatment program here from your previous experiences in two distinct ways. The first is that we will do our best to be open about our actions and intentions, in regards to your treatment. We will also never bar you from contact with the outside world. We would like to help shape that contact, to ensure that it is as healthy as possible both for you and for your loved ones. But we actually intend to help strengthen your connection with the external world as much as possible. You will always have access to the news and whatever academic resources you want, including any resources relevant to your own treatment. And our lines of communication are also open in the other direction, in that your loved ones are free to contact us at any time for updates or to voice any concerns. And, in point of fact, your family has already utilized that service to inform of us the ah… fate that awaits us if we don’t provide you the best possible care six? No, seven now, seven times,” the old therapist’s beard twitches with a sharp laugh, “Your eldest daughter has been very… diligent, in informing us of her… expectations.”

  _Alex._ A part of Jeremiah can’t believe it. It all feels surreal, still.

 The therapist waits, to see if he wishes to interject, then continues. “So the first difference is openness. The second is control. While you stay here, our only set in stone rule is that you refrain from hurting yourself or others. Your schedule, when you eat, when you sleep, your activities, and the types of therapy you prefer, all those things will be controlled by you, or if you prefer it you can choose for us to set a schedule to whatever degree you are most comfortable with. I will have recommendations, of course, and I hope you will listen to those, but we want to allow you to control what happens to you as much as possible from this point forward.”

 “And what if what I want is to go home?” That isn’t what he wants, he doesn’t know what he wants. Nothing seems certain. Except that he would like to needle this therapist.

 “Mr. Danvers, there is a very long, very difficult road ahead of you. I have seen survivors of the kind of trauma you have suffered respond in every possible manner. Some can’t sleep at all, some sleep with terrible, screaming nightmares, some do nothing but sleep for days upon days. Some patients develop severe anxiety disorders, PTSD, outbursts of anger, some completely block out what happened and refuse to speak about it. It is very common for people to function fairly normally while under the extreme strain of their captivity, and then rapidly decompensate when they are finally safe. Your family does not have the resources or the knowledge to help you with a lot of what you may experience, and that would not create a good situation for either you or them.”

 “Why can’t I talk to them?”

 “We were going to save that topic for next Monday, but perhaps this is a good time. Seeing your family in person may be very stressful for you, right now. They won’t look the same, or act the same, and we’d like to make some more progress before they start coming in person. But they did request to have contact with you, and we determined that one way that could be accomplished is by writing to you,” he digs around in his desk, before pulling out a manila envelope.

 The therapist leans forward, pushing the envelope across the desk. As he takes it, Jeremiah’s hand trembles.

* * *

 

In Kara’s apartment, two girlfriends are enjoying a movie night.

 Kara and Lena are wrapped around each other beneath a blanket, all sprawled out on the couch. A movie is playing, one that Lena has not been paying overmuch attention to but that Kara seems to be enjoying.

 Not paying attention has actually proved _integral_ to Lena’s enjoyment of the film. The next time she looks up a man in a moving car has (somehow) managed to shoot down a helicopter pilot maneuvering a craft hundreds of feet in the air.

 She can’t stifle a snort.

 “What?” Kara wines next to her ear.

 “Really? Hitting a moving target from a moving vehicle at that distance with a _handgun_?”

 “That must be why you aren’t a super secret agent, huh.”

 Lena kicks backwards, aiming for Kara’s shin.

 Kara giggles, squeezing her arms around Lena’s ribs, “Hate to break it to you but I’m invincible babe. You can literally only hurt yourself.”

 Lena turns in Kara’s arms to face her, wearing a hungry grin, “Oh? And what if I’d like to test that hypothesis?” she whispers.

 What was about to be a very pleasant interlude during a terrible film is itself interrupted by the buzz of Kara’s phone on the coffee table.

 Lena tips her head back and groans. Kara reaches over, picking up it up. The call is from the DEO, and she mouths a ‘sorry’ at Lena.

 “A bank robbery in Central Grand? Again? Alright, alright, I’ll be there.”

 She hangs up, pecks Lena on the lips, and darts off to change.

 Lena, well used to this problem by now, just pauses the movie and reaches for her own phone from her purse lying next to the couch.

 When Kara returns she is in her full Supergirl regalia. As she passes she shouts, “Don’t go _anywhere,_ I’ll be right back! And don’t keep watching the movie without me!”

 “Not much chance of that,” Lena murmurs under her breath, knowing Kara will hear her.

 She snuggles back down to answer some emails while she waits when she is startled by a knock at the door.

 Her first thought is Alex, but by the time she has unlatched the door she realizes that if Alex was already on her way she would have gone with Kara. It’s open a few inches before she can stop herself, and the identity of the guest sinks in a moment later.

 Her arm freezes mid motion. The door drifts open further by momentum alone as Lena’s arm falls limply to her side.

 She recognizes this woman from pictures around Kara’s apartment. This is Eliza Danvers. Oh god, this is Kara’s mom.

 She takes a step back like her feet are burning.

 Kara’s mom is standing in front of her. Right now. Without Kara here. Part of her very much wishes to shout for her girlfriend to come back this instant. The police should be equipped to stop a bank robbery, surely? Panic makes her feel a little lightheaded.

She ignores the stilted reception, smiling kindly as she shuts the door behind her. “Hello. You must be Lena. I’m Eliza Danvers, it’s nice to finally meet you in person.”

 Eliza holds out her hand politely.

 Lena looks down at the pajama pants she is wearing. They are covered in little dogs. They belong to Kara. She is also not wearing a bra. “It would have been nicer if I wasn’t wearing pajamas at the time,” comes out of her mouth. She clamps down, swears at herself, and turns on the boardroom politeness that is as natural to her as breathing. She takes Eliza’s hand and shakes it, saying, “It’s nice to meet you as well.” If only she had managed that about a minute sooner.

 Eliza laughs, “Believe me, that doesn’t make my top ten list of surprises for this _week_.”

 “I suppose you have bigger concerns than my sleepwear. How are you doing? Kara told me that Jeremiah is progressing well.”

 Eliza sighs and puts a hand to her temple.

 It’s a gesture Lena  recognizes from Alex. The thought makes her heart pound so loud she can feel it in her temples.

 “I’ve been better,” Eliza says honestly, “But it’s still an improvement on thinking he was dead, so we’ll manage. The Doctors tell me that a period of decompensation after long term trauma is normal, so right now we’re just crossing our fingers.”

 Lena hates seeing any Danvers at all in pain, apparently. The feeling of protectiveness buoys her, and she steps forward. Her hand comes up, but she loses her nerve before she can place it on Eliza’s forearm. _Make up your mind, Lena_ she rants at herself.

 The muscles in her jaw clench. “I’m sure you must be worried. But, and I hope you’ll forgive me for speaking out of turn, for my part, I’m not,” Lena manages to get out, with more confidence than she expected. Her chin comes up, even as Eliza’s eyes widen in shock. “I’m not worried in the slightest. Because if there is one thing the Danvers excel at it is… being a light in a dark place.”  
  
Eliza’s mouth opens a little as she breathes in sharply. At first she had genuinely not understood what would draw kind, cheerful Kara to the dark, burdened CEO she has caught glimpses of on the news. But this, for her to speak words like those through their own obvious fear, now she sees it.

 Lena’s heart pounds in her chest. She is filled with self-recrimination: _that was too far, and not her place to say regardless, she needs to get it together…_

 Her thoughts are cut off as Eliza steps forward, her lips curling up at the corners. The older woman puts her arms around Lena’s shoulders loosely.

 Lena freezes in shock, only managing to relax into the hug moments before the older woman pulls back.

 Eliza’s hand linger on her upper arms, patting lightly. “Thank you, sweetie. That is very kind of you to say.”

 She is thrown by the affection, and too nervous to think straight. “I’m sure you were looking for Kara? She just went to help with a robbery, she’ll be back soon if you’d like to sit down,” she changes the topic with a sigh of relief.

 “I was. But you’re doing just fine.”

 

* * *

 

“How are you this afternoon Mr. Danvers?”

 “I’m alright,” he says, frowning a little.

 “For this session I’d like to examine one topic specifically.”

 “And what is that?”

 The therapist wipes at one lens of his glasses with a cloth, and puts them back before continuing. “During your time with Cadmus I’m sure they presented you with a lot of different arguments. Over time, it is natural to start to… doubt yourself. To doubt your own views. I’m not saying Cadmus intentionally lied to you,” he says, holding up his hands. Brainwashed is the word that hangs over the both of them, no matter how the doctor would like to avoid it, “But many of my patients have found it very useful to go through and research whatever information and news they received. Don’t try and make value judgements, or gauge what you thought may or may not have been the truth, or worry about their intentions. Just go through and learn more about any events they described to you or facts they gave you.”

 Jeremiah sits, conflicted and grinding his teeth. He knows he was lied to, he knows he started to believe them anyway (Was it for his own comfort, or was he simply weak? Did he give up? Or is it this benign looking therapist who is the deceiver?).

 He thinks of the letters in drawer at his bedside. Of the one from Alex, that he has read over and over and over. For her, he wants to try. If he can give her anything, _anything_ , of her Father back he wants to do it. Even if nothing else is left of him, he wants that.

 “How about we go chronologically,” the therapist offers up calmly. “Would you like to start with what happened most recently or work from the beginning forward?”

 There isn’t anything wrong with trying to find out information for himself, he supposes. And many instances come to mind.

 The accident which supposedly had killed his family.

 An explosion in the middle of a city that killed dozens, supposed perpetrated by alien criminals.

 Murder statistics, technological threats, a hundred small pieces and large stories flash through his mind.

 He decides, at last, to start from the beginning.

 

* * *

 

“Miss Luthor, I’m so glad to be able to meet with you today,” says an impeccably well dressed middle aged man, his dark brown hair swooped over and gelled into place.

 “No problem Anthony, if there are any legal threats to me personally that is of course also the concern of L Corp’s legal staff.”

 The man shifts slightly, then puts his hands behind his back. “From my understanding, your mother Lillian Luthor has been transferred to police custody and has now retained the services of a lawyer. They have only begun to charge her, but one of her lawyers’ first actions was to supina L Corp, in an obvious in an attempt to shift blame for her actions towards you and this corporation.”

 Lena closes her eyes. Of course. She had nearly forgotten her Mother’s threats to implicate her and her company. Clearly, they had not been idle.

“Of course, the subpoenas are sufficiently vague that we refused to surrender anything at this time, but we would like to start planning for various contingencies now. As well as to discuss with you whether there are any… areas of concern,” the man finishes awkwardly.

 Lena smirks. Any areas where we need to cover up our own dirt, in other words. “Yes, send me any specifics you have on my mother’s lawyer, what documents you received from him, and what you suspect about his plans. I need to contact another involved party, I’ll get back to you regarding what information they may be able to supina us for.”

 “Absolutely, Miss Luthor. Should we meet again next week?”

 “Yes, that would be ideal. Speak with Jess and arrange a time that will work for us both,” she says, already distracted by her own thoughts.

 This also concerns the DEO, as much of this information she has already turned over to them for use against Cadmus. She wonders…

 She pulls out her phone, and dashes off a quick message to Alex. It reads simply: _Lillian Luthor to subpoena L Corp records. Some used as part of the actions against Cadmus, does your organization have any interest in them remaining confidential? Have their legal department contact mine if they have any concerns or directives._

 Having done all she can until more in depth analysis is delivered to her, she returns to work. There are still two meetings and a variety of different approvals for expenditures to do.

 The day drags.

 By the time her second meeting is done she is half tempted to call Kara just for a change of pace.

 When she goes to reach for her phone, she finds it already ringing from an unknown number.

 Given that that in and of itself should not be happening, she hesitates. But given everything with her mother, she decides she’d rather hear any creepy threats straight from the source.

 She picks up, with reluctance. “Hello?”

 “Miss Luthor. This is Director Henshaw.”

 That… was not who she was expecting. “What can I do for you Director?”

 “Alex passed on your message. All documents related to joint Luthor Corp/Cadmus projects that were previously released to us are now highly controlled, as they are part of an ongoing government investigation. None of this information can be freely released, and all requests for it must pass through us and meet a more rigorous standard of relevance.”

 “I...see. Thank you,” she says, a little breathy. That was even better than she had hoped.

 “Don’t thank me. This is the policy of our organization. I have an email address utilized by our own legal staff, please direct any legal inquiries to that address to be dealt with by us directly.”

 “Certainly. I appreciate it, Director Henshaw.”

 “No problem, Miss Luthor. It was a pleasure working with you,” he says before hanging up.

 She leans back in her chair. The tension drains from her, she feels tangibly lighter from relief.

 Is this what it’s like to be part of something? To not have to be so alone? To not have to do everything and solve every single problem by yourself?

 She marvels at how much easier life is when not all your problems require your own personal intervention. All at once she feels deep sorrow for Lex. Doing this job alone would have broken her too, she is certain.

 Luckily, she isn’t alone. And never will be, not ever again.

 

* * *

 

“I want to see my daughter,” Jeremiah says gruffly, just a little choked. He thinks of the letter sitting in his nightstand, pages and pages and pages of things Alex had wanted him to know or had wished to speak to him about. Telling him about school and Kara and her job and her life, all the things he missed out on.

 “Are you sure you are ready for that? You understand…”

 “I understand that Alex is 27 now, that I don’t know her anymore, that I’ve missed her whole life. I’m never going to… deal with that, or cope, or _accept._ The only thing I can do, is… not miss any more. Do you understand?”

 The therapist nods compassionately, a satisfied glimmer in his eyes. “I’ll call her in. I’m sure she’ll come as soon as she’s free. The main desk will call you down when she arrives.”

 

* * *

 

“Lena!” Kara exclaims, darting into her office.

 “Hello, Kara,” Lena says, glancing up from her paperwork.

 The blond skids to a halt in front of her girlfriends desk, grinning.

 “Lena, oh my goodness. Alex is going to see her Dad tonight! He asked to see her! I’m so happy,” she says, wrapping her arms around herself.

 “That’s wonderful,” Lena says, a genuine smile stretching across her face.

 “How much more work do you have? I want to throw a little celebration with pizza and cupcakes when she gets back.”

 “I’ve got a conference call with Japan in an hour and a half, but nothing else that can’t be moved.”

 “Alright, perfect. Maybe, after, meet us at Alex’s apartment?”

 “Sure, sounds good Kara.”

 “Perfect!” Kara exclaims, almost bouncing. “Oh, and they told me to tell you that they are on to you, paying for all this stuff for Jeremiah and Eliza. You don’t need to buy us off, we like you without you needing to shower us in mad cash Lena.”

 “Really, shower you in mad cash?”

 “Don’t deflect. I know you are just trying to help. But Eliza is going to want to pay you back," Kara says.

 “The damage was caused by my family, it’s only fair for the expenses to come to me.”

 “You know they don’t think of it that way.”

 “Kara, I inherited many things from the Luthor’s. Among them a reputation for xenophobic hatred, dangerous pride, trust issues, several vaults of illegal weaponry, and money. The money is the only thing of theirs I might do some good with. Please, let me do it.”

 “Lena,” Kara sighs.

 “Let me speak to them. Let me explain. The money means more to me helping them than it does in my bank account,” she meets Kara’s eyes squarely, “Plus, I can guarantee they don’t want to see the price tag on some of it.” She smirks, with a tilt of her head.

 “Oh gosh Lena, what did you do?” Kara says, joking but still sounding concerned.

 “I’ll send you the bill if you want to see for yourself.”

 “Should I be worried?”

 “I’d say so, it’s upwards of a million dollars.”

 “What!” Kara freezes, arms crossed over her chest.

 “My ‘donations’ to Cadmus, paying the hacker coalition, paying the field trauma extraction team, paying M’gann, research and materials, Jeremiah’s medical expenses, it racked up quickly,” she says, shrugging.

 Kara just stands there, flabbergasted.

 “Oh don’t look at me like that,” she says lightly, “The Luthor’s have so much money stowed away it’s practically meaningless.”

 Kara smiles at that. “I can’t believe I owe you a million dollars.”

 “Kara, you owe me _nothing_.” Her tone has gone dark and serious.

 “Cadmus wouldn’t have stopped. I could have fought whatever they sent after me, but for how long? How many months could I have gone on like that? Gradually losing people to them, until they destroyed me. I owe you more than money.”

 “How unlucky for you then, that you insisted there be no debts between us.”

 Kara tilts her head, smirking a little. “If you won’t send me the bill, I think it’s only fair that I decide what I owe.”

 Lena’s eyebrows go up at her tone.

 Kara plants a hand on her hip and swaggers around the desk. She comes to a stop behind Lena, and hears the other woman’s breath catch in her throat. Kara reaches out, swiveling the chair around to face her. She grins as Lena’s eyes widen in surprise, a glint of anticipation in the quirk of her lips.

 She presses her knee between Lena’s legs against the seat of the chair, and pushes. The chair glides back, colliding against the desk with a plastic snap.

 Lena inhales sharply, eyes flicking up to Kara, mouth caught open.

 She steps in, arms on the back of the chair, straddling Lena in one swift motion. She reaches down, tilting Lena’s head up towards her, the other woman’s eyes already growing dark.

 “I never realized how handy it was that your chair doesn’t have any arms,” Kara murmurs, inches from Lena’s mouth.

 Lena smiles, letting out a choked laugh. _Only Kara._

 Kara dips down, kissing Lena languidly for a long moment. When she pulls back she realizes she has smeared red lipstick around Lena’s mouth. There is probably some on her, too. She thinks idly she should have remembered about that before starting all of this.

 “Lena, I want to kiss you a lot of times, but I don’t want to get lipstick smeared everywhere.”

 Lena smiles. “I have some removal pads in… in my desk. Bottom left drawer.”

 Kara leans forward, Lena’s shoulder digging into her chest, and pulls the drawer open. She finds a small white container wedged in the back. The lid screws off with a twist. Pad in hand, she smooths over Lena’s lips with her thumb.

 The cotton comes away tinged with dark red.

 She gotten most of it, and decides most will have to be good enough as she goes in for another kiss.

 Lena’s arm curls around her back, drifting down to grasp at her ass through the fabric of her slacks.

 When she pulls back to see Lena breathing heavily, Kara takes a step back. She drops to her knees heavily, thunking against the ground as she leans into Lena’s legs.

 This puts her eyes conveniently just a little below boob height. She smiles, then a random thought strikes her.

 “Isn’t unbuttoning someone’s shirt with your teeth a thing? I feel like I heard about that somewhere?”

 “A thing in porn, maybe,” Lena says with a strained chuckle.

 “I feel like I would just tear the buttons out…” Kara says thoughtfully, eyebrows pulling together. “Do you need your shirt that bad?”

 “Unfortunately I do. I’d really rather not have to safety pin my shirt together during an international conference call,” she says, shoulders shaking with repressed laughter. “Not that the idea doesn’t have merit. Another time?”

 Even funnier than the idea of Kara trying to take her shirt off with her teeth is the sheer surreal experience of sex being something lighthearted and fun. Kara seems to have taken her at her word re: ‘I want to have sex with Kara Danvers’. She has never experienced anything like it. Sex with Kara is full of smiling and laughing and weird comments. Until this, until this girl, she had never realized how performative the intimacy of her old life was. How prescribed.

 This is simply Kara, wanting to be with Lena, to do something enjoyable with her. To be close to her.

 Kara grins up at her. “Fancy lady needs her fancy clothes to stay where they are, huh?” her tone is ominously teasing.

 She manages an affirmative sounding “Ah hm.”

 Anything else she might have said is swallowed up in a gasp as Kara pushes up the edges of her skirt. Yet another act impossible without the help of superstrength, she thinks at the miraculously unbunched skirt hiked up past the tops of her thighs.

 A flicker of oddness at the sensation of sitting in her office chair in underpants filters through before Kara _licks_ at the inside of one of her thighs. She jerks, arching and gasping. One hand goes down to bury itself in the hair at the back of Kara’s head.

 Kara works her way across the soft curve of Lena’s thighs with open mouthed kisses, interspersing tiny licks.

 By the time Kara makes it all the way between her legs her underwear is already embarrassingly wet. One of her legs trembles, and she really wishes she had let Kara take off her shirt.

 Lena’s finger clench in Kara’s hair as the blond takes a playful lick at the fabric of her underwear.

 “Oh god, Kara,” she mumbles.

 Kara mouths her clit through the fabric, sucking gently. She alternates between that and swirling licks until Lena is arching and shaking against her mouth.

 With a cry, Lena feels herself spasm in orgasm from the soft pressure. “Oh god, did I even last five minutes? I’m not sure if you should feel impressed with yourself or if I should be embarrassed.”

 Kara giggles against her leg. “You are just being time efficient.”

 When Kara goes to stand, Lena puts a hand on her shoulder. “No, the rug. Let’s…” she doesn’t manage to finish the thought, but doesn’t need to. She can see the hunger in Kara’s eyes as well.

 Kara understands the half sentence, lifting her easily from around her hips and depositing her on the cream shag rug.

 She shimmies on top of the CEO, propped up on her elbows. “This is really cozy. Why do you have a sex rug in your office?”

 “It’s not…” Lena knows she shouldn’t even dignify that with a response, but can’t resist the temptation. “Kara, it’s a nondescript off-white rug.

 “And now it’s a sex rug,” she says matter of factly, with a little wiggle.

 Lena laughs, shaking her head and running her hand down Kara’s back.

 “Once more? Then we’ll switch?” Kara asks, “You know, don’t want you racking up too many in the ‘owing Kara’ column.”

 She laughs in delight. “I’ll have to put the Danvers in my debt more often,” she says, hands tracing a pattern against Kara’s shoulders. “Now I’m curious what else you’re going to put on your bill.”

 Kara’s smile shifts to something small and quiet and true. She brings her arms up to cradle Lena’s face in her hands, kissing her gently.

 “My companionship. My loyalty. My love. All the days of my life.”

 

* * *

 

 Arms crossed, Alex sits in an uncomfortable chair in the waiting room of the National City Institute for Mental Health and Wellness. Her knee taps at a frenetic pace, bleeding off anxiety as she waits. Bureaucratic processes are all that stand between her and her Dad.

 As she waits, the receptionist types away at a computer.

 After a few more minutes, the young redhead looks up. “Alex Danvers?”

 She practically leaps to her feet, then tries to proceed to the front desk in a more normal fashion.

 “Here is your photo ID back,” she says, sliding it across the desk. “Mr. Danvers is waiting in room E11, right down the hallway. Good luck!”

 As she walks down the hall she tries to tamp down a feeling of intense nausea.

Standing in front of the door, she reaches her hand out to rest on the door handle. Her palm is cold and clammy with sweat. This is the closest to a panic attack she has been in years.

 She takes a moment to take deep, calming breaths.

 There is no guarantee she won’t die on a mission tomorrow. That her Dad won’t suffer some unforeseen complication.

 Today is what she has. The future isn’t a promise.

 So today needs to count.

 She turns the handle down, and opens the door.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should apologize here for the extended wait for this chapter. But this happened because Horizon Zero Dawn came out, and I got sucked back into videogames. Which, in the case of Horizon, TOTALLY WORTH IT. If anyone here has the chance to play this game, do it! Mass Effect Andromeda was unfortunately not worth it (sad face). I'm still on the fence about Dishonored 2. I also wound up finally playing the Witcher 3 which is a lengthy but incredible experience. I still have Persona 5, Tales of Berseria, and an assortment of steam games to go (holy cow!), but man video games are such a wonderful storytelling medium!
> 
> I've missed all the fine folks in the Supergirl fandom, and I'm happy to be back! Sorry I'm not caught up responding to reviews, I'll get there. I've just been focusing on finishing up this chapter, which has been an absolute bear. It's fairly lengthy though, so hopefully that makes up for it. This chapter also put me over 300 pages on the story's word document. Jeepers! Also, happy birthday imakemixes (and my mom lol)!  
> This chapter concludes the main story, though there is a shortish epilogue that take a peak into where Lena and Kara wind up.

* * *

 

_An honorable human relationship – that is, one in which two people have the right to use the word "love" – is a process, delicate, violent, often terrifying to both persons involved, a process of refining the truths they can tell each other._

_It is important to do this because it breaks down human self-delusion and isolation._

_It is important to do this because in doing so we do justice to our own complexity._

_It is important to do this because we can count on so few people to go that hard way with us._

_On Lies, Secrets, and Silence: Selected Prose_ by Adrienne Rich

 

* * *

  

“Hey, Dad.”

That’s all she can manage to say. It comes out a bit croaky.

She is in front of her Father. Unbelievably, unimaginably, her Dad is _right there._

She has imagined a million times what she would say, the things she would want to tell him. All of it disappeared the moment she entered the room.

He looks to be in a similar state, staring up at her with shell-shocked awe.

Alex walks over to the chair on the other side of the table, pulls it out, and sits down.

“How are you doing? Do I need to bust you out of here?” she asks with a smile.

“Alex,” he whispers, hand scratching across his beard. “I can’t believe it.”

“I can’t believe it either.”

“I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to disappoint you. I’m not…”

“Oh Dad, you aren’t going to disappoint me. All I care about is that you are here, that we get another chance. Nothing else matters to me," Alex says, leaning forward.

“It’s hard to even consider that. I’m not the same man who had the… deep privilege of being your Father.”

Written beneath that phrase is a litany of doubts: _I don’t trust myself with you. I don’t trust myself with anyone._

“Then I’ll get to know the man you are now," she says gently, smiling. "I don’t want you to worry about me. Not about hurting me, or not living up to my expectations, or betraying me somehow, or anything like that. I’m strong, Dad. Just focus on yourself, leave everything else to us."

He looks down at his hands, crossed in his lap, then back up at Alex. That is certainly his stubborn hard headed daughter.

Alex leans back, continuing, "But we don’t have to deal with all of that right _now_.”

“That would probably be for the best," he says.

“How about…” Alex grins, just a little, “We have a lot of catching up to do. Want me to start at the beginning?”

“The beginning?”

“It would have been, what? 9th grade, for me? Kara and I had some _interesting_ times in high school.”

He laughs, a belly laugh. Like he means it. He feels different, in some minuscule way. “Alright, then. Maybe by Christmas I’ll be up to date on the life and times of Alex Danvers.”

“That’s right!” Alex exclaims. “I had half forgotten. Let me tell you, we are going to make sure you have one hell of a Christmas.”

  

* * *

 

A week later, major ‘Luthor’ news breaks internationally.

She finds out while at work. An important meeting with her CFO and several VPs is interrupted by the head of PR, who knocks and lets himself in in the same motion. Though aggressively charismatic and extroverted by nature (as are most people who would _want_ to work in public relations), even he wouldn’t interrupt this sort of meeting without dire cause.

Standing, she looks around the table at everyone assembled and nods curtly. “Looks like we'll have to finish this another time.”

As the men file out, anxiety starts to creep in. What fresh new disaster will smear the fragile reputation of her company today? She can scarcely imagine, and doesn’t really want to. How long exactly will the remaining members of her family manage to create public problems for, anyhow? What could be next, will Father come back from the grave as a zombie to terrorize the city?

She rubs at her temples in preparation for the pending headache as the man in front of her starts talking.

“Good news and bad news, Miss Luthor. Your brother has accepted pled down charges. He has opted to increase the number of life sentences he is serving and is being transferred to a new, technologically advanced supermax facility.”

She nods. That isn’t terrible so far, despite being somewhat concerning. Lena can’t believe he didn’t drag the court case out for years. That had always been his way, to utterly reject the idea that he committed any wrongdoing. To use the courts as just another platform for his views. When she had seen him being led in chains to a police van, there had been something defeated in his stance. But she can’t help it, part of her still suspects some deeper ploy.

“Unfortunately, that news seems to have displaced whatever remnants of sanity Lillian possessed. She has released page after page of angry, paranoid rants through her lawyer, accusing the legal system of all manner of collusion with alien forces and protesting Lex’s innocence in the strongest possible terms,” he continues.

“A real circus,” Lena replies heavily.

“As damage control the police have announced that Lillian Luthor is being officially charged for a laundry list of crimes. So the Luthor name is in the headline of every news story in the nation.”

Lena Luthor is now the most wanted woman in National City. She won’t be able to so much as walk down the street without being mobbed by requests for comment or shouted expletives.

Well, she sure won’t be going home any time soon.

 

* * *

 

 When she does gets home, much, much later that night, she find Kara already there.

She had let herself in, and sits up from her place on the couch as soon as Lena opens the door.

Her face is drawn down with concern over the back of the sofa. “Are you ok?”

Lena looks up at the TV in front of Kara, which is playing a repeating clip of her mother calling aliens ‘the scourge of the modern world, acceptance of whom will pave the road leading to the destruction of western civilization’.

“I don’t know that she ever loved me,” comes out of her mouth, entirely unexpectedly.

Kara reaches towards her, but Lena shakes her head.

“I’m ok. It’s not as bad as when it first happened with Lex. I- I can’t talk about it yet. Later. Please, make this light and funny and normal for a while. I’ll talk about it once I’ve had some distance,” she continues.

Kara nods, looking both sad and determined. “Want me to tell you about all the dogs I saw today?”

“Sure, Kara,” she says, laughing over her grief. Kara has the power to draw this lightness out of her, to surprise her into joy. She considers It is one of the most precious things in the world.

Lena makes her way over to the couch and collapses down next to Kara, and an arm is promptly wrapped around her shoulders.

“Alright, so. I was going downtown to interview someone for an article and I passed a little guy. His owner was giving him a walk. He had brown ears and a white head and he looked sort of like a beagle and he had a cute little ‘aroo’ bark. I waved to him and he wagged his tail back. Then I saw a black lab in the park. I met him at lunch we were _super_ excited to meet each other! He was tied to a bench so he couldn’t run over to see me but I ran over to see him and gave him a french fry. Then after that…”

Lena lets Kara’s voice take her away.

She doesn’t say the words, but she doesn’t need to. Love is written underneath every phrase and stitched intricately behind every gesture and smile.

 

* * *

 

Late nights become the theme of the week. By Thursday she is wholly exhausted.

When she makes it home it is well after nine o’clock, with her having worked through both lunch and dinner. She had squeezed in a salad, and eaten half a sandwich between two meetings, but nothing else.

Her feet ache, and she stumbles to the kitchen clumsily. She just wants to go to bed. But there’s no way she’ll be able to fall asleep as hungry as this.

There was some leftover takeout from a few days ago, at least. If she can just choke down some noodles, that might be enough. Her eyes burn, and her hands shake a little with exhaustion as she opens the fridge door.

Inside on the top shelf sits three square tupperware containers that weren’t there when she left in the morning. What on earth…?

She pauses, then notices the sticky note on top. There is a smiley face with little hearts around it. Kara, of course.

She pulls out the containers. The largest contains juicy slices of beef, from a pot roast. The next is full of vegetables, potatoes and carrots and onions. The last looks to be drippings, to go over it all.

There is no way Kara made this. She almost laughs, before realization hits her like a truck.

This is from Eliza Danvers. She sent Kara over with leftovers from their dinner.

They knew she had a hard day, and sent her a home cooked meal. God, it sounds like something out of a sitcom.

As soon as the incredulity wears off, she is overcome by a bone deep ache, a longing for something that seems impossible to grasp. And yet, it’s not outside her reach. Love. Acceptance. Family. That is what they are offering to her.

The Danvers break her heart.

She empties the containers onto a plate, and sticks it all into the microwave. In a minute and thirty seconds she will eat a meal made by people who might, perhaps, be her family. One day.

  

* * *

 

Whatever flicker of peace she had managed to gleam from the night before is abruptly destroyed almost the moment she wakes up.

Her phone has exploded with messages and voicemails. From her PR staff, from her security people, from Jess, from her lawyers. She sighs deeply, rolls out of bed, and stumbles to the bathroom.

When she comes back, marginally more comfortable, she starts working her way through the backlog of messages. In a few minutes she has discovered the source. One of her senior PR staff had sent an email with the link to a webpage.

_‘The Last Luthor’._

It’s the title of a clickbait article that had gone viral sometime in the night. It speculates that the demise of every single member of the Luthor family except Lena herself was too improbable to be a simple coincidence. It then proceeds to paint her as some kind of sociopathic genius who has engineered the downfall of every single person who could have stood between herself and the fortune and holdings of the Luthor family. Quite a coup for someone ostensibly not even blood related. It also repeats a few of Lillian’s accusations: that L Corp had been involved with Cadmus, and that Lena was responsible for a large scale coverup.

She sees her Mother’s hand in it. Perhaps she has leaked some damaging sounding whisperings to the press. But then again, these claims don’t require any insider knowledge. Greed could have produced the article just the same as the machinations of Lillian Luthor.

At this point, she is too weary to care.

Security has informed her that the building is surrounded by paparazzi. Jess recommends that she work from home. But as she cuts up a banana, forcing herself to have some breakfast, she starts feeling angry instead.

She refuses to cower at home.

She’ll need a security detail, of course. For a moment she toys with the idea of having Kara drop her off. But she doesn’t want to bother her, or have Supergirl spotted bringing her. The last thing she needs is to add more fuel to the fire.

An idle hope that the controversy will die down quickly crosses her mind, and is interrupted by a cynical snap of humor. As if the public will let go of another Luthor story so quickly.

Maybe eventually she’ll get used to it.

That thought propels her through her morning routine, as she applies a perfect layer of makeup and dons a sharp, tailored suit. The businesswoman with no heart to break, no feelings to hurt, that is the woman she needs today.

She checks herself in the mirror, then steps out. A team of security people is already waiting outside the door.

 

* * *

 

“I can’t believe we’re both up this early,” Eliza mutters, hiding a yawn behind her hand.

“The DEO is always having some kind of crisis, I never leave on time! And you go to bed by 9pm every night. Before I go to work is the only time we’re both free!”

“I know, it’s just funny. Given how much you hated getting up in the morning for all those years growing up.”

Alex rolls her eyes. “It just seems like Dad has a little bit easier of a time with both of us there, when there isn’t so much focus on him every minute.”

She holds the door to the institute's main entrance open for her mother, and then follows her through.

“I agree, honey. It was a good idea. Besides, I’m sure it’s nice to have some variety from hearing your chronological life story to date.”

“It’s been fun,” Alex says with a grin.

“Kara seems like she’s having a great time with it too.”

“Yeah, for sure. We’ve been trying to out-embarrass each other. Not difficult, seeing as though we just made it through our college years. He just heard about Kara’s first job.”

“Oh, no,” Eliza says with a little laugh.

They stop at the front desk, nodding to the secretary as they dig for their photo ID’s.

“Hi Alex, Eliza. Give me just a moment to get you two logged into the system.”

“Of course, Lacy,” Eliza says as she goes to sit.

“How has work been? I know you’ve been busy.”

Alex sighs and leans back in the chair. “Endless meetings, endless bureaucratic reports, endless problems. Hopefully it’ll die down soon.”

Eliza opens her mouth to reply, when her eye catches on the waiting room TV. The sound is off, but the image on the newscast is a panning, highly recognizable shot of L Corp.

Alex whirls around, picking up on her Mother’s body language in an instant.

“Damn,” Alex mutters to herself, pulling out her phone. “I cursed us.” She scrolls down, getting the gist from snippets of articles and angry comments.

“What is it this time? Between all you girls I will never get a moment of peace.”

“A trashy article went viral, some blog post accusing Lena of masterminding the fall of the Luthor family. Blah blah blah, garbage like _‘isn’t it a little suspicious that she is the last one standing’,_ more garbage. Everyone is jumping on board, L Corp is swarmed with paparazzi.”

“I’m waiting for one of you to have a problem I can actually help with,” Eliza says with a wry grin.

“Your cookies are magical and can improve absolutely any situation, Mom. Let me call Kara, make sure she knows.”

  

* * *

 

Kara has her toothbrush hanging out of her mouth when she sees the call from Alex.

“Lo’,” she says, the greeting clipped as she spits toothpaste into the sink.

“Kara, you better go turn the news on.”

“What is it?” she asks, worry creeping into her tone.

“Lena can’t catch a break. Just go watch. Me and Mom are down to visit Dad, let me know if you need anything. I gotta go.”

“Alright,” Kara says just in time for the call to end with a click.

She wipes her face and hands, then pads into the living room to turn on the TV.

The news is showing the same clip over and over of Lena pushing her way through a mass of paparazzi, face cold and remote, as they shout questions and try and shove microphones over a whole cadre of security guards.

She wishes her hearing was a little less super. The questions leap out at her, distinct, through the roiling mass of noise. It is an endless cacophony of pointed cruelty: _“How much do you inherit if your Mother is convicted?”_ shouted by a short man with a bowler hat, _“Why was an autopsy never done on Lionel Luthor?”_ rises up sharply, the crisp voice from a woman in khakis and a button down shirt, _“Did you rename Luthor Corp to distance it from Cadmus?”_ comes from a freckled redhead with a hungry look in his eyes.

Rage burns in her chest. Her shoulders come up and her chin sets in a sharp line.

She is not particularly fond of her own anger. But this, these greedy shallow little humans scrabbling to darken Lena for such petty reasons. The stab of anger settles beneath her ribcage.

For them to talk like this about Lena, when they aren’t even worthy to touch the hem of her slacks. 

She is Supergirl in a flash, and out the window.

  

* * *

 

It only takes her a minute to reach L Corp. She flies at breakneck speed, stopping with a snap directly above the crowd and then floating down.

They come alive all at once with shouts and the flash of cameras. Microphones are held up into the air. Now that she has arrived, she isn’t sure where to even start (or if this was even a good idea, whispers a small corner of her brain).

Her cape billows as she loses a bit more altitude. As she draws closer it also amplifies the shouts of the crowd, and Kara fights to filter the volume to manageable levels. At least they'll have to quiet down if they want to record what she says. As her senses focus, she snaps into action.

“You have a lot of questions for Lena Luthor. I suggest you start by talking to me,” her arms are crossed against her chest, the posture radiating the strength and backbone of a hero.

The cacophony of accusations and prying questions raises to a fever pitch. Internally wincing, Kara decides the volume needs to get turned down a few notches.

She tilts her head sideways, the stance in all aspects the patronizing patience of a god.

Then she shouts, “That’s enough!”

The crowd quiets to a murmur. A sort of tension hovers over them, the threat of who and what this alien woman is lingering in the air.

Supergirl uncrosses her arms to gesture at the group. “Let’s see if I have this right. Was Lena a part of her mother’s scheme? Did she cooperate with us to escape prosecution? Can someone so tainted by scandal be anything but corrupt?”

The gathered newspeople are near silent except the flash of cameras.

“I can’t tell you what she knew, or what she felt. I can only tell you what _I_  know,” she pauses, looking down. “When I came to this planet, I was thirteen. I had lost everything. Parents, relatives, my home, my culture, my language. I would not have survived it if it wasn’t for the people who took me in and gave me a family again. My identity is a secret not to protect me but to protect them. Because I can’t lose them, do you understand? I am strong enough to lift a schoolbus over my head, but I am not strong enough to lose them.”

The wind gusts, whipping her hair and cape around her in a whirl.

“The Luthors are the people who took Lena in after _she_ had lost everything. And she sacrificed them to help me, to do what was _right_ . She has worked with me every step of the way, trying to make sure they were brought to justice. I have met so many courageous, incredible people, since I started this and I wouldn’t be here without them,” she continues, placing a hand over the ‘S’ on her chest. “But Lena Luthor might be the bravest of all of them. I would put my faith in her strength and her integrity without a moment of hesitation. I _did._ And if you want evidence of whether I was justified, you need only look at where I am, and where Cadmus is.”

  

* * *

 

Lena feels a little less burdened after she makes it inside L Corp. The elevator hums comfortingly, and her security contingent has remained on the ground floor to help secure the entrances to the building.

The ding as she reaches her floor makes her sigh in relief. She will say ‘Good Morning’ to Jess, and then be able to throw herself into doing something productive for ten hours. And she won’t have to worry about this nonsense, except for a meeting at one pm with her public relations team. They have already released a statement. Her lawyers are preparing to sue for slander and do whatever needs to be done to combat this new article. All that’s left is to wait for the storm to pass through.

Her mouth opens to begin a greeting.

Jess beats her to it, derailing both her greeting and her train of thought.

“Miss Luthor, have you seen this? Supergirl is out there. Talking to the press. Right now.” She is peering intently at her computer monitor, a livestream of the news on the screen.

Lena strides over at a fast clip, watching over Jess’s shoulder. Almost immediately her hand comes up to cover her mouth.

On the screen, Supergirl is speaking to the crowd:

_“...I have met so many courageous, incredible people since I started this and I wouldn’t be here without them. But Lena Luthor is the bravest of all of them. I would put my faith in her strength and her integrity without a moment of hesitation. I_ did _. And If you want evidence of whether I was justified, you need only look at where I am, and where Cadmus is._ ”

_“I’m going to give you, the media and press agents of National City, a piece of advice. In a hundred years, when people say the name ‘Luthor’, it is_ her _they’ll be referring to,” Supergirl says firmly, pointing a finger at the L Corp sign, “not them. I protect the world, but Lena Luthor? Lena is going to change it. Her family’s crimes will be nothing but a_ footnote _of her mark on history. All of you here today would do better if you recognized the unique privilege you share in being able to chronicle that.”_

Lena takes a step back, eyes burning. She studiously avoids looking at Jess.

When Jess looks up at Lena, her eyebrows rise sharply. She smiles as Lena turns and practically runs into her office.

Then she sighs, shakes her head, and pushes back her boss’s 8:00 meeting.

  

* * *

 

Lena pushes her way into her office, heart pounding in her ears. Each beat is a chant of _karakarakarakara._ She strides past her desk, throwing the glass door open with a desperate heave.

She leans against the railing, whispering “Kara! Get up here!” fiercely over the edge.

It only takes a minute before a blur of red and blue skims down the side of the L Corp building to land on her balcony. Her cape billows heroically, but the look on her face is a bit sheepish.

Kara’s hand goes up to scratch the back of her head. “Look, I just… I heard all the nonsense they were saying and I just got really mad so if I messed anything up I’m really…”

Lena cuts her off with a fierce kiss, catching Kara’s bottom lip between her own, sucking hard. Her tongue flicks out, teasing, deepening the kiss.

Her hands clench at Kara’s shoulders, the fabric of her suit feeling thick and taut like a second skin.

_Damn._ She can't really undress Kara in the suit, not easily anyhow. There isn’t time anyhow.

Her breath heaves out, hands clenching desperately.

She looks at Kara. “Do you have any idea...?” Lena’s voice trails off, breathy and full of awe. “For my entire adult life, I have been an object of desire. I'm wealthy, I'm powerful, I'm beautiful. Men have trailed after me since I was 16. Given me anything I wanted just for the _chance_ to have me. It was always a game, to me. A weapon. I had no idea. Kara, I want you so badly I ache in my bones. I would beg, beg, to have you without even a second of hesitation, or shame. I never imagined this, could never have imagined feeling this way.” The words fly out of her in a rush.

Could she miss a half day? With how hard she works surely she has earned a brief respite.

Lena realizes quickly it wouldn’t be worth it. She’d only want more anyway.

But, god. _How am I going to work like this?_

She feels damp and desperate, her heart pounding in her chest.

She pulls Kara into another ferocious kiss. 

"I spent so many years, not knowing. Not realizing that what I was looking for was  _you_ ," Lena sighs, breathless, leaning their foreheads together.

Kara leans in to place a solid peck on her lips. Then she takes half a step back, eyes flicking up and down Lena’s frame with a laid back sort of surety. And smirks.

She leans down and grabs Lena low around the waist, lifting her and pressing her forcefully against the glass in one smooth motion.

Lena’s legs go around Kara’s hips immediately, ankles crossing as she presses forward. Their lips meet with forceful intent, gentle at first and then more lingering. As they kiss Lena feels a hand brushing down her side, then dipping down to linger on the soft curves of her ass.

Kara hand keeps going, down her thigh as far as her arm can reach. She strokes there for a moment above her knee, then starts drifting back up. As her hand goes she catches the edge of the skirt with her thumb, pushing it up her thigh inch by agonizing inch.

Lena’s hips roll futilely as she cries out against Kara’s lips.

They keep kissing as Kara’s right hand pushes until the skirt is bunched around her waist. Lena is practically sobbing against Kara's forehead, muttering a litany of  _pleases_ and  _gods_. 

 Lena winds up missing both her 8:00 and her 8:45 meeting.

  

* * *

 

The rest of her work day passes slowly after that. Admittedly, in a more relaxed manner.

As the car pulls up to her apartment building she muses that Kara should come to the office more often. That would be a bad precedent to set, asking for trouble on every level, but the thought amuses her throughout the elevator ride up to her floor.

As she walks into her apartment part of her hopes very much to find Kara inside.

The TV is on, which is a good sign. All the overhead lights are off though, except the ones in the kitchen.

She pads over to the couch in front of the TV and leans on the back. Peering over, she sees Kara and Alex both curled up and asleep underneath an array of blankets.

A tremendous grin stretches across her face. She reaches down, shaking Alex’s shoulder and patting Kara’s thigh.

“Hey you two,” she says, voice soft.

Kara blinks, groaning and sitting up.

Alex tenses up before relaxing against her sister, boneless.

“You can go back to sleep, but not on the couch. Alex, do you want to stay the night? I can get the guest bedroom ready.”

“Are you doing ok?” Alex asks groggily.

Her circumstances feel so different it takes her a moment to figure out what Alex is even asking about. She almost laughs. It is amazing how different adversity feels when you have people to stand beside.

“I’m fine. The press is more annoying than stressful. Thanks, though.”

Alex nods. “I’m going to Maggie’s tonight, don’t worry about me. I just came over to tell you that we’re doing a Christmas celebration at the Institute. It’s on Thursday, you’re coming.”

“A mandatory invitation? Is this some kind of new phenomenon I haven’t come across yet?”

“Just give in and say yes,” Kara says, grabbing hold of Lena’s sides. “Come early with me, I’m going to help decorate!”

“Whatever you say, darling,” Lena drawls.

Alex and Kara say goodbye several times but manage to migrate to another topic before she actually leaves. Then they have to say goodbye again.

Lena laughs at the spectacle from another room as she gets ready for bed.

Bed is a place is rather looking forward to, today.

It takes Kara just a few second to catch up with her, pulling on pajamas and leaping onto the comforter.

Kara stretches her arms out, motioning for Lena to come over. She climbs in and curls up against Kara's side. It feels cozy and warm and normal, and when she sleeps she dreams of nothing at all.

 

* * *

 

“Dashing through the snowwwww!” Kara sings with exuberant cheer, practically wiggling from her place in the passenger seat, “In a one horse open sleighhh…”

Lena rolls her eyes as she guides the car through a busy intersection, GPS leading her steadily towards the Institute.

“C’mon Lena! Sing with me!” she tugs gently on Lena’s shoulder.

“No, thanks. I’m quite happy enjoying your lovely voice, dear.”

“You get a nervousness pass for right now, but you are caroling with me later,” Kara says with mock firmness.

“How generous,” Lena drawls, smiling tightly. As if she needed to be reminded that she was driving to a christmas celebration with her girlfriend’s family, including the father whom her own mother had spent years torturing. This was going to be just wonderful.

By the time they pull into a parking spot, Kara is practically vibrating with excitement. Lena is trying to keep the contents of her stomach where they belong.

Kara reaches down to entwine their fingers, swinging their conjoined hands as she pushes into the building.

The woman at the front desk waves as soon as she sees Kara. “Hi, Miss Danvers. Your party will be in room CE140, over in the rec wing.”

“Thanks Lacy!” Kara says, waving back.

She practically skips down the hall, dragging Lena behind her. The event room opens up to a large, airy room which obvious typically contains conference tables.

In one corner are a pair of couches and armchairs around a coffee table while the center of the room is dominated by a sparse christmas tree obviously still in the process of being decorated.

“Hey Eliza!” Kara shouts into the empty room.

“Hi Kara!” rings from a room off to the side.

Eliza comes through the doorway still wringing wiping her hands dry with a kitchen towel.

“Oh, and Lena too! Welcome, dear,” Eliza slings an arm around the shier woman’s shoulders as she pulls Kara into a hug.

“Alex isn’t here yet?” Kara asks.

“She and Maggie are bringing Jeremiah over. They shouldn’t be long.”

Lena hides her flinch by leaning further against Kara, who is practically vibrating with excitement.

“I’m gonna put all the Christmas lights up around the room!”

“Alright Kara,” Lena has to laugh, “Is there anything I can help with?”

“You wind some garland around the tree, we’ll start decorating that next.”

“You girls have fun, I need to get this ham in the oven so it can cook for a few hours,” Eliza nods as she ducks back into the kitchen.

Kara is off running, taking grand long strands of lights in her arms and hovering in midair as she carefully tapes the string to the wall.

“I see that you’re putting the power of flight to good use,” Lena says from her spot on the ground. She is kneeling next to a box of decorations, patiently untangling a string of wooden red globes and cheery gold stars.

“I can put the star on top of the tree too!”

Lena laughs.

“Now I miss Alex. She would always quote Rudolph when we mention that. You know, the part where the abdominable snow man puts the star on the tree?” Kara asks from mid air, having made it around more than half the room.

“I’m afraid I don’t.”

“Lena! We’ll be taking care of that later today too, then!”

“This is certainly going to be a jam packed Christmas, isn’t it?”

“Jam packed full of _lurve.”_

“Really, Kara?” Lena laughs, rolling her eyes as she pulls the now disentangled garland from the box.

In an instant Kara is by her side, smiling brightly.

“Really,” she says, and darts forward to kiss Lena on the cheek.

In another minute Kara has finished draping cheery white lights all around the room and is on to helping Lena wrap the Christmas tree in decorative strings.

Kara twirls around the tree as she winds the string all the way to the top, reach down to squeeze Lena’s hand.

She lands gracefully by Lena’s side, admiring the lit tree despite its lack of ornaments.

They stand quietly for a moment. Then Kara crosses her arms with a huff.

“I need Alex here before we can start decorating! And Maggie and Jeremiah too, of course.”

“Go check on them, I’ll wait here. It’s fine.”

Kara turns to her with a little worried frown, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, Kara. Go,” she says, nudging with her elbow.

“Alright, alright,” Kara grouses, walking to the door to the kitchen.

“Eliza, I’m gonna go find Alex. I’ll be right back.”

She hears the clang of pots and pans.

“Wait a moment, I’m coming,” Eliza shouts from the back of the kitchen.

She emerges again, sleeves rolled up and clad in an apron. “Sorry, what was that? I can’t hear a thing back there with the fans running.”

“I’m going to go find Alex, get them all over here.”

“Sure, dear. Don’t slow them down even more, you hear?”

“Yes ma’am, we’ll come straight here!” Kara salutes with a little wiggle.

Lena likes Eliza, but isn’t exactly comfortable being left alone with her. The holiday theme makes it worse, she suspects. There is a pressure to exude a joy and togetherness that feels entirely foreign to Lena. Perhaps one day.

She had hoped her face was schooled enough to avoid Eliza’s razor sharp empathetic senses, but apparently not. Before she can turn around and act very busy with decorating Eliza has turned and is walking towards her.

“Kara is something else, isn’t she. Is there anything I can do to make you feel more comfortable? Just let me know if you need to come hide in the kitchen.”

“No no, I’m fine. I appreciate the thought, though. And, yes, Kara sure is something alright.”

Eliza wipes a damp hand on her pant leg, pauses, then forges forward. “And how are you doing? The girls told me the media pressure has eased up, but I’ve been worried.”

“Much better, definitely. I’m hoping this time the issue has died for good, although I’m sure that’s too much to ask for.”

“Well, no matter how many times it happens the people who care about you know the truth.”

“Unfortunately that circle is very small and leaves out the statistical majority of National City,” Lena says wryly.

“I’m sure the statistical majority of National City will be changing it’s tune before long.”

Lena just laughs. If only. It would be a little too dark to remind Eliza of just what the Luthor name has come to symbolize.

Eliza pauses for a moment, thoughtful “I’ve been meaning to thank you, you know?”

“For what?” Lena asks, genuinely confused.

“For what you did, to help take down Cadmus and get my husband back.”

“Thank your daughters.”

“I raised those girls. You think I can’t tell someone else came up with the plan to take down Cadmus via investigative journalism?”

She can hardly bear the praise. Not from this woman, not in the shadow of Cadmus and everything it meant and everyone who built it. Everyone whose money built it.

“ I am so sorry for the pain my family has caused you,” Lena says, stilted, painfully.

“No, no, honey,” Eliza says, stepping forward and squeezing Lena’s upper arm, “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m just happy to have one more person looking out for them. I worry.”

“I worry too,” Lena says.

“I’ve never been afraid of the escaped alien prisoners with claw hands or giant mutated energy parasites. It’s organizations like Cadmus, ignorant swings of public of opinion, the paranoia and cruelty of the government, those are the fears that keep me up at night,” Eliza says, tone full to bursting with the worry of a mother.

 Lena inclines her head, an understanding passing between them. “I’ll die before I let anything happen to Kara. Or Alex. If the world is foolish enough to ignore its heroes, people like me can always make money and power speak.”

Eliza’s green eyes get shiny for a moment. She moves her hand up to pat Lena on the shoulder. “Well,” she says, clearing her throat, “We might not know each other well yet, but I think Kara chose very well. And I feel confident in saying that, whoever your Mother is, she was a terrible fool.”

Lena’s eyes shut tightly. She absolutely refuses to cry. If she starts, that’s when Kara and all the others will walk in. Blinking, she takes a deep slow breath in.

Eliza smiles kindly. Kara _did_ choose well. She won’t mind taking this kind, tentative young woman as her daughter, not at all. She rather suspects that she will enjoy it.

Her thoughts turn out to be prophetic when barely a minute later bright laughter echoes down the corridor along with the sounds of low conversation. Alex and Maggie filter in first, holding the door open as Jeremiah walks in with Kara in tow.

Next to her, Eliza sees Lena tense up. That won’t do. She rests her hand on the small of the young woman’s back, pressing forward gently.

“Come on, come meet my husband,” trying to let her smile tell Lena all the things she needs to know. Jeremiah might be a changed man, but at she _knows_ him, knows him at the deepest level. Trusts his kind heart, that even after everything he still has it in him to overcome hate and anger and prejudice.

Alex and Maggie are laughing, shoving each other playfully towards a couch in the sitting area.

Lena has to take a moment, arms coming to rest at her sides, before she starts to walk forward. The impression is very much of a  woman going towards her execution.

Eliza has to smother a laugh. Poor girl.

Kara is flittering around off to the side, looking anxiously at Lena. Eliza shoots her a glare and makes a shooing motion, waving her off towards Alex and Maggie.

She takes a moment to meet Lena’s eyes, and waits until she gets a tentative nod to smile reassuringly and prance after Alex and Maggie.

They come to a stop in front of Jeremiah Danvers..

“Lena, this is my husband Jeremiah,” she gives him a warm, fond smile. Every time she sees him it still feels like a wonderful gift. “Jeremiah, this is Kara’s girlfriend Lena.”

He knows who she is. It would be impossible for him not to. And for a moment, a dark, monstrous flash of something jolts through his eyes and draws back his shoulders.

Then it calms. His jaw relaxes, his hands, drawn tight in front of him, slip into the pockets of his slacks.

“Nice to meet you, Lena,” he says with a little smile. He is careful, you can see the strain in him but see the kindness win. “I hear you helped my girls shut that place down,” he continues, giving her a nod.

“It was the least I could do,” Lena stops, the thought trailing off. This isn’t a matter of quid pro quo. This family has given from a bottomless well of compassion and generosity. The least she can do is reciprocate that, as best she can. She starts again, looking up to meet his eyes. “The kindness and strength that you helped inspire in them is the greatest gift I’ve ever received, and it helped save me from a miserable, lonely life. That they did such a thing in the face of all that my family has done…” she gives him an answering smile, small and troubled but genuine.

Jeremiah’s eyes draw together in thought, and a long moment passes as he comes to some sort of conclusion.

He nods at her, just once. A firm nod with an odd sort of solemn camaraderie in it. “Sometimes, all we can do is survive, and try not to lose ourselves, until we get to come home.”

“Yeah,” Lena says, halting, eyes tearing up. She knows that sentiment, knows it very well. Waiting and waiting and waiting, held up by a taut, fraying string of hope. It is the handshake he had not extended to her at the beginning of this conversation. It says, ‘hello, yes, I would know you.’

A part of her is almost angry. What is _wrong_ with these people? Does kindness and compassion run through their veins instead of blood? Her own mother tortured this man, kept him apart from his family for a decade. And still he has it in his heart to welcome _Lena Luthor_ , to allow her as one of the people who makes his family home.

Eliza Danvers smiles, bright and incandescent with joy at the husband she had so missed and longed for. He may not trust himself, but she knows in her bones that this is the same man. She would trust him now the same as she did the day she met him. Whatever the reality is or is not, it will not shake her.

They are interrupted by a peal of laughter and the clatter of a couch nearly toppling.

Maggie and Alex had been doing some sort of grappling, and Maggie had tipped over the back of the couch. Taking the couch with her.

Kara had caught Maggie, and was trying to prop the couch up with a foot. Giggling, she planted the smaller woman back on the ground as Alex bent nearly double with laughter.

Eliza laughs into her hand as Jeremiah’s shoulder shake. Lena shakes her head with a grin. _Good lord._

They watch them for a long moment.

The warm, light hearted affection is snared by a little tendril of fear. She could not bear to lose them. As her throat tightens, she looks away. And as her head turns, she catches Jeremiah Danvers eye as he does the same.

Is this another thing they will share? Him and her, listening for wolves at the door even in the midst of the deepest happiness?

They will both protect what they cannot bear to lose.

Lena’s eyebrows draw together in calculation as she peers at Jeremiah.

The idea had crossed her mind, idly, but she had not considered broaching it with them. Not now, maybe not for years. But she has learned from Kara, dear darling Kara, to trust in the seeds of connection where she finds them.

And if Jeremiah Danvers is anything like her, he will appreciate the ability to choose more than he resents the presumption of her offer.

She crosses her arms and shifts her weight from foot to foot.

“I heard that you refused to disclose to either the lawyers or the government investigators any details of what you developed during the past ten years,” she says calmly, heart hammering.

He looks at her stiffly, “That is correct.”

“I’m sure you have a great deal to do right now, just trying to regain a normal life. But if you should… in the future,” she stops to order her thoughts.  “I know Alex well enough to be able to extrapolate her stubborn sense of honor to you. Though my mother bears the fault for it, not you, I am sure you feel as if you have put evil into the world. If you wish for the resources to research and develop countermeasures to that evil, I would happily supply those resources.”

They both look at her, shocked.Then they glance at each other from the corner of their eyes, the unspoken communication that belongs to people who have known each other for many years.

Lena’s shoulders are pulled back in a firm businesslike stance, in the face of their uncertainty she continues the pitch. “I already have facilities that could be used for those purposes in National City, if you wished to move closer to Alex and Kara for a while. Alternately, I could install a lab in Midvale and staff and equip it to your specifications. I’d give you full legal control of whatever you produced, and we could discuss on a case by case basis any general purpose engineering and biological advancements you wished to pass on to the company at large. Obviously, I would understand if you’d prefer not have any dealing with me or my company whatsoever, but I wanted to leave the offer open to you.”

Jeremiah’s face is schooled into neutrality, but there is a considering flicker in his eyes.

Eliza answers for the both of them. “That is very generous, Lena,” she smiles, her lips carrying a hint of a teasing smirk, “I wasn’t expecting a job offer for Christmas.”

Lena’s mouth opens, and she almost apologizes. She manages to stop herself in time, but she’s sure she has just done her best fish impression.

Eliza laughs, “No, no, it’s…” she pauses, looking over at Jeremiah, “It’s something we will need to discuss with each other. But I’m glad you brought it up, it is very kind of you to offer.”

“Contact me anytime. With anything you need,” she relaxes her arms in front of her, looking up at Jeremiah. “You saved Kara, and Kara, she… saved me, in many ways. I am… at your service.”

Eliza laughs again, deflating the serious moment. “Well then, Lena. I do need some assistance. I have a lot of vegetables to cut up in the kitchen. I’m assuming you aren’t as hopeless as those two,” she says, motioning towards Alex and Kara.

“I could hardly be worse,” Lena says, laughing into her hand.

  

* * *

 

 The game of ‘imitate your favorite WWE wrestling move’ between Maggie and Alex (the answer was apparently ‘the last ride’) had finished. This had progressed into a more peaceful, though still full of shoving, conversation about past Christmases.

“Wow you two, I feel like I’m back on the middle school playground,” Kara says, with her had resting on her hand.

“How’s that?” Maggie asks with a contented sigh.

“All the roughhousing and pigtail pulling.”

“This is just what cops do during gatherings, clearly,” Alex says, looking on the verge of sticking her tongue out at her sister.

“That, and drink. And since we are trying to _reduce_ Alex’s drinking, that leaves picking fights.”

This has Kara sitting up straight in an instant. “You got her to agree to that?”

“Yeah. I told her that using drinking as a coping mechanism is a bad idea in a family with this much crazy shit going on. And that she’d better cut back, since I’m not giving her half my liver.”

At this, Alex elbows her in the side again.

“Ouch! What, there’s no way we’re compatible anyhow.”

“Look at what I put up with,” Alex sighs in fake dramatics.

“You know I just want my piece of that fat government pension baby,” Maggie drawls, fingers trailing across Alex’s side.

“Oh god,” Kara mumbles, embarrassed.

“Don’t complain. We have to watch you with Lena all the time. She isn’t still in the kitchen, is she? Shouldn’t you swoop in to save her by now?”

“It sounded like she was having a good time! Though yeah, I guess she’s probably had enough vegetables by now.”

“We don’t need any more Eliza style June Cleaver’s, please go rescue your girlfriend.”

“Okay, okay,” Kara grins as she gets up

She makes her way to the kitchen practically floating. Her life has felt like loss after loss after loss, and this feels so warm and happy and good. She couldn’t be happier.

 

* * *

 

Lena’s undivided attention is focused on the carrots in front of her. The knife in her hand hovers in mid air as her mind churns.

How exactly can you cut a carrot uniformly?

Of course if you make all the slices an even thickness that ensures a good visual presentation, but the tapering shape of a carrot will produce a disparity in surface area. The carrots won’t all cook at the same rate if they have different volumes.

She could thicken the slices as the diameter of the carrot decreases, but would that produce too many squat, oddly shaped slices from the bottom?

A vexing problem.

Just as she lowers the knife to the carrot in preparation to start, she hears a voice behind her. Kara.

“Hey there, chef,” sounds out cheerfully from behind her.

“I’m concentrating,” she mutters, still staring at the carrots.

She feels arms snake around her waist and wrap around her front. Kara then rests her chin on Lena’s shoulder, peering down at the cutting board.

“The carrots will get by without you. Eliza told me she was just about done with the soup, she can finish up you know.”

Lena leans back, sighing. “You know how I get when I’m analyzing something. I’ve got to carry out my plan.”

“Your plan? For the carrots?” Kara asks next to her ear, a twinkle of laughter in her tone.

She sees she won’t win this one and sets the knife down. “Alright, if you insist I will return to experiencing mandatory Christmas cheer.”

“Good,” Kara says softly, kissing her cheek in a quick movement.

She lets go of Lena, then eyes the big pot of soup simmering away next to them. Leveraging it up with the big stirring spoon sticking out the side, Kara peers inside.

“Looks tasty! Awwww, look at all those precise little cubes of potatoes. Only you would cut up vegetables in such an exactly even fashion.”

Using the spoon, she fishes out a bite of potato, snagging it with her fingers and plopping it into her mouth.

Lena shakes her head in chagrin. “Looks like someone is ready for dinner already.”

“Always! But right now it’s time for Christmas carols,” she says, voice already lilting into a song.

 

* * *

 

They are all seated around the long table, steaming hot food on crocheted pads all down the center. Eliza, Jeremiah, Alex, and Maggie sit on one side. On the other are Lena and Kara, and Winn, who had come as soon as his Christmas Campaign of D & D had ended.

Kara is staring at the pie with intense concentration, and looks about ready pounce.

Eliza stands and moves to the head of the table, clinking a glass with her knife. “I just want to make a quick toast before we start,” she says, smiling down at Jeremiah. “On this day, neither of us wanted to dwell on what we have lost, or the things we missed out on. Instead we are choosing to celebrate what we _do_ have, and that includes all the people we are so fortunate as to have present here. We want to make new traditions, because nothing about this is normal. But what makes all the people here so incredible is they picked up and kept on, and that’s what we’re going to keep doing, all of us together. I hope to share many more years of Christmases, with every person present here today.”

She raises the glass, then sits down again next to her husband, clinking their glasses with a smile.

Lena unfolds her hands, which were resting in her lap, to grab the stem of her glass.

Next to her, Kara turns. Her eyes sparkle with gentle promise.

They clink their glasses gently, and over the top of them Kara smiles.

“To many more years.”


End file.
